Hello! Today I found out on my ultrasound that we are having a baby boy! (yea! :) ) But it made my daughter very sad, since she has an older brother, and a younger brother. She says she still loves her new baby brother, and will still help with him, and cuddle and play with him, but would love a girl more, as she loves her baby cousin, and baby 2nd cousin who are girls more than her brothers. :(
My question is, how do I deal with this and make her more happy about having another boy, and being the only girl. I have only had sisters(one older, one younger), no brothers. I feel for her, in as much as I can without experiencing it.
p.s. Later today she said she would love the boys (her "out" brothers as well as her unborn one") as much as a boy. I pointed out that the cat that she loves is a boy, and the other cat that she loves is a girl (they are siblings) and I told her she can't play with our boy cat b/c he is a boy. She said she loves them the same... so I asked her again if she loves her brothers as much as the cousins, and she thought and said yes, and she loves her brothers, me and her dad the same (including the new baby) :) but I think she is still sad...
please help me make her happy in this!
Thank you all! This is going to be h*** o* her. I had 2 sisters, grew up w/ only one. We fought aweful, but it was nice to have a sister... I don't know what it would be like to have a brother. Maybe we can adopt a little girl... adoption has been on my mind w/ all the kids out there needing a family! But that wouldn't be for a long time, and not b/c my daughter needs a playmate. I am thankful for all my kids and I hope I can pass that on to her, to love her brother, no matter what.
I have no help, but it reminded me of my brother. All he wanted was a little brother. What did he get? 4 younger sisters :)
Dear S.!
My daughter Katie and I can totally relate to your experience!! About 18 months ago, we found out that our 4th child was going to be (another) boy! She and I BOTH had tears in our eyes that the baby was not going to be the girl that we had been praying for. (And even after we found out that it was going to be a boy, Katie kept praying that it would turn into a girl. She said that God can do anything!!)
But while I was pregnant, everyone kept telling her how blessed she was that she was going to be the only girl and the little princess, and how special and precious she is.
I asked her this morning if she was still sad that God didn't give us a girl.. she told me "no way!". I then asked her when did her sadness change. She said, "when he was born and I saw how cute he was."
Maybe this will help her (and you!!) that once you have that precious, beautiful baby in your family it won't matter that it is a boy or a girl. Just that he is healthy and loved. Time helps to put things in perspective!
Blessings to you!! You're are about to be one busy mama!!
Peace,
B.
Hello! I too was a little disappointed when I found out that I was having two boys at first. I was alarmed at my response to that because we had infertility issues and I felt like I should be thankful no matter what. But a wonderful Godly friend taught me that my feelings are my feelings and I should allow myself to feel the sadness for a bit.
It's natural to want a girl for her. That's who she identifies with. It's OK for her to be sad and not hide her feelings. Just love her and comfort her in her sadness and then she can deal with those feelings and move on. Kids get over things very quickly if we let them. If you make too much of trying to change her mind on how she feels, she will just keep it all inside and not let go of it.
I look back on the things I felt when I was little and think, Gee, I still feel like the same person inside. She'll have many things that will disappoint her and sadden her over her whole life. You have a great opportunity to show her where her Comfort comes from and how there is a Plan for her within her family.
Enjoy your growing family!
:o) G.
SAHM of 2 boys, 6&4
i would play up the princess thing let her know how cool it will be to be daddy only little girl and the only little princess in your kingdom and all that other stuff she will come around intill she come ateen then brother will be a big problem all over again i have five daughter and ever time a nother one came they prayed for a boy a cryed when it was a girl
Point out that she'll be surrounded by brothers who will defend her in a bad situation.
I'M curious now as to why she can't play with a boy cat just because it's a boy.????? That doesn't make any sense.I had male dogs, and 2 of MY cats are males, but I certainly don't ignore or neglect them based on sex. Why would you tell her that?
