61 answers

Does Your Husband Go for "Guys Weekend" Trips Without You? Why?

Hi! My husband and I have always had great communication. We truly are best friends . .. or are we? We often talk about couples we know and why they have problems etc. We have a friend who's husband takes frequent 2-4 day "guys trips" to Vegas, Arizona (golf), and even Cancun. We have always said that doing that is wrong for us. He said that guys that don't like their wives do that. He also said that is he were ever to go somewhere really fun, he would want me there to enjoy it with him. Also, spending huge amount of money on only oneself is wrong. Not to mention the whole-leave the wife home to deal with the kids while I play scenario. Well, now things have somehow changed for him. While I am showering, he comes in yesterday and says he's been invited to go golfing somewhere just outside of Las Vegas in May. I freaked out and mentioned how he goes on business trips all the time and has plenty of fun guy nights on these trips (his friends are all people he works with.) I mentioned our previous conversations about "guys weekends away" and he ignored it and countered with the fact that if I wanted to go somewhere with "Jill" (my very straight laced best girlfriend, he would never say no. What do you think moms? Is it okay? Am I just being controlling or jealous that I wasn't invited? He doesn't ever plan anything for us-I do all that . . .Basically, what are your opinions on husbands going away for a "guys weekend"?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think it's healthy to have get aways from each other as long as it's a reciprocal situation. That is, there's no problem with him having guy time as long as you get time away, as well. My husband and I have a very strong marriage and I don't worry about him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and ends up telling me everything about his trip.

1 mom found this helpful

Why the change of heart? My answer would be "NO". Married people should not be going for "fun" trips with their buds. If that were the case....stay single. Two thumbs down on this one.

I would say that if it is very occasionally, that it is fine but I wouldn't let it happen all the time. I would also try and schedule a "girls only" trip of just a couple of days since he told you he wouldn't say no. If it starts happening all the time, then I wouldn't allow it.

More Answers

I think it is fine if it is fair, meaning the wife gets a girl's weekend if he gets a guy's weekend. My husband has taken a baseball trip with his college buddies since college, they live all over the country now, so this is often the only time they get to see each other. They go to a different ballpark each year and usually spend a 3-day weekend seeing a couple games. This has been an important weekend for him for years, I was not going to let marriage or fatherhood keep him from maintaining close ties with his friends and having a little fun too, even if it is without me. I am willing to sacrifice 3 days a year for his enjoyment/happiness. I know and like all of his friends, so that might make a difference in how you feel about it. If this was frequent, or he was heading off to exotic vacation destinations, I might have to curb things, but that is not the case for us. I hope you can find a decision about this that you are both comfortable/happy with.
~S.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,

I agree with the posts stating it's ok. My husband and I both take trips with our friends - It makes us appreciate each other more, gives us both freedom to have some time without family responsibility and allows our kids to know mommy and daddy have a life outside of just our role with them...all healthy things if you ask me. My 14 year old neice recently said to me, "I know why you and Uncle Paul are so happy together - you have a lot of fun together but you guys also spend time with your friends - I was suprised she realized the value of that!

I would wish him a fond farewell and start making plans for a girls trip tomorrow!

Good luck,

N.

1 mom found this helpful

I encourage all my friends and newly marrieds to find time for themselves,away, and to encourage the spouse to do the same. We are married, not joined at the hip. It is important to allow people to enjoy special interests on their own (or get one). My husband and I (24years) frequently take separate trips. Of course we set "hedges" to protect our marriage ahead of time and communicate openly. But, to truly be best friends we allow each other to be who we are, not just who we want the other person to be. Time apart, time together, time all as a family. Balance this and enjoy life!! Trust is crucial. Set the guidelines, talk candidly, know the limits. Start planning your next get-away now!! :)

I have done Mission trips w/ others, including my mom, and been out of contact for 12 days. That was the hardest, but most rewarding. Hubby goes on two week health/renewal trips. it is what works for YOU. Start small....debrief after talking about what worked and didn't. It is healthy to not become completely dependent on a spouse. We all need to grow!

I would like to add that even events at home can be done separately. My hub doesn't care for big social; I thrive on them. I go "alone" but with a friend, (a male classmate from kindergarten), who is "safe". He and his wife are in the same situation. We all love one another and respect the differences. This friend and I have always only been friends, so a brother. Works for all of us. Let's me have fun and "feed" myself in a healthy way while not forcing my hubby to endure a painful event. (No class reunions for him!) He can relax at home (or the bookstore!) knowing that I am safe w/ a "protector" having a enjoyable time. Again, do what works for you and your spouse. Try and try again until you strike a balance. Change can be good. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I always encourage my husband to get out with the guys....he should do it more, but doesn't

1 mom found this helpful

Can be a very tricky balance. For us, he takes guy weekend trips here and there, but he makes time when I need him in his workaholic schedule as well, and makes time for family all around, and allows me to do the same when I want to which is less often. He has a huge network of friends so goes on different trips with different friends and always keeps the phone on so we stay in contact here and there on the trips. The guy trips satisfy his interests that I'm not so much interested in (off-roading). And it allows him to play hard after working so hard. :) Different things work well for different couples, so best wishes determining your balance.

1 mom found this helpful

Boy - You've had a lot of replies so far, and I don't have time to read them all. It seems like a few respondents, and maybe you?, are worried about an alternative motive, such as an affair or something? I think if he wanted to get away with a ladyfriend, he wouldn't be asking & planning about it 7 months in advance - he'd be doing it much sooner.

You've said he's never done this before, and so I say let him go. You have no reason to mistrust him yet that I can see. Keeping someone under lock and key all the time can lead to even more problems.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I do think its a personal choice. My husband and I have done small little trips with our friends without the other.

I feel that my husband is my best friend and that there is nothing wrong with a weekend away with the girls (for me) or guys (for him). There is not a trust issue at all for us.

This past weekend, my husband went to Atlanta for his college homecoming. I didn't want to go. I stayed home with the kids. In a couple of months, I am going to Madison to meet with one of my girlfriends for a girls weekend without husbands or kids.

I am not so sure how I would feel about a Cancun trip with the guys (because I would want to do that too!).

I think (for us), it is important to be able to see our friends together as a couple and individually. Its fun and while I miss my husband when I am gone, its nice to be with my friends and get a break from being "mommy" every once in a while. I think its healthy. It has worked for us for 12 years.

I do know that it doesn't work for some couples. I have some friends who have told me that they would never let their husbands do the things that my husband does. I don't get it, but I also don't judge.

I hope you two are able to come to a decision that works best for you both.
B.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Mommy,
I would be a "sport" about it and treat his request matter-of-fact: "Oh, sure, no problem. Have a great time! You know, honey, I over-reacted the other day. PMS, you know. I'm sorry." And then I would exercise some serious self-restraint and try not to mention it again. When May draws near and he reminds you, say "Oh yeah, it's good you mentioned that - I had almost forgotten." Look him in the eyes (with a fleeting allure) and add: "I want you to enjoy yourself, and we'll see you when you get back." Maybe between now and May, subtly take things up a notch in your appearance, your style, your demeanor - seem more easygoing than normal, happier. If you appear not to dwell on this, you will come off more self-assured and confident. Maybe even arouse his "suspicion" a little. Resistance often gives us the opposite of what we really want. We've got to play the cards we're dealt effectively and strategize so each hand is a winner! Good luck, Mommy. This would bother me too!

1 mom found this helpful

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