Belly Button Rings

You asked this same question back in September. I'm thinking you are a teenage girl trying to convince your mother to let you get your bb pierced...
And no D., this is not part of current fashion and culture. I am in California, land of tattoos and piercings, and the only time I see a lot of belly jewelry on display is at the beach. Girls don't walk around with bare bellies in the winter here, where it's often in the 50s and I can't BELIEVE girls in New York do that with the kind of snow and freezing weather you're having now.

Hmm. I don't live that far from you - and belly button piercings are not a rite of passage for the 16 yr olds I know. You said that you went to the mall to check out navel jewelry in public. What mall did you go to? I volunteer in a youth program and out of 100 girls there's maybe 1 or 2 pierced navels. And in the mall in the Winter? I'd be hard pressed to find any in the mall unless it was at the Piering pagoda or by the costume jewelry store that sells them.

When My daughter was about 15-16 she came down the stairs one morning for school with a push-up bra, a tiny strappy shirt and daisy dukes. Very calmly and kindly, I sent her back upstairs to change her clothes. I said we'd talk about it after school. Before she left for school that day I made her show me her backpack so I could be certain she didn't have a change on clothes in there. That afternoon we talked about what kind of a guy she liked, who was she trying to attract attention from, what kind of guy? Of course, she wanted a "hot guy" (I hate hearing that from my daughter), funny, nice, sweet, etc. So we talked about fishing and bait. She used to go fishing with her grandfather all the time. So I asked her did they use different bait for different fish? Of course, she said. So I asked her to consier that they type of clothing you wear and how you appear are like bait. I asked her what kind of guy would she catch wearing suggestive, revealing clothing? i let that sink in for a while. (we were driving - always a great tie for long talks - ou don't have to look at eachother) I also reminded her that she can't control who is going to look at her and what they are going to think. We happened to be at an intersection by the mall and a girl with a smokin' figure wearing tiny clothes walked by and we saw a an old, skeevy guy in his truck oogling her. That was enough for my daughter to see. Now she tells younger girls how to dress fashionably, to accent their figures, but without showing so much skin. She's away at college 400 miles away and I see her instagram & Facebook picture and she's always dressed modestly but beautifully. She's dating a guy we really like who treats her well.

So as a rule, we are modest in our family. My daughter is tall and pretty with legs that just keep going. She dresses nicely, but she doesn't ever have her tummy out or her cleavage or her butt cheeks. There are a lot or girls who dress that way - and they may be really nice girls - but that's not what the guys are thinking.

check out this study done at Princeton and how men's brains operate when they see women dressed skimpy as compared to dressed other ways. It's worth a thought.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/02/090216-bi...

I got my navel pierced for my 45th birthday, because I had a baby at 41, worked hard at Pilates and I had a "six-pack" that I was proud of. I still wear a post with a pretty stone in my navel at age 53. And I show it at the beach or running, or whenever I feel like it. I would let my daughter (she's 13 now) get one in high school if she wants, because she's already mature for her age and would take care of it.

You, however, are not yet an adult (right?) and your parents do have a right to set the rules.

I told her that she could get any body part she wanted pierced at any time she wanted. It's just jewelry, and if she decided sh didn't like, it, all she had to do was remove it and let the hole close.
As for display, as long as she wasn't violating school dress code, I didn't care.
And FWIW, I got my navel pierced in my late 30's, and displayed it whenever I felt, as long as I wasn't violating my work dress code.

Metro, BAIT? Really? Surely you could have found a better word. And if a woman can't control what a guy thinks, then why is it her responsibility to avoid making him think certain thoughts? A woman (or a man, or a child) SHOULD be able to walk down the street stark naked without having random passersby decide that nudity = open season.

Mom still didn't let you get your belly button pierced? Did you ask pretty please? Offer to do more chores around the house? Try to solicit opinions from strangers on the internet that show other moms let their teens do this?

Really you've been trying since September to get this done. It isn't a current trend and I don't see them on teens around here. Cover up, worry about getting good grades so you can go to a nice college and stop worrying about what other people do or think.

My rule was not till you're 18. Or 16. I can't recall, but it was one of the two. She has great fashion sense (she sure didn't get it from me), so I never had to worry about her wearing anything tacky or inappropriate.

What an odd assumption to make. I can't say I won't allow it. I'll just be shocked if she wants one. She turns 13 this month and has always been very modest. She thinks exposed bellies make girls look trashy and desperate, and she thinks the same of boys who sag their pants.

If your mom doesn't want you to have one, stop trying to disobey her. And just remember, there are other girls who are really smart and pretty who think that's trashy and desperate.

I live in Pennsylvania. My 16 yo daughter does not have one nor has she ever asked to get one. I don't see girls at the mall with them either. Perhaps it is because it so cold around here no one would even think to wear a crop top during the winter.

