Disciplining 5 Year Old

Maybe he's 'missing' somethng or somebody from the old preschool? did he have a friend there who he could be missing? is he afraid of something? i bet if you keep delving deeper and find out what's bothering him there's something more to it. It seems so sad to be taking all his stuff away and the behavior isn't improving.

My son has had a similar problem this year. He is in 1st grade now and all of a sudden he is being disruptive in class. I have figured out that this teacher doesn't think he is just the cutest thing in the world and doesn't let him get away with everything. That was all I used to hear from his Headstart and Kindergarten teachers, was how adorable he was and he is sooo cute. We were tired of taking things away as well and have now trying to reward him instead. He does get in trouble and is told what he did was wrong, but we also try to make a big deal when he didn't to anything wrong. Even just after a day we might tell him he had a great day and he can pick what is for dinner, or where we go out to eat next time. I have two girls also, he is my youngest, and even just telling him he has been so good Mommy is only his tonite has worked. I think it has helped tremendously. We are trying to focus on the good and make sure he is getting more attention and not getting lost in the hustle and bustle of our lives.

I hope this helps.
S.

I recommend:

Love and Logic (tons of resources online....may find some at a half price books or something)

Yes, he can miss Soccer....it would go something like, "bummer, I hear you had a rough day at school. I hope you can work that out. I may not have the energy to go to soccer this week." When he has a bad day, tell him he is draining your energy and there will be no soccer...you need to recoup your energy. He is choosing these behaviors. I work with Pre-K children, off all levels developmentally, and his behavior is totally out of line and the sooner he understands that the better off you and he will be. He already has an "I don't care" attitude if he is displaying this type of behavior.

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Trip

Great resource here too. Christian parenting---detailed and thorough. I feel these two resources are great together.

I substitute teach and one of the things we do at the school is to have a little form with the daily schedule. Each teacher has to sign off on the behavior for the time period we have that particular child. For some kids, at the end of the week, if they have so many points, they go to the treasure box or are rewarded some way. Other children, this is done on a daily basis....check the form at the end of the day to see if they earned a trip to the reward box.

This helps them strive toward something vs having everything taken away. I know everyone is different and the children I am talking about are not bad kids, they just need to learn acceptable behavior at school and toward teachers.

The behavior forms are set up with FULL parent knowledge and participation. Each day the parents get a copy of the form for that day. In essence....the child could end up earning something special from the teacher trreasure box AND mom/dad.

Maybe this approach might be worth checking out.

Tf

I agree that taking everything away might be grow a "don't care anymore" attitude. Oddly, my sister has a 5 year old in pre-K who seems to be hitting that same type of attitude too. Is it something in the water?? I thought we had till they are 12 or 13 before this stuff!

Here's what my sister did and it seems to have helped:
1. They had a big talk about the difference between a good attitude and bad attitude is.
2. She took away ALL of the toys and put them in "mommyland". My niece is earning her toys back every day by staying out of trouble and doing one out of the ordinary chore.
3. She made a poster calendar and every day before bed, they talk about whether my niece earned a sticker or not with her behaviour that day. Saturday is fun day or chore day depending on how many days were good ones during the week-my sister picks a fun activity and a big out of the ordinary chore that isn't so fun and writes them in and they talk about what's coming on Saturday every night.
4. When there is bad behaviour, she affirms that my niece understands why the behaviour is unacceptable and then asks her what she's going to do to make it right (i.e. apologize, etc.)

Hope this helps! Keep us posted and tell us what happens!

I'm very sorry you're going thru this!

Things not dealt with with only grow & become worse.
Best parenting material---"Shepherding a Child's Heart"

Our children are worshippers! Are they worshiping God or Idols? Look at what are your child's shaping influences.
Our habits form the heart of our children. Monkey see, monkey do.

