Don't like Dresses In-laws Bought for Daughters

Say "thank you" and be grateful your daughters have caring grandparents. When you buy clothes for them, you can pick out what you like. Gifts are just that --gifts, not obligations. Sometimes well-meaning people hit the mark and sometimes they miss when they attempt to please with gifts. Wouldn't it be wise to teach your daughter that we always show gratitude, even if a gift isn't what we would have chosen ourselves? I know you want her to be the kind of person who looks beneath the surface and responds to the thought behind the gift. Also, your daughter is just four -- which isn't that far from being a baby! Step back and get a little perspective. In a flash she will be a pre-teen and then a teenager, consumed with clothes and trying to "fit in" and look older. Enjoy the relatively stress-free years when you can solve all her problems and simple things make her happy.

So saying, here is a suggestion for guiding your in-laws to clothing you feel more appropriate. Before the next gift-giving occasion, bring out some sale ads and say, "I thought you might like to know that there are some really cute dresses like this one on sale for a good price. Isn't it adorable?"

If that fails, smile and say thanks -- with a thankful heart!
S. B.

I do the hint thing like the other person suggested too. But I also won't let my daughter where something really dorky out in public either. So I will usually let her wear it around the house once and take a picture to email to my in-laws then I give it away to charity if I don't like it, and Savannah doesn't seem to like it. Ha.

The best way to handle this is to be thankful... let the girls wear the dresses out with grandparents, take pics of the girls in them to give to grandparents, and enjoy the fact that the grandparents want to bless the girls with clothes. When my girls were younger, and I started to prefer a different style for them, I would send a link (or cut out a catalog page, or take a picture) of the things that the girls liked. I would then make a comment, "Wow, they sure are growing up and getting an opinion about what they like to wear. This is Sarah's favorite dress." If they got the hint and bought different styles, great...if not, I was just thankful. There will probably be many more things that they will buy for the girls that aren't your taste. Unless it is morally objectionable, just grin and give them the joy of buying things for the girls.

C.: Allot of how you should handle this situation leans towards how your relationship is with your in-laws. If you have a good relationship, I would just kindly explain that a) your 2 year old already has similiar dresses and b) that the dress is a "bit too young for your daughter".......that way, your in-laws can take the dress back and return it for something else. You might even suggest that you and your daughter want to go with her and enjoy "a day of shopping with grandma to pick out a new dress"...also, you could tell her "I just don't want you to waste your money on a dress/clothes that she won't wear"...however, if you think this will hurt your mother-in-laws feelings, I would just take the dress and exchange it yourself!

I used to deal with this my in-laws and my kiddos, and I couldn't really talk to her (we didn't have a great relationship) so, I would just find out where she bought the clothes and exchange them myself...she was never the wiser!

Good luck...I know in most cases, you have to tread lightly on all situations with the in-laws!

God Bless,

S.

I have a hard time picturing something that is too babyish for a 4 year old. Four is still pretty young. When you say "need dresses" I assume for church or similar activities. Wear the dresses. You won't see the girls in them everyday. Lots of us dress our kids in hand-me-downs and gifts we didn't select. If you can't afford to buy all the clothes for your kid, then sometimes they aren't exactly to your taste. I only get rid of the really horrid items.

well if your trying to keep the peace let her wear it a couple times make sure you take pictures to send to them showing she wore it and they don't get their feelings hurt then hide it in the back of the closet!!!

We always wear clothing gifts when visiting the giver -but that may be the only time. Heh!
~K.

My mother would do this to our daughter who since two years old had her own taste for clothes. She has always liked the more trendy styles not the baby-girl looks (that are beautiful, just not her style). One day I suggested going shopping together and my daughter pointed out a few things she LOVED! My mom actually said - that's not anything like what I've been buying, I guess she hasn't been wearing them. I told her sorry - but that was true. They now go shopping together and both are happy to spend the time together and do successful shopping. If this won't work for you, take them to a consignment shop while brand new and sell them. Use the money to buy other dresses at the same shop at reasonable prices.

It's more important to ask yourself - do your daughters like the dresses, particularly the 4 year old? If she likes them, then I am not sure what the problem is. At some point, you will have to let her choose her own clothes, anyway, so there are going to be plenty of times where she picks clothes you really don't like at all. This is similar to that, only it's her grandparents who chose.

It is also more important at those ages to simply accept the dresses gracefully rather than tell the grandparents you don't like the dresses. After all, they didn't buy the dresses for YOU, they bought them for the granddaughters. Yes, I know, what they wear is a reflection of you, and so on, but really, at 2 and 4, the only people who really care about what a child is wearing are the parents, and mostly the moms.

If the girls like the dresses, let them wear them. If they don't like them, then tell the grandparents thank you, and let them know (GENTLY!) that the dresses weren't a big success, and perhaps next time, they might like to take your 4 year old with them when picking out clothing for her. Ask them to help you give your daughter a sense of independence by having them let her choose her clothing next time. It really is good for her self-esteem, and then if you don't like the clothes, at least you will know that SHE does.

Can you go shopping with one or both of them occasionally? Sometimes it's easier to say, "No, I think that one's too [babyish, girly, high-maintenance, whatever], what about THIS one?" if you're just pointing things out to each other in the store (as opposed to after they've bought it). Also, you could just keep one or two of the least offensive dresses for your girl to wear around them, and return the others -- and buy something more age-appropriate.

I suggest starting a casual conversation that is ongoing. Don't aim it at them, but make it about your daughter. Mention on a fairly regular basis about how she is showing her independence about what she wears. Give examples about how she wouldn't wear something that you thought was cute because she has become self conscious about it looking "babyish." You might say something like, "If there is a dress that she says she doesn't like, I don't bother buying it or I return it because it is not worth the fight." If the dresses don't bother your daughter and only bother you, consider if you are wanting her to grow up too quickly. Though I don't allow inappropriate clothing in their closets, I allow my three daughters to wear their choice of clothing most of the time. I choose my battles even if it means they wear snow boots with shorts on occasion. They like asserting their independence in clothing and they also learn from their mistakes. Enjoy these ages because they do grow up too quickly. I'm not sure what would be too babyish for a 4 year old. I am thrilled when my almost four year old will still wear smocked dresses, etc. If your in-laws continue to pick clothing that you don't like, but your daughter does, I would suggest letting her choose to wear the clothes. If she doesn't like them, let your in-laws know gently. They are much more likely to be hurt by your comments than their grandchild's.