Feeling like I'm Having a Midlife Crisis in My 30S?

You can't take a break from being a mother. You chose this life. Your children didn't.

Take a night off, come home and suck it up. Get out once a week, if needed. find ways to make yourself happy. Walking away for 30 days is a cop-out. It's easy. It's lazy. Life is work. Work it in your favor. Find passions.

I think you need some time every week to yourself. Not 30 days and come back--you'll be feeling this way again in a few months.
No O. can spend 24/7 with kids and not go a little looney tunes!
Work in:
Date nights
Nights out with girlfriends
An evening walk--alone--after dinner
Hobbies
Volunteer work
PT job opposite of your husbands shift....12-16 hrs per week

If your kids are young, these are the "Groundhog Day Years"!
I think it gets better....

I felt like this at your age. What we did is worked in "me" time a 1-2 evenings/week as well as Sat or Sun afternoons, plus 1 date night/week. Made the world of difference. Young kids can wear you out, much as you love them. You don't say if you work, I didn't at the time and there is a difference; I had no "me" time to myself for friendships (ie. friendships at work), etc. Evenings I would go hang out at the library or book store, go bumming (shopping), exercise, have a decaf with a friend. Give it a whirl and best of luck to you!

It's probably normal. I am not in my 30s yet but felt the same earlier this year. Then my husband and son went abroad for a month to be with the grandparents and I got to just go to school (I am getting my Master Degree), finally get a lot of work done, finally integrate with my new classmates, finally have some drinks again (I stopped nursing then), finally smoke a joint again (I live in the Netherlands, so I could just go to the corner shop and buy one), I got a piercing then too, and I got to just be a kid again and have fun. I feel better since then. We are both loving and totally dedicated parents, but we each need to learn to have fun and be ourselves to.
So let lose if you can. It doesn't mean you're giving up responsibilities! As long as there is always someone to watch your kids, why not go and have some fun? Or learn surfing, or an instrument, or take a class, or get a new job. You can't just be mommy-wife all the time (which many frustrated moms seem to write about in the blog-article-section over and over again). You have to be you, and then it won't break your marriage, but strengthen it.
And: Don't take things too seriously. You have lots of time!
P.S.: Those of you telling her how much of a break is too much, and to suck it up, and that everyone feels like that: Not helpful, and also not true! Just go judge yourself and leave her alone. Having a month to myself (knowing that husband and son were having fun with the grandparents) did WONDERS for me, and for them, and for us as a family. Whatever depression ALL THREE of us had before was gone after. No, an afternoon off, or a Saturday night off, may not do that. These situations are individual and need to be treated individually. None of you can judge hers.

Honey, I know how this feels. You need to have adult YOU time, but that doesn't mean you have to stop doing what you are doing as a mom and a wife either. I don't blame you for not being able to leave for 30 days. Instead, I think you should find something to do where you get to be an independent person who is valued for you instead of for being a mommy and wife.

Can you volunteer? Get a part time job working a day or two a week? I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but going to work has cured a lot of depression which is one of the things it sounds like you are going through.
I also think that you should start seeing a counselor. This will do 2 things, first you will get some outlet for all the stress you are feeling and it will help you with the mid-life crisis thing. And, secondly, you can't take the kids with you so you will get that alone time. And, don't plan on going directly home from a session. Sometimes you need a processing period afterwards. Its important to take this time when you need it.
I hope you can find a good answer for what you need to feel better about yourself.

Have you considered working a few hours a week or volunteering.. Maybe you could trade sitting with a neighbor or a friend..

Maybe you just need some adult conversation.. Working and doing things where you get some monetary reward.. or some thank yous from out side of your home could help.

I know what you mean.

I've recently started looking into doing something for me and have decided to start writing again, when I was a kid I wanted to be a writer and a teacher when I grew up. I have my masters now in education and am possibly somewhat over-educated or just new in town but I have yet to land a job in the school district, so I decided to focus on my other dream for the time being, now this just came to me today so I'll let you know how it pans out! lol

But I have also looked into taking cooking classes, have not found anything yet...Looks like I need to post a question on suggestions on what to do with my time...

Maybe I'll look into taking a sewing class at a fabric store I think they offer classes at most. my mom was always able to sew and would make out clothes when we were kids.

Definitely can use some scrapbooking classes too! lol

Good luck in your search!

Well KIKI was a bit harsh and obviously missed the point. Judge, jury and executioner.

So, I DID go through midlife crisis at 30....well, it was really turning 30. I was freaking with no apparent reason. I was no longer going to be in my 20s. I felt like I was on a high speed train to 80 and I felt like my life wasn't what I had envisioned. I was married and had a 2.5 year old. I was working 12 hours a day and I wasn't getting enough balance in my marriage.

I never wanted kids. I wanted my career, international travel, nights out, weekends out, quiet nights in reading, wine out with the girls....but none of that happened. I got pregnant 7 months after I got married. (I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married.) I was devastated. I was almost 27.

