16 answers

Brothers Girlfriend I Am at a Loss..

My youngest brother - on my dads side- has decided to hook up with this girl, Now my brother is a fairly intelligent hard working guy but he has a knack for hooking up with the WORST possible women normally I dont have to deal with them much but this one just wont leave me alone. She is and (ex)-stripper I am guessing (ex) druggie with four kids from three dads. The problem is she really really wants to be "friends" she wants her delinquent son(not kidding actually just out of juvie) to be friends with my son, ( not going to happen) she wants to have 'girls night". My brother and I are not terribly close we live in the same city and see each other on holidays and a few times a year but for some reason he has decided that now because this woman has 4 terrible kids that we need to spend more time together. Honestly I feel like she is "casing" my house when she is there and I hide anything of value ( and prescription drugs) before they come over. Before you start it is not just because she "was" a stripper I have nothing against strippers a job is a job. I really enjoy my brothers company when we do see each other but this woman is just too much.
I dont know if he is expecting me to help her, she is a terrible mother the kids are just terrible, disrespectful, rude, dirty. How exactly do you tell your love struck brother that you really dont want his scary girlfriend and her awful ( and they are truly awful) kids around? Without crushing your brother?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you I guess what I was mostly looking for is for you all to tell me I am not a terrible person. I love my bro I do but everytime this woman comes around I cringe and I feel terrible about it but I just cant help it. I am going to have to get my brother alone and just tell him I cant have her around.
Also her son has only met my son one time- mostly "conveniently" my kids are gone when they come they are at a sleep over or at a friends house. Which usually limits the visit time because her awful kids are bored because I wont them in the boys rooms without them there so they end up sitting in the front yard waiting for her. I have not gone out of my way to make her comfortable in any way. I am just going to have to tell my brother to keep her away, It is not like I have made him think I acutally want her around.

Featured Answers

Just be honest and up front and tell him, truthfully but tactfully, how you feel. You do not have to call names but you do have to name facts.

More Answers

What a hard situation. Honestly though, it sounds like your brother needs some tough love. Tell him how you feel, and that you are not comfortable with her presence in your home, and with her kids being associated with yours.

I understand where you are coming from. Its not because of her old job, its because of the way she acts and her children etc.

Be honest with your brother. It might be the only way. And maybe he needs this wake up call. It might hurt him at first but he will come around again.

4 moms found this helpful

Your brother is an adult and therefore is free to make his own choices, however bad they may be. Some people will only learn the hard way. You have every right to protect your home and your children. I would just be honest with him, something along the lines of, "I really love you and I love spending time together, but unfortunately your girlfriend and her kids make me really uneasy from they way they act and behave, and I am not comfortable having them over here or having my kids around them." He might get angry, defensive, whatever - you can't be responsible for his feelings, only for your kids and your home. You can say, I'm sorry, that's just how I feel, and leave it at that. Then hope and pray that he eventually sees the light. Maybe being honest with him will be a bit of the wake-up call that he obviously needs. Or maybe she is looking to turn her life around, starting with the choice to be with your brother. Only time will tell. But until then, you would be smart to keep your distance and keep them at arm's length.

4 moms found this helpful

I would meet them somewhere else and not at your home. I would flat-out tell your brother that neither you nor your son have an interest in befriending this kid straight out of juvie. Just because the kids are the same age doesn't mean they'll be friends. You can say, "I don't know how to say this but..." Friends of DH didn't know how to tell him his first wife was terrible, but he's glad that someone finally spoke up. It reinforced how he felt, but didn't know what to do.

4 moms found this helpful

love is blind,
and not real bright, either.
let him deal with her and her kids, if and when she is caught huffing in your brothers bathroom, you can say i told you so. but in the meantime, if you dont want her or her kids in your house , say so
K. h.

3 moms found this helpful

Be blunt dont sugar coat it. You have the choice of who want as friends for you and your family. It may cause a rift but if you only see eachother holidays and such dont sweat it. But be specific this is why XYZ and stand your ground. I agree with the tough love answer. If in 5 years hes still with her and she is differant then maybe try then but for what you described I keep her out of your families life. good luck

3 moms found this helpful

Don't have them over. Meet them out. Say no to the next few meetings and go back to seeing him rarely. Be polite and nothing more. Don't bring your kids around when you meet them. If he "gets it" and asks you why, just be kind but honest. I have told my brother I didn't care to spend time with some of his girlfriends. I don't bother insulting them, I'm just not available. He may be disappointed, but you don't have to spend your time with her. This will keep you out of the awkward, "We should do girl's night" thing. She knows you guys have nothing in common and probably does want something from you, even if it's just a little security and friendship for her kids, but you are right to be cautious.

1 mom found this helpful


I won't get into the whole job thing or whats wrong with her in your eyes etc. What I will say is that if you are not comfortable with her or her kids, tell your brother that you would like it to be just him when he visits. Tell him you aren't comfortable with her and need any contact with him to be without her. GL!


1 mom found this helpful

You don't. Just let her know that you gave up "girls night out" long ago. Instead of having dinner at your home, if they want to get together, go to a local pizza or hamberger joint and depending on your kid's ages, go bowling or miniature golfing.

Don't shut your brother out and try to give this woman and her children the benefit of the doubt. She will either show you she truly cares for your brother or eventually show another side.


1 mom found this helpful

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