How to Help my daughter 5 yr old understand that I am leaving her. I can't go anywhere without her thinking I am never coming back. This has just begun since my husband and I divorced. I can't even go to the bathroom without her waiting right at the door.
Thank you for all your advice. I have her in couseling as well as for me too. We also are attending a course in shurch called Divorce Cares. I have assured her that I will never leave her. This whole adjusting may take some time but I think it might work if I keep following all your advice. I appreciate all the responses. I can't do the calendar when dad picks her up because he doesn't pick her up much. But I will continue to go through this with her together and I am sure it will soon pass like everything else has. I appreciate all the responses I wanted to make sure I didn't leave anything out to help her through this. May GOD Bless you All.
I think counseling is in order. Being worried a little when you leave for the store or when you leave her at school is one thing. But not leaving the bathroom door and waiting for you at 5 is more serious.
Seek some help so she can move on and be a happier child.
Good luck.
She needs counseling. She needs understanding - as frustrating as it can be. She needs to know that you are there.
You need to take her to church and leave her at Sunday School - be there to get her when class is over. Take her to school and be there at the end of the day. Eventually, she'll figure it out, but until then -- counseling for sure!
LBC
Keep reaasuring her that you are coming back, tell her when you are coming back, & where you are going. My sons use to act this way with their father, but not with me. We are separated & everytime I use to pick them up or he returned them to me they would cry & throw tantrums because they thought that he was never coming back. I told him that they're acting like that because he would never kiss or hug them or tell them goodbye or I'll see you later on so & so day. Once he started reassuring them that he was coming back, the tantrums stopped.
Poor thing. This is hard for you I know. Maybe just give her what she is asking for in her own little way, time with you. I'm sure that you are doing what you can to reassure her of your presence and unconditional love. However, if there will be periods of time away from you because of shared custody with her father this may be what she is responding to. It would be hard for any of us to break our normal routine. When you have time with her make it count and talk to her over tea parties and baby dolls about how you will always be there. Hugs to you.
Take her to counseling.
This is a natural thing for her since mom & dad divorced. Have you talked to her? Told her you are not ging anywhere? and talked to her about the divorce? I would get some books about divorce out form the library and then talk to her about how you will never leave her no matter what..
When I was 4 y/o my parents separated. M Dad moved out. I felt like my whole world was falling apart around me. I was convinced my parents were divorcing because of me even though they talked to me about it and tried to reassure me that it had nothing to do with me.
When my Dad walked out, I feared that my Mom would be next. It’s not a fear that is easily cured.
Your daughter is only 5. At this age you and Dad are her whole world and now part of that world is gone or she spends time with each of you, but you’re not all together. Her world is falling apart.
This can be huge for a young child, and I know. You just be patient with her, hold her and hug her a lot, kiss her and constantly reassure her that she is loved. It will take time.
My parents told me that they divorced because they just didn’t love each other anymore. That caused more fear in me then anything. To a 4 year old that means they could someday wake up and not love ME anymore.
Best of luck with your precious daughter. Be there for her now as much as you can because they grow up so fast!
If you have not done it already talk to her about divorce. You may need to speak to a child psychologist to get the wording, but what she needs to understand is that your relationship with Daddy is different than yours with her. You would NEVER leave her no matter what. Mommy's and children..... it's just different.
I was going to suggest a watch, someone beat me to it. But at Walmart they have some really neat watches for $5, at least they did when I went.
Well, considering the recent divorce, this is understandable. Have you explained divorce to her and what that means?
She is very young and still does not have a total concept of divorce. You and her father, just need to tell her over and over you both love her. That you will both be taking care of her. That the divorce is a grown up thing, no one divorces the children.
Good time to teach her how to read a clock. An analog clock. Then get her a watch. This is what my parents did for my sister who was also young when they divorced. They could tell her when they would be back.
We also had a calendar that we could mark off how many days till we saw our father,.
Just remember to overestimate the time you will return so that she does not worry when you are late.. Or you could also call her to let her know you are running late..
Interesting insight. I was a store manager and you would be amazed how many college students did not know how to read an analog clock and how many did not know how to count back money.. These things are not always taught in schools any longer, so we parents need to step up..
It's going to take time. My parents divorced when I was young and it is really hard to explain all the range of emotions that come from that unless you have been through that kind of abandonment. To make matters worse, my mom was always tired, overworked, upset with my dad, envious of my dad's "freedom," spiteful about my dad's new wife and child, and it seemed she was always upset. She never seemed to care about our (my siblings' and my) feelings and pain. At least she didn't start dating until I was in college. That was a huge sacrifice. Just some hints...