You may want to remind her that she is your only baby girl which makes her pretty darn special. I'm sure that will really make her day! :)
I am the only girl from my mom and dad! I have a older brother and a younger brother. I can see where she is coming from. It is upsetting to not have another girl sibling to play with, but there is one thing good about her being the only girl. You can tell her that she will not have to share her clothes with her sister or worry about her sister taking her stuff. Try and do things with her that allows her to act like a little girl. If that makes sense! Play barbies, play dress up, have tea parties, do things like that to let her know she has someone in the house she can do this type of stuff with. My mom was not around that much while I was little because of working full time and going to school full time. So for awhile I acted like a Tomboy, and it did take a little time to start actting like a young lady! I don't know if you already do this type of stuff with her, if you do that is wonderful; but if not try and do that with her. I know it is hard with two boys and another on the way; but try and set some time aside for just you and her. Go get an ice cream, go have lunch, just try and do something with her. Tell her to keep her head up and it's better to have brother's because they are there to protect you when you need it! I hope this helps! God bless and keep us informed of how she is doing!
Hi S., our oldest is a girl and we have two boys as well. When I was pregnant with our youngest son, we found out his gender ahead of time too and our daughter (who was 6 at the time) was devastated. We pointed out that perhaps being the only "princess" in the house wasn't a bad thing and that certainly her help would be needed in taking care of this new boy. It all works out! Good luck!
My son is in the opposite boat--he has an older sister and a younger sister and when we told him we were having another girl, he actually got angry. And anytime we would bring it up, he would get upset. Now that his hew sister is here, he adores her. I would explain to your daughter that God has blessed with only one girl and that she is extra special because of it. Being the only girl, she will get her own room (I assume?), be able to do girly things without a little sister interfering, get special time with you and your husband, have lots of brothers to look out for her when she gets older, etc. Have her help out with the naming of the new baby, picking out anything new you may need, etc. And remind her that ultrasounds aren't always right....I think my son held out hope up until she was born! And then, when he saw her (he's 3 1/2) was THRILLED--kept saying "Ohh, she coot". Your daughter will eventually get over the disappointment, it just may take some time. Congrats on the new baby!
S. ~
I agree with Ellen. Let your daughter know that she will be the "princess" since she's the only girl. She has her own toys, will never have to share a room, etc. Play it up!
D.
HI,
I had a son in the exact same place. ANOTHER SISTER, he said, I already have a sister. We have really focused on all the great things about being a boy. You could try that. Also there are no hand-me downs and such. Our son has "boy" cousins and we do get them together to do "boy stuff". It is a hard as a mother to hear their disappointment, but it is normal and just keep focusing on her important role in the family. Good luck!
Hi S.,
Its sounds to me like you may be using a little bit of guilt, which I totally understand but I dont think its your best option (the cats)
Have you tried telling her the perks of being the only girl? i.e., The boys wont want to share your toys, your a little princess, Mommys favorite girl? My son never wanted a brother for the fact that he didnt want to share his toys with a brother,lol (kids!) And so having a sister was very appealing to him because he is the only boy and doesnt have to share his "boy" activities. Make her excited about the fact that shes the only one who gets to do those things.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
I feel this is something that may have to work out in time. Give her time and be there for her. What little girl doesn't want a sister as this feels more like a 'baby doll' to her? If I were in your shoes, I would attempt a trip to Build a Bear or get a very special Cabbage Patch doll (or any GIRL baby doll that is similar) and let that be her 'baby' or both of yours. Do it together.
I also would try to have more Mommy / Daughter times and let her pick the event. Let her feel special being the only girl. And I would tell her that even this littlest baby will still look out for her after when everyone is older as Brothers are VERY Protective of their Sister! :)
Brothers and Sisters also have very special relationships and I would focus on this (and I would also try to find a few books for her age to show this.).
good luck~ she will come around soon!
Good morning S.,
I experienced a similiar situation. My daughter is first born with two younger brothers. I actually came from a family with 8 sisters and 1 brother so I can say from experience how great it was to have sisters. Which made it really hard for me to not give her one of her own.
I focused on play dates and groups such as brownies and girl scouts. Now, at 16 yrs of age, she really treasures her girlfriends but she also loves her quiet time at home. We have a very special relationship. We have "our" special restaurant and we could spend hours at the library together. My suggestion is to not focus on the loss but look at the adventure that you will have together.
Have a great day.
Yo
www.travelwithyo.info
Make sure that she knows that it is ok to be sad but we will still love our new baby. The disappointment will fade.
Blessings and Congratulations!
K.
