Femininity

J. can I just say that you are one AMAZING woman!! You must be totally UNSELFISH to be a surrogate! I bet you are ONE HOT MOMMA!! I also think that maybe you are still hormonal from just having a baby. But that at this exact time in your life you are feeling needy. You just did the most awesome thing by using your body to give another woman a chance at motherhood that she would never have had before. Give your self a chance to work through this hormonal time then relook at the issue. I am sure you probably will take some of the advice given to pamper yourself. But don't be so critical. I would love to follow your blog when you get it going.
Take care and God BLESS!!
D.

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It's all about what you feel comfortable in. Perhaps you could go and get your hair cut/colored. Maybe just a smidgen of eyeliner and mascara with a dab of lipgloss. Could you find a nice sweater to wear with your jeans instead of a tank top? Don't go overboard. There's nothing wrong with being yourself. Don't do it for anyone other than you.

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I think you've gotten more responses and pats on the back than I've ever seen on this site...good for you! One more thought - a while back they did a story on "What Not to Wear" for someone who sounds a lot like you, and she seemed thrilled with the results. They did not reinvent her, either, just some enhancements. Maybe you could go to TLC's website and look up old issues. Kisses, I think you're a very special chica.

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I was kind of a tomboy as a kid and had some difficulty transitioning as an adult, mainly because I was used to covering up everything in sweatshirts and jeans. I started with little things like a feminine T-shirt instead of just the generic T-shirts. I learned that jean styles do make a great difference. Some jeans are designed to flatter a woman's curves--go figure!

I wasn't masculine at all, but it's funny now that people who didn't know me as a girl just laugh when I tell them that I used to play football and be otherwise rough and tough.

Make your change gradually. I have never seen you, of course, so I can't say that you are particularly masculine. That said, I'm glad that you are not looking for a drastic change, with skirts and tons of make-up. That can't happen overnight, and--quite frankly--is not for every woman. Some women put on dresses and still look like linebackers. Just try on lots of things and develop your own style. Oh, and be sure to take along friends you can trust, not just somebody who wants to see you in something different.

As you work out and lose the weight, you'll start to feel more aware of your body and what it can do and how it moves. That awareness will build confidence.

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First of all, you are beautiful!

I hear you saying that you'd feel good about feeling/ looking more feminine, so my suggestion is to start a little deeper. In the underwear zone. Ditch the all cotton panties (after six weeks lol) and buy some silky sexy underthings from Victoria's secret. You'll notice the difference and since no one else sees it but your hubby -- and he'll love it-- you'll project your sexy girly feeling outwardly a little more. I think that's really natural. You'll feel the sexy girly thing happen on the inside and the outer stuff you will find happening naturally soon after. You'll start noticing outerwear that looks like you, only more feminine and you'll buy it and it will feel like a more natural process than just going out and buying girly clothing to begin with. Start with the inside layer and get used to the feeling of girly for a while first.

Then make a hair appt. and get a new look. I always tell the hairdresser that I have small kids and I need something that I can dress up or just wash and pretty much go. As far as makeup, I'm not a big makeup wearer, but I do wear something before going out. Pick two items that you can do fast. I do liner and lipgloss. It makes me feel a little more put together and doesn't make me feel overdone or at a loss for time.

Have fun!

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Is it that you want to look feminine, or that you want to look sexy? I mean that honestly, not rudely. Because there are lots of women who aren't typically feminine that are sexy as hell.

Sexiness is all about confidence. Right away from your post you seem to be a little uncomfortable with your clothing and maybe some aspects of your appearance. I agree, work on losing the weight. Not because you need to be thin to be feminine, but because you'll carry yourself differently if you feel good about yourself (not to mention that it's better for you, which you obviously know).

Secondly, do you have a friend that you can go shopping with? Go shopping and try on things that you like but would normally say "I'd never wear that." Why not? Just try it on. Maybe it will look amazing, Maybe it will look rediculous - you can always just put it back on the rack. Believe your friend if she says it looks good, and commit to wearing the new clothes. I have been working on changing my wardrobe for the past couple of years, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much better I feel when I look "put together" (and I wear jeans almost every day, even to work. You can look very stylish without wearing a gown), Don't worry about covering up the tattoos, or anything like that. You just find an outfit that makes you think when you look in the mirror "I'd like to be friends with a person who looks like that."

