Can Someone Help?

Try having them go for a family walk at night after dinner it will tire thoise girls out,come home,shower and bedtime should be easier, even a wonderful story,suggest to him to read aloud with them or even let them read to him or you.Enjoy the closeness now as soon they'll be to old to be read to!!
A. W

Hi Michelle,
With out knowing the entire situation, it sounds like some punishment needs to be doled out all around. To everyone else I mean. You're taking all of it right now. If your kids aren't listening, take away the toys that they are playing with instead of sleeping. Explain that their room(s)are obviously too exciting so they need to have fewer distractions in them.
Your husband need to act like a grown up about this. I fail to see how texting you when you're at work could possibley help his situation anyway. The comment that they are only children is a bit short sighted as well. Kids grow into adults, there is no way around it. A kid that will not do as they are told, keep to a schedule, and wake refreshed is not going have a great deal of success in college or a job. You could put in some ear plugs and let them stay up as late as they can, then force them to go to school in the morning. I don't know if it would get them to reconsider their actions, but they sure would be miserable. However, any school work they have is going to be terrible. If they are capable of going through that and catching up . . . I'm sure there are lots of things to try, but I'm afraid most of them will end up harming your girls.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but you and your husband need to keep to the same rules, always. Also, keep your kids on a schedule year round. I'm not saying that they need to go to bed at 9pm in July, but they do need a set bedtime, especially at such young ages. I imagine you've already thought of that one, hind-sight being what it is.
I'm a high school English teacher, so my students aren't as young as your girls, but the effects of sleep deprivation only get worse as they get older. My son goes to sleep later in the summer, but he still has a set bedtime and routine, whether it's me or his dad, every night of the week. So far so good.
Stand up to your husband and turn your phone off at work. You're already at your job, let him learn how to handle home w/o you coming to the rescue.
Good luck!
M. R

M.,

It sounds like your kids natural circandian rythm is that of nightbirds, and belive it or not that is normal. There are experts who say that high school is way to early for teenagers because their natural sleep patterns keep them up later, and school is earlier. Same for some younger kids (like mine). I could reccomend a behavior chart, but for bedtimes that does not always work. Some things I have found that help are 1. fresh air/exercise during the day. This gets them naturally tired. 2. I do agree with the bedtime routine everynight. 3. A story read in a soft voice to try to naturally calm them down. 4. A radio played softly will occupy their minds a little more, and may help them fall asleep. It should be just loud enough for them to hear it so that they actually have to focus on it. Right now, bedtimes are even harder because the light outside gives them more energy. As winter approaches and the days grow shorter it will be easier for you to put the to bed with less problems. But if all else fails, use the behavior chart. Have a block for every step of bedtime, teeth brushing, going to the bathroom, getting in the bed without problem, staying in bed. For each part theat they do not give you are hard time for, then they get a sticker. Set an amount like 10 stickers, and they can pick an activity, like going to the park as a family, or McDonalds or whatever. If they misbehave, complain, etc., at all, they don't get a sticker. you don't need to address the lack of a sticker, they will see and they will get the picture. I have used behavior charts with my kids at various points of their development and it has worked for me. (I worked in social services with troubled kids and they used the same kind of system with some success).
Also if you need to talk to them using I statements. Meaning don't say, "You need to go to bed..." "You are giving me a hard time..." these statements automatically cause defensiveness and defiance. Use "I" statements. "I feel tired when you don't go to sleep and that makes me feel sad." "I feel frustrated when you do . . ." "I don't like it when you do .... because I can't . . ." Stuff like that. Make sure whatever you implement you and you're husband are on the same page or they will play you one against the other.

Oh yea, one other trick. Switch to water only two hours before their bedtime, and eliminate sugar at that time too, less sugar in their systems means sleepier kids.

For every 15 minutes that they stay up playing their going to go to bed earlier the next night. Eventually, you'll be hitting into their play time and they'll see it as something thats being taken away from them.

Letting them know early in the morning what time they'll be going to bed because of the night before is something you also do. Keep reminding them that they've made the choice that they must need to go to bed earlier since they took so long to go to bed last time. Also keep reminding them of the actually time their expected to go to bed.

Best of luck.

C.

i have 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. the girls are youngest, 4 and 6. what we do is have different bedtimes. we put our 4 yr old down at 8 and the older 3 go to bed at 9.when we put our girls to bed together,they just play, so by having an hour in between, with the exception of the rare night, the younger one is already asleep before the older one goes to bed for the night, and they fall asleep within about 5-15 minutes.

I have an 8 year old with an internal clock that doesn't stop until about 11:00 PM and doesn't start until about 10:00 am. We have tried changing her but can't. She has to be up at 6 am to get the bus at 6:40.

I make my daughter get in bed between 7:30 and 8:00. I set a timer that goes off at 9:00. She can read for the hour or hour and a half but once the timer goes off, she must turn out the light and settle down. She still isn't asleep until 10 or 11 but at least she is resting. As an incentive, I buy CD's that I know she will like. I show them to her and tell her for every time she reads two chapter books and writes two reports on them, she can have a CD. She loves music and will work hard for the CD's. For every six books read and six reports written, I take her out to dinner, just the two of us. This actually works with her and I find the reading calms her down.

