Crafter's Dilemma

I think you've really given yourself the answer. I can not imagine tossing a handmade baby quilt in the trash but others don't have a clue or any respect for what it takes to make something the traditional way. So many people are just ingrained in a disposable society/lifestyle. Rather than get upset, stick to charity work and your immediate family.

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Wow! A baby quilt in the trash - it would be a cold day in ### before that person ever got anything from me again. I did make a quilt for a woman once out of the kindness of my heart and she become so strange that I asked for it back and she brazenly brought it back and threw it at me. Well needlesstosay, that quilt is now with another young man whose momma was over joyed to receive such an item. My daughter asked me for the quilt and I washed it and sent it to her. It was a blue quilt with Noah's Arc animals.

As far as wanting to make more quilts, check out the Downy fabric site about quilts for kids. They are trying to get a million quilts to kids in hospitals. There are chapters around the country that will gladly take your items. These would be tax deductible.

Just do things for special people and not the family and enjoy the authentic joy they give you when they open the package.

The other S.

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I'm in the same boat - and I've heard some real horror stories from my friends on the xs boards - I also cross stitch (and make baby samplers as gifts for family and close friends). If I put hours of work into choosing and stitching something and it was put in the trash, my blood would boil!

My rule of thumb is that if you know or suspect that the person will not value the gift you make them, then don't do it. (I also have a one-strike policy for this - don't appreciate it, you'll never get another.) It's great that your DH is so supportive and appreciates the beauty of what you make, but really not worth wasting all that effort and love on people who do not appreciate it.
So, stitch/quilt/whatever for yourself (and for charity projects like Coles Quilts, if you're so moved), but don't waste a stitch on ingrates!

For some funny and appropriate gift tags for handmade gifts, check these out: 'Your Heart Out' Gift Tags (scroll down the page a ways)
http://www.ammeesbabies.com/instructions.php

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I can totally relate! I have spent months knitting or crocheting baby blankets or gifts and did not even receive a thank you email or card! It is really frustrating. I think it has to with others not knowing how much work go into these items, and our disposable society in general. I can't believe your quilt went into the trash, when it could have been donated to someone who would have appreciated it.

I am much more selective now about who I make a blanket for, and will only do so for those who express an interest first, which are usually other crafters. Right now I am working on a baby blanket for my friend who just had a baby, but she is also a knitter and will appreciate the effort:)

You may be more fulfilled crafting for your own home and charity. I wouldn't waste the effort on Christmas gifts anymore, I have been there and done that too.

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As a crafter myself I feel for you! I tend to ask people their favorite colors or style before making something but not everyone appreciates something hand made. If you ask first ( and make it clear a "No thank you" will not offend your) maybe you can weed out the folks who would rather have a gift certificate than a handmade gift. The exception is my sister--she likes clean, modern lines and neutral colors and I hide wildly colored things in her house when visiting as a joke (but nothing that is a big investment of time or money).

Throwing out a baby quilt is a horrible waste when there are needy children in every community! There is an organization that collects baby quilts for babies with HIV/AIDS. There are also many children in foster care who have no reliable family. I worked with foster children and we distributed many donations around the holidays especially.

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Throwing a handmade quilt in the trash is just horrible and inexcusable! As far as the birth announcement cross stitch, perhaps it didn't go with the decor? I know that sounds harsh, but one of the reasons I never give "decor" items as gifts is because I never know what someone will like to have displayed in their home. Perhaps they appreciated your effort and gesture and are keeping it for your niece (thus it living in her closet), but don't want to display it in her room...My mother occasionally does cross stitch. If she gave me one, I would truly be torn because it just wouldn't fit with anything I have in my home, but I would feel guilty for not wanting it, so I'd probably display it and get more and more resentful of it. Or even worse, she'd think I loved it and start giving me more at each holiday! From her perspective, she's giving a gift from the heart, which is the best kind of gift. From my perspective, although I appreciate her effort, I'm not a fan of "crafty" things and don't like having them around my house, that's just how I am. Luckily, my mom knows me well so I've never received a handmade cross stitch from her. If I were you, I would do just as you're considering: craft for yourself and charity. Your family obviously does not appreciate your gifts. Or perhaps you could offer the gift before you make it e.g. "I'm so proud of little Mary starting pre-k, maybe she'd like a cross stitch to commemorate?". That way, if little Mary's parents want it, they'll jump at your offer. If they're lukewarm about it "well, that's nice of you, but we wouldn't want to put you out or be a bother...", you know they wouldn't really appreciate it. You've saved yourself time and money. Some people love handcrafted things and others don't, that's just the way it is. But still, that handmade quilt in the trash really does bother me a lot - even I (with my super contemporary decor style) would appreciate a handmade quilt!

