Stay-at-Home Mother or Working Mother

F.,
You are very blessed to have a choice in this matter! So many do not! I, too, had a choice and I have never regretted choosing to stay home with my children. Yes, there were some financial struggles, but we made it. More importantly, our children "made it!" The time we lose with our kids we never will get again. Many people feel that they will spend "quality time" with their kids. One thing I learned over the years is that qualaity time comes as a result of quantity time. You simply cannot orchestrate those special times with kids on your planned schedule. They happen as a result of doing life together. There are no "do overs" here. Also, as much as I felt it was important being home with them when they were little, I believe it was almost more important when they became a little older. There are so many things pulling at our children and what they need most is a strong, secure home base. It's hard to provide that to the extent it's needed when you're rushing out the door in the morning and coming home late in the day to dinner, homework, extracurricular activities, etc., and you're exhausted. I believe the best gift you can give your children is not your presents, but your presence! Be there. You be the one to help solve the issues of the day. You be there to offer the encouragement when it is needed. You be the one to show up for the school parties. I promise you, you won't regret it! You may not be making significant invenstments in a bank account, but you most certainly will be making a very significant investment in the future of your kids!

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Hi F.,

This is such a loaded question and one that requires you to decide what you value in your life at this moment and what you'll wish you'd done down the road. That said, I appreciate so much the diversity of answers and the encouragement the women on this site provide.

Motherhood is often filled with so much guilt - and much of it we women do to each other. Whether you stay home or work, you're in for criticism from someone. Life is complicated and necessity often chooses for us. However, you seem to have a choice this time. Whichever choice you make, make it without guilt, knowing that whatever time you spend with your kids, you can spend giving them your full love and attention.

I can only speak to staying home with my kids, since it's all I've done, and share the challenges and blessings. The difficulties I've experienced are loneliness, financial challenges and a loss of identity (for a while). I've gone out of my way to remedy this by making connections with other women (moms and not!)through church, the local coffee shop and a small part time job. Of course, the little job helps us make ends meet as well.

The identity issue was a little more difficult to face. I had to let go of defining myself through my work and allow myself to be nurturer, teacher, doctor, counselor, adoring mom, household manager etc and know it's the ultimate role (BTW, it's the ultimate for SAHM AND working moms!). I enjoy this time of my life with little ones.

My mother died about 2 years ago and something she said to me before she died has radically changed my mindset. She said, "I've worked so hard all my life and thought I was finally going to get to relax and enjoy my grandchildren." She was only 55 when she died.

So, I have to say, while the above challenges - were very real to me and required my addressing them - the blessings staying home has brought me far outweigh the difficulties. Every morning, my oldest child wakes me with a brilliant smile and says, "It's morning time, Mommy! Let's play!!!" Instead of saying, "No, I have to go to work." I get to say, "OK!" She hugs and kisses me till I get up. Aaahh…..

I get to explore the world all over again through their eyes. I don't have much in the way of wardrobe or extras but I spend my days delighted by the antics of my babies and their sweet ways of expressing themselves. I don't have to hear about their latest accomplishments secondhand from a sitter. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I know I get a little mushy talking about my children but I make no apologies for it. I'm in love with them!

F., you have to figure out what is best for you and your family. Make that choice from desire, not guilt. Whatever choice you make, be in the moment you're in. If you're at work, get it done. If you're home, enjoy every minute. I know you'll make the choice that's best for your children and you.

M.

