My Son Has a Doll

It's great. he sounds like a nurturing and curious child. Don't giv eit a second thought. I have daughters, and I hope they marry men who played with dolls.

However, I might be prepared to give him some words to deal with the idiots in the world who think it is wierd. "I like lots of different things, don't you?" or "I'm a good Daddy" or "I'm going to be a pediatrician when I grow up."

7 moms found this helpful

Eh. Lots of boys have dolls... they just call them 'action figures.' lol. That said, I have 4 girls and 1 boy. He plays with his sister's dolls, but he also has his own. I remember growing up my brothers would always steal my dolls. I think society is sooo scared of the idea that a man could have a 'feminine' side that they stifle all sensitivity. Let you son have his doll, and if anyone says anything or acts weird about it, just ignore them. As for absent dad, sounds like he could have used a dolly himself growing up. Jerk.

6 moms found this helpful

both of my sons had dolls...whoop-de-freakin' do!! You're doing great, Mom! Forget what the neighbor thought, forget what parts of society says....quit fearing your husband's response.

Just as girls play sports, boys can play with dolls. It creates diversity, caring, & nurturing.......not gayness. Be proud, Mom!

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Why on earth would a boy playing with a doll be considered weird?
My mom bought my daughters some Barbie-ish dolls for Christmas. My youngest daughter was not impressed; she would have much preferred the cars and airplanes her cousin received. That doesn't make her weird or have any bearing on her sexuality. I think it is nice that you bought him a toy that he wanted and there is no reason for you to explain his toy preferences to neighbors or anyone else.

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I don't see any harm any in it. Our society is very skewed on how it views genders and their roles. My girls play with trucks, climb trees and often get muddier than my boys. Why shouldn't my boys be allowed to have a doll, play dress up or get out the barbies if they wish?

One of my sons especially is very sensitive and is actually more self assured than his older brother and at times even his father. He has no problems running around outside in a skirt (he loves raiding his sisters dress up trunk way too often, LOL) but he's the only male in my house that has consented to donning a kilt and actually be proud about it. Even my husband is too scared to put one on! My son loves wearing his to school. Then again, if I'd let him, he'd wear purple velvet lounge pants to school too. (One does not wear lounge pants to school.) His favorite color is purple and a good quarter of his wardrobe consists of it. But he is also very male. He hordes his little cars, loves tormenting his sisters, had way too much fun looking at his Uncle's calendar of scantily clad buxom females (I was not pleased about this and my brother got an earful. There's not necessarily anything wrong with those calendars, but there is a place and a time and being seven years old is not one of them.) and turns everything he can get his little paws on into either a gun or a sword.

He carries his "doll" around in a sling I made for him and he's so proud of the darn thing! His doll consists of a rather odd looking knitted monster thing, but he loves it anyway. The moms I hang around with thinks it's great he takes such good care of it.

I have no worries about him at all. My sincere hope is that his sensitivity will survive the trials & tribulations of adolescence and that he will find the balance of self needed to help him to someday be a wonderful partner and father.

As to not letting your son taking his baby anywhere, I think that's sad. While I'm sure that there will be children (and even parents) who comment on it there are going to be just as many that think it's neat. Why teach him it's something to be ashamed of? I'm not saying let him run out and buy a ton of dress up stuff or set up house with barbie but we don't think anything of a dad going somewhere with his baby so why tell your son it's wrong? Effectively, even if you don't use those words, by modeling that it's something to keep home & hide, he will get that impression. You should give him the choice and then support him.

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I bought my best friend's son his own doll because he loved playing house.
His dad accused me of "turning his son gay" and I nearly burst out laughing before realizing he was not kidding. He still doesn't want his son around us if he is not right there and it has been 7 years!
I think you are awesome and he won't be hurt. It is other people who are weird.

4 moms found this helpful

My son asked for and picked out a doll. He played with it for a while, but in a rough boy kind of way after a while. I don't see anything wrong with it. There is a song called "William has a doll" on I think it is Marlo Thomas' Free to be you and me CD that talks about how all this little boy wants is a doll and his dad tries to talk him out of it until one day Grandma gets it for him. She explains to the dad that the boy just wants to learn how to be a dad so when he has is own child he will do a good job. My husband used to say "not my boy" when we would see boys at preschool dressed in princess dresses, until my son's teacher sent home a picture of him in a princess Belle dress. He also has worn his sister's princess costumes at times. It is a phase. Having a doll won't make him gay.