Same thing with make-up. Maybe you put on a touch of mascara, enough that you feel it makes a difference, and see how differently you interact with people throughout the day.

Invest in some nice underwear. It's hard to feel sexy and feminine with drooping boobs and ratty cotton underwear. I got some new bras at nordstroms a couple of years ago, and I swear it changed my life. I no longer felt like an old frumpy mom, but someone who could rock her curvier look.

None of this has changed who I am in the slightest, and it won't change you, except for the better. Good luck!

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How cool it is to hear someone talk about being comfortable right where they are!! Good for you! Having an adoring husband and friends seeing you that way is a real testament to just being yourself.

I tend to think you will find your way into what feels right to you as you explore a little more femininity. Just read a couple posts below and they have some great suggestions. Mostly though, revel in the beauty of who you are. Can't beat that!!!! --- thanks for posting that! neat.

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J., you don't have to try to be a girly-girl. That isn't you. Your idea to pluck the eyebrows (I'd opt for waxing instead - so easy and lasts longer) and wear some form fitting clothes is a great start. Losing weight can also be for your health's sake.

Sounds like you get exercise doing the motorcycling, so that's good. You'll find that it's easier to feel feminine while you are losing weight, too. While my husband was working away from the family, I NEEDED to feel feminine more than usual, because I missed him so much. I actually had my hair done more often because it looks nicer when they do it, and it gave me a special boost.

I never wear "full makeup", but that's just a personal preference. I will say that foundation is important if you are outside all the time, because the elements will really make your skin age. You can think of it as skin protection, especially if there is sun protection in your makeup. The cleansing part is important too - not just soap.

The thing you might focus on, instead of getting "dolled up", is helping your skin keep looking youthful, and losing weight to help be healthy. Exercising to help the skin not sag too much with the weight loss is a great benefit too.

All my best,
D.

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Show your assets! Wear a little lower cut tank tops with a lacy push up bra...show off the girls a little! Wear some tinted lip gloss. Maybe some highlights in your hair? Also, get a pedicure! Start with something simple. Maybe a manicure too. You don't have to have florescent pink polish on, just start off with the basics. Some nice jewlery too. And KEEP some curves! I'm much more than 50 pounds overweight and my hubby LOVES my body! So just some ideas. Good luck and have fun!

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I am a proud WOW nerd myself who loves tees & jeans so I dont know how much help I'll be :) But I will try, you can still look girly in jeans just buy the ones that hug your curves & make you bottom look hot. Maybe even have some fun designs or gems on the pockets. Get shirts in girly colors or have fun designs. I personally like the fun ones, that have skulls or stupid designs but still work my upper assets. I just feel really dumb & poofy in things that have ruffles or flowers on them, even if they are in style. The one thing that makes me feel really girly is my unders. I dont care what your wearing if your underwear are sexy & girly you feel like a girl & it radiates off you. I dont know what size of cloths you wear but Torrid has some cute cloths that still are kinda off beat that you might like. I know they have one in San Antonio. They cater to size 12 & above. Plus your a biker woman who wears heels, that right there is already girly.

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Try finding someone who can help with your hair. Go back to or get a little closer to your natural hair color. With professional help. You'll be surprised how warming up the color away from white or pink to brownish, will make you feel.
Also, rather than plucking, get brows waxed. It will look so much better and last for a few weeks.
I will send you a private message with the person I recommend.

Third, try a clothing store that still has jeans and tanks and denim....but with slightly more feminine touches. You don't have to go all Prada...that's not me either. But find shirts and comfortable things to wear with those jeans. I have found Coldwater Creek stores to be very helpful with that! I suck at putting clothes together....not a "shopping wife," that's for sure... and whenever I've gone into Coldwater Creek, they've helped be put a shirt and a belt together with jeans, or other pants. They have lots of jeans and pants, too. It's not a store filled with dresses and skirts.

