Extremely Worried About Sister

A. - You need to call CPS immediately. These children are in danger of emotional and physical harm because of their living conditions. I know that you love your sister and don't want to see her role in things, but she is also very much to blame. She goes out to eat with her husband. She lies to others to get money. She takes advantage of everyone, as much as he does. And, she is endangering her children!! (For example: Dropping them off at school late in the freezing cold and not making sure they got into the school safely. / Not feeding them healthy food. / etc.) Until these two parents get a grip on their lives and learn to be responsible for their children and their money, all of the rest of the family members need to keep them out of your lives. Get your mom into counseling to help her realize that she is not helping anyone by giving them money. Help these children! They are the innocent victims and they are your flesh and blood. Call CPS today, or contact an attorney immediately to see about gaining temporary custody of the kids. They are not safe mentally or physically in this situation. Good luck...

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, that was difficult to read. I can't imagine how painful that is for you to be a witness to on a daily basis. My first thought it that her and her husband are either addicted to drugs or alcohol or seriously mentally ill. You did mention the depression in the end but I would venture to guess there is also a drug dependence with her husband. I know this sounds hard core and mean and will be really hard to do ....but you need to call CPS. The children are being neglected at a minimum. The filthy house is no place for children, especially ones with allergies. The children will most likely not be removed from the home but the parents will be put on a plan in which they have to attend parenting classes, clean the house up, have a budget, etc. You can't do anything but call CPS. You have no authority and you have tried to talk to your sister with no results. You can be anonymous. The number is 1-800-252-5400, 24-7 line. You owe it to the kids to call. They can't control thier situation and are too young to have a voice. Be their voice and call. I would also stop enabling them by giving them money. DO not give them a dime for anything. If they say the kids need food, go pick the kids up (not parents) and bring them to your house for dinner. Make sure the kids are on free breakfast/lunch at school. Other than that, do not enable them. It only prolongs them getting the real help they need. I wish you the best of luck. It is for sure not an easy fix.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with every word Renee S. wrote in her response. There needs to be an intervention. You can do it!!!! Good luck.

I am very sorry to hear your sister is being so irresponsible. I don't think anyone can get her or her husband to change except themselves. Their children deserve much better. You need to call CPS today. You can do it annonymously.

Dear A. P,

From your letter, I certainly can understand your concern and frustration for your sister and her family. I have very little advice because, as you say, you can't make decisions for your sister. I have said a prayer for the whole family and for you. It sounds as if the situation is dire.

I suppose my only advice is that, if you believe the situation merits it, you should call Child Protective Services. I know that would be a difficult thing to do, but it's not the children's fault, and they need to be protected. Unfortunately, your sister is an adult and can make decisions for herself--UNLESS you believe she is mentally uncapable. If that is the case, maybe you could have her committed. How sad! I hope the situation is not that critical.

I pray that you will know the right thing to do, even if that is nothing at all. I'm proud of you for being a concerned sister. Try to stay strong yourself!

Deb D

Hi A.. I work at MHMR of Tarrant County. I recommend your sis check out the MHMR in her county for free services (well, the fee is based on their income). She will have access to psyciatrists, medication management, counseling, case management, and many other government programs that most people dont even know exist. If she lives in tarrant county, she needs to call our I-Care hotline and they will give her instructions on where to go and when. I determine if a client is eligible for services so if she lives in tarrant county, she will be meeting with me directly. anyways, please message me back if you have questions! i know this will help if she is open to getting treatment for her depression.

A.,
You probably don't want to hear this, but your sister sounds like she's as responsible for this situation as her husband. You keep referring to "him" in your post, but your sister could clean the house, make sure the children get to school on time, leave the jerk of a husband, tell your mother to change the password on her account, etc. I don't understand why she'd want to stay with someone who sounds like such a jerk, but it seems like she's getting something out of it. The only ones without a choice in this situation are the children. Like the other posters have said, you need to see what you can do to get the children out of this situation. You are NOT going to be able to convince your sister to change this situation...she's the one canceling your cleaning dates, etc. You can be supportive of her when/if she decides to change, but you're going to have to accept that she's choosing to live this kind of life, even if you don't understand it.