So, I got a plane ticket for 4 days (just days before my 30th birthday) to see a friend and her husband in Ashland, Oregon. My husband told me to go and have fun. I did. I was able to take off all of my "hats" and be just "me" again. No mom, no career person, no wife - just me. I had forgotten what *I* liked. Well, I went. My friends had to work some of the time and I was thrilled. I really like being alone....probably because my career causes me to be around TONS of people all day. I walked through town and shopped. Had lunches alone. Saw a few theatre performances during the Shakespeare Festival. Got my nose pierced (which is NOTHING like me - I have no tats, only 1 piercing in each ear and barely wear any makeup besides mascara). Then the shift happened for me when my friends took me to dinner at a mexican place outside of town. They gave me earrings and something happened. Maybe I felt validated? Maybe I felt like...I don't know...but it was awesome. I returned home, eager to see my son and my husband. (2 months later, I took out of nose ring. LOL)

Here I am at 37 and I still take breaks. In fact, we both do. My husband is now a SAHD and I work, not full time. We both homeschool our kids. There are NO breaks. My parents are very little help if we want to go to dinner alone. He is going on a 4 day motorcycle trip next week. In September, he is taking the kids to see his parents for a week. I am grabbing my best friend and going to Peru while he is there. Then I am taking a second week off work when I get back and my husband, the 4 kids and I will just hang and enjoy each other for a week.

30 days might be a bit much. 2 weeks might be enough that you'll be itching to get back. My husband and I went to Spain for 2 weeks and I went crazy. I was there 24 hours, crying that I wanted to go back home and get our son. It took me a week to not be so sad. The second week was easier....but we've never left them for 2 weeks again AND now they have each other, so they barely know we are gone! ;)

I do work and I can tell you, it's a welcomed break. I do LOVE what I do, but it's nice for the balance in my life. I could NEVER be a 100% SAHM. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's just not in my genes. My girlfriend has 4 and she was made to be Betty Crocker.

Plan a long weekend and go. When you come back and you need something more, then plan it. I ALWAYS have a vacation on a calendar. Without one, I feel like I am on a hamster wheel. With one on the horizon, I get life breathed back into me and I have a goal I am working toward.

Let me know what you end up doing!!! Have fun. No guilt.

30 days may be too much too soon. Try a weekend, if it goes well maybe a week. You can even make it an every other weekend or one night a week that's just all yours. Pick up a hobby. Go on a day trip the next few towns over. If you got girlfriend go out shopping and hunt up something new.

Good luck and have fun.

Jennifer P.'s advice is great!

I'm not so sure you need a 30 day break and then everything back to normal. I think you need a little break - a girl's weekend trip maybe and some time to sit down with your husband to discuss how things might need to be changed permanently in your home so that you feel don't feel like you're losing yourself while you're also being Mom & Wife. The plan might incorporate yearly girl trips, a monthly date night with just you and your husband, a yearly weekend away with your husband, one weekend day per month where your husband takes the kids for 2-3 hours in the morning and lets you sleep in, a day for you to get your hair done, or your nails or a massage or just to window shop all by yourself, yearly trip with all of you where your husband spends as much time entertaining the little ones as you do, one night per week where you either order pizza in (no mess to clean) or he cooks (and cleans) and you all watch movies or play games together. It's not so much a mid-life crisis as it is that you are losing the you in your daily life and you need a plan to get you back. Incorporating 'me time' along with 'family time' is essential. Understand and make sure to communicate that all of this 'me time' goes both ways, so your husband is free to make plans of his own as well. The key is communicating and planning these outings out together.

My girlfriend and I go on a yearly three day trip. Last year we went to New Orleans (she has a timeshare), this year we took the train to Santa Barbara. We set a budget and don't go over it.

My husband and I go to Palm Springs every year for my birthday weekend. We stay at a little B&B that has a small fridge and microwave. We bring food & drink and don't ever leave the hotel & are always relaxing in our bathing suits. Last year, we sat around dreaming and planning out what our retirement goals are. It was so great to know we're on the same page and have a plan for the future.

Also, every year we do a family trip. Last year it was camping (cheap and kids love it and friends can come along). This year, I found an amazing Groupon and we're going to Baja, then we'll go camping when we return.

Every weekend, each of us has a 'day' to sleep in, or make 'me' time appointments if needed. It doesn't mean that every single weekend one of us will be gone all day, but it's our day to make plans for ourself. When there are birthday parties, or other family parties, those do usually take precedence.

The key is to keep yourself in balance. If you feel like you're overwhelmed and you're getting that 'itchy' feeling like you want to go clubbing (even though once out most of us cringe at the thought), then plan some me time and don't feel one ounce of guilt over it.

This isn't a temporary '30 days to see' fix. Yes, take some time to figure out what needs to change, and then make those changes so you and you whole family are satisfied.

Best of luck!
S.

Freedom from what, exactly? The life you chose to have? Do you ever get alone time? What about a hobby, or friends to spend time with? If you are a SAHM & get none of the above, then it's easy to see why you feel the way you do. It's up to you to take care of yourself & make time for yourself, so you are the happiest "you" you can be. There is no long term "break" from being a mom or wife. It's not fair to you or your family. Don't you think we ALL get tired, as parents/spouses at one point or another? It doesn't mean you run away, it means you fix whatever's going on inside of you.

If these feelings continue, seeing a counselor to talk through it would probably be a great help.

so what brings you to ask about midlife crises on Mamapedia?

More info please. What is your background -- education-- past jobs--- interests--- ect ect ect.........