Good luck.

Hi
What makes me feel feminine is great looking underwear - pretty push up bras and matching panties. Then I like to wear a pretty shirt and take time to do my hair - nothing fancy but more than something that makes you look like you do every day. For instance if you normally just wash it and let it air dry, get a good cut from a reputable salon and blow it dry. As far as makeup, just a small amount of foundation, a little mascara and some lip gloss. When YOU feel good about yourself, you feel sexy, more confident and it's a turn on to your man. Do you like to wear heels? Throw those on with your jeans and your sexy shirt and hot underwear :)

I have always had a tom-boy side, so I know where you're coming from. I wear a uniform at work, and I'm not very girly. But over the past couple of years, my sister-in-law has helped me a lot! Here's what I've done... and it's easy!!
--Tattoo!!! Since you love tattooes... have your eyeliner tattooed on! I LOVE it! I wake up in the morning and look like I already have makeup on! It's absolutely fabulous. You can also have your lips tattoed... I recommend a soft neutral color, that way you can add darker color lipstick on top to change up the color. Then all you have to do is put on lip gloss in the morning, and immediate sexy mama!!! No fuss, no extra time, and it looks awesome! (I do NOT recommend getting your eyebrows done... looks too fake...)

Have a pedicure done at least once monthly, and choose a "girly" color... like hot pink! You can make it match your hair! And have them paint something on your big toe... even a skull and cross bones is cute on your nails! It's such a small thing, but people really notice! And having your nails done is a big girly thing, but if you don't want to go that far, then just have a manicure done once in a while. They just clean up your nails, cut your cuticles, and you can have a clear coat of polish put on...

You don't have to "change" your wardrobe... just jazz it up a little. When you buy new clothes, buy the ones with some "bling" on it. Rhinestones on the pockets of your jeans, or a cute design on your shirt. I even bought a "Bedazzler", and jazzed up my already plain shirts! Don't go overboard... a little goes a long way! I also shop on Ebay for a lot of clothes... they're cheaper that way...

If you don't like to wear jewelry alot, then the clue is to buy ONE really nice piece and wear it all the time. A pretty solid gold or solid silver necklace, with a matching pendant. If you're going to wear one piece every day, then you need to get the real stuff, or it will break too soon.

Little things make big differences!! Good Luck!!

You can start with some mascara and a little bit of lip gloss. If you don't like the lip gloss you can always wear a little bit of tinted chapstick. It's amazing what just some mascara will do to your eyes.

Ok, I do not mean for this to sound hateful at all, so please don't take it that way. You said that you swear, so by just stopping the swearing you will be surprised at what a lady you will feel like. Top that off with the mascara and voila, almost a new you!

Hi Tia! It sounds to me like you're awesome just the way you are! Are you wanting to be more feminine to please others or yourself? If you truly want to be more feminine just to try something different, maybe try a new hairstyle or go ahead and get your eyebrows done every now and then. I was a tom-boy all through high school and never even wore make-up until I was in the working world, long after I was married, so I can kind of relate. It is very hard to find time to primp and it sounds like your "current ensemble" is fitting for your daily life! Just remember, hair usually grows back, you can dye your hair however many time you want, so feel free to experiment! I have a friend who does hair so I let her do whatever she wants whenever I want a change. I figure if I don't like it I can just wait for it to grow out! :O) Maybe a new hairstyle or hair color if you really want to try something new. BUT you know what they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! :O)

