Do I Really Want Another Baby?

I am 43 years old, have 4 beautiful girls ranging from 9 to 25. I have a grandson that is 5 months old and I am fortunate enough to live in the same house with him. I STILL want more. I dream of being pregnant all the time and I hated pregnancy/loved it too. I had my trials with them through the miscarriages and placenta previa with one of them.

I don't think the ache for another ever goes away. With what you have shared here, I think you need to become a child caregiver and specialize in infants. I care for infants, have for 23 years and it does help. It's not exactly the same. But it's close enough.

If you are questioning whether or not to have another then you should wait. Right around the 1st birthday of each of my boys I was desperate for another. I think it's just natural to "mourn" the loss of babyhood as they turn into toddlers. We stopped at two for financial and medical reasons. There are still times that I wonder what three would be like but I don't regret our decision to stop at two. I suggest waiting six months before making a firm decision.

I think it is clear that you want another baby. I think the question you need to be asking yourself if do you want another CHILD. Missing the baby stage and wanting to go through it again is a very different desire from wanting another child. If this is truely a baby desire, another child will only meet that need for about one year and you will be right back in this situation. If it is truely a desire for a bigger family, and anouther child then bringing a child into this world seems more logical. One of your responders made a good point about the world and its already full population so that is something to consider as well.

One of my friends has also struggled with this and for her, the need for another baby never went away. She and her husband decided it was not in their families best interest or in society's best interest to continue to have more children. To meet her desires, they became foster parents instead. She only takes infants and she only takes one at a time (although she did have twins once). She has given a beautiful gift to over 20 children now, helping them transition to a relative or adoptive home after loving them in her home for as long as they need her. She remains connected to all of her "children" and she feels that her biological children are learning wonderful lessons without over extending the family resources or creating a greater burden on our limited planitary resources. I know that fostering is not for everyone, but this has been a way that my friend filled the baby shaped hole in her heart for many years (her youngest bio-child is 16 now) and it is much more like having your own baby than being a childcare provider.

Just something to think about :)

Good luck with what ever decision you make!!!

Be practical. Do you have a goal and can afford to have another? Are you anxious enough to have another one that you are willing to go thru a bad pregnancy? Is it just a thrill to have and hold a baby..but after they start growing you lose interest? Will you be able to handle 3 or 4 small kids, do you want to wait before the next one, is time on your hands age wise? Determine for yourself why you want to have babies and be realistic in your goals. Think - if you were to take care of them alone, would you still want to have babies..if your answer is yes, then just make provisions for that and consider whether you want the risk of the bad pregnancies.

hello A., I struggled with the same thoughts, we had a healthy boy and girl, so deciding on a third was that much more difficult.My pregnancies were okay, a lot of sickness, in fact with my second, I had morning sickness any time of the day, and only gained 12 pounds in total. Your pregnancies obviously were much more difficult. I would also suggest you seek a second opinion for your own health sake, although keeping in mind that every pregnancy is different. I do feel more complete with 3 children, they are truly a blessing. Our children are now 15, 12 and 7, so we waited a few years before deciding on a third. I would receomend that for you as well, you want to have time to enjoy each stage with each child, especially if you have a difficult pregnancy and end up on bed rest or worse, in the hospital. You will have enough love to go around,financially it will all work out, and your children will have 2 siblings for advice and family as they grow.
I wish you the best with your decision, I have never regretted it for a monent, put your faith in God and pary and about your decision.

The best counsel I've ever heard on this topic is this:

Don't have another child if it will negatively affect the attention, care, time, and physical resources available to your existing children. (Your first two are here at your bidding, after all.) In your case, it sounds like your physical state during pregnancy may well make you less available to your two very young girls.

I've found that once I make a firm decision, the agonies over what I might miss out on gradually subside. If you give your best to your daughters, you may discover real satisfaction with what you already have. I chose to stop with one, because as much delight as I found in parenting, I also realized that I could REALLY do my best, emotionally and financially, for just one child. And it was a fabulous decision for my circumstances. I never regretted it after making it.