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Please keep in mind that most of the responses you get from this site will be from Stay at Home Moms so we have already made this decision and decided to stay. We may sound a little biased. I am a SAHM. I made my decision because I found that when my children were little I was rushing to get my work done so I could leave work on the deadline set by daycare or extra curricular activites. When I was with the kids I was more tired and had to worry about feeding them and cleaning the house in my off hours.
This way I am there for them when they need me and even when they don't. My daughter is 15 and I am sad that she will be leaving me so soon. Your ten year old will soon be leaving too. I treasure all the time I spent with my daughter. I have also been able to spend time in the classroom with my 2 kids. When they are sick I don't have to feel guilty about not coming into work. They can do all the extra curricular because I can drive them. A big consideration on my part is that I did some things I shouldn't have as a teenager :) My mom worked and I was home alone. I promised myself that when I first got married that it was more important for me to make sure that I could monitor them while at home. Even more important that I be there for them when they were teenagers. This is a time when many of my friends kids have changed paths and done things that you would never have expected from such good little kids.
I say stay at home and enjoy your time with them. Make them feel valuable. Try your darndest to keep them busy and out of trouble. Have a messy home with hot dogs for dinner if need be. When they're gone you wont have the luxury of being able to make this choice because it will be made for you. That's when you will go back to work, even if the new job you go back to isn't as good as the one you are now considering.

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I am not sure of your kids age, but when they are older than 3 you will have them in preschool=kids not at home=more money you have to invest in them. At the older age, you will need to start monitoring your kids activities, carpooling for sports etc etc....it's tough. I do miss working ft though, and if you're having too hard of a time deciding, you should really look into part time. If you can't do it with your current employer, find a different company right now while you are still marketable.

I am a pt sahm, and I have a great part time daycare situation and bring in enough to pay for our summer vacations. That's good enough for me. Good luck with this.

First, you need to figure out if the loss of your income will be a hardship on the family. There's always sacrifices to be made. If you need the money for necessities, then you might consider working from home, or a part-time job that allows you to be home when your children aren't in school. If your income has been a nice padding for extras, then you may have to exercise restraint on the number of times you eat out or see movies or luxury purchases, but there are creative alternatives.

I worked full-time before I got married. After marriage I was a full-time mom. (My husband has a son from a previous marriage, and we have one of our own.) It was difficult not to have "my own" money, and it also meant that my husband had to pick up a second job so that I could stay home. I've thought about getting back into the work force, but the more time spent being a stay-at-home mom, the better I get at it, and the less I'm enticed by working for an income. I may review that when the youngest is in school. The challenges of staying at home are outside social contact. My husband and I will double date with other friends. I have hobbies that I pursue, such as crafts and art projects. My husband will watch the kids for awhile, so that I can have "me" time. I like the fact that the values that my husband and I have are the ones that our children are learning. I also get to see the little things that happen everyday. I'm there when my kids need someone to talk to. I have more time to devote to managing the household (cleaning, meal planning, cooking). I do have to say that I couldn't do this without the support of my husband.

I hope this was helpful. Good luck!

Hi F.-I think part time work is the ultimate situation. It gives us JUST enough of a break. I feel like working days/wk helps me be a better mom as I'm not as overwhelmed with the day to day tasks. I appreciate my kids AND my husband a little more. Good luck!

My husband and I decided that I would stay home after we had our second and third children (twins), and although we've had some lean times. I know with all of my heart that this is what God intended for us. I wouldn't trade these years home with my children for anything, those are something that you will never be able to get back. The work force will still be out there if and when you do decide to go back to it, your kids will be grown. We've had to change some priorities, for example going out to dinner a lot, new clothes, new cars....but I also feel that the Lord has provided for our every need, we've never had to go with out the basics. I just feel that we've been blessed in our decision. I'm not sure why you feel that you can never go back once your decision is made, but just follow your heart. Another thought would be to find something you can do part time from home while your kids are in school(not sure how old all your kiddos are). I do Pampered Chef(not intended to be advertising or promoting, its just what I do) on the side....helps to earn a few extra bucks without sacrificing my family for it. Best wishes in your decision.

I just wanted to encourage you to try coming home! It has rewards beyond what I can describe, and all of the research backs of the fact that kids of SAHMs are healthier emotionally and physically.

Being a SAHM is not easy, but it is worth it. Challenges I face: (1) Having to schedule my time - having a plan helps. (2) Feeling isolated - make sure to have outside fellowship, like with a women's Bible study or a MOMS club. (3) Less money - not really an issue because staying home is so much cheaper than working in terms of the extra expenses of working (clothes, gas, food out, etc.).

Good luck! Blessings!