4 moms found this helpful

My almost two year old has a baby doll. He loves it, and I find nothing wrong or weird about it. I even let him take it with us into the store and places around town. My hub had reservations about it, but I tole him its just teaching our son how to be gentle around babies and how to become a good daddy when hes older. :)

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It is fine.
"Role playing" and "pretend" play... are NATURAL & NORMAL developmental stages in a child. AND at this age as well.

It is sad, that he and you, in our society, has to feel that a boy, will be teased for it.

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I think it's so sad, that people can't let kids be kids. They have no concept of what is acceptable to others. They just want to play and adults intervene and telling them what is proper play. In my opinion, any enriching play, is proper play. It doesn't matter who the toy is designed for. If they are learning and growing, we should encourage that. Kids will be all too aware of the gender stereotypes and we should allow them this freedom while we can. Good for you, for allowing your son to have fun and be a kid!! Your friend is silly and closed-minded. If my son wants a doll, I will get him a doll. i want him to have the freedom and innocence of being a child. It's so very fleeting.

A doll won't make a boy gay and playing with a truck won't make a girl want to be a man. They have NO idea what society finds acceptable, or not.

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Good for him and for you. If I see you and your boy on the streets I would think is super cute.
You are right, why a girl (and I have 2) can play with anything but a boy wouldn't. That is a suptid and old. Dolls teach so much to kids, so I am glad your son is not missing something just because others may thing is weird.
Good job mama.

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's great!!! And that he is taking care of it is just what we want our boys to be doing! I don't blame you for not wanting him to take it to school so he doesn't get teased. But yay you for letting him choose and then not making him rechoose!

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's perfectly fine for your son to have a baby doll. :)
Now if we were talking about a Barbie doll...well...I don't even like my DD playing w/ them.
People are weird. ;)

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It's perfectly fine that he plays with dolls. It doesn't mean he's going to turn out gay. Just like when girls play with cars doesn't necesarily mean they will turn out to be lesbians. Kids love to pretend play and it's great that your not limiting your son. Don't worry about it and don't feel like you have to explain yourself.

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I think it's fantastic that you got him a doll. I think sometimes it is WE who have the problem and it's not about the kid at all. Kudos to you for allowing your son this toy of his choosing. Sounds like you have the makings of a caring man there.

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I think its awesome...and you are an awesome mom for not freaking out and telling him that boys dont play with dolls.

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It is WONDERFUL!!!! That is all I need to say. :)
S.
(PS, dont be embarressed and dont make him feel embarressed)

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I think it's fine. My brother played with my dolls sometimes, and we both fought over the star wars action figures (I still maintain that the Rancor beast was mine!) but neither of us turned out gay.

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Dolls are awsome for any gender!!!! Don't be ashamed of it! Embrace it! Telling him things (which I know you didn't say this, but actions in future can) like "That's for girls" will only set more sexist point of views.
My nephew LOVED to dress up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. He now is one of the boyish boys out there! Don't think it will make him any less of a man. If my son wants a doll, he'll get one!

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I think it's great. My son (now 4) has had a baby doll since he was 2 (when his sister was born). For a long time he carried it around with his other "loveys", but now it's been demoted to a lower status :)

I think your son must have thought it looked like a fun toy. You are a great mom for recognizing his need for it and agreeing for him to have it.

J.

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I think it's very cool.

People are idiots--ignore your neighbor. You don't have to "explain" anything to her--or your ex.

Our 5 yo (male) neighbor picked out Disney Princess invitations for his birthday party! :)

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I think it's good. My little boy has a baby he does not part with, and has named it his sister's name (Baby _____). He feeds him, rocks him, all the stuff he sees his sister do with her dolls. We tell him what a good daddy he'll be one day. He wants a stroller for his baby doll, but I can't find one that's not pink, so I'm spray painting an old one, dying the fabric part, and adding some skull and crossbones design to the wheels.

