Homemade Gifts That Have Become a Burden

I'd put it out on display and switch it out frequently. That way you can display a couple of pieces all the time and tell her that you want stuff to not get dusty. Tell her that moths, dust mites, sunlight, ....all destroy fabrics and craft items so you want to display them a while then switch them out so kiddo can have them when he grows up.

I agree with Jim. Put the quilts on a quilt rack in the guest room. Guest rooms are a perfect place for things like that.

As for the rest? "I'm sorry, we're decorating that room in a different color scheme. Hubs has it all picked out."

"No, thank you, Mom....we have all the decorations we need right now."

"We're really not into the nautical theme and have no place to hang them."

"Mom, have you considered making and selling these items? I'll bet you could really make a lot of extra cash selling your lovely crafts."

Finally, read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I recommend this book all the time because it is really THAT good.

You need to start setting boundaries with her. If she's this pushy now, just imagine what you'll be dealing with then your son is older.

Best of luck!

I loved Christy's answer.

I will give you my wimpy approach: Blame it on your husband.

"Mom, Husband has his heart set on a certain decor style for our new house and I'm just indulging him at this point. Don't start any projects for us unless he gives you the go-ahead."

An added thought - she could make good money for those quilts.

Good luck.

Communication is a wonderful thing.

She seems to not take hints or subtle conversations. You are a grown woman. Your mother is a grown women. You have your home she has hers.

IF you really want this to stop, take your mom to a coffee shop (public) and just tell her.

"Mom, you are very talented. I know that you really put your heart and soul into all of the things you create. We have enjoyed the things you have given us. "

"We will now be moving into our new home and we now have a true vision of how we are going to decorate it. We want it to be OUR style and taste. "

"If we do not have your gifts on display, please understand this in no way means we do not love you."

" We will always use the quilts as needed. IF we at some point want to hang the photo of the baby, we will, but right now we are going in a different direction. Would YOU like to keep the portrait at your home?"

This is not to be mean, but quit acting like a child. Grow up and prove to her you cannot be bullied and pushed around any longer. If your mom cannot handle these kind and honest words... You may want to consider she needs professional help. Normal parents do not act like this.

Would YOU ever do this to your child? Would you ALLOW anyone else to do this to your child? Then why are you allowing this to happen to you?

You can do this. I am sending you strength.

Ick, how annoying! I would just have to say "Mom, thanks so much for the good intentions, but we are at capacity for the homemade gifts. But, have you looked into purchasing booth space at craft fairs? I bet you could make a ton of money selling that stuff!"

ooof, that is a predicament. we have a crafter in the family and although they have never insisted we display their items, you feel some sense of obligation to not simply toss the item in the trash. So I understand your situation.
It sounds like it's affecting 'your' family, so it may be time for a talk with your mom. I'm sure feelings will be hurt, I'm sure things will be said that need to be apologized for later, and she may even demand you give her back some of the items she has made.
But the sanity and normalcy of your own household in the long run may be worth it. Good luck.

Good luck with this one! Sounds like your mom needs lots of validation that she is "talented" and the only way for her to get that validation is to have things displayed in your home.

My suggestion? Have one spot in your home allocated to mom's things and display them on rotation. the quilts are probably huge and not really the style of your new home, but could you purchase a blanket rack to display them at the end of a hallway or a corner of a guest room? As for all of the framed artwork... again, one "hook" with rotating items. Guest rooms are GREAT for this kind of stuff. People will see it, but you don't have to if you don't want to! One shelf on a book shelf... one shelf in your kitchen... one hook in the hallway... one corner of a guest room... you get the idea!

http://www.target.com/p/quilt-rack-walnut/-/A-731103?ref=...

