Betwetting Problems, Won't Wear a Pull Up!

My youngest wet the bed wisbout meds till 12 or 13. We put him on meds which helped at 10. He didn't really like wearing the overnights but he knew there were consiqunse to not wearing them. No we did not punish for wetting but absolutely would for taking it off. Shoo I do understand you making him stripping his bed and washing. You are giving him the option of not doing it by the overnights.

Updated

My youngest wet the bed wisbout meds till 12 or 13. We put him on meds which helped at 10. He didn't really like wearing the overnights but he knew there were consiqunse to not wearing them. No we did not punish for wetting but absolutely would for taking it off. Shoo I do understand you making him stripping his bed and washing. You are giving him the option of not doing it by the overnights.

Updated

My youngest wet the bed wisbout meds till 12 or 13. We put him on meds which helped at 10. He didn't really like wearing the overnights but he knew there were consiqunse to not wearing them. No we did not punish for wetting but absolutely would for taking it off. Shoo I do understand you making him stripping his bed and washing. You are giving him the option of not doing it by the overnights.

Updated

My youngest wet the bed wisbout meds till 12 or 13. We put him on meds which helped at 10. He didn't really like wearing the overnights but he knew there were consiqunse to not wearing them. No we did not punish for wetting but absolutely would for taking it off. Shoo I do understand you making him stripping his bed and washing. You are giving him the option of not doing it by the overnights.

My child had this issue for years.

I'm sorry, but I disagree completely with the doctor! This is ridiculous and your child is miserable. Get another opinion and see a pediatric urologist. We did, and it changed our son's life.

We did the horrible alarms (pointless because they only go off after the kid is already wet) and they woke him out of a sound sleep. We put down a waterproof mattress cover, a bottom sheet, a waterproof pad, and a second fitted sheet - so the wet stuff could be stripped and there would be a dry sheet below. We had a laundry basket at the bedside and a bunch of wipes. It was still awful.

Your son is not a child who should be made to be miserable while waiting for his body to mature. He is embarrassed (understandably) because he doesn't want to "be a baby" or be unable to have sleepovers or a normal life. Look, nighttime is when brain development occurs. So you absolutely don't want to wake a child up in the middle of a deep sleep and drag him to the bathroom. His brain is too important.

I'm not the sort of person who says "take a pill" at the drop of a hat. In fact, I'm a big believer in other things when they work. But I'd like to suggest that you contact a pediatric urologist and say you want to discuss nocturnal enuresis (which is a real condition of nighttime bedwetting, not just a label for a kid who doesn't wake up). Ask about medications. My son was prescribed something called DDAVP, which has been around for many years. The urologist told us he has kids on it up to the teen years sometimes, and often up to age 18. Almost none have any side effects at all. Our son took it from age 6 to age 9, tried to go off it, and the problem came back after about a month. He went back on the meds until age 12, went off, and all was fine. One pill at night, took effect in a short time (I forget how many days but it wasn't long). From there, he could go to sleepovers, have kids over, and go to summer camp. At friends' houses, we just sent one pill in a plain pill bottle (that said nothing about bedwetting) and we told the parents he needed to take a pill before bed. Most of the time, they thought it was for allergies. No one had to know. At sleep away camp, the nurses had his full prescription and just gave him his pill along with all the other kids who were getting meds for ADD, allergies, digestive issues and everything else - no one looked twice at a bunch of kids getting their meds.

He got to sleep for 9 hours every night, which he needed (every kid does). And we stopped doing so much laundry. Please give your child the gift of a doctor who will at least expose you to alternatives so you can make some choices as a family and give him some control over his situation.

You have the wrong attitude with "He knows what's expected." He can't help the bedwetting. It's between his brain and his bladder, not something that he is doing on purpose. And he's thirsty and you are angry that he drink some water in the middle of the night. I wonder how you'd feel if someone were withholding water from you when you are thirsty.

Buy the kind of plastic cover that wraps around the mattress and zips on the end so that it's completely around it. Get the soft mattress cover that can come off and wash with the sheets.