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I think it's a great idea. One of the first signs my son did on his own was baby. I wanted to get him doll to help reinforce the signing, but my husband was against it, so we use a teddy bear instead. He still cuddles it and feeds it. My friend had a doll for her sons. I don't think it's weird (or will cause him to be gay).

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I don't see anything wrong with a boy having a doll for a toy. You said his dad was absent, but does he have any other positive male role models in his life? If not, he's going to need that much more help becoming a loving nurturing dad himself some day and if having a doll is what helps, then let him have it. Like you said, nobody thinks it's strange for a girl to play with trucks, so why can't a boy play with a doll? Hopefully being allowed to play with a doll and express that side of him will keep him from being a man that thinks it's okay to beat women up.

If his dad is absent anyway, I wouldn't worry about what he would think. If he chooses to not be a part of your son's life, shame on him. Playing with a doll is not going to make your son gay anyway. And if he ends up being gay, it's not because he played with a doll - and it's nothing to be ashamed of. People really need to get a grip.

I also wouldn't care what a neighbor, or anyone else thinks. He is your son and he will always need you to support him and know that you will always have his back, no matter what.

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I think people who make a big deal over a boy having or playing with a doll are weird! Seriously-he's 5! I think it's sweet that he has such an open, caring side to him. I'm not sure what happened or how it happened, but my now 5 year old son used to like dolls and a lot of "girlie" stuff, but over the last few years he's dropped all of it. I think going to a public school prek full-time over this past year probably did it. However, his little brother is LOVING Barbie right now! A little girl left two of them here and he found them, and he wants the one in the pink, sparkly dress with him at all times. He calls her "My Girl" and says, "She's pretty!" I just think it's sweet.

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My 8 year old son wanted the Molly American Girl doll for Chirtmas. So we got it for him. He also had an Ariel Barbie.
He is now 22, in the NAvy, straight and doing very well. If he were gay, so what? Dolls do not make a boy gay.

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I don't particularly have an issue with it, but don't misunderstand the situation: your son is not modeling daddy. He is modeling mommy. A woman cannot bestow masculinity on a man. Regardless of concerns about future gay tendencies or behaviors, it is most healthy for him to have close male role models in his life so he has people to relate to. Do you have any male family or close friends he can bond with?

PS: Re Kay B's answer. My husband was concerned about my wanting to get DS a "doll" (it was a boy) that had snaps, buttons, etc, so he could learn how to use them. He was very against it. = / I reminded him that statistically speaking, HIS role in our son's life would make a significantly greater impact on his sexuality than any toy could.

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I think that is wonderful! My two boys ages 6 and 4 love to play with my old Cabbage Patch dolls and play Daddy too! They wrap them in blankets, take them for walks, etc. I love watching them take care of their babies with loving care and imagine what great fathers they will be someday!

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More power to you and your son. I also got my son a doll right before my daughter was born (he was 3). He was not that interested in the doll but loves to feed and care for his large family of Beanie Babies. With a son and a daughter I figure all types of toys are fair game for either one of them. Sometimes I do get things in "girl" and "boy" colors but that is mostly so I can tell who it belongs to.

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If my 3.5 year old wanted a doll, I would totally get it for him. Good for you for teaching your son that play (and love, and respect, etc etc) hold no boundries based on gender, culture, etc. You're a great mom!

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My friends are adopting a baby girl from Ethiopa and their 2 year old son has a "baby sister" Cabbage Patch doll. He is so sweet with that baby and always talks about being the big brother. I don't find a single thing weird with it - never even gave it a second thought. I really don't see a huge difference between that and your son. Honestly, I think it's awesome.

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My son "practiced" with a doll before his sister was born - our way of teaching him how to behave around babies and what babies need and, at the same time, giving him his own "baby" to take care of when his sister was born. his sister has now claimed all the babies as hers now and he's ok with that (he's 5, she's 3) but they play together with the babies - making meals for them and feeding them and stuff like that.

I think it's totally acceptable for him to have a doll - and if his father is "absent" you shouldn't care what he would think or accuse you of - his not being there negates his right to have an opinion on the matter.