Hey girl!
Well I feel ya, femininity can take a real hit in the throws of life for sure. What I do is make sure I have seven nice looking tops and bottoms and throw them in the wash Sunday. That way, I have something to throw on that looks good instead of resorting to sweats, tees etc. I save that stuff for working out or if I am going to get down and do some real housework(ha!). Anyway, I like being able to just grab something to wear without making a production out of it. Next I have my "do" of how to pull my hair up bc hey let's face it, life with kids, house, husband is busy. So I pull my hair back, but I make sure it looks neat, without hair flying everywhere. Like after my work out, I just pull it back up neatly, can't even tell I hit the gym. Maybe you could stick a comb in the ole back pocket so when you get off your bike you can just sort repair your hair, whether you pull it back or leave it down. As far as make-up, I am a minimalist. I just put on some concealer under my eyes, I keep those brows trimmed up and I put a little brow liner on. I throw on a coat of mascara, blush and lip gloss and I am good to go! Literally in 10 minutes I can be out of the house, looking nice and like a woman! I might even put one squirt of a great scent on the back of my neck if I am feelin' super frisky;) But I like to feel attractive and like you I am working to pull off baby weight so it is important for me to love myself enough to not just look like I rolled out of bed everywhere I go! So that is what I have been doing, just be good to yourself, set a little priority on yourself and that is the most beautiful and feminine thing you can do!!! Take care:D

Permanent (tatoo) makeup. lipstick, eyeliner, eyebrow...expensive but worth it. waxing once a month is fast and relatively painless.

I couldn't tell ya haha
My idea of being feminine = i flat iron my hair once a month or something lol when I'm bored. Otherwise my closet consists of jeans & tank tops. I don't own a single shoe that isn't a sneaker type. I don't even own a skirt lol

Like someone else said.. what spurred this "want" to change??
buy a few things and see how you feel.
No matter what if it's YOU that really wants to do it than do it. To be honest I don't think there is anything wrong with not being a girly girl :)

Okay so keep it real like you like it and everyone else instead of just a tank top and jeans include some heels with the look-its amazing what heels can do with just a regular pair of jeans and tank top. If you can't stand high heels then go with something of a short heel-that's what I do because I am like 5'9 and if I wear those big huge heels I am like the statue of liberty-lol! If you don't want to do heels then go with a real nice pair of girly flip-flops. As far as the sweats go could you not go with something else such as those workout outfits they are usually like capri's or something-a little more fem looking than just plain ole sweats-and they come in all sorts of color-try pink if you already don't have some;()) Then you can add some jewlery to the attire to make it look even more fem-even with the jeans and tank. Add some lipstick-you would be amazed as to how little it takes. I don't understand why some women spend hours upon hours to do makeup and hair. To me the most natural with just a little is all you need -everything else is just too hollywood. Its nice to be hollywood every once in awhile but to do it every day no way! You don't have to wear a skirt to be more fem-I hate them always have but I wear pant suits and just spice it up with jewlery and not even the most expensive kind either. I like looking around and getting unique necklaces and earrings. I have gotten some at Walmart, a place down here called Dots, Goody's you don't have to go to Tiffany's for that kind of stuff and STILL look like a girl at that for a awesome bargain! Try going to a day spa and having your eyebrows waxed or getting your nails done or even a facial or massage. When I get something even as small as an eyebrow wax I feel so girlie girl!

You are you and you need to be happy with who you are. That's the most important thing. Plucking eyebrows is a small thing, but it does make you feel good. Putting lotion on your feet. If you really want to wear make-up...start with like lipglosses and work towards more colors. Yeah finding time is the hard part. But it becomes habit, like putting on underwear.

What part of SA are you in? I need to lose about 30 pounds myself!

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. It sounds like you have a husband who loves you for who you are.

If its just that you want to feel feminine, go buy some lingerie. That way you don't have to go full on make-up, Lord knows it will all be gone once your husband sees you, and you don't have to alter how you dress regularly.

Feminine or not, you should as a woman pluck your eyebrows. You don't have to go overboard, just straight down the middle is what I do.

To you what may seem feminine, is not what your husband may like. Personally, wearing fitting clothes and wearing a bunch of make-up doesn't make you look feminine, it makes you look overdone if that's not what you're about.

Stay true to yourself, afterall the person who matters most loves you just the way you are.