Hi bookwormmom,

Just throwing out a couple of cents here...would it be possible to designate a "mom wall" in the family room or living room to display some of her offerings maybe on a rotating basis? that keeps things fresh but it won't take over the whole house. just a random thought. i have challenges with my mom too and completely understand. best of luck to you and yours. S.

i would put the quilts to use. have them neatly folded at the end of your sons bed (if hes old enough to have a big bed). if hes a toddler and they are toddler size let him have it on his bed. put the picture of him in his room. that way hubby doesnt have to stare at it all day and mom is happy its up. if you have a local crat fair or market night/day suggest that shes "sooo talented" that she should try and sell some. hence boosting her ego and keeping some out o your house

not sure how this would go over, but could you ask your mom to "store" the items for you during the move and just not pick them up. IF she needs to have control over the items that might work, if she needs to have control over them in YOur space it sounds like it won't.

my other snarky idea is to take up crafting yourself. really bad crafting and insist she display YOUR work. lol, but with as difficult as she sounds she wouldn't get the hint.

Is there a guest room in the new place? That can be the "shrine". Otherwise, you may need to put up with "rifts" if she's going to be unreasonable. Being unreasonable is not ok and shouldn't be encouraged. It's hard, and I wish you luck.

Tell her you don't have the room - because you don't. She can pick ONE thing and that's fine. Perhaps she can sell her things at a booth or on Etsy?

I second Peg M's suggestion because it really takes the time to lovingly acknowledge your mom in the way that she needs - that she is talented, she cares a lot, and she has a need to show her love through gifts (read "5 Languages of Love" for more on this). It puts both of you in a better position for you to then let her know what your family's needs are in creating your own space.

Can you perhaps ask her to make you something specific? "Hey Mom, I'm glad you enjoy painting sailboats and you're really very good at it, but to be honest I'm just not that into sailboats. We're planning to decorate our bathroom with seahorses though - do you think you could paint us a 3-piece series of seahorses on small 6x6" canvas? Our bathroom colors are purple and gray." Of course, that could always backfire you'll be getting paintings of seahorses for the rest of your life. ;) I asked my parents for tiger-stripe sheets when I was in college to coordinate with my dorm mates' zebra and cheetah sheets, and now I've gotten tiger-themed gifts for every birthday and Christmas in the 10 years since... tiger PJs, tiger knick-knacks, tiger socks, tiger notebooks... I can't seem to convince her that I'm not actually obsessed with tigers.

Just tell her. Two years ago, my mother had a friend paint a portrait of my oldest daughter. This was my Christmas gift. I told my mom that I appreciated it, but that I would not be hanging it in my house. For starters, it isn't our style, and second, without one of my son, I didnt think it would be fair.

She has it hanging in her house. It was something SHE wanted, so she can keep it.

Your mom sounds like a person who gains her strongest sense of self from doing/making stuff. She could have a touch of Asperger's (I know quite a few older folks who do, but weren't diagnosed) and simply not be aware that everybody doesn't think/feel/need in the same way she does.

Unfortunately, that leaves it up to other people to hammer out the misunderstandings that inevitably occur. You could try stating what you understand her need to be, empathizing with her, and then sharing your needs.

It might go something like this: "Mom, you've made us so many beautiful, loving gifts over the years. I know this is one way you share your love with us all, and all the time and inspiration and care really shows. We have so appreciated every single stitch and stroke. AND, this is becoming something of a crisis for us, because we need our home and surroundings to reflect our interests and tastes, too, as well as have the flexibility to change over time. So, in our new space, this is what WE ARE PLANNING (or I am planning) to do… (and then tell her what YOUR wishes are).

Your mom could become quite emotional over this conversation; if she's like mine, she may cry or scream or leave in a huff. But I've had many of these conversations over many years, and my mom gradually accepts that this is the way things are. I cannot and will not be her little girl as an adult, though it's been painful for both of us for my to assert my right to be myself (and I'm now 65). It's always been the responsibility of the child to create new space for him/herself; parents usually don't want or easily accept that change. Doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't happen.

You could be facing another "rift" here, but if you handle it gently, without rancor, your mom's feelings will heal. She's the one who will have to determine the timeline for that.

I think that you need to say things like "I'll think about it." or "I appreciate your gifts, but we really don't have a place for x. Have you ever considered selling them?" Etc.

