This is a frustrating age for most kids, and some are definitely more challenging than others. That's not their fault – they're really doing the best they know how to do with their own personalities, needs, and life dynamics. Some have sensory issues, allergies, and reactions to common food additives and chemicals that put them even more at odds with the world, and they have little experience with coping yet.
Is it possible, and this is just a question based on very little detail, that you have come to expect challenging behavior from your son, and therefore approach every situation with gritted teeth, expecting the worst? IF that's the case, then I suggest that "the worst" is generally what you'll get, because you will probably have a hard time finding other options. This was the case in my family when I was a child.
One of my two sisters was extremely difficult/strong-willed from birth, as my mom tells it, and my mom was extremely controlling and believed she had to force us physically to do her will (pushing or hauling on us as if we were merely objects, threatening and spanking). That "worked" for the two of of us who were more compliant (although it left us with some serious issues to work out later), but my strong-willed sister never did respond well, and our home was often a battlefield, with child and mother screaming, striking out, and crying, and the rest of us cowering as far as we could get from the stress.
A half-sister followed several years later, and she was treated more gently, perhaps a little too leniently – but I think my mom was more exhausted than reformed. Us older girls all have pity, contempt, confusion, or love/hate feelings for my mom for the way she treated us. Yes, she was overwhelmed, but I think she caused so much conflict with her approach it made her life harder, too. I think if she had made an effort to consider situations from our perspective, and to offer us controlled choices, it would have made a world of difference. Particularly for my "difficult" sister. But to this day, she thinks parents who show respect or compassion for their children's needs are making a grave error.
I was afraid for my first 4 years of marriage that I could NEVER be a mom, because the modeling I received from my mom. I was determined to NEVER repeat that scenario, so I started reading parenting books when I realized I wanted to have a child. And discovered that there are many alternatives to forcing a child's obedience or pounding him into a mold. The results were delightful. Now, decades later, there are a whole slew of fantastic parenting books that clearly describe how to put more positive options to work in any family.
Here are a few especially good ones:
Parenting Without Power Struggles, by Susan Stiffelman, which is appropriately subtitled 'Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected."
The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp. You can also watch a few quick videos about his approach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... . He demonstrates exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language so they know he's heard the need they are expressing. This calms them and makes it easier for them to cooperate.
Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD.
I've also heard glowing recommendations for a book I haven't read yet: Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic, by Mary Kurcinka.
As your child gets older and more communicative, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, is simply the most practical and effective parenting book I've ever found.
And a website that's very rich in "do-it-now" tips is http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
My best to you.