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I can totally relate. I had spend weeks working on a sweater for my newborn nephew, only to find out that his mom gave it away because it "wasn't a dark enough blue". What made things even worse for me was last summer, my family had a yard sale. My sister had placed some of my mom's items in the sale (she passed away a few years back) and I found the last item I had made my mom--a hand-knit sweater--for sale for--get this--$4. Yes, that's right--FOUR dollars! She even had written on the pricetag "handmade"!!!!! I was outright furious! I took it from the lady who had it in her hand and told her I was sorry, but my time is worth much more than that. I just can't understand how people can do that with things they KNOW you've made for them. It's not like you can just push the 'easy' button and have the item appear; these things take time, thought, skill, and more time! I'm in the same boat--I'm starting to craft just for me and my own family and forgetting about everyone else.

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I certainly wouldn't waste precious time on those particular recipients again! They can get a $5 Gift card! But surely not all your crafts have been rejected. I'm sure there are some grateful, deserving people that can be your outlet. It doesn't even matter if they are professional quality if they are from the heart. When I was growing up my mom would crochet us all booties for christmas. They were ugly 70s multicolors, and uncomfortable because there was a seem running down the middle that you would have to walk on. But they were sweet and we loved making fun of them in a loving way. When I met my husband that's how he knew he was "IN" my mom made him some Christmas booties.

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I am a crafter as well. Sometimes, people would rather get bath and body works lotions, than an heirloom.

Perhaps, I would make a homemade gift, but spend a little less time on it. For example, instead of a quilt, do a small quilted coaster set. Give your talents to those who appreciate it, and beautify your home in your art. Also, maybe the adults won't appreciate your gift, but maybe the baby will grow up one day and cherish it. Maybe the people prefer pottery barn, or contemporary things, instead go with the type of thing they like, I'm sure you can make something that follows a similar style.

The people who threw the quilt in the trash, get them a $5 gift card to Walmart.

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Please know I feel your pain. I made an adorable craft for my family reunion auction and everyone just looked at it and no one bid a dime on it. I spent hours on it and it was a very cute item.

I recommend you get a site on etsy.com. My sister has a site there and sells custom home made crafts all over the world. She primarily makes pillowcase dresses and then some accessories too. Something as special as what you are talking about should be appreciated and made when someone truly understands what they have been given. It appears that no one has any idea that the things you make are worth anything. I would also ask in the future specifically if the person wants what you do, it will save you a lot of time and effort and hurt feelings. If they have never quilted or had that affinity to an item that was handmade then they truly have no understanding, it is just a blanket or a disposable item.

I feel terrible for you! I would not craft for those people again! My MIL is a quilter and she too gets frustrated that she spends so much time and money to make a baby quilt for every mother that she knows and people don't care about them. She has made both of my kids quilts, pillows, stockings, baby doll quilts, and we love it all and cherish each item! My sister in law makes us handmade ornaments for Christmas and cross-stiched a birth announcent for us too. It didn't completely go with our decor, but I loved the thought and love and time that went into it so we displayed it proudly until she outgrew the baby nursery, but I keep it for her to have forever. Not everyone is unappreciative, so don't give up!

I'm heartbroken for you! Of course you feel this way! I have absolutely no talent in this area, but I am fortunate enough to have family members that are. I have displayed their work with pride, even if it doesn't match the decor of my home. If any one says anything, I tell them that "my aunt jane made that for me, isn't it wonderful?"

Maybe you should start investigating to see what crafts would work best for family members- I have one of the craft ladies that you put grocery store plastic bags in her dress. She's hung on the wall in my laundry room and I love it, it was perfect. I can think of my aunt who made her for me and she's got a way practical purpose.

Or, compliment them on a chair and let them know that you have a fabulous pattern that would make a great throw or throw pillow for it.

Don't give up on your talent!

As an artist, I've been on both sides of the fence. I've given some things that have been discarded, and I've gotten some things that just make me cringe every time I look at them (I've also gotten some things I love, but have just been too tired or overwhelmed to actually hang/etc. Oy. Don't get me started on pictures. In this house 2 years and all my artwork -photos, paintings, etc.- are in the basement because I have to do this giant matting project that I just haven't been up to... plus the walls haven't been painted. One of these days I'll spend a solid week painting the house and getting matching mattes, and monday will roll around and there will be 50 pieces on the walls... but until then the only artwork on the walls are 2 pieces that just *happened* to not make it to the basement and my son's stuff. Meanwhile my friends joke that I only pretend to "like" their work... since it's in the basement. Hah! I just don't like the work it's going to take to get all the stuff up on the walls. Fortunately my friends know me well enough to know that's true.)

Anyhow... while it's hard not to take personally in the beginning, I've gotten to the point where I just don't give away specific pieces, unless I really don't care what happens to them. Instead I invite the person over to choose from what's available OR I get a specific commission to do a thing, rather than just giving something I would like someone to have.

Personally I feel more attached to hand made crafts than if someone went out and just bought something, but not everyone feels that way. Maybe you are just not giving the crafts to the right people. Look around someone's home and see what they have. If you see crafts, then that's the family member that will appreciate your work. If you see a contemporary home, then they probably will just put your craft in the back of the closet. Keep working though. Don't anyone discourage you from doing something you like to do. Another option is to ask for the craft back that you gave. After all, you did put time and effort into it and if its just going to sit in a closet, then it may go well somewhere else. If you feel like and Indian Giver, then mention it to maybe a grandma, and the grandma can ask for it. Grandmothers always appreciate these types of items.

