Conflicting Rules

1. Why are you going word for word with a 9 year old. The rule was put the toys away so they don't get broken. She didn't and it got broken end of story. Dad shouldn't have to look where he is going in the lovingroom because her toys should be in her room. Thats it thats all.

I would tell her that you understand, but it's not really a loophole since she was warned that her toys might be broken if she left them out. It was her behavior (the leaving out) that broke the toy. Just like it was her behavior (the fussing with something she should not be) that broke the candle.

I'd be pretty peeved about the cut foot, too. I think her father's been punished enough for not looking where he walked re: the foot. That's HIS consequence.

It's simple. The candle was put away in its place, she broke it by not following the rules. Her item wasn't in its place and was broke by somebody accidently because of it not being in the correct place.

Well, well, well, sounds like you have a future attorney on your hands. She has her own logic and she's doing a pretty good job of arguing her case. Of course, you're right and she's wrong, but she gets an A for effort! Tell her that not only is it her fault her toy was broken, SHE should pay her DAD for physical damages he sustained due to her negligence. Gotta love 9yr olds!

Let me get this straight.

Within your house, where you pay the rent/mortgage, and there is a clear rule of not leaving her things around to be destroyed in the living room, which she has been ignoring up until now, she did exactly that, and a toy she did not purchase to begin with was destroyed, wounding her father, and she's saying he should replace it? (that's the kicker) And you're considering doing her bidding? Um. No.

She's playing you. You're the parent. AGAIN, She left her toy out. It got broken AND hurt her dad's foot, and now she deigns to assert that her father must replace the toy??! And you are trying to bring it to a favorable light for her by explaining???!!! I think not. Do not explain. Here's how she will "get it". She needs to learn there is a consequence for bossing her parents around and talking back as well as leaving the toy out. I doubt she paid for this toy to begin with, correct? She is SO talking back with that crack about her dad.

If I had ever dared say to my dad he should look where he's stepping (shudder) it would have been the last time my toys ever entered that room among other things, and I'm not sure he would have bought any more toys for a very long time. Probably not. And we may have made a run to the local charity with the rest of my toys I didnt' buy. Not sure, again, I would NEVER have said that to my dad at 9. What was the result of this firmness and not letting the kids run the house? We didn't smart off to our parents for one, and we took rules seriously, or lived with consequences if we didn't. You're enabling her 9 year old logic to possibly prevail, and watch out for teen years if that becomes doable for her.

I say, no more new toys she doesn't buy herself (for talking back to mom and dad) and no toys in the living room or they go to the Salvation Army. She gets one warning if you see the toy.

At 9, my daughter "got it," but if she could have found a way to bend the rules to her advantage, she would. That's just what kids do.

Your logic is correct. She broke your candle holder doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing - throwing things in the house. Therefore, she had to replace it.

Her toy got broken as a result of her not doing something she was supposed to do - put the toy away. It is not her dad's responsibility to watch for toys in places where they aren't supposed to be. It is HER responsibility to make sure toys aren't left in places where they aren't supposed to be.

I think she gets it! She is 9. She is just testing you. Don't buy her a new toy!

Sorry sweetie, but the toy should not have been on the floor in the first place - you know it and I know it, and rules are rules.

She gets it - she's just being 9 and testing you by copping an attitude and hoping you will buy into it. I read once that when kids don't accept your explanations the first or second time, and continue to argue with you, it's more about trying to wear you down. Don't get sucked into it. If she really doesn't get it, she'll figure it out soon enough when you don't keep replacing the things that get broken. End of discussion.

Maybe she will be a lawyer when she grows up...

OMG! She is not too young....just trying to push you. She gets it, now it is your job to follow through. That is the problem most of the time, parents not following through. Stick to your guns, tell her how it is, and don't even allow her to try and talk you out of it. It is her resposibility to pick up her toys and she knows this.

She's "not getting it" on purpose.

She was asked to put the toy away and didn't (broke the rule). The toy was then stepped-on by dad b/c it was in the middle of the floor (due to her carlessness). Dad is angry b/c she was irresponsible and careless which resulted in him getting hurt and now she thinks he should replace the toy?

Absolutely not. Sorry little one- lesson learned. Next time, put your toys where they are supposed to be and they won't get stepped on.