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MY son played with dolls from toddler to around 8, including playing with his sister and her American girl dolls. He is 12 now and ALL BOY. He's all about sports, monster truck shows, card shows, baseball etc. He loves to volunteer to be a "reading buddy" to elementary kids and loves to coach little kids in sports. He talks about being either a cop or a kindergarten teacher. Obviously he has a caring, nurturing side that may not have been developed had we denied him playing with dolls.

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Long and short - I think it's awesome. It's high time we let our boys express themselves the same way we let our girls. Be proud of yourself for letting your son do what he wants and be who he wants. If other people think it's weird, forget them!

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My 4.5 year old pretends to nurse his stuffed animals. He'll lift up his shirt and feed a rubber snake and a stuffed cat. It's loving and nurturing and he's modelling the same affection I showed him when he was younger. I hope he carries these feelings into adulthood and shows the same compassion to his children.

So just let your son play as he wishes. Play may seem trivial to us adults, but it's lessons and learning for the future to our kids.

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My son, who has poor self help skills, among other things (4), told me the other day he wanted a baby doll to teach to use the potty just like he does. I asked him what else he would do with the baby and he told me how he would feed the baby, get the baby to sleep, play with the baby, change baby's diapers until baby was potty trained etc ... if he asks for it again we will get him one. My son tends to watch commercials and wants what he sees so I always make him ask for something a few times before we get it he is a sucker for a good commercial!

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My stepson played with dolls as a child, and as an adult, he is quite secure in his manhood.

I don't know why people are okay with girls doing so-called "boy stuff" like wearing jeans or playing with trucks, but freak out when a boy wants to do so-called "girl stuff" like wear a skirt or play with dolls.

1 mom found this helpful

Dolls don't make the child. If he wants a doll, let him have it. There was a thing about something like this on What Would you Do about a boy dressed up in a dress and passers by making snide comments about it. Kids don't know gender rolls unless we teach them.

Good luck
Shaire

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My son had/played with dolls too. There is NO reason boys shouldn't be allowed to learn about and explore nurturing a baby just like girls do.

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I just want to say you rock!! It is very normal and natural for children, boys and girls, to explore toys, clothes, experiences that our society seems to categorize only for girls/only for boys. My son is 3, my daughter is 2. He is more likely to pick up a doll and play with it than my daughter-even though she is starting to like dolls more and more. They both play with his trucks and she loves his train set. They both play with her kitchen set. I let them because they learn valuable life skills from each other and role play what they see the adults in their life doing: cooking, taking care of baby, etc.
My friend's friend had a similar situation that she wrote about on her blog (you can google her blog-Nerdy Applebottom) Her post was about her 5 year old son that wanted to be Daphne (from Scooby Doo for a variety of valid, completely normal reasons: he loved Scooby, his best friend that was a girl also wanted to be Daphne and it was Halloween-it's fun to dress up and be whatever character you want!) At any rate, she ran into some people (read:adults, not kids!) at her son's school that had issue with this. She is just an ordinary mom that happens to blog. She went home and vented there about it. The post went viral and it was picked up by the Today Show and other news outlets because this is a very hot topic.
Long story short, there were a handful of people that gave her a hard time, but mostly people were very supportive of her decision to let her son be himself and not make a big deal of this and that is what you are doing. Let your son keep the doll. I am sure he won't go to college with it, but it sends a very powerful message to him from you that you believe in him and he shouldn't be ashamed of such things. If nothing else, he will be a better person in life because you didn't let some idiotic fear this was going to make your son gay or something else! One of my favorite lines from Nerdy Applebottom's post was this: "If anyone thinks letting my 5 year old son wear a Daphne costume on Halloween is going to make him gay, then you are an idiot. I am pretty sure that your kid is not going to grow up to be a ninja!"
Stay strong, mama. You are absolutely doing the right thing by your son. And as a former school teacher, if your son would want to take his doll to school share your concerns with his teachers. I bet they would be more supportive of it than you might think. Good luck!
A.

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I think it's nice. He's learning to be a dad and to take care of someone.

My hubby used to have an anatomically correct doll (a boy), and he turned it into a water pistol! LOL :)

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