Legitimate need: thirsty
Behavior: demands a drink now by yelling or hitting leg
Wrong behavior: ME 1st--lack self-control
Train in Righteousness: teach self-control

Eph. 4:22-23 Rebuke wrong behavior, teach children to "put off" sinful behavior & "put on" righteous behavior.
Gal. 6:1, "Restore"

Discipline consistently, it will pay off. Sowing/Reaping
Teach children you are their authority & they must obey. You are a child's shaping influence. The CHALLENGE: every opportunity of correction should show goodness & Glory of God.

Proverbs 4:23, "above all else guard your heart, it's the wellspring of life."

Teach your children to memorize Eph. 6:1-3
Parental responsibilities "JOINT EFFORT" w/God
God promises to provide wisdom (James 1:5), instruction (2 Pet. 1:3), & desire (Phil.2:3) to be good parents. Get on the same page as your husband with discipline, team work.

http://eclectichomeschool.org/articles/article.asp?articl...

Read "Aesop's Fables" or any literature to shape character
http://www.anabaptistbooks.com/catalog/titles/245.shtml
Values & life principles begin ASAP

Sounds like the other moms pointed to good disciplining resources. You need enough discipline to get his attention. If that means "no soccer", than that stinks for him, but you are shaping his character which is more important.

He is still in he transition time, but something else may be going on here if it continues more than another couple of weeks and after you have laid down proper behavior expectations.

He is 5 years old. Many boys don't develop the fine motor skills to handle pencils and scissors, etc, but you said he likes the work. It could be that he is asked to do a lot more schoolwork than he would care to do- even though he likes it... he's going from very little or no work to real "school." ("Why Gender Matters" by Dr Leonard Sax covers differences like girls hear better than boys and how they learn... good information to avoid school burn out for boys pushed into academic kindergarten before they are ready. I was really shocked by how differently boys think from girls.)

Do the behavior issues occur at certain times- like lining up, recess, or after free play? My nephew had this obsession with being first and heaven help anyone who got in his way... We worked on dealing with change/ variations in his expections. (I guess this is best described in "What your Explosive Child is trying to tell you") My nephew is one of those kids who would melt down if you say you are going to Target and you go to the drugstore first. We've had to really condition him to surprises/plan changes.

He also gets in trouble at school. My sister was feeling down with his "noncompliant" reports but I nagged her to find out what happened before to set it off. We found when he thinks the work will be hard or he might look dumb, he would rather act up. Is he trying to look cool? Is he strong-willed and the teacher is a threat to his new sense of independent self? (In our case, it now appears my nephew is probably bipolar rather than ADHD which didn't really explain his behavior.)

Can you hang out near the school and be called when he is working up to an act of defiance? If they call you in you can address the situation, send him back because he is expected to do his work and let him know he will have to pay you for your time away from work. You can figure out payment after school. (amalgamation of Love and Logic and Explosive Child books)

It sounds like you are on the right track but that you need some more information about what is really going on. Plus give it another week or two to make sure he's had the opportunity to adjust.

As I read throught the responses from other moms, I was shocked to see how many wanted to put the blame on something other than the rightful owner of the problem-your son. Since you have explained what he is doing is wrong, he is choosing to do the wrong thing and should face the consequences. I certainly hope the school is applying appropriate consequences for his behavior. I highly recommend Love and Logic. I used it as a school teacher and I use it with my own children and it does work. It puts the choice of inappropriate behavior on the child and lets them be responsible for the consequences. I'm not sure taking away soccer is right or wrong, but it is certainly better to learn the hard way at 5 rather than at 15 or 25. Good luck!