Enjoying pregnancy and/or babies is also an extremely one-sided view of whether or not to bring more kids into the world. I know this is not a convenient thing to hear, but at 62 years old, I am watching startling changes in our environment, and can see that the next generation or two may have staggering problems to deal with just to survive. I think it's acceptable to replace ourselves with one child each, but beyond that, we could deferring our own sense of loss or sacrifice onto future generations.

Put your energy into your two gals.....let the rest go. You have to think about college, cars, prom dresses...focus on the two and be done with it.

I think people these days have too many kiddos....cant afford 'em. Two is the perfect number. Three is OK if you've got some dough. Often I find myself reading that "kids are a blessing"...that may be true, however, those kids have to be PAID for. Its just something to consider.

For what its worth, I only have one child. Thats all I can afford. And she'll probably go to an Ivy League School. After all, all my peers "had to have" multiple children, "she'll suceed"....no brothers or sisters to compete with. All the money goes to her....

Mag

Did you try chiropractic care when you were pregnant??? It may just be an easy fix.

I had sharp shooting back pain when I was pg with our first. The doc didn't know what it was. Tested me for a bunch of stuff. Said if it wasn't gone in a few days they'd do surgery and put a stint in something? because MAYBE the baby was pushing on something...... My moms secratary told me to go to the chiropractor. I had never been there before this. So I went. After TWO adjustments I was GREAT! PAIN WAS GONE! Docs don't always know everything. My doc never would admit that the chiropractor is what fixed me. We stopped going to him anyways because he was smug and never would admit that he didn't know EVERYTHING!

Maybe the chiropractor could help you too!

You already answered your own question! You said that you want more kids, and even though you had hard prgnancies- you still ache for more children! So Unless there are medical reasons that whould endanger you, you should have as many as you and your're budget can handle! I had 3 c- sections and was advised to have my tubes tied. I would have had 5 or 6 if not for the fact that none of my babies wanted to come out head first!!! Being pregnant isn't all that great fun and glowing for everyone- it wasn't for me either- but the end result is so worth it. Go for it!!! Good luck!!!

There are some great midwife naturopaths that I would talk to about becoming pregnant again. MD's just don't get it when it comes to being pregnant. Between the options of acupuncture which can be used while pregnant for pain, and other treatments, it's worth reviewing what happened in your pregnancies with these people and seeing if they can help you steer clear of these problems in the future.

For example, in my first pregnancy I had TERRIBLE itching the last 2 months, and found out since then what naturopaths could do for this, while the MD's all were scratching their heads and going "duh".

Have you considered being a foster parent for infants? I believe there is a great need, and it would give you the opportunity to have a baby in your life for as long as you want. You would get a little money monthly to help cover the costs, and your children, as they get older, could learn about giving back to the community.

My second daughter just turned 1 and I too am sad about babyhood disappearing. Whatever you decide, just consider the effect on your family both short- and long-term, and your health/pregnancy as well as finances should be part of that equation. Consider your age and financial situation at various stages of your kids' lives. As for the emotional pull... I have no logical explanation, but I feel like I want more babies too! Funny how the eternal forces of nature play with us... Due to your pregnancy complications, I think you should give serious consideration to adoption. Our friends have adopted 3 birth babies--it's good for you, for the baby, and for the mother who for whatever reason could not take care of it.

The best advice I ever got from a friend is that if you're not sure if you're done--then your probably not. As she put it, when you know you're done having babies and someone asks you, you don't hesitate to say 100% yes.

As for the pregnancies, I feel for you on that. It seems like it kinda zaps the joy out of a normally very happy experience. Did you have the same doctor for both pregnancies?? If so, maybe try another OB/GYN and consult with them first to see if they have any ideas, recommendations.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

I too am having this same issue. I have given it some time to think things throught and have still come up with the same conclusion that I/we want another despite the drawbacks. I encourage you to follow you heart and body. Be honest with yourself and if its another family member you want, go for it. Don't have regrets later. Good luck!