Call CPS and possibly call the school as well and they can also call CPS.

You need to call Child Protective Services now. You can call them anonymously. If she has already been contacted by the school, they certainly will take your call seriously.

A.,

This may be a bit harsh, so please read with care. You can't do anything for your sister. She sounds like she is in denial, and will not stand up to her husband. He sounds like he is verbally/emotionally abusive to her and the children. You should contact Child Protective Services immediately and have the children removed from the home. Make plans to take them yourself, if you can. Your nieces and nephews don't deserve this treatment. For their sakes, get them out immediately! Contact a good attorney if you're interested in fostering them. Your sister may be angry at you for taking this stance. So be it. It's not about her at this point.

Your mom needs to stop enabling them, too. She should change her passwords immediately, and should cancel the internet/phone service. Everything that you all do to "help" them just fuels their poor decisions. Your sister needs to wake up and face the reality that her life will not get better until she makes some very hard choices.

Best of luck.

Call CPS NOW!! You can't help her but you can save those children. It's not their fault and they should not be punished for their mothers bad choices.

Call CPS... And your sister needs to get a divorce...

This sounds like a letter for Dr Phil. Good luck no advice. She had made her bed and yes mom is allowing her codependency. She will never get her life in order until she loses those children which should be turned into Child Protective Services. But I do not have a lot of faith in them as well. I went through a hard time with a child in my day care where the dad was abusing the little girl and the court gave him more visitation because there was not enough proof. The child can not and would not tell counselors only mom and me. So she also did not talk well. Dad won and it all makes me sick how they can not step in and really help turn children around into a healthy home. God Bless and pray. I have a son livng on the streets a homeless person and has been offered time and again help. He choses to live there and gave up on life. Nothing I can do. If only he could call someone and get into treatment. Makes me sick. I feared for years of not being able to make it but when help came I always put it to good use. The hardest thing to do when we are down is to ask for help. Pride when we are then humbled to asking. We also deprive others of that good feeling they were able to help. We all need each other here on Earth. Working and networking is what God wants for us. I tried to get a online business and was taken over and over. So it is a shame she found something that works. But advertising can eat you up. Looks like it is going down. She will pick her self up when there is not place else to go. Take care G. W

Call CPS (1-800-252-5400). Those children need to be out of that situation, and unfortunately, it sounds like your sister is unable to realize that. You MUST advocate for those children. Imagine being those children and having no one coming to their aid. YOU MUST ADVOCATE FOR THOSE CHILDREN. Calling CPS may be the only thing that will get your sister to start acting on her children's behalf instead of her husband's behalf. CPS can force the issue. You and your mom can't. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes drastic measures to get people to do the right thing and get the help that they need. Call CPS. Do not feel guilty. It really is the right thing to do.

I am so sorry this is happening, and I am so glad that you are there for them.

I am so sad for these children! Abuse can be in the neglect form too. I will be praying for this family and this situation.

You can go ahead and worry, if you want to, but that's about all you can do at this point. As much as it must hurt to watch your sister in this situation, it IS HER life, and change is HER decision. Unless you are worried enough about her children to call Protective Services, you can only voice your concern and then step aside to let her do with her life as she will. But consider this: Every time you (or your mother) give her money for any reason, in any form, you are saying, "Your lifestyle is okay with me and I'll help you continue causing all the pain you're causing every member of your family." Sounds to me like it's time for a little tough love.

This is beyond out of control. It is a case for CPS. I"m sorry your sister is in such a bad situation, but something drastic has to be done because her husband is not anywhere near a reasonable person, AND YOU CANNOT REASON WITH AN UNREASONABLE PERSON!

This is far beyond marriage counseling. This man is sick and abusive. It will be hard for your sister at first (she will be scared) but in the long run it is best and must be done.

I'm afraid I have to agree with Renee also. As harsh as it sounds it may be the only solution at this point. Don't wait; those kids need help now.