Instead of taking away soccer completely, you could tell him that until his behavior improves at school, he will have to miss soccer games and stay home. Unfortuneatly, taking away favorite items or activities is one of the best ways to encourage good behavior. Maybe talking to him more about why he is behaving this way(does he not like the teacher, is he not making new friends, etc)might help. Five year olds are puzzles sometimes...good luck in solving yours:)

Has he recently been vacinated with the pre-kinder boosters? Sometime behaviors detoriotes after boosters. Or it could be an age thing, trying to find independence

I do not have a 5 year old; however, I am familiar with daycare. I have a 2 year old and 9 month old in full time daycare. They can pick-up some horrible habits there; and i am sure it is worse at 5. My suggestion would be to speak to speak to the teachers about it. My 2 year old started spitting at me whenever I told her to do something or if i tried to correct her behavior. It just started out of the blue and I am certain she did not pick this up at home. I discussed this with the teacher the next day and asked if she had been spitting at school. The teacher said that all of the children recently picked this up from another child in her class. It was something the teachers were having to contend with. I told the teacher this is not acceptable behavior in our home and they have permission to correct her behavior using time-out if necessary. I noticed a significant improvement over a week after working in conjuction with the teachers to improve this behavior. That is all you have control over.

It is probalby a combination of all the things you mentioned, picking things up from other kids, adjusting to the new preschool, and the other daycare like preschool probably was not mentioning the behavior problems. Do not take soccer away, that is an inappropriate response for a child that young. They do not think long term like that, they are in the moment. I would not do any disciplining yet until you have a conference with the teacher. Without him present to talk about the problems. I hope that the preschool that you are at has a video surveillance. If so, you need to ask to view it. If they record and save the footage, ask to see the day that he did the finger. If they have video, but do not save it, make an appointment to come and watch an hour or so of the day. If the do not have video of the classroom, talk to the teacher for extra input.

I LOVE the Love and Logic series of books! I'd also just make sure he's getting enough positive attention. I'm sure it's difficult for our little ones going from sort of an easy, relaxed life to an almost 40 hour 'work week' at 5. I'd imagine it'll take some getting use to to be on a more strict schedule, etc. I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and my 3 yr old definetly demands more attention. I have to re-evaluate every so often and make sure that I'm not ignoring my 5 yr old...he tends to just go with the flow and is a pleaser so I know I overlook him ocassionly. Only saying this because we ALL get caught up in life and just need to remember that even though they are growing up, they still need our positive attention. Good luck to you...look at the love and logic website...full of good info!
www.loveandlogic.com

It could be your son is just not mature enough yet for such a structured environment. When my boys were 4 and 1, the older one had a wonderful preschool teacher whom he loved, who was very regimented. I couldn't wait for my younger son to get to learn from her when his turn came. When he was in her class, he started regressing, wetting pants in class, acting out, etc. We him to a class that was slightly younger kids where he was one of the oldest, rather than youngest, in the class. It was also less rigidly structured. He LOVED it and thrived. No more accidents, no more "bad" behavior. Two different kids, two different temperments.

Is there another class in the same school that you could switch him to and see if that helps?

Good luck!

M.
My son eats all his veggies now. Even the green ones!
Visit my Mamasource profile to find out how we did it.

Hey -
I have a 5 year old and so I can relate the age. I have a few suggestions:
1. Talk to the teachers/director of the preschool. What are they doing about obeying and misbehaving? If a child did the things your son did at our preschool, he would be given an immediate timeout. I have never heard of a child this age giving the bird at our preschool, but I am fairly confident that the preschool woudl call me and ask me to come and talk to my son.
2. Timeouts are generally how I discipline my son.
3. Sometimes REWARDS for good behavior are a better way to control things than punishment for bad behavior. Can you think of ways to reward him for being good each and every day and then if he is bad, he doesn't get the good thing. I know right now he probably has freedom to use his DS whenever he wants to. But, you could make that a reward tool. If he does well at school he is allowed to play with it - if he does not, then he doesn't.
4. Personally, I would not take the soccer way. To me, the soccer is more than something fun to do - it is an activity where he is learning how to play and engage with others. It is also about listening to the coach and doing what you are told. So, I see that as a learning process more than as an activity that you can withdraw.

Good luck!
L.