I am a stay at home mom and definitely there are pro's and con's as a homemaker. The pro's are having the time to spend with your kids, come and go as you please when it comes to running errands or being able to attend your kids activities (especially in school). Also, you don't have to worry about a boss over your shoulder and you can do activities around the house that maybe were put off because of lack of time. You can enjoy being your own boss in your own home without an actual boss telling you what to do.

The con's are not to allow yourself to get bored and picking up bad habits like eating too much or feeling lonely. Keep yourself busy. Sometimes you might feel like you don't have many friends around because THEY work when you don't. You have to adjust yourself and really figure out what's important to you and what you want to accomplish.

My advice is to stay home if you can afford it especially in this economy and that if feels right for you and your family. Some people have to work and can't stay home even if they could afford it and some wish they could stay home but can't afford it. It really depends on the person.

F.,

This is definitely a challenging decision, but what has worked for me for the last 10 years (which is when I had my first born) is to work FROM HOME! If you are interested in what I do (or if anyone else is) please feel free to contact me: ____@____.com

Best,
C.

Hi F.,

This is an age-old question that all mothers ask. What is the best thing for my family? I could give you all kinds of advice about what I did, but really you have to search your heart and do what you think is the right thing for your children and situation. There are plenty of stories about the positives and negatives for both sides. What helped me was to think as best I could about how I would feel years later. What would I regret the most? You are talking about time that you can never get back. What do you want your children to remember most? I know women who have been successful both ways, so only you know what your family needs the most.

It doesn't have to be something you choose forever. You might stay home for a few years and then find something that works around your children's schedule or you might find something you can do from home. That is what I did, I taught piano lessons for 10 years. Then I went to school and started teaching when my youngest was in school all day. That was rough not so much for the hours I was at work, but for not being there for my kids as much as I would have liked when I was home. So I went back to working for myself and started another business that I can work from home and it allows me to help with my grandchildren now. I love helping other moms be able to do the same thing.

My point is that you can find ways to have time freedom with your family and still earn some extra income as well. Keep an open mind and feel with your heart and you will find your answer.

Hi F.! I've been a SAHM for 10 years to 4 kids. I've always worked at least one day a week though. I am and have always been a huge advocate of staying at home, but that looks different for everyone. The things that have kept me sane are a husband who is truly supportive and mom's groups to go to once a week and feel supported and valued. I have friends and neighbors who are sahm and don't have that support from their spouses and it will make a HUGE difference in your happiness and success as a sahm.

My mom stayed home until I was about 10 and then she went to work as a teacher. I think the damage of her going back to work was I had a lot more time alone and ended up getting into a lot more trouble than I would have if she were around.

I often check in with my older kids (10 & 7) about how they feel that I stay at home and they tell me EVERYTIME that they would hate it if I worked and they love that I am around to greet them when they walk in the door after school and help with homework and drive them to their activities. Talk to your kids and your husband and see what they think? They are the most important opinions you will get!! Good luck!!

p.s. I believe that God will meet all of our needs and sacrifices will be paid either way you choose.

F.,
I was working in corporate America before my daughter was born and I definitely was going to go back to work afterwards! They put my beautiful girl in my arms and I changed my mind immediately! I am so glad I had a 401K and stock to cash in so I could make that decision. I did miss the Adult world and some adult conversation so I went looking for a home business that I didn't have to sell products of have home parties - I didn't want anything interferring with my family.

It has been over 8 years and I am so proud to say I am home with my daughter who is 8 and my son who is 6! I did find the business of my dreams - e-mail me if you want info ____@____.com, do what you heart is telling you - if you are happy with your decision, your family will be too! I wish you the best!

Hi F.!
I can understand where you are coming from. I am a stay at home mom now but with my first child I worked on and off. I love being able to be at home with my kiddos. I am always busy doing something and sometimes I just wish I had time to stop and smell the roses. Its really hard not having the social interaction with an adult everyday and sometimes it just gets to be to much. That is when it really helps to have really good friends and a really supportive hubby. Choosing to be a stay at home mom is a hard decision to make and you can't make it lightly. The only reason I am one is because daycare is way to much and that is how my oldest learned to bite and say curse words. Sometimes I actually long to go to work. Make the decision that is best for you and your family.