Personally, if my daughter had one, I would only want to see it at the beach or pool.

Simple rules: I had my bellybutton pierced at 21, when I was of age to sign off on it. If I had a daughter, that would be her rule too-- you need to be old enough to sign for it yourself and so that I don't have to "have rules" for you. I never exposed my belly. I was an adult. As for exposed bellies-- kind of tacky anyway (unless you are a beach, swimming). Just screams "look at me, I need attention".

Just the fact that you write "Many many young girls .... displaying their navel rings in public"-- I have a hard time believing that. Our weather is the same here and we don't have young women running around like hoochie-mamas showing off their body jewelry. Oh, they might if they are without their parents, but certainly not going out and about with them. If this is a kid-- wait until you are old enough to be responsible for yourself and on your own. FWIW-- most guys don't think much of young women who put themselves on display-- at least, the guys who are 'keepers' don't. The users will, though... think about it.

i suggest you stop sending mixed messages. if you don't want her belly pierced and proudly flaunted, just say no altogether. when she's 18 she can do it as a rite of passage.
but it's hard to place parameters when you've got such a laundry list of rules. i'd be pretty butthurt too if i were a 16 year old, working on learning how to be an adult, and my parent to whom i look to learn these things gave me permission to pierce myself then threatened to rip the jewelry out of my body.
pick a stance and stick to it.
khairete
S.

I am in my 40's and pierced my belly button when I was 26. I certainly had very different values for myself back then. I had no children, I wasn't a Christian, and felt that exposing my body for all to see what something I was justified in doing because I was young and "everyone" else was doing it. Today, as a mother of 4 and very, very different values for myself and my children, I keep my tummy covered except for a bikini or in the privacy of my own home around my family. I have a 15 year old and a 12 year old daughter who have both expressed a non interest in getting their belly buttons pierced but if they did want to get it done, I already laid down the rule that they could only do it when they are 18 years old. I personally don't see it as a rite of passage, and in my area, it's not the "in" thing to do. If anything, girls around my neck of the woods color their hair all kinds of colors. Having the strong Christian values I now hold, I have expressed to my children that we should be modest in the way we dress, so no, I would not allow my daughters to walk around with half tops exposing their bodies.

belly button piercing is not a "huge thing' where we live and I don't believe in any area of the country that a navel ring is a "rite of passage for teens".

Your daughter violated your rule, which as you stated was "The belly ring is only to be exposed while DD is wearing a swimsuit, and dangly belly rings are limited to between Memorial Day and Labor Day.", when she "wearing a crop top and an obnoxious, dangly, chandelier belly button ring."

Therefore, I would not have done any "due dillegence". The belly ring would be gone. As would any crop tops.

Regardless of "current fashion" you had a rule. It was broken. Your daughter behaved like a petulant child, rather than like a mature teenager who should have attempted further negotiation of both the dress code and the belly button ring parameters, especially given that you HAVE allowed exceptions in the past.

Therefore, again, The belly ring would be gone. As would any crop tops.

Additionally, why did she leave the house against the dress code you have set out for her? did she leave wearing one outfit and return wearing another? Do you now have to inspect her outfits before she leaves so that you can trust that she is abiding by the rules?

Belly button rings went out at the turn of the century. They may be making a comeback with other 90's fashion trends, but for a solid decade they have been right up there with tramp stamps. I'm certainly not judging anyone who has one...I have my very own lower back tattoo that is most certainly not a tramp stamp...ahem...but I would not call them a right of passage at all. Lip and other facial piercings have had far more lasting style trends.
The nice thing about the belly ring is that they can be easily covered. It seems like dress code is a bigger question here. Crop tops are going to be big this summer, apparently. So I would be more focused on staying away from super trashy clothes in general, belly ring or no. Crop tops can be very cute or really, really not. I don't think most 16 year olds have the fashion sense to know the difference.

This is not "in". This is a trend. My daughter was 19 when she had hers done. She had just left for college and sent me a photo right after she had it done. I personally think its stupid but that is me. No, we were not going to let her get her belly button pierced in HS. Same with tattoos.

My daughter is now 26 and still has the ring. She is talking about taking it out because she is a professional and it gets caught on clothing.

I find this post curious. I actually think this was written by the daughter and not the mother.

Belly button rings are in? Not where I live. My 26-year-old daughter got one when she was 17, but the teenagers here aren't into this anymore. And they especially aren't into crop tops. Actually, I think crop tops are trashier than rings in already exposed belly buttons.

I wouldn't care if my 17-year-old got hers done, but I wouldn't want her walking around the mall in the winter with a crop top. Seems trashy. Just my opinion of course. But I don't see kids at the mall dressed like this. Maybe we're "cooler" here in Chicago?