Comments/Suggestions On 3Yo Pretending to Not Know How

My middle dtr did this all the time too, even though she clearly knew how to do something. For her it was easier to have someone do it for her. She likes being waited on, she still does it in some areas (like trying to cook something simple). We did just like Kathy did, but even on school mornings. I got her up early so we would not be late, and she knew I meant it that she could go to school/daycare in her pajamas if she "couldn't " do it. Good luck!

Heck I'd sit on the floor asking for someone to put on my shoes if I could get away with it too. lol. Instead of being frustrated by it make it into a game. My grandson loves to race with others on things so I always say something like 'Oh I'm going to get my shoes one first because I'm the fastest shoe getter oner ever.' He snickers and says he's the fastest shoe getter oner ever and then proceeds to show me. When putting away toys he'll say 'I can put away 5 toys fast' and we each try to put away 5 toys each the fastest.

Your older son sees you doing everything for his brother and he'd like that too. By making him proud of the things he can do that his brother isn't able to do yet he'll be more independent.

M., I know exactly what you're talking about. My 4 year old used to do more when he was three and is growing out of it and my three year old is doing that now and it must be the stage and age they go through. One of the mothers was right about if you are doing something to help the younger ones, they want the same attention but make him proud of the fact he can do that his younger siblings can't do and have him be the big brother and teach his younger sibling how to do. Believe it or not, the younger one seems to learn faster when the older siblings teach them rather us doing it. He'll outgow and as someone who is the grandmother mentioned, you can make it a game. Wheatever sparks interest in your child and you know him better than anyone else and sometimes games sparks the interst, or sometimes them knowing that they can do some thing and teach the younger one how to do sparks the interest and other things.

Sorry to say, typical male. LOL

LOL - that's my soon-to-be 4 yo daughter! She says, "Mommy! I can't walk!" and wants me to carry her! Sometimes I do indulge her. Others, I just let her scream it out. I guess it's an attention tactic too...
Hopefully she'll grow out of it because I'm not sure how to deal with it either...UGH!!!
A.

For my daughter, who also does this, "I can't"="I don't want to". Usually I have to tie whatever it is I want her to do herself to something she really wants. "Oh, you can't put on your shoes? Then we can't leave the house to go see your cousins until you do." This works on weekends, when we have more time...I have yet to figure out something for weekday mornings, though-it's still faster for me to not argue with her and just do it for her so we can get out the door on time.

Hey M.,

I wouldn't worry this is perfectly normal for children when they just don't want to do something they say they can't. I have seen kids at my preschool who can tie their shoes say I can't just because they just don't want to. What I do is sometimes I will push it especially if it is school work we all just encourage them to keep at it. But if it is something simple like zip my coat or tie my shoe, I may say okay I will help you out this time but next time you have to show me how you can do it. I think it is just laziness in some cases and extra attention in others. I would just pick and choose the things he really needs to do independently with encouragement as you have been and the tiny things that aren't really a big deal just help him out. Kids are people too sometimes we just don't feel like doing things but we have to. Sometimes I wish I had someone to do the dishes, wash the clothes, clean the house but we push ourselves because we have to. He is still young and although I wouldn't give into everything you are his mommy so you decide what he really needs to do and what you can let slide. Good luck!!!

Oh goodness - that's my daughter! She's two and a half...and has a two month old brother. She'll guve wrong answers on purpose ALL THE TIME and lay on the floor saying, "I can't do it Mommy! I can't!" I've decided not to make a big deal of it - she's doing it for attentionm since so much of my energy is directed at hre little brother right now. The more I try to correct her, the worse the problem gets!

Good luck, Mama!

oh man, that is my daughter! in some ways she is so independent, if i want to help her with something, its "NO I CAN DO IT MYSELF" but if i want her to do something, she cant, shes a baby, shes too little, etc... needless to say, toilet training is going nowhere. shell do it "when she gets bigger".. she has even developed this lispy kind of baby talk thing. i dont know what advice to give you, i think she is just responding to not being the baby anymore and is jealous of all the little one's attention. i try not to make a thing out of it, because once she digs her heels in, thats it. and i dont want to make it into a battle, so i just tell her about the things that she gets to do or will get to do because she is bigger, and i try to let it go. but shes the middle, so she really does get the short end a lot. its been a bit better lately since ive been making a concerted effort to give her extra attention, just about her, more one on one with her. just wanted you to know youre not alone... and i will be coming back to your post for advice :)

Maybe he enjoys his own game of playing dumb and the attention he gets when doing so...
Keep reinforcing that he is "smart" and "can do it" and let him be on his own in dealing with what ever it is...not giving it anymore attention. If it's something he's done before, something you know he can do on his own, don't give into doing it for him...with patience, let him figure it out himself and when he does, give him praise for his accomplishment, even if it's not done exactly right.