Taking the time to do something to yourself takes time and it has to be worth it to you. It sounds like your routine is not spent touching up or thinking of what clothing will coordinate for a certain look. I am like that. It has never been part of my routine so it is very time-consuming when I try. This leads to more frustration and dissatisfaction. It would need to become a habit to do it quicker. If you really want to try something new, I would just start with doing something fun on a night out with your husband. If he likes it, then experiment some more when you have the time and you won't get frustrated. Don't decide to try something new if you don't have the time to experiment. It will be too frustrating.

I watched my daughter's mother-in-law get ready the other day. It was very time-consuming but it has been part of her routine for years. That's how some moms do it. They make the time because it has been part of their routine for a long time.

Hope you have some fun with it all.

Sandals with heels. Ditto on the little lip gloss and mascara. You don't have to wear a ton of makeup to look feminine or change your look - just a little to enhance what you already have. Skirts - there are so many types of skirts out there made of all shapes, colors, material, style, etc - one would certainly add femininity to your look without looking like you are trying to be someone else. But even if you did look like someone else - who cares?!

Also, imo, I think women who "box" themselves in to a certain category is missing out on some fun. Some days I like to be sexy, sometimes a little hip, sometimes just the simple girl next door, sometimes (not as much as when I was younger) a little trashy, sometimes I'm all business. I think women, people are multi-faceted and we should explore each aspect of who we are or who we might be as long as it doesn't hurt anyone =)

First of all, congratulations on being a surrogate! What a wonderful gift you're giving. I'm a low maintenance girl myself, so I have minimal advice. The eyebrow plucking is good, as long as it is a natural shape and not overdone. Moisturise moisturise moisturise. (No one will notice that in particular, but it will help you). More form fitting as the weight goes down will help, and jeans that fit well, should fit in with your style and still be more girly. Makeup can be minimal and still soften your look. Try a lip gloss like some of the Burt's Bees ones than add a little color without being vibrant. Mascara CAN be subtle and help. Those are quick and easy. The biggie for lots of us is hair. You don't say how you wear yours, but that is the first thing most women notice about others. A short practical style can be too masculine. Longer may be better for you in a natural color. You can be yourself and still be feminine. More feminine tanks with your jeans will help a lot. Save the sweats for the yoga studio and around the gym (I love them too).
Good luck!

You know, you sound great just the way you are. However, if you'd like to feminize it up a little, here are some easy things to do...in my opinion. Jeans that fit you nicely. Not to tight, not too loose. No rear end crack showing, of course. A darker wash, rather than lighter is best. Solid tanks or shirts, again...not too tight or loose. Simple earrings (diamonds, silver hoops, etc.). Hair sounds really cute but maybe go with a more natural color with highlights every now and then. A touch of mascara and clear lip gloss. Down the road, if you want to explore some more, try out different kinds of shoes (nothing too bulky). If you go simple and clean like this, your tattoos (which have meaning to you) will be your biggest accessory. Good luck with your new endeavor.

Hey you sound like some one I'd like to get to know! And like some one who already knows she is pretty cool. Only change what you want to change, don't try to conform to some other people's ideas of what is feminine.

But, if you are tired of feeling like one of the guys then, yeah, maybe it is time to do a little pampering. It is not so much about being feminine as it is about treating yourself and your body as it deserves. Sounds like you have given it quite the workout! If you can afford it give yourself permission to go to a spa. Maybe even a day spa. Get a massage! Mmmmm.... Love massages especially from a good massage therapist.

If you want to learn a little more about cleaning up your look talk to a Mary Kay person. No, I don't sell the stuff, but if you look for one who has been doing it full time for a long time she'll be able to give you great tips and a lesson or two without making you look like a "working girl" like some of the malls do. When my nieces hit their teens I gave them a "party" with the woman I know. It went great and they learned to use less make up, more effectively.

You are a fertility goddess! In ancient times you'd be worshipped! Let some people worship you! Let them tend you and wait on you! Enjoy!

J.,

Your husband loves you just the way you are. How about loving yourself just the way you are? This is your style, and it's lovable! Wear what makes you feel good. I'm in my 50's and my friends define me as an old Hippie. This bothered me 15 years ago because I was trying to be the "typical Mom." Now I like it! Because that's who I am and I like who I am.

