We are planning to get married in May... weren't planning anything big, just a small ceremony at home, dinner afterwards with family, then a little honeymoon.
But I got to thinking... and there is this quaint little bed and breakfast literally like a mile from my home... and I am really liking the idea of doing a small wedding there, with a small dinner/reception afterwards with just close family. This venue does host parties, dinners, etc., and weddings. They have wedding package deals, but they are more than I'd want to spend, and they include a lot more stuff than I'd want, like 2 nights stay there, the services of a minister (I already have one), flowers for the bride and groom (I'm making mine), etc.
So I want to call this place to see about doing our wedding there, but everyone says that the prices of things quadruple if you tell people that it's for a wedding. Now, I don't want to be deceptive, but really, I am looking to have a large family dinner, during which, my fiance and I will exchange vows. We don't really need any of the "wedding" package stuff they offer, just the room, and food.
So I can tell them exactly what I am looking for and tell them it's for a wedding, and hope that they don't inflate the prices of food and use of the place based on the fact that it's a wedding...
Or I can just say I need accommodations for a large family dinner, and not mention the wedding thing... at least until after I get a price.
What would you do? What has your experience been with pricing for wedding vs. similar non-wedding related things?
Thank you ladies for your advice! I didn't want to be deceptive. I didn't intend to not tell them about the exchange of vows, but I considered waiting until I got some prices to mention that part... and I wouldn't have really even given this a thought, except that I've read (mostly on this site) that any time you mention wedding, the price for anything goes up exponentially. But alas, I decided just to be up front and hope for the best. I don't like playing games with people.
So, we called yesterday, and actually met with the inn keeper. She was absulutely willing to customize a plan for us, and did not lock us into purchasing one of their wedding packages. She is allowing us exactly what we wanted. A lovely area to exchange vows, followed by a family dinner and a couple hours use of the reception room to socialize. We will do just about everything ourselves, and she was fine with that. SOOO, it all worked out in the end! Honesty IS the best policy!
Tell them exactly what you are looking for and would like from them and why, that you are not looking for the wedding package, but would be happy to know about what they have to offer in a customized situation that you're looking for. They may have some things you WOULD like but don't know about. Congrats!
If you DON'T tell them its for a wedding, then they find out afterwards, they could actually sue you for the difference in price, including everything you didn't use in the package, plus their legal fees. It's better to be up front about it and see what they can work out. In cases like this, it really isn't better to seek forgiveness than permission.
Not to be deceptive, but just as a bargaining tool, I think I would start with the logistics of what you are looking for instead of the reason. Once prices per plate, per room, etc are discussed, then I would ask if there would be any objection to you two exchanging vows in the space and iff that would involve an upcharge. They may actually discount rates for your group or upgrade your room rather than upcharging. It's great PR for them. Especially if you aren't looking for any special accomodations, flowers, etc.
I would do exactly as you wrote: "can just say I need accommodations for a large family dinner, and not mention the wedding thing... at least until after I get a price."
Tell them you're looking to book a private banquet room for 50 guests, etc. then after you get a price, ask if it's OK to exchange vows, etc. during the dinner. Should be no big deal--keep in mind they might need to know if you're going to capture on video, etc......
Good luck!
I think that if you were to call them and tell them what you are looking for and why, and tell them that you only have a specific budget to work with, that you can probably negotiate something that would work for you. I really wouldn't be deceptive about it. Nobody likes to be tricked. Just call them and talk to them about what you want. I think that if they don't have any other weddings booked that weekend or if you would agree to hold your wedding on a weeknight when it is not a high, in-demand time for them, then they should be able to accomodate you.
My response may be a little quirky thinking, but I guess since it is your wedding day I wouldnt want to be deceitful (Sp) on that day. I know it might be just a small white lie and the lie has nothing to do with your marriage - but I guess I wouldn't want in the back of my mind that little white lie on my wedding day.
I think I would just call and ask if you can do just as you stated. Not really a wedding just a dinner and during dinner doing your vows. See what they say. You may even beable to ask for the manager and they could help you out.
Tell them so there are no surprises. Explain exactly what you are looking for and specify that you don't want the "package" as they currently offer it. See what they say.
Honesty is the best policy. We tell our kids ALL the time that it's best to be up front with things. And we live our lives that way as well.
Good luck.
I COMPLETELY understand your feelings... Cake- $25.00, wedding cake- $100.00..........Mentioning "wedding really" does quadruple the price.
This is a tricky situation... Perhaps you can explain it exactly as you said- "I'm looking to have a large family dinner where my fiance and I will exchange vows." Hopefully that shouldn't inflate the price... You already have your own vendors for a minister, flowers, etc...
You may want to try a little 'white lie'-
"My fiance and I eloped abroad and are interested in having a little reception where we renew our vows in front of our friends."
or
You could book the party as a dinner........... and then later explain that you got engaged and would like to have a small ceremony while you already have everyone at the dinner...
Or- you could have a friend or your fiance call and inquire about what you want... Then at least you have an answer as to whether or not you need to be 'creative in explaining the situation.
Good luck! I hope you get what you want without an inflated price.
Did you ask this question of whoever is officiating? Whether it's a religious person like a pastor, priest or rabbi, or a secular person like a justice of the peace or judge, that person may have an issue with your not being clear that it's a wedding. Just a thought.
Momwithcamera has a great point in her post: On the wedding day it would be awful if the B&B proprietor pulled you aside to say "We had no idea this was a wedding" and raises issues about your contract with them.
I would be honest. Tell them you are on a budget and you want to customize it to fit your budget. If you just want the rooms and food, Im sure they wouldnt charge you for anything else, especially if they want your business. Hopefully....
Hi, L.:
plan your wedding at your home like you want it.
Have your honeymoon at the B & B.
Good luck.
D.
Yeah, that's tricky. I might call and ask some questions without mentioning right off that it's a wedding and then maybe getting to it later in the conversation. I think you if you decide to book it, you should probably tell them it's a wedding. But, people do overcharge for wedding related things, so just get some info. When they bring up the wedding package indicate that you've seen it and it's not what you're looking for which is why you wanted to put it together yourself. I'm sure they'll work with you, although May is prime wedding season so I don't know!
I would just tell them you are having a small event for your very non-traditional wedding and can they creat a package just for you without all of the extras. I bet they will if they want you as a customer.
But don't lie - it doesn't make sense.
They will find out, when people say "congrats" or you accidentally drop that it's a honeymoon, or they are serving food and witness a ring exchange... they can charge you the wedding rates.
Most bed and breakfasts have variable rates though and honeymoon packages. The wedding fee would include cake, minister, decor, aisle seating set up... so if you aren't going to have that, then tell them what you have planned and work out a deal.
just tell them a party... if they ask questions.. just say a simple get together for a small celebration... don't give them any more info.. just smile.. and get a contract... sign it.. andthats it.. go for it.. have a good time.
As a wedding professional, I have had people lie to me about their intentions. I still give them what they want, but I must say my attitude and emotion changes because I was lied to. I feel bad, but that is what happens.
To stop that, I learned to adjust my prices so everyone pays the same rate and that has worked out better for me.
As for the B&B, they could have an agreement that states what the use is for and if they find differently, may charge you the difference. It depends on their contract. I say just tell them of your intentions, as it would be awful for them to pull you aside and discuss this during your special day.
