Desperately Need Advice on How to Handle a Neighbor...

Hi

I would just say to her that you & your son love having her kid over to play because they get along so well , but during the school holidays you don't work as a daycare as you like to spend time with your kid doing family stuff. Say you are happy to watch her boy sometimes if she really needs you to but most days you already have plans and you cannot look after her son while she pops to shops or goes to work etc.

If she takes offense then that really is not your problem , you shouldn't have to feel like you are walking on egg shells with a neighbor and she should know better than to just bring her son to you and then go out somewhere , if she needs daycare that much then maybe you could give her a copy of your rates!

Good Luck

K.

I'd just ask her to call first since you sometimes have things planned and may not be home or may just be leaving. Then when she does call, you can tell her "now's not a good time" or something similar. And then leave it at that. I know her assumptions are irritating, but that's not something you can bring up without offending I think, and you did say that you didn't want to offend. So really, all you can do is require her to call in advance and then take it one day at a time. Also let your son know that he's not to go over there unless invited or unless you've called and asked permission. Set the good example for friendship manners, send her kid home (with whatever excuse comes up handy) if he shows up unannounced, don't be afraid to say no to her (while letting her know that it's because you had plans of your own), and also maybe you could "complain" in her presence about doing childcare and how much you look forward to the child care free summers when you can just concentrate on catching up with your own kids, maybe she'll take the hint. If none of this works, you might ask yourself if she's worth being friends with (sounds to me like she's more hassle than she's worth, she sounds disrespectful, rude and you said she was sensitive which to me means she can't handle the truth). If she's ultimately not worth it, then you should let her know that her kid coming over isn't working out and would she please tell him not to come over any more. I know your son likes this kid, but choosing respectful friends is a life lesson we all have to learn sooner or later.

Well, you could just hit this head on and talk to her directly. But it seems like you are hesitent ot do so. Some adults have no manners and are very self-absorbed. I think that sometimes, direct talk doesn't even work, but consequences do. First, get very busy for a few weeks making lots of plans with your son. Then, when she just shows up, say "NO!" "So, sorry, but we have plans this morning." Or just don't be home when you know she is likely to do this. IF she is asking for day care services from you (like caring for him between school and when his dad gets home) then tell her your rate. Or just say, "No, I like to have that pre-dinner time as family time." Tell her thar you expect to be very busy in the next few weeks, but oculd you set up a regular playdate with a start and end time, say, every Tuesday form 4:00 to 6:00. Also, I think you totally have a right to say that you prefer taht she not leave her house whilw he is playing at yours. It's a safety responsibility issue. Have you ever tried reaching her at those times? Can you? How irrespinsible. Occasionally, I might run to the grocery store if my daughter is at a neighbor's house. It's 1/2 mile away and I am watching the clock every minute to get back home. It makes me uncomfortable to be out shopping while she is in someone else's care. And I always give a cell number. Good luck, I think other parents can be the worst part of parenting sometines.

I worked with someone once who enjoyed having all the kids in the neighborhood over at his house to play with his kids. He figured it was the safest place for them and he much rather have them where he knew where they were and what they were doing. Does your child ever go play at the neighbors? Do you know if they have firearms and if they are securely stored? I guess it's a matter of perspective. I grew up in a neighborhood where kids would play at one another s houses all the time, and no parent ever had trouble saying it was time for everyone to go home "we're having dinner now - we're going out - we're having company" - etc. Maybe you and the mom next door need to do a coffee get together every so often and talk things over. It can be friendly and you can establish some boundaries without being confrontational.

Hi L.! I'm not really clear if the mother sends the child over and then asks you to watch the child between when she leaves and the husband comes home, but if she asks ahead of time, you can simply say "no!" and explain that you yourself will be running errands, etc. If she doesn't give any warning and the kid just shows up and she expects you to watch him/her, you're going to need to explain to her that while you want the children to be able to play together, you need to communicate more. Explain that when her son/daughter comes over and she leaves that it puts you on the spot. You can't do the things that you need to do. If it continues to happen, I would also talk to the husband. I'm sure he doesn't know how often it happens. Bottom line: you're going to have to speak up and say something. Remember - we teach others how we want to be treated. If you don't talk to her, it will keep happening. Best of luck!

I hope that everything worked out for you L.! I also have to admit I envy you a bit! I wish we had a family close with children for my son to play with! I also know to be very carefull what I wish for at times!

Good luck!

L.
Mom, wife, real estate agent

You are not alone. This happened to us. When we called the Mom to send the child home, she had fallen asleep and didn't answer the phone! I would just be upfront with her and ask her to call beforehand. That you wouldn't want her to drop her kid off and you happened to not be home. Also, talk to your child, and even this kid that its okay for them to not be let into a house. My son wanted to play with friends. went over to their house and was told that he could not come in. he was crushed. a few minutes later we saw another friend leaving the house. 'why could he go in and not me?'. That's their right. They get to decide who comes and goes. Besides, he was leaving, not going, so it could be that they have plans or something. Its not a big deal, you'll play with them later. Sure enough, they came over later. They told us that the Dad was getting ready to take a nap or shower or something and didn't want non-family in the house.
Good luck.
M.