Good Luck!

M. ....I have 2 daughters ages 5 and 11 and i dont have the problems at bed time but i have some suggestions to you ....you set the bedtime for them i am not sure what time in the am they have to be up for school but there old enough to listen and follow rules and if the bed time is 9 i would tell them they had a 1/2 to settle in no playing etc....if they began to play and not listen u take things away from them fav things or something they like to do and then start cutting down bed time if there play etc after 9:30 then the next night they go to bed at 8:30 and on but you husband has to stay strict ....i mean if they have a tv in there room put the tv on and they can watch that for the 1/2 read or what ever but they need to realize bed time is not play time and there old enough i would start taking things away toys they like or if they want to go out and play etc take a day away of it with toys might be a bit longer but u and your husband have to show them u guys mean Bussiness good luck

I let my girls snuggle in our bed for about an hour before they actually have to go to sleep. This is their wind down time. We watch tv, read a book and have snacks. They really look forward to this and it gives me and my husband quality time to spend with them each night. Then we put them in their own beds and lay with them for about 5 minutes rubbing their back or just snuggling. You may want to let them listen to music or a book on tape that you can get at the library. This will calm them down and give them something to look forward to, especially if they like the story they're listening to. Good luck! P.

M.,

It sounds like you have a couple of issues: one - you and your husband are not on the same page; two - your daughters are aware of that and are playing the two of you against each other to get to stay up late.

My bet is that once you and your husband can agree on a strategy, that your girls will fall into line. So, that being said, it is probably time to find time (which is very difficult when working and parenting) for the two of you to sit down in a neutral location and talk about what priorities the two of you are sharing about schooling and sleep for the girls. You will also probably need to explain for your husband what it is like to be getting text-messaged when you are at work, can do nothing about it, and he is apprently not agreeing wtih the basic premise that the girls need to be asleep...

This is perhaps easier said than done, I understand. My husband and I have been married 12 years and together for 17, and have had many similar situations. Ultimately, clear communication between the two of you will go a long way toward getting the girls where they need to be. Good luck!

H.

Goodmorning M.,
My name is D. and I have two girls, 7 & 4, and they too liked to play at bedtime. What we have done to help calm things down a little, and it's helped, is to astablish a routine that works for us all. We found that if we have certain things to do at certain times on certain nights, like we have an art night, game night and movies nights...on the off nights it's bath nights, they have a tendency to look forward to those things. They have learned after a few times that after our family time is over it's time to do the bathroom thing brushign their teeth etc....then bed. We had a few of the nights when the girls just didn't want to go to bed, they missed thier next fun night with the family. This was sad for them since they really enjoy the activities we do together and made them want to behave and do whta they needed to do. If they can't behave and loose all three of thier nights with us, they start to loose an hour of bedtime and they really hate that..ugh going to bed earlier.
My sister on the other hand just doesn't have the time or energy to be able to have fun nights scheduled like we do, it can be difficult...especially where you work nights (it could fall in your husbands lap if he's willing to try it). So what she does is puts a movie in her kids tv's and has them get ready for bed before the movie and they lay in bed, relaxing till they eventually fall asleep....the sooner the movie goes on the sooner they'll fall asleep.
Each works well for our families, it's just a matter of finding what is going to work for yours. Find something that is going to hit home with them, that this is not a time to play but a time to rest to be able to do all those fun things with thier family and friends. Good luck and let me know how things pan out for you.

Hi M., I just became a memeber. i am hopeing that you have found soemthing that works for you. My biggest advice for you is that you and your husband need to get on the same page. The programing the sleep timer on their TV ( if they have one in their own room) works well for my step son, but with all of my kids (8,8,6,5) a bedtime routine has worked great. Obviously everykid is different so the routine's have to be different to fit their personality. We eat super at the same time every school night, they get a snack and watch a movie, brush their teeth and hair, the two older kids get to read a book for an hour, and the two little one's get a story read to them, then it's hug's and kisses and tuck into bed, and light's out. Although I have to retuck the two little's one into bed about 4 more times their in bed and asleep by 9:00pm. Maybe you could also try when your working if the girls get a call from you around the same time each night from MOM to say goodnight and to give kisses over the phone. Hope things go well. Good Luck.

M. -

Getting girls to bed: Take the toys out of their rooms. Set up a play area elsewhere in your home. A lot of kids have trouble sleeping in their bedrooms if that is their primary play area. They need to asociate their bedrooms with a restful, calming place. I was never a good one to get to bed as a kid, so my mom's approach was to allow me a small light on my nightstand to read by. That was all I could have on, and I was allowed to read quietly all I wanted. No talking, and if she heard my feet hit the floor, I was done, lights out. It worked great, because when you really are tired, it doesn't take much time sitting quietly in a dim room for sleep to just happen.

Husband: Do you call him at work during the day to whine about the girls? Then he shouldn't be calling you to do that when you are at work. If talking to him about that behavior doesn't work, give him a taste of his own medicine for a day or two, let him see how annoying that is.

I have two 10 year olds and had the same problem for a while. Are your girls sleeping in the same room? Ours did - we seperated them and now they are going to sleep fine. They go to bed at 8pm and are allowed to read a book for about 30 min. Works great for them!