I'm sure there is a look that you give your husband that to him wreaks of femininity. Work on your weight if that is what is really bothering you. Then go buy yourself some tank tops in your favorite colors, and bat those eyes at your guy. His look back should make you feel feminine!

Shoes shoes shoes... and did I mention shoes all with heels of course. I am a jeans and t-shirt / tank top girl myself with no skill at hair and make up. But what differnce shoes make... wearing my flip flops or sneakers I am just tired mom lugging 21/2 year old around target. When I put on heels - even with the jeans and tank tops I walk around Target all of the sudden I get looks. Maybe the heels force you to walk differently, not sure but it really does seem to make a difference.

Not sure if you can really ride a motrocycle in heels - but I know they do on TV and although I don't swing that way, some of those women look hot!

Good luck!

I saw your update and that you got lots of answers and want to commend you on being you. You sound fun! I love an original people. I know lots of times we feel like we need to blend, but embracing our differences and being who we are keeps us real. Some little things that popped in my head that say femininity but won't stand out like you're trying to be someone else are, earrings or jewelry... try accessorizing with classic pieces and fun dangle earrings, also find a lighter shade of lipstick you like and pair it with a light gloss, it lights up your whole face without having to wear a ton of make up, and if you find a fresh perfume or scented oil you like that can become your signature smell... a dab wrists and behind the ears or spray it and walk into it. Just my two cents on how to sprinkle in some femininity to your fun style. And super kudos for you being you and being a Momma and helping others fulfill that dream as well.

go for it! dont worry about those prada mommas and there rudeness. it really boils down to there own self esteam. i would get your eye brows waxed perhaps your mustach area also. get a pedi...i amnot for mains though. let your hair dresser suggest a hair style for you. old navy has lots of cute tops that are girly. it really depends on your body type how you dress. yoga pants instead of sweats are girly. v necks seem to be girlyier. and the shoes wear girly looking shoes that almost sets the tone for everything. i think your on the right track with mascarrah and you might want to add a colored chap stick to get use to it...baby steps.

I have tattoos, and my mouth could make men blush (in fact it has before lol). I do wear full make up, but if thats not your thing there's a million other things to make you feel feminine. How about nail polish? I used to get my nails done, but I have stopped doing that since the poopy diapers came into my life. But i still love gettng my toes done and polished.
I like wearing black tanks but to soften it I wear a pink one under so a hint of color peeks through. Lip gloss for me...no lip stick, and it adds a girly touch. I practically live in jeans, but I like darker jeans, and usually cuff the bottoms (think greaser style) but they have to be form fitting or I have found cuffing the jeans looks silly (I love the jeans from torrid). I wear flip flops with a bit of height or sandals (flat) with embelishments on it.
If you don't wear perfume, invest in finding one you LOVE. I only have a few favs, I am not the type of girl who has to try every one that comes out. I know you mentioned your eye brows, but I also have my upper lip to worry about. I get my brows waxed but I put a nair like solution on my lip, only takes 7 minutes.
Those are just a few things I do to stay girly. =) I am glad you are comfortable and loved the way you are. I was once asked if I would remove my tattoos now that I am a mother.....HA! I am who I am, there's no changing me! Good Luck with everything!

Buy some pretty underwear and some perfume that you like - and use it everyday even if you are staying home! This will make you feel more "feminine" or sexy and maybe will get the ball rolling. I've always been one of the guys and generally got along better with men then women. Throughout the years I have definetly felt a little "butch" at times. Remember, you can be fem without being "girly". Think black and red and lace, not pink and flowers.

