My baby is 5 months old....somedays I feel less confident as a mom instead of more confident as time goes on.....I'm sure this is normal and our kids are always throwing curveballs at us but does anyone else feel this way??
Thanks everyone for the great responses!!!
I think I tend to get caught up in doing one thing one way and then worrying if I should be doing it another way (particularly with scheduling/naps/etc.) - I start to read a lot on-line and in books instead of just trusting myself. I know my baby is loved, healthy, happy, etc. so that should be enough for me - but sometimes i wish i had more figured out - we have a routine, but then i look at moms who have a real schedule and i wish i had that.
its funny because our parent's generation was so different - i'm sure it was just as hard then, but they didnt have the internet, etc. and particularly parenting methods to worry about - like when i talk to my mom about scheduling, transitioning from the bottle, things like that - she is like what are you talking about - just go with the flow!!
anyway, thank you for all the confidence boosting responses! it is good to know we all feel this way and that is what makes us great moms!!
Absolutely. I think most good moms have their self doubts, and i think it's very common to start to feel confident, like things are settling down, then to panic because you feel like you might get hit with something new, like teething, sleep changes, etc. You are so normal and probably doing a fine job.
Every Mom feels this way. I have 4 all grown and out of the nest, I still worry if I did it right.
Ask yourself these questions:
Do I love my baby? Am I doing the best I can?
We don't know everything nor do we always have the right questions. You can look up things on line or ask another Mom or Dad for advice but remember they don't have all the answers either. Remember to love your child everyday, always speak to them in a loving voice (sometimes firm), introduce them to new things and experiences. Let them try their wings. It will all work out, I promise.
Mine are 16 & 13 (YEARS!) and I still feel that way!
I try to pray on a daily basis (don't know if you're spiritual) and I also try to read the writings of people whom I particularly respect.
Maybe by the time we are grandmas we will have it all figured out. :P
Yep. We get a lit of input from all around us so we all have doubts as we go along. But I figure if I love my kid to pieces, feed/clothe him, and teach him how to live in the world as a good person (as best I can), then I don't have to beat myself up too much :)
Take care!
What you're feeling is normal-treasure this time when the children are tiny-it goes by in a blink and before you know it, you will be dealing with a teenager actually throwing something and wondering-where did I go wrong? When you smile at your son-does he smile back? Run with that. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job-just keep loving him with your whole heart and train him to be respectful and kind and you will be proud of yourself and him. Teach him to make his bed, and pick up his clothes and do dishes and to be self sufficient. Teach him to work hard and study hard and the importance of being a gentleman, a leader and one who protects. You can do this! Take time with him and be patient because soon you will be driving him to college and wanting him to be prepared.
Especially with the first child your confidence will fluctuate. You are learning NEW things every day about the child so HOW could you be confident? You remain that way until you have the second child, that's when you feel like "Oh, been there done that" and you KNOW what to do or not to do. If you only have ONE child, I would guess it would be pretty normal to always wonder if you are doing things right from time to time. Your first child TEACHES YOU pretty much :)
Your concern is so normal and you are so right about kids always throwing us a curve ball. I have 6, ages 15, 18, 29, 31, 33 & 38. I am still getting curveballs and STILL feel unconfident from time to time. I chose to think that this means we are making the best parenting choices we are capable of making, and we need pats on the back. So, here's a pat on the back.
M.
Totally normal!!! James Dobson calls it Crisis of Confidence - it is because of all the Internet and media that it gives us analysis paralysis - we can't decide which is the best method - back in the day our mothers and ancestors learned from their mothers or families. These days we are lucky to have a family....most people do their own research and experiment with different methods, etc. It is harder now to be a mom and we have so many more complications in life with technology and modern life.....but I am sure everyone has this crisis of confidence and it doesn't get any easier - I have a teenager, an elementary-schooler, and a baby....they are all worrisome, but each stage has it's own joys and heartaches....just enjoy each one and cut yourself some slack! You are not alone. Just love them. :)
I have...and mine is almost 8! lol
There seems to be a myth that once the baby exits your loins, all of the maternal instinct and wisdom of the ages is magically imparted in your brain.