I think you should reconsider, but be more informed. Because I would love to have certain handmade things and not others, ask first. Tell people that you are thinking about Christmas coming and if there is anything they would like you to make. Keep it open so they don't feel obligated.

Make it a win-win situation. I wish I was as talented as you!

I'm not condoning the blanket thrower outer at all but... One reason people don't display home made gifts is because they don't like the style. I got so many blankets for my daughter but none matched my very clean, modern style so I have them all in a closet. I can't bear to donate them because I feel guilty but don't want to display them because they don't match the room.

i received a bunch of handmade gifts. some i love some not so much. one i did not love is a painting its small but not the colors of my kids room it really dosent match anything in our home. but from that same person i got a home made quilt that is wonderful. its made with ventage style patterns and looks like it came from the fifties. my hubby and i both love antique stuff so this fits right in. i did get another hand sewn blanket from somone and its ugly. its pink with a tedy bear one one side and its ugly. looks like something from the eighties the material is blah. i still have both of the uglies and wont get rid of them because they were made with love. there is a style of peoples homes and you should consider that before making a gift for some one. if you want them to love it you might even tell them your thinking of making something are there any colors you like? that can even back fire (personal experiance)!! look on flickr.com or etsy.com most of there stuff is pretty hip. and in style. hope this info helped.

Hi A.. Your husband is right. They are very special gifts. Having said that I am also a quilter. I would not waste my time to give one of my special quilts to anyone who did not appreciate the time and effort it takes to make such a beautiful one of a kind gift. How ungrateful some people must be. I would simply buy something and if anything was said by the recipient about not being made I would simply reply that you didn't think they liked the gift as it sat in the back of a closet or was thrown in the trash. I have to say that you have shown great control by not asking what was wrong with the gift to have been thrown out or put in a closet. I would not have been that gracious. Good luck and keep doing your special gifts for those that really appreciate the special time set aside for them.

L.

As a fellow crafter, i would be hurt! There is a lot of work that goes into those projects. Was the quilt thrown away because it was damaged in some way?

Craft because you enjoy it. Give them as gifts to the people whom you know will enjoy and appreciate your hard work.

I don't blame you. I don't think I would make anything else for anyone unless you know they'll appreciate it. I cannot IMAGINE throwing a handmade baby quilt in the trash! I wish someone had made my boys handmade baby quilts! They would be hanging on the wall. Where were these people raised -a barn?

My sister offered to buy us a gift for our need baby, but I asked her to make a blinket and baby hat instead. It means so much more to me to have homemade gifts then store bought gifts. I even asked my mother in law to sew me a new doggie jacket so we can give it to our doggie when the baby is born. Much mUCH BETTER THEN STORE BOUGHT GIFTS. If your friend or family member did not like the gift and put it in the trash, then i WOULD SAY THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE A GIFT THIS YEAR.

Some people are just downright RUDE! I do block printed clothing which I sell at craft shows and festivals. I get top dollar for my designs which are really unique. I have given gifts to my family members and never seen them on their backs! HOWEVER, my mom and dad and many friends wear them with great pride! you live and learn! Some people are just not appreciative and you will just have to know who to give your precious gifts to!

I can't believe someone threw a quilt that someone made for them in the trash. That is the most ungrateful thing I've ever heard. That must be an extremely rude and spoiled person. If they didn't want it, the least they could have done was donate it to a baby that didn't have a blanket at all. I would say never give anything anymore to those people but continue to give handcrafted items to others in your life. I'm always excited to get homemade things rather than mass-produced items. The handmade stuff is what I really remember. Don't let a couple of bad apples ruin it for the rest of us who appreciate what others do for us.

I can't imagine ever throwing away something someone handmade for me, regardless of whether I like it or not. Handmade gifts are so special, it's sad that your family doesn't value the gift and it's meaning. I would also be very hurt. I would suggest to only give those special handmade gifts to people who appreciate them, and not give them to those who don't. If that includes your family, then I say stick with your instincts! I'm sure there are some family and friends that will appreciate your crafts, the others don't bother!

They ARE special gifts. Some people don't keep things because it doesn't fit with their decor; but there is no excuse for throwing it in the trash nor for putting it in the back of a closet. Whichever relation that is, don't give anything more to her - because she definitely doesn't deserve to have them.
I have always prized things family members have made. My one tragedy is that in my first marriage, I lost the handmade quilt my grandmother painstakingly made me for graduation. I do have one my other grandmother made & an afghan that one of my Aunts made.
For Christmas, I always tell my niece & nephews that a homemade present means so much more to me. Last year, one nephew sewed some flannel bed warmers to pop in the microwave, another made 2 pillows for my bed & my niece made me earrings. The same niece is very talented & drew my mother in law 3 pictures. They have made in the past some decorated totes & 2 teddy bears. These are all treasured things to me.
I know what it is like though. In the past, I have made things for my mother-in-law that she has taken apart & things for my sister in law that I have never seen out. So, I just stopped making things for them.
So, craft away, Do it for your own home & for Charity. Someday, that niece might just find that cross stitch & value it.