"Everyone Hates Me!" What Do You Do/say

My daughter has a habit of saying things like that. When she says it, I say "What makes you say that?" and then I listen. Usually it's a sign of frustration and an inability to make things they want them to be.

Usually by calmly talking it out, my daughter is able to see how silly she is being and also able to get out her frustration. I will often say "Okay, what do you want to do about it?" For example:

"Everyone hates me!"
"What makes you say that?"
"Everyone is ignoring me!"
"Why do you think everyone is ignoring you?"
"Well, I want to play Wii, but no one wants to play Wii with me."
"Okay, what do you want to do about that?"
"I want them to play Wii!"
"I understand. Is there a way you can compromise?"
"They want to play Hide and Seek."
"Can you suggest that you all play Hide and Seek and then play Wii?"
"Okay."

Offering solutions just makes the child feel like you don't understand or are belittling his/her frustration. By talking it out and having them come up with their OWN solutions they will learn how to solve these issues for themselves.

It's a form of pity party.
Someone wants sympathy and it's their way of saying 'Oh woe is me'.
The few times our son has played this card I generally break out singing:

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.".

By then he's caught the sillys from me and stops trying to take things so seriously.

I sometimes make a game of it. Well Mommy loves you, right? Well Daddy loves you, right? Well Grandma and Grandpa both love you and that's two people!!! What about Aunt Buffy? What about Uncle George? ... My kids usually are tired of it and leave or are laughing by the time I'm done.

M

I don't hop on the pity party bus, M..

If kids say this? Respond - REALLY?! last I checked I didn't hate you. So NOT EVERYONE hates you.

Was he an only child until recently? Sometimes kids have a hard time losing the lime light after they've had it for so long.

Teach him it's OKAY to find interest in what others like to do. It's NOT about HIM all the time! :)

Hope this helps!

aw, that's such a tough one.
'it sometimes feels that way to me too, sweetie. i wonder why that is?'
give him the opportunity to just talk, if he wants to. not every problem demands a solution. sometimes a little person just needs to be heard.
khairete
S.

My parents said the "guess I'll go eat worms" ditty and it made me feel even more unloved. What did and still does help when I'm feeling down is for someone to just listen to me and be sympathetic by saying something like "you're feeling sad." That person is showing me love which helps me move on.

I suggest that even tho the child is saying this because they didn't get what they wanted it is still a genuine feeling. It's important to validate that feeling before helping the child to move on.

I'd ask, "Why do you say that?" or "What happened?" or "Did anyone say why they won't play with you?" and "What happened right before that?"

Sometimes kids just need to vent too, so I encourage them to talk about it.

I always say "Everyone? Even the MAILMAN?!!! Even the check out person at the grocery store??!!! Even your best friend in Taekwondo??!!!......Dang, that's a lot of people hating you, you better just move to Mars." All the kids start giggling by about the third imaginary person on the list and start pitching in their own suggestions of who else hates the person having a pity party all like, "I know who ELSE hates you!! The piano teacher!!!" And the self-pitier will start saying, "Nuh-uh, no she doesn't...".

If someone is TRULY pouting and sort of throwing a pretend self-pity fit saying someone hates them because they don't get their way and it's not nice behavior, I tell them to quit it.

I always end up telling her that she knows mommy and daddy love her, but we can't always do what she wants when she wants it. I'm not very sympathetic to it when I know she's just doing it for attention.

I have to agree with B.

At our house, if someone says something like that (honestly, I can't remember either of our kids saying exactly that, but... sometimes they can be negative about things or have a bad attitude)... my husband is likely to burst out with song. Usually in a falsetto voice and echoing what they have said.
So in your situation, if one of our children had said "Everyone hates me!", he'd have broken out in that falsetto loudly with "Everyyyy boooodyyyy, Haaates meeee!. Yeah... hates me hates me... Everyyyy bodyyyyy.. " and my kids will stop, shake their heads, or join him. Pretty much puts things in perspective.

They just want to be "heard". Echoing back can help with that. As long as they don't perceive it as mocking, because he isn't mocking, he is giving musical voice to their feelings. Really. He even does it to me when I am in a bad mood. It instantly makes me smile.

When my dd does that I say...what about Suzie? She likes you...what about Joanie, she likes you...etc. Then I tell her I love you, I don't hate you...so NOT EVERYBODY HATES YOU! As a matter of fact...I can't think of anyone that HATEs you.

Kids have a way of over-dramatizing for effect. Don't let them get away with it.

Hi M.,

You jus gotta love children and their gift for exaggeration. God bless 'em.

When my kids do that I try to explain to them that no matter how much someone likes us they are not obligated to do what we want to do all the time and that we can't MAKE people do what we like or then WE are not good friends. I know my kids know that they are loved and even liked because we tell them and show them all of the time. So, when my kids do that I know that they are being manipulative and dramatic and trying to guilt us into getting their way, even if the feelings behind the gesture are genuine disappointment.

Sometimes it helps to have a jar with acceptable activities written down on slips of paper in it that he can pull from if the fam can't get to an agreement with him on what to do.

So it would go something like this, "Jay, you know we love you and like you but liking you doesn't mean we have to do what you want because you want it. You can't insist that someone who likes you do everything you say. That's unfair. Now, can you figure out something else you would like to do or do you want to pick from the activity jar? You decide and if you can't I will pick from the jar and then you're stuck with that activity."

When my son gets this attitude I simply explain to him that he can not expect everyone to always want to do what he wants to do, and that sometimes, if he wants to be included, he has to play what they are playing. It is his choice to play with the others or play alone, the choice is his alone.