Good luck!

M.

Try network marketing. I did and it works well for me. I work with Market America and have been successful. We have 4 kids and make it work. The business fits around what I already do in my days. I am very interested in health and wellness and the goal setting and accomplishments are rewarding. Besides, I feel it is good for the kids to see me do something else. It's great when you can share a goal of helping mothers stay home too!

I just had my first baby and also struggled with the decision. In the end, I went back to work part-time (5 days a week, 4 hours a day) just to keep the adult interaction as well as my investment licenses. Its been a great break each day AND I think being around other kids is a good thing for my 3 month old daughter. We have a woman up the block from us who watches 4 kids in her home. My daughter gets a break from me but still gets the one on one attention and I get a break but don't have to be away from her 10 hours a day. If part-time work is an option for you, I would recommend that. Being a Mom is wonderful but I don't think full-time SAHM OR full-time work would be ideal for me!

Hello,
I have been a SAHM for 6 years and it is the best thing I have done. I was a teacher before children and I will go back to work within the next couple of years only because we need the money to save for our children's college and to be able to travel more, etc. There are all kinds of books written about the benefits of staying at home and I agree with the psychologists that having a parent at home helps the parent bond more with the children and also helps the child develop self confidence. There are studies that say spending at least 20 minutes per day (playing, talking,etc.) with your child gives them self confidence. I have been able to take my children to museums, puppet shows, science classes, have playdates and all kinds of experiences that other kids don't get when they are in preschool. It is so important that we spend as much quality time with our children before they become independent and want to spend more time with their friends and outside of the home. If you develop a great bond,and you have a great relationship with them, then when they become tweens and teens, they are less likely to get into trouble. Things other things that I enjoy, personally is that I am able to clean the house, do laundry and take care of business during the day and my nights are spent with my family. I am also not stressed out as much because I don't have to do work and house things at night and on weekends. The down side is that it can become lonely. I have been able to join Moms Clubs and meet other SAHM's through my children's school classes and that social time is valuable to me. Sometimes, I don't get enough and then I feel down. I don't get bored because I get involved in programs at the schools, I volunteer at an organization and I am constantly involved in projects regarding my children. Although I get tired of sleeping in a tent while camping instead of being able to afford a hotel during a vacation, but I have never regretted being a SAHM!
K.

I am a stay at home mom who works part-time at home for our business. It is hard for me to imagine how working mom's get everything done around the house plus, dinner and have time for the kids, but I know they do it somehow. I am greatful that I have the flexibility in my schedule to go on field trips with my kids, volunteer at school and get to know the kids at their school (which is important), and go to the school parties and be room mom. Those things are important to the kids. I have seen kids at school who told me they are sad that their parents work and can't be at the parties or field trips. I understand some parents have no choice in working, but it really impacts the kids when they are younger. When I'm home during the day, I get the grocery shopping and errands done (never ending it seems), and try to prepare dinner ahead of time if possible, or at least do the prep work of chopping things and storing them in the refrigerator. It's easier to eat healthy when you have the time to prepare it. For us, after the kids get home from school we are very busy (homework & activities), so I try to make use of the time when they're in school to get things done. This way I have more time to do fun projects with the kids- crafts, cooking, baking, etc. As soon as the kids go to school in the morning I go work out several times a week ( usually see other friends of mine there) and that's my "me" time. Do I miss being around other adults during the day ? Well, sometimes. It does take getting used to. But I have friends I see at the kids activities and I enjoy that. I wouldn't want to go back to the "rat race" of an office job. For me, the positives of being there for my kids outweigh anything else. Good luck on a tough decision.

I raised two dtrs while working full time because their father disappeared and I had no other source of income. It was a constant challenge although there were good times. When my youngest was 16 I obtained perm custody of my 3yr old grnddtr and continued to work. When she entered high school we moved south (culture shock with a capital CS). I opened an inhome day care. It was great. I enjoyed the kids but my teen dtr thought it was fantastic that I was there when she got home from school. She is a mom now and still talks about those days and would prefer to be a SAH Mom. As far as I am concerned, if financially feasible, there is no choice. Stay at home but once in a while schedule some time for you by getting someone to watch the kids for a few hrs. You will never regret it.

