One of the main reasons for life getting more difficult is people are becoming more and more "what's in it for me" and less and less "What does God think". they have lost the values of self-sacrifice and hard work and love, and giving to others. The Christian faith has disintegrated as well quite a bit. It is a mere shadow of what it used to be. That makes finding your faith strong in these times almost impossible.
Life is not easy and marriage is plain HARD. Marriage takes two independent people and turns them into one. This process can be very painful and very difficult. In the Orthodox Christian Faith (Think Greek & Russian Orthodox), marriage is seen as a type of martyrdom. We submit our wills and our desires to someone else. In the middle east, people are not seen as individuals as much as being a part of something. A part of society, a part of a greater common good. God uses this to strengthen us and to help us become better people. It seems to be a spiritual law that people left all by themselves become more self-centered than those who don't. God created family and marriage - not to make life easier - believe it or not - but to put us together in relationships with others who are as imperfect as ourselves. By doing so, we become less self-centered (I was HORRIBLY self-centered in my 20s) and to learn to serve others, to submit to authority, to learn to give, to see ourselves as we really are.
Praise God you are choosing to stay married in spite of all of the difficulties. I have now been married 2x - the first time 8 years, and now 15. The marriage does get better as you get older - IF you both don't give up and continue to work on it. You have to overlook a lot and forgive a lot. The biggest thing is to work on YOURSELF. Make yourself a better person. Slowly the marriage will become better. Luckily in our church we have confession where there is a bunch of healing from various issues, and helps to really calm the waters. I don't know what I would do without our church. I can't count on two hands and feet the miracles and healings that have happened.
Without confession, I would still have a lot of guilt that would be gripping me. Once you are absolved, it's AMAZING the freedom you feel afterwards. Maybe you guys should check out an English speaking Orthodox Church. (Yes they exist) - in fact, St. Katherine's is near you www.stkatherine.org. this church is English speaking and has wonderful people in it. I go to St. Thomas in Snohomish, myself. The Orthodox Christian church is the only church that hasn't changed in 2000 years. Our tenets are still the same as they were before during and after the ecumenical councils.
When you are in crisis like with a marriage, it really helps to pull people together that will help you - whether that marriage needs to stay together or be absolved. It helps having a spiritual father that has integrity and honesty that can help you sort things out. In our church our priest is married and has 4 children. He is full of honesty and integrity and would sooner hurt himself than someone else.
These are dangerous times not because of physical dangers - they have always existed - but because of spiritual confusion. A lot of groups are calling themselves churches that aren't really and are just as confused as the rest of the population. I challenge you to try something new for your faith and your life. You'll be glad you did.
It's very hard to do this alone. I encourage you to find a spiritual father or friend you can confide in that will be able to see the situation evenly from both sides. However, that is hard to do without a strong spiritual base. In my ex-marriage I received a lot of BAD advice and my ex was able to deceive everyone into thinking everyone was at fault except for him, until the end when I ratted him out. I received bad counseling from "pastors" and ended up hospitalized for depression. They didn't see things properly and it caused a lot of damage.
I will pray for you.
