Back to Work

What does your husband think and say? This is KEY. How would he feel if the financial burden was suddenly all on him while you "bond" with baby and stay at home? He may already be feeling left out. What was going on after you came home from the hospital? What were your days like? What did you talk about? If he encourages and supports you to stay at home until your child is school-age and it is feasable, go for it. But those pangs are coming from you and this is not only all about you. Dad is missing baby things all day too. Can you two split work and home schedules and each spend time with baby at home? Share household chores and baby time? What exactly do you feel you are missing every day? Many of us would not work outside the home if we had a choice. Something else - it is sometimes difficult to go to a job every day where we spend all day with lots of young children, complimenting them, laughing with them and teaching them about life's wonders when our own child is across town somewhere else with somebody else. There may be tremendous guilt about this. Your feelings are normal. Work with your husband on this. And good luck!

H.,

I'm confused. In your original post you stated that you were thinking about staying home and could afford to live on your husband's pay check, however it would be stretching it.....then in your what happened response you stated that you could not afford to have someone come in and help.... My first thought on this is GET SOME HELP......I've been where you are- I have three children 16 and 14 months a part. My husband and I instituted a weekly date night this summer (and yes, we pay more for the babysitter than we usually pay for the date) and I've also been able to find a college girl that can come in that will clean my house for $10/hour. It takes her 4 hours to clean my house and she does a fabulous job. It is the best $40 I've ever spent! It now frees my DH and I up so that we have more time for each other and more time for the kids and most importantly we are not spending the entire weekend doing chores and errands. Been there, done that, and it's not a good place to be! And I agree with a previous poster. Your relationship with your husband is the most important- and you and he need to sit down and have a heart to heart. You are both gone from your precious baby during the day- you need to talk about your feelings and how you can work it out. Looking into a part-time position might be the perfect answer for your family. But please, don't neglect the relationship with your husband. This may sound a little harsh, but if you can't afford $80- $160 a month on help around the house then you need to seriously reconsider if you can afford not to work.

J.

Hi H.!

Ugh...that dreaded return to work! As the Mommy of 2 wonderful boys, I have also experienced that same anxiety and heart break. I currently am lucky enough to work 3 days a week which enables me to have the best of both worlds. Is that something your district would consider? My first choice would of course be to be home with both of my little guys full time, but unfortunately, I do need some form of income. Though I might complain at times, it has really been the perfect solution. I am staying in the professional world, yet have the advantage of having weekends and 2 days during the week home with my boys. It just seems to create a better balance at home. Managing household affairs, errands, cleaning, etc. doesn't seem so squeezed in anymore. Now I try to get those things done during naptimes during the week, or before they get up in the morning on the days I am home. If that's not an option for you, I would encourage you to follow your heart. You can't get this time back, and why stay in a situation that makes you miserable? Even if you finish out the year, at least there would be a light at the end of the tunnel!

Best of luck to you...and always know there is always another option! :-)

Take care!

S.

I'm a teacher too who recently left work to carry out my second pregnancy. I thought I would love the time off being a full time student as well, but I am going nuts! Something that might work for you to help get your mommy time and work time in, is to work part time. I don't know which age group you teach but Early Childhood Development makes it easy to do this (That's what I'm in). I feel it's important to have your child in school as soon as possible to help get them adjusted to being around other children and unfamiliar adults. My child has been in school full time since she was 18 months, and she's a little genious, vey outgoing, and hates it now that we stay home 3 days a week :) If you can find a routine to work with (getting into one may take some time) then you may be able to work things out for family time on the weekends. Remember: Cleaning is overrated! If it's cutting into important bonding time with your family, is it really worth it? I don't know... I hope this helps... Just hold onto the fact that while your child is not with you, they are in good loving care with their primary care providers, people who are trained to love and guide your child through their developmental stages :) Good luck!

Hi H., I worked with my first (now 13) and I really regret it. I don't work now (2yrs and 9 mos) and it is the hardest job that I have ever done. But I am the only one who will go to my child first when 3 are crying at the same time. I am the only one who will hold her until she feels totally secure, and maybe miss a dentis appt to do it. I miss working, I missed being home with my kids more, and now I know just how much of my son that I missed. Maybe you could substitute teach, to help with the bills and get you out of the house a bit, finding a daycare that will do a part-time, short notice may be hard.

The first thing that I would do is have a heart to heart with my husband. You really need to discuss how you feel. The next thing that I would do is give notice to your school... your kids come first!!! That's what being a Mommy is all about, and the first 3 years are the most important of their life. It's not even 1/2 way through the school year and there are lots of people out there looking for jobs! Get your finances arranged with your hubby, make sure that he won't resent the lower income and you staying home, and be a Mom first and a worker second!

Hi H., I was able to stay home for four years with my two babies, now 3 and almost 5. It was the best decision and the hardest. Financially, it was stressful and sometimes we went without things, but I know it was all worth it, so I commend you for even thinking about it. Now I work part-time and the kids go part-time to a wonderful preschool that I volunteered at and got to know while I was a SAHM.
The best advice I could give you is to keep your foot in the working world, even if it is as little as once a week. I didn't work (outside the home) all that time, so when I decided to start getting back out there, I felt like I was getting my first job, ever... You clearly have your teaching degree, so keep that updated. I know you have to take so many credits per year or something, so definately do it.
Some teacher moms I know that chose to stay at home have involved themselves in teaching Sunday school at church, worked part-time at preschool/daycares, etc...(where their little ones will be anyway) The experience you obtain, not only from raising your baby, but from being a part of your community will be priceless when you do decide to get back out there one day.
Best of luck on your journey!
God Bless,
S.