Hi F.,
I did both the working mom and the stay home, in addition I did the work from home also.
I'm glad we made the decision for me to stay at home with the kids.
You need to be sure your husband is really on board with you staying home. Mine said he was, but later he expressed resentment that he was the only income and the only retirement income.
I quit my job because I decided I didn't bring kids into the world for someone else to raise. My daughter was picking up the babysitter's values. I had a wonderful babysitter, but her values were still not mine.
You need to have an adult outlet also. I had a Church group that really helped with having another adult to talk to.
I know I made the right decision for my family by staying home.
Thanks,
E.

I'm a SAHM, and I'm so glad! I quit a "good" job when mine were 3 1/2 and 1 year. Positives: you can REALLY be much more involved with their lives, in ways that you might not realize yet. I volunteer at school a lot, so I know their teachers, the principal, the office staff and aides very well, and I get to see the kids during the day, even if it's just for a quick hug! I have influence on their school experience by planning class parties, and other volunteer opportunities like the school carnival, fundraisers, and also their sports teams, etc. They can be involved in more extra-curricular activities, and can have more impromptu playtime with friends, because I'm available to drive them places and I can host playtime at our house. My working friends do this too, but rarely before 5-6pm, and only after jumping through hoops to make work arrangements! Most people advise against the "latch-key" kids who stay at home by themselves until mom gets home. They may be able to stay "safe" at 12 or 13, but it's so much better to have an adult around. You'll know their friends better too, and the older they get, the more crucial this is! I can also help out at church more, which I really enjoy. I've made good friends in all these areas.

OK, so nothing is perfect, there are down sides... you need to be very self-motivated to get out there, be involved, foster friendships! Give yourself some time to adjust, and to discover the things you'd like to do to be involved in your kids' lives -- and do something for yourself like join a book club, running club, Bible study, scrapbooking, etc while the kids are in school. Also, you must be proactive about scheduling lunches with former coworkers or other new friends. I found that I stayed close with only a couple former coworkers -- the rest we didn't have anything in common except for work.

The way I think of it, I have many "little jobs" that take the place of my corporate job. But, the big benefit is that these jobs benefit MY kids and MY community, not someone else's pocketbook! (I don't have anything against business -- it runs our economy -- it's just my personal choice). You also don't get "employee of the month" awards or a paycheck, to reaffirm that you're doing a good job. You need to believe in yourself that you're doing the right thing for the whole family. Expect some nay-sayers who think you'll be sitting around "eating bon-bons" all day, and that your brain will be ruined -- they don't get it and never will.

Of course this is a very personal decision, and you must decide what's right for you and the family. (My husband is happier with this arrangement too. Plus, he can be more productive at work which translates to more $ and promotions in the long run.) Glad you read Dr Laura's book. Sorry this got so long, but I feel that because you're considering this, you're feeling the "pull" of a desire to be more involved with your kids and strengthen your family. Good luck!

I think the hardest part of being a stay at home mom is feeling like you are contributing to the family. At least for me that's the hardest. I worked for the first six months with my oldest, then I was a stay at home mom for several years. It was a really difficult switch for me. I had expectations of having so much time to do everything (clean house, dishes, play with kids, etc) but it wasn't really like that. Yes there's much more time you're at home, but a lot of theat becomes dedicated to clean up after kids, running errands, catching up on endless house work, and more. I don't say this to try and convince you not to stay at home because I think it's a great choice, but if you go into it unprepared you might find yourself unhappy. It is a big adjustment. For me, even though I love being home with me kids, not contributing income wise always bothered me and at times, really had me down. What I do now is teach preschool from home so I can earn extra money as well as be home with my kids. For some moms, this isn't an issue at all, but there may be something similar to deal with. I think that if you do decide to stay home, make a plan. Schedule time to get out of the house regularly, for play dates, walking with friends, going on a picnic, whatever you enjoy. Also, be realistic about what you think you'll be able to accomplish in one day. Don't feel like just because you're at home everything has to be sparkling and perfect, because things will come up and most likely it just won't happen. One more really important thing, discuss the expectations with your husband. This was a problem for us at first, because my husband thought since I was at home the house should have been perfect from then on, when perviously we had shared in the chores pretty equally. It took a while for both us to get used to the new arrangement and balance out our expectations with reality. Help him to understand that your daily dynamic will change and it will be an adjustment and take time to get into a comfortable schedule. All in all, I love being a stay at home mom as well as working from home. I think every woman handles the change differently, but if you think ahead and have realistic expectations it can be a really wonderful time in your life and your kids lives. Good luck with your decision.