He hides the wet sheets from you because he's embarrassed, and because of your attitude. You can require that the sheets are cleaned every morning by coming into his room and checking. You can require that he cannot take plastic off the bed. You cannot require that he stop bedwetting.

I have known kids that wet the bed up into their teens. They finally stopped. You will just have to wait it out. If you haven't taken him to a pediatric urologist, do. They know how to help and they will treat your child with respect. And you must, too.

I think you are sending him mixed signals. On the one hand, the doctor has told you not to worry and that this is perfectly normal and he will outgrow it. But then you limit his fluids and try to make him go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Neither of those things is related to his inability to stay dry at night, so they aren't going to work. Also, they send him the message that this is something he should be able to control, which probably gives him the idea that pull-ups are for babies.

I think it's a mistake to withhold water from him at night. I also think 8 1/2 is way to young to make stripping the bed his responsibility.

You need to change the conversation. Tell him this is no big deal and lots of kids where pull-ups. Maybe offer him a reward if he wears the pull-ups the whole night or every night for several nights. You could try Goodnights instead of Pull-ups and see if those feel less babyish to him.

Please remember that limiting fluids and waking him to pee are not going to have an impact. Right now his brain is not sending signals to his kidneys that sleepy time means stop producing urine. This is a developmental milestone that happens later in some kids than in others, but until his brain sends that signal, limiting fluids isn't going to change anything and waking him up to pee isn't going to change anything. So let those two things go.

We have a similar problem. My son didn't want to wear pull ups for at least a year, instead trying to stay to dry on his own. But he's dead to the world once he falls asleep so it never worked out and he's back to pull ups (entirely his choice). I mean literally, he doesn't even wake up if we physically carry him into the bathroom. And no amount or combination of noise/alarm works either.

I found washable waterproof pads on Amazon and they work perfectly. They're large enough to cover most of a twin mattress, they have a cotton topper, and don't crinkle like plastic when you lay on them. Especially once they've been washed and dried a few times. They're called "Priva High Quality Ultra Waterproof Sheet and Mattress Protector 34” x 52”, 8 Cups Absorbency, Guarantee 300 Machine Washes"

I put one under the mattress pad, to protect the mattress and then one on top of the mattress pad but under the sheet, so we didn't have to wash the mattress pad every day. They come in a three pack, so I also put one on top of the sheet and my son would just pull off the pad and put it into a laundry basket with his wet clothes and blanket (we didn't use a top sheet for expediency). He rarely wet the bed twice but if he did, the other pads protected the mattress.

My son doesn't wake up when he wets the bed. When he didn't use the pull ups, it was generally several hours later, when he got cold, that he would change the pad and his clothes (yes, we checked him several times each night, to see if there was a pattern for when he was going). So the fact that your son is aware of when it happens, might be a good sign.

Your son might be closer to figuring out how to go to the bathroom at night, since he's waking himself up to take off the pull up and get a drink of water. Maybe keep a chart in the bathroom to reward him every time he tries to go to the bathroom at night? Regardless if he actually urinates when he goes, teaching the habit that he should attempt to go every time he awakes, might help. And remove anything negative about the process, even having him wash his own sheets is probably too much. Good luck, and hang in there!

Oh, and I should add, he's old enough to have a real conversation about this. Make it his choice, but he either has to wear the pull ups OR use the pads and remove the wet items if he wets the bed. It's just the natural consequence, not a punishment. But he can choose whichever way he prefers to handle it. The only time I don't give my son a choice is when we're flying on overnight flights or if we're staying somewhere we don't have access to laundry, like camping, or at a hotel (and even most hotels have laundry).

Have you taken your son to a pediatric urologist or endocrinologist? My nephew who is now in his 30's and a dad was a bed wetter and my sister, a nurse, was advised to take him to a specialist. Ends up it's not uncommon that boys (& some girls) don't have enough of a hormone that tells kidneys to hold fluids through the night. Apparently we all have this hormone which is why we can sleep through the night since our bladders don't fill up. At puberty when all hormones increase the needed hormones increases and the child is suddenly able to stay dry all night. My nephew as given a prescription that worked liked a charm. He stopped taking it around 11 or 12. I think they do a blood test to see if the hormone level is low. Back in the 90's it was an expensive drug but I'd think it's off patent now and would be more reasonably priced. For my kid to have confidence it would be worth a lot of money.