Wrong!
Mothering is a learned art. You'll find that, over time, you will listen to and trust your instincts more and listen to your "inner mom" when you suspect an issue.
You're right, it's a learning process that never ends.
I always question whether I'm doing the best I can. I think as mothers and as women we can be overly critical of ourselves. But in my mind being a Mom is the most important job there is and we have to give ourselves more credit. My twin girls are 8 months old and every day is a new learning experience. You are feeling completely normal. You'll have great days and feel like supermom and other days won't be so great. Hang in there!!
yeah, the first one keeps you off-balance. looking back on my early days with #1 i can see good reasons for my lack of confidence<G>.
let your baby teach you. you're doing fine.
:) khairete
S.
I definitely remember feeling that way. I don't know that I really "found my legs" as a mom until my now 12 1/2 month old was around 8 or 9 months. Personally, I think that there will always be moments of doubt no matter what the age. Raising a child up to be a well-functioning, well-adjusted adult is no small task. Prayer has been a key component in my journey as a mom. I pray about everything. They are always changing and it seems that once we figure them out they switch things up on us. Whenever I am lacking confidence or worry about something, I find the most confidence and the most peace is on my knees. Motherhood is definitely hard and sometimes a very lonely place, but I always remember that I am not alone and that I have a God who loves me and cares about me and more importantly cares about my baby more than I ever could. So I guess all that is to say that my confidence is in Him and that you are definitely not alone. We all feel that way at times and it is by God's grace that we press on.
Oh yes, I've felt that way (and still do at times!). It does get better as you become more "seasoned" at it but it's really a scary nerve-wracking thing to be in charge of another whole human being! And what I read one time that gave me real comfort when I was going through the same thing as you was this: Just the fact that you're worrying about whether you're being a good mom already says that you're a great mom -- because you're worrying about the health and well-being of your child. That's the most important thing you can do as a mom is to love!
hehe, understand have 16, 11, and 4 yr old here. Everyday I question if I am a "good" mom. Imo, it is a good thing for all of us moms to do so that we watch ourselves regarding being patient with our kids. It is so easy to get into the mommy rut "why change the clothes type attitude". What you read is true, do keep time for yourself EVERYDAY 30 min minimum. For many years it was only about the kids and lost myself (also due to brother getting KIA 12-18-2006)
Remember, like another poster said "we are here to teach them to the best of our ability, LOVE them unconditionally, and provide what we can "reasonably afford". That does NOT mean the latest and greatest items / things on the market. In closing, strive to learn what you yourself feel weak in knowledge and learn to love yourself too.
hugZ T.
YES! It doesn't completely go away either:) From time to time I still feel that way. It is humbling. I think it is a healthy feeling. You are still in a sensitive state as well so it may be a combination of that and hormones.
Congratulations to you and your family.
I am sure you are doing MORE than fine! My advice is to take all of the advice and what all of your friends and family will tell you with a grain of salt. Where I struggled was when i would read or hear how other moms were doing it and then I looked at myself like-"why isn't this working for ME!?" Struggles such as getting them to eat different foods and sleeping through the night and napping were particularly hard for me-esp when my friends kids were taking 3 hour naps and eating thai food! Remember every kid is different and every mom is too. You do things YOUR way and your child is going to be just fine.
I bet you are doing a great job....I feel this way even after having my third. Am I a good enough Mom...I work fulltime but would like to stay home. Give yourself lots of grace. Babies did not come with an owner's manual. Make sure you are giving yourself some time to get away and rejuvinate...girls night out...date night with DH..Spa day etc...
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I bet you are doing a great job....I feel this way even after having my third. Am I a good enough Mom...I work fulltime but would like to stay home. Give yourself lots of grace. Babies did not come with an owner's manual. Make sure you are giving yourself some time to get away and rejuvinate...girls night out...date night with DH..Spa day etc...