H.,

I sounds like you have already made your decision, but need a way to implement it. I am not sure of your religious believes, but I would pray in this situaiton for guidance.

In the meantime, inform the school of your decision to be a full time mom. Let them know you do not want to leave your class in the middle of the school year and see if they offer the option of working parttime. You can share your class. You work in the morning or afternoon and someone else covers your class while you are not there.

Dear H.,

I have 2 teenage girls, and a 4yr old autistic son. I stayed at home until the girls went to school. When we had my son I tried to go back to work, but I was miserable. It put a stress on my whole family, and eventually, my now 18yr old, had some issues I missed trying to juggle everything. She got into trouble and is now living w/my parents, not by my choice. I eventually decided it was better to clip coupons and live paycheck to paycheck w/one working than to lose another child.
I look at it like this: you only have one chance to be a mom and watch your child grow and learn, and discover things for the first time, but you have the rest of your life to pick back up your career. You sound like a very caring teacher and you can still stay in touch w/ your class, but do what is right for you. God 1st, family 2nd, career 3rd. The relief you have from the burden of guilt is so much better for you and your family.
I ended up spending the last 2 yrs fighting breast cancer and tomorrow is my last treatment. Having looked death in the eye, I look at things from a different perspective now. My son goes to special ed and I have a better relationship w/ my 18yr old, but I am so much happier. I have peace and joy knowing I can take care of my family whenever they need me!
B. Jo

As my grandmother (who raised four kids and then me) always says... the laundry will be there tomorrow... the dishes will still be there an hour from now.
Items can get done gradually, not everything needs to be done all at once. This is an important lesson I have had to learn.
I had to go back to work after 3 months. I tried to do everything and found myself exhausted and cranky.
Ken and I now share the chores and they get done when they get done. He does the dishes while I give her a bath and ready for bed. On the weekends we take turns doing laundry and sometimes we wait 2 weeks and then do BIG loads. It's amazing how worth it it is to purchase extra underwear or socks just to get more quality time.
.... So there's dust for an extra day on the bookcase... so the dishes get done an hour or two after dinner...
You get that time with the family.

Oh and as far as him going to daycare goes... it's a great social learning experience for him. All of the infants that are at the daycare my daughter goes to love to interact with one another... they speak gibberish to one another and share toys, etc. And it's great inspiration for them to see other babieis crawling and walking!

I know this was originally posted a long time ago, but I came across the "what happened" post and wanted to give my .02.

I hope that you and your husband have worked it out so that you can stay home. Nothing beats this time with your children. It is ok to "bond" with your baby and not feel guilty about it like another poster was implying. Dad can bond too, but in a different way. There's nothing wrong with Dad being the financial provider for the family.
I quit working when our second child was about six months old, that was 8 1/2 years ago. I wish that I would have had that time with our first child. We lived paycheck to paycheck and on a very strict budget, but we managed.
Now we homeschool our five (soon to be six) children and we wouldn't have it any other way. I get to be there for every milestone of each precious child and be there when they learn something new (which is all the time). I won't lie, we have rough days too, but we work through them and keep the bigger picture in mind.

I don't agree with this comment from another poster: Just hold onto the fact that while your child is not with you, they are in good loving care with their primary care providers, people who are trained to love and guide your child through their developmental stages.
Um hello, we as their parents should be their primary care providers. And who can love your child(ren) more than you? Moms and dads should be the ones to "guide their children through their developmental stages". Do we have children just for other people to raise them? I know that there are loving and caring care givers out there, I've had two for my oldest when I was working. I also know that there are others out there that are doing it just as a job, I've had those too. The poster claims that her daughter hates to be at home now, how she'd rather be at school. A child should not hate to be home with their family. If they do, there is a problem.
Sorry, didn't mean to rant...I just feel very strongly about this subject.

I hope that you are happy at home. I would advise getting involved in a play group (maybe MOPS)or church group and get the two of you out of the house every now and then. Enjoy your son!!

Two questions:
1. Could you afford to hire someone to do cooking and cleaning and errands during the remaining 6 months of school? I've heard there is something called Mother's Helpers around here that could do such things.

What is your husband doing to help out? Can he do errands or run a load of wash when he gets home? Or does he expect you to wait on him when he comes home? One way or another, either your chore time or your family time has to give. You are both responsible for making everything work. And since you seem to have made up your mind to become a SAH mom after the school year ends (good for you for honoring your commitments and not leaving mid-year!), there is an end in sight if you both can cooperate for that time by pitching in on all the chores.

Hi H.

My friend who is a teacher was able to take a two year leave of absence to be a stay at home mom. I know her daughter was born in August right before the school year. Is there anyway your school district would allow this starting with the next calander school year or even starting at the beginning of the year? Maybe to elivate the stress between you and hubby you can desigante or arrange to have maybe two hours durring the weekend dedicated to just you two. Maybe your mom or his can come over watch the kid(s) and you and hubby can go get coffee or just take a walk. You will figure it all out. Just think of working and making the money as doing it for your son. He may not realize it know but you are doing it to provide a better life for him.