Break up Help

Hi K.,
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it will be sad for your son but he WILL get over this. You are his mom and he is your priority. That is evident from your post. If your boyfriend was "really close" to your son, he would never put out that type of unreasonable demand. I say you're better off without him. No man should come between anyone and their child (mother, father, grandparents, whatever.) Your son's father may not be the best dad--but he IS his dad, and clearly your son wants him in his life.
Please consider this scenario. I took a lot of flack in another post for suggesting that another mom stay single until her child was grown. I still stand by that advice. Let me CLARIFY: I'm not saying you shouldn't date or you should be celibate, I'm simply suggesting keeping dating life separate from family life. Too late for this particular "dad" scenario but this is exactly the kind of situation you can prevent from ever, ever, happening again IF you will consider, from this day forward, keeping your dating life separate from your family life. You can have overnights at your house IF your son is at a sitter's house, you can stay at a man's place IF your son is at your house with a trusted sitter, etc. No need for any of the men you will date in the future to meet your son until YOU know that the relationship merits the introduction. I would suggest never letting your son call ANYONE "Dad" again. Once introduced, your boyfriend can be "Bill" or "Tom" until they become his step dad, then he can be called "dad."
As for your current situation, again, I believe that someone who would give you that type of ultimatum has substandard character. If I were you, I would explain to your son that he has done nothing wrong, but you and "Dave" have decided to go your own ways for grown-up reasons, of which he will understand someday when he is older. Much like a divorce, you need to explain that "Dave" loves him and that "Dave and Mommy" just don't want to be together anymore, and make sure he understand that it was YOUR adult decision to end this relationship, not his fault.
I wish you the best of luck!

Hi K., I feel so badly for you and your son. But then again, the man knew that you had a son and that involves another man in and around your life forever. He needs to get over it. Sure, the Father of your son should be more responsible and pay his child support as well as see his son on a regular basis...but you have to deal with what you have.

You can only be honest with your son...at his age level. All you tell him is that you are breaking up and he won't be seeing him any more because you have some big problems you can't solve don't tell him they have anything to do with him or your ex!! He doesn't need to feel guilty and probably will. Maybe he can bond with one of his grandfathers or an Uncle? Best wishes

Are you able to afford a family counselor? Not so much to help fix the problems, if they can be great, but, to help in how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. This has got to be heartbreaking, so you have to stay strong (at least in front of your son) and be the one he can always lean on. Good luck to you.

K.,

Bravo to you for being so strong ang in doing the right thing for your son. You are completely right in putting your son first.
This man obviously means or meant a lot to both of you, have you thought of couples couseling? It really must be tough in his shoes too. I'm not saying hes right, but he has to feel strongly about all he does for your son and what the father is doing to him. Maybe a couselor will help him to understand your sons needs and maybe help define his importance to the both of you.

Best of luck and I hope you get the support you are looking for.
D.

Ask your boyfriend how he thinks your son would feel if he knew he was cutting his dad out of his life! That is ridiculous. Suggest counseling but do not bend on this, and if he isn't interested, say good bye. I agree with the post that said you should keep future boyfriends separate from your son. Only when you feel that a boyfriend is going to become your husband should you introduce. This can help to protect your son from future heartbreak. Great job being strong for your son!