She's not getting it on purpose. My 5 year old gets that concept (though it has more to do with puppy chewing than dad stepping on it). He understands that if he leaves a toy on the floor, and puppy gets it - he was irresponsible and it was his "fault". However, if puppy gets at it somehow and it was properly put away, it was not his fault and I will replace it. At 9, your daughter is more than capable of understanding the difference between the candle scenario and her toy scenario,

Try phrasing it differently. Instead of saying the "person responsible for the toy being broken" has to replace it, try "the person breaking the house rules has to replace it." In the case of your candle, she was throwing things in the house - breaking a rule - and had to contribute to replacing the candle. In the case of her toy - she broke the house rule of putting toys away and it got broken - so she should be the one replacing it. If she doesn't want to spend her money, then she must not really care about the toy.

Shes's old enough to get it. She's just mad.

She broke an item (your candle) out of her negligence. Her toy was broken out of her negligence. The party at fault is the one who is negligent.

She is plenty old enough to understand this situation. Her neglect (leaving toys out) actually hurt someone who stepped on it on accident. Totally different than her throwing things around like a 3-year-old.

She needs to be taught that her neglect could have caused far worse. You or Dad could have tripped over the toy and broken a bone! I wouldn't replace the toy and I wouldn't let her replace it with her own money. I would tell her that's how it is and end the discussion because you won't change your mind. And then really do end the discussion.

The circumstance wouldn't have happened if the initial rule was applied.
Personally at nine, she might be trying to see how far she can push the envelope. Having a broken toy is the consequence of an action and a place to learn to take the responsibility of saying, " I'm really sorry Dad, if I hadn't left the toy out , you wouldn't have cut your foot."
Had that ownership of "fault" taken place, my guess is that the Dad might have turned around and replaced the toy, ( not without a discussion on taking personal responsibility) Teaching our children to be responsible for their decisions and actions is tough, but in the long run I think society might be a bit different if more did it. ( Was it McD's fault the woman got a cup of coffee split in her lap, or was it her fault for not holding on to it )

Blaming others and not accepting that we make mistakes causes a lot of law suits. We might be raising children, but we are raising them to be future adults. Please forgive me if you disagree, you asked and I felt compelled to respond.

She's not getting it on purpose. At 9 she is definitely able to understand that by leaving her toy out, she did something wrong. If she did something wrong, then she is responsible for whatever consequences that action caused.

That's a tough one. Explain to her that she did the naughty thing first so it caused daddy to hurt his foot. Sometimes you can't always look at where you step.
Since she did the naughty thing first and it hurt daddy, she gets to deal with what happens.

I agree with A. J on everything. Every. Single. Thing.

It sounds like you aren't quite sure you are right! She'll pounce on your insecurity. Oh course you are right. I would not have made her pay for the candle, and I would not replace the toy. Accidents happen, things break, life goes on. I would want that to be part of the lesson as well. She left her toy out, Daddy broke it, toy is gone. She needs to understand that. She will live without the toy.

I would say to split the cost with her. She takes half the responsibility (if it had been up, it would not have been stepped on) and he takes his responsiblity (he should watch where he's walking).

I would just ask her if her father was responsible for breaking any rules while he was getting injured on her toy. If he did then he should buy her a toy, or the person who was breaking the rules at the time of the break would be responsible for the replacement. It sounds like she was the one breaking the rules at the time therefore time for her to pay. When she broke your candle, were you doing something to break the rules, like had it in her bed or put it outside on her swingset? or was she throwing something in the house that should not have been thrown. The person who is breaking the rules pays the piper. No don't give in. She will have to learn to care for her things and respect others things and follow household rules or she will either be without her stuff or have to pay to replace. All toys left out at the end of the night at our house get put in a bin in the garage. They can either be purchased back by the offender by either allowance or an extra non-child family chore or given to charity if they are not interested any longer.

There is a huge difference between damage due to an accident and damage due to neglect. Dad stepping on something was an accident -- he didn't stomp on it purposely. (In fact, she was neglectful with her toy and caused damage to Dad!) But her damaging your candle because she was inappropriately screwing around and throwing things is neglect.

Accidents call for forgiveness. Neglect calls for repair and/or retribution. Teach her the difference.

had she not left the toy where she shouldnt have it would have not been stepped on . she disobeyed the rules and ended up with a broken toy. i dont see how that makes you responsible to replace.

I would bring up the fact that the toy is not really "hers" persay because she didn't buy the toy, you guys did. Technically it is your toy that you let her play with (assuming she didn't buy it with her allowance originally). Since it belongs to you, and she did something that caused it to be broken by leaving it in a place where people walk, then clearly she does not get another one.

Toys brought in our living room go into time out and don't come out for the rest of the day. I leave them in plain sight so the kids can see them and miss them.