I've been a stay-home mom since 2001 with a side job on the weekends at the begining and then full time stay-home mom. Although the income was missed. Being with the kids and watching them grow was priceless. Go with your motherly intuition. But very important to manage your time, otherwise you will regret staying home. Oh, and don't neglect the husband :o)

Hi F.,

This is a very individual decision. I stayed home for a year with my first child and then went back to work part time. That first year is critical. I didn't stay home w/ my second and really regretted it. Now, I have a flexible job that would have allowed me to stay home and still earn income. Back then I had a corporate job...big difference.

Personally, I enjoy working outside the home and feel "part-time" work allows moms to grow as individuals and still tend to their children. Plus, I feel it's great to have children socialize with other children on a regular basis and also have the opportunity to learn from other adults.

The thing is that every child is different and that what works well for one may not work for the other.

Best of luck to you in whatever decision you make.

Warm Regards,
G. Van Luven, H.C.
Healthy Habits Wellness Center, LLC
www.HealthyHabitsWellnessCenter.com
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I had my first baby 8 years ago with a plan to return to work when he turned 1yr, but I couldn't do it, couldn't stand the thought of someone else taking care of him. I started to look for things I could do from home to earn money and stumbled on a transciption from home type job and am so happy I did. I've been working there 7 yrs now. It's only a modest, part-time income, so most of these past 7 years we have been on a pretty tight budget, but it is so worth it to us. It keeps me home with my two boys, ages 8 & 5. My opinion, you will never get this time back to be with your children. I would not have changed a minute of it. On the down side, I do miss the social aspect of working outside the home, more adult interaction would be nice and more income would be nice, but those are just small sacrifices I make to be with my kids. Good luck with the tough decision.
S.

F., I wish you the best of luck with your decision. I am a part time working mom. I really like my setup mostly because I really enjoy and love my job. I think if that was not the case, I would not be working. And working part time, I am with my kids the rest of the time. When I was trying to make the decision you are making I read the book, "Mommy Wars". It has many authors, all telling their storys like you have asked in your post. I would recommend this book to you. You can get it from the library. It is only a couple of years old. Good luck!

Hey F.! I was reading your note and want to tell you the fact that you're concerned about is a clear sign of you totally wanting the best for your family and children! That's awesome you are a stellar mom! I have to tell you that if you have the chance to be with your kids do it! I feel it is so important! I want to suggest a very cool option that I'd really like to share with you because its been such a blessing to my family! I work part time from home at my kitchen table and love it because I can be with my kids and can also have some time with adults too! Its a fabulous company with a purpose that is just so amazing for families and children. Please let me know if I can share with you! But definitely stay home with the munchkins if possible! You're a great mom!

C.
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www.freedomwithmykids.com

F.,

I have never met a mom that chose to stay home and regretted her decision in the long run (maybe temporarily when they wanted to buy something, but not in the long run). I have met several moms that did not or could not ever stay home and regretted it for years. If you have the choice I would give it a try for at least a few years. If it doesn't work out for you there is always another job out there (yes, even in this economy). You will at least know that you gave it a try. I worked with kids in daycare for 5 years, stayed home for 9 years and now am back in the work force out of necessity. I would love to still be home, even though money was tight and the work was way harder :)

I like it both ways. I've worked 20-28 hrs/week since my daughter was born. She is 2 now and I have a new baby due in Oct. I plan to take 3 months off again and then go back at 20 hours. I love the balance of doing both. I shower each am and get to be with adults, and then get to be with sweet daughter, run errands and take care of the home. I feel like I get to have it all. Good luck!