But be prepared for her to be annoying and go off if she doesn't get things her way. You have to shrug it off. A year long tiff because she wanted to show off a gown? Then she should keep the gown if the display is more important to her than giving a gift.

You might also say, "Getting things just so or on display seems to be important to you. You should display them in your own home so you have control over it. I cannot guarantee that I will get it "just so" or that my son will keep your treasures the way you want them."

My mom is not crafty, but she does like to give gifts and I had to tell her to stop bringing large items because even though we have an OK sized house, we were running out of room for every push bike and easel she brought for DD.

Can you redirect her to things you WANT or need? My mom has a thrift store near her where she can get Osh Kosh for 50 cents a shirt. I've gotten her to buy things DD needs that I can't get here vs giving me toys she doesn't need. Can you ask your mom for commissions only?

It may be time to do what you perfer to do and not worry about what mom will say. You know it's be trouble when she doesn't see the quilts and paintings up, but deal with it as it comes along. Decide how you will respond and maybe what you will say to her before hand. Be calm and firm and simply tell her that you're doing things differently now and in time you'll re-decorate again. 'The items are safely packed away as special keepsakes, etc.' Stay centered and stick to your decision.

Sounds like your mother is in need of a lot of attention and doesn't get her fill no matter how many give her kudos. No one can fill her when she's an empty. She's probably a frustrated artist. She needs to examine why she's making these things, what truly is her motive, her desire in this. This is up to her, not you. Perhaps you can help her with this if she lets you.

I personally have done all kinds of little projects off and on for years and years. And, I 've given many things as gifts. I'm probably not as profficent as your mom, but even if I were I wouldn't expect so much attention. I've made blankets and applique', clothing, dolls, etc. And I've painted both oils and watercolor, and drawings - a few I've given as a gives gifts to the children, made just for them and they are appreciated, but I don't think they have to go on the wall or anything like that. Although to my surprise, my SIL framed and put up a drawing and watercolor that I did for my granddaughter, he put them in her room.

I think you're just going to have to go through this with her and hold your ground and let her know to the best she'll hear that it's not against her. Apparently she's more interested in admiring her work on your walls so she can tell everyone how great she is. Tell her fill her own place with her work and or sell them. She is really all to caught up with it. Although appreciation is sweet, feeding the need for sappy thanks sickens.

My MIL does cross-stitch. She has done several very beautiful pictures for us and a few "what the hell was she thinking" pictures. I try to find a place for everything...even if it it some out of the way corner. It does annoy me when she does make something because she has to make a HUGE production of showing everyone exactly what SHE did. It's almost like our thanks and gratitude is not enough...she actually needs and craves everyone to ooohhh and ahhhh over her talent.

One suggested storing them at her house durring the move. I could totally see her barging in with hammer and nails and choosing a place to hang them.

My mom and dad would come to visit and start "projects".Everytime they left, our house would be upside down. To the point I would say ok this does need to get done but then we HAVE to put it all up before you leave. I just now realized she no longer stays at our house., Hasnt for a yr or so. My kids are very small and to leave all the boxes and what ever project all over our house isnt fair to us.

I finally realize my mom had to "do" something. Anything. So I give her projects. She does not like to just sit around and visit. Like my dad will and can. Its really busy and hectic. My Nanny is a feeder. She will cookie soda you till your gut pops. But these are ways of showing love. While most of the time it isnt an actual thing I am dealing with it is very unhealthy. I think these hand made gifts are her way of showing love. So I could see how she would go outofher mind tantrum feeling rejected of her gift of love. I have a quilt that was a gift that is HIDEOUS and I hate it. I stored it under my bed telling them I am keeping them stored safe so the kids dont make a mess of them. Untill they are older. Tell her the dog started lifting his leg at them? Some excuse to keep them safe . Thus keeping her love safe?? I hope?

As far as the picture ??? Idk it might be worth the o switch a roo when mom comes to visit. Move one photo for hers and switch it back once she leaves. This wont work if she lives in the same city.