I don't have advice on how to be feminine b/c I've always been a tomboy =) Sure, I wear makeup sometimes (like if I'm going out with my hubby), and I will occasionally wear heels when going out (but usually with jeans!). But for the most part, I'm a jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops or boots kind of gal!
My question is this...are you wanting to change because YOU want to change, or because you think others want you to change?
A few years back, I decided to be more feminine. I bought clothes in colors other than black, I bought a bunch of makeup, I bought different shoes. But you know what? After awhile of dressing like that, I realized it wasn't ME. I've always had my own unique style that's a little goth, a little punk, a little tomboy...and I like that! And I've found that when I wear the kind of clothes that I like, regardless of what anyone else thinks, I have more confidence and am just generally happier about the way I look!
So if you really want to be more feminine, buy a few things and see how it feels. But be open to the fact that you may not be comfortable dressing that way, and be willing to go back if you're not happy with the changes. Good luck =)

Well, my doppleganger! I too am immersed in the male world at work and home. My sister told me I was the butchiest woman she knows w/o being gay. I keep an awesome head of hair. Not that I do anything more than run a straightening iron through it every once in a while. I also have tattoos. The girlfriends I do have do not care what I look like. I am handy for them to have around because I will do the little jobs they have been asking their husbands to do for ages. Be yourself! If it bothers you greatly, go get a manicure once a week, you do not have to have nails put on. There are lots of things you can do to feel "girly". An awesome bra and underwear! I am pretty low maintenance. I use mascara and the straightening iron. Once in a great while I like to put on the heels and wear a dress to dinner. I hope you find your happy! cb

LOL! That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Please let me know if you ever figure out the answer. I'm with ya on this one for the most part. I don't ride a motorcycle, but I've always been "tougher" than other girls. I played all the contact sports, I've got a couple of tattos etc.. and I served in the military. Men dig strong women, so don't sweat it.

Like you said, maybe just get your eyebrows waxed, make sure you shave your legs often (don't know why, but it always makes me feel more feminine), a little mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss can go a long way and only takes a minute or two, and try a pretty updo with a clip (it takes me a total of about 20 seconds to do my hair every day, but it looks really pretty and feminine). Truly, that's all I do. I still wear sweats, warmups, jeans and t-shirts.

A few years ago my daughter asked me, "Mom, do men walk differently than women?" I decided to tell her in that moment, "No, women shouldn't be provocative, but should be direct in their motions" What a bunch of bunk!

The very next day I went to a retreat called Above Rubies and one of the first things that the speaker, Nancy Campbell, said was, "Women walk (i wish you could hear the sultry way she said this) differently than men." Boy did I eat my words! Went home and apologized to my little one, who was really just commenting on what she'd seen. We talk differently, we are created differently and we complete each other. Blessings on this venture for you. It is sweet being feminine...it really just boils down to being yourself.

The one thing that helps me feel more feminine and sexy is wearing a perfume or scented lotion. I don't buy anything expensive; I really like the Auric Blends oils which are about $7-10 online and have such an indulgent, sexy scent. I also like a lot of the lotions from Victoria's Secret and Kiss My Face, and the body oils from Heritage. My suggestion would be to shop around and find a few lotions or perfumes that you like. Also VitaCost online has good deals, I like ordering a whole bunch of lotions and oils every few months and it is way fun to have them come in the mail. I feel so feminine when I try them out :)

Good luck, I totally get it. After having kids, I felt very much the same way!

wowowow....you sound awesome! & form-fitting?? tank tops & jeans are form-fitting!

It really sounds as if you want to soften your look a little. Start by choosing feminine colors....try a few pinks, a few floral prints. If vibrant colors work best for you, then go with the more saturated colors such as turquoise, hot pinks, & corals. In fact, now that I think about it, that's a good starting point: find what colors work best for you......go to the store & try on whatever catches your eye....whether you think it's your style or not! & if you're afraid of "losing yourself", then stick with the style you're comfortable in....just change up the color/pattern. Add some bling: a few sparkles, a few touches of lace....

Last summer, my mom needed some new clothes. After her retirement, she was mayor of her tiny village for 8 years. When she stepped down from office, she needed all new casual clothes! My sis & I challenged her to try on quite a few pieces which were outside of her comfort zone....& she loved them! & maybe that's what you need to do.....just start trying on whatever catches your eye colorwise & then move on from there.

Make these gradual changes, add in some color. Get your hair styled/colored....whatever appeals to you. Share this experience with the women in your group.....you may start a revolution! Have fun....I'd love to go shopping with you!