Stop. You are making things worse. His bladder is doing what it's doing. Waking him up only makes you sleep deprived and him too. When he's awake the muscles clinch up and stop the urine from coming out. When he goes back to sleep his muscles loosen up and the urine comes out.

About the pull up. You're the boss about that. If he takes it off and then doesn't put another one back on I would probably make him strip the bed and wash his sheets a couple of times. To show him what you have to do when he doesn't put one back on.

Not to punish him but to help him understand his actions have natural consequences.

He should sleep through the night and just have a pad under him to help if he overflows.

Why is the mattress ruined?
There should always be a water proof mattress protector on it - even after he stays dry through the night.
It protects from all moisture - sweat, etc.
He's 8, he's changing his bed (why is he hiding wet stuff from you?) - and for some kids this goes on till they are 12 or 13 yrs old.
How about you put down a reusable bed wetting pad on his mattress?
I'd have a sit down talk with him and let him know this is normal and nothing to be embarrassed about - and DEALING with it up front and out in the open (no more hiding sheets) is the mature thing to do and you'll be proud of him when he quits the hiding.
Pullups are made for older kids because - they are NEEDED and there's a market for it.
They wouldn't manufacture them if it were an uncommon problem.

As you can see limiting fluids does not help. On the one hand you are holding him responsible by limiting his fluids despite what you tell him. I also think it is kind of mean to make him strip his bed and make him wash and make his own bed. That's a big task IMO for an 8 yo and it's just so embarrassing for him.

My daughter had this issue too and I truly didn't make a big deal about it. I would just strip and make the bed myself. If my daughter said anything about it I just told her not to worry about it that she would stop wetting when her body was ready.

I don't know if this helps, but my mom has incontinence issues. She has disposable (as well as washable) pads that just go on top of the sheet. They are soft (like cloth) and are not crinkly. They are almost the width of her mattress and stay in place. They just remove the pad if wet, and her bedding is not affected.

Just wondering if you might try a home health care type department (for example, for older people) to see if he'd be ok with those over the mattress protector. I'd still use a protector, but these pads are terrific.

No judgement here, but I know my kids at age 8 1/2 would not been upset to have to change their sheets. I get the consequence part of things (if he's not cooperating) but have him be part of the solution - give him some options, and let him pick what he will try.

Just thinking, could you try some really absorbent training pants (if they make in his size) and then use an incontinence liner? Just a thought ... we had the training pants (very thick in front) for our boys when they were training. You might be able to Google online to see if you could get some.

I think the big issue is the defiance - hiding wet sheets, taking off the mattress pad, refusing to wear pull ups, etc. The bedwetting itself is a non-issue and he will grow out of it, but his other behaviors are unacceptable.

8 yr olds are old enough to understand that if they are having a problem, and mom/dad is offering a solution, they need to follow through with it. He needs to wear the pull ups. Period. I don't know why he would even think it would be optional and that allowing him to sleep in a wet bed is OK?

Tie a consequence to wearing the pull ups/and or keeping the protector on the bed. Also, I personally do not believe in the medication. I have a personal opinion on what issues that could cause later in life with other medical issues, but that is just me. He will grow out of the bedwetting, but will he grow out of disobeying you? Only if you nip it in the bud now.

Good luck!

As far as finding a waterproof cover, I'll tell you what I use. Having two ostomies I have to protect my mattress. Go to mybobs.com ( Bobs discount furniture) search mattress protectors. Get elasticize fitted sheet style. It has a light terry cloth covering. I swear by this product. Comes with a 10 year warranty. Your son will eventually outgrow this. Have you tried the alarms that are sold.

He doesn't get to take off the waterproof mattress cover, you are the parent, tell him no. I would not make him wash his own sheets as a punishment, this is something he literally has zero control over. Get 3 or more sets of sheets and waterproof covers and layer them so if he has an accident he can pull off one layer and get back to sleep. He will have to learn to tolerate the plastic sound.