Hi there F.

For me, I have been both a stay at home mother and a working mother. My preference is to be a working mother, there is a lot of extra organisation and time management, but you do have the option of extra cash and are able to work to contribute towards the household.

I only say this because I am the type of person who climbs the walls if all I did day in and day out is groceries, cleaning and ironing.

The obvious question is why don't you do both?

I would recommend working part-time in a job that covers school hours or two to three days per week. That gives you the opportunity to be the best mum that you can be and work as well!

All the best with your choice.

J.

I think you deep down already know what you want to do. Sometimes too much information is just that, too much. Go with what you gut is telling you to do and don't let others disuade you from doing what is best for you or your children.

unless you absolutely need the money, I would say stay home. Being a mom is a full time job as it is. If you feel you need to get out, find something you enjoy doing, like a sport or other hobby and take classes. I know that there are a lot of working moms out there, and I know some of them have no choice but to work. I'm sure if they had the choice they would be at home with their kids. I grew up with a single mom who had to work my whole life. My brother and sister and I were in day care every day until 5:30 or 6 o'clock and honestly the whole time I was in day care I wished that I could just be at home with my mom. That being said, I've found work that I can do at home so I can always be here for them. Its nice, especially when there is an emergency.
Being a stay at home mom has been the most fulfilling job that I've ever had. I feel like I am here for my family 24 hours a day and I can accomplish things at home that if working, I wouldn't have the time for. It also gives me time to do my errands and enroll the kids in other activities. On top of it all, when my husband gets home at night we can all hang out and relax because dinner and chores are done and I have no worries.
I hope this helps, and ultimately I hope you find a solution that suits you best because everyone is different.
Good Luck!!!

I choose to be a stay at home mom when my husband and I got married. We decided it was important for several reasons. When I was in high school (Eleventh grade) my mom had to start working because my dad had been laid off for two years. I came home to an empty house and eventually started planning my "trouble" for 2:45 - 4:30. It was immature and rebelious of me, but it was what I did. Don't know if I made those choices because of lack of supervision or because all of the sudden I became the "new mom" to my siblings (trust me I still have the Christmas/Mother's day kindergarten creations of my little brother). It also caused issues with my mom and I when siblings would come to me instead of her or I would step in to "mother" when she was around. For me these are some of the reasons why I planed to be SAHM before I got married.

Then I had kids - and it sucked. I longed to be back at work - anywhere but home. I saw myself as a dishwasher, cook, laundry person, etc. I did not value what my responsibilities were.

Then about a year or so ago, I started really looking at my kids (7,5,4, and 1 yr old) and realized that if I had a bad day, so did they. Then I started realizing how much what I did with them and how I interacted with them affected them personally. I learned that the "garbage language" they picked up at school could easily be influenced by my listening and helping them find more appropriate ways to express frustration, etc. I learned that my kindergardener would have unproductive days at school (his teacher wants to put him on medication) if he did not have a smooth/supportive morning experience. Now I realize that while everyone's situation is different, for kids it is best to have a mom who is always available and supportive of you. It amazes me how much my kids look up to me and need me.

At first finding the meaningful in being home with my kids all day was difficult, but now I realize that it is very important to me that my children have that blessing in their life and I have found a lot of fulfillment in it.

Good luck!

I took 3+ months off after my son was born, then worked 20 hours per week for another 14 months. If I had been in a job that I really liked, that might have been ok. btw, due to finances, I couldn't quit entirely (we have a very low mortgage payment, I don't buy clothes or shoes, we don't have cable, we have a cheap car, etc). But then I got my dream job in January (almost dream job), but it is full time. Luckily, I have a lot of flexibility with my schedule. Ideally, I'd love to work 32-35 hours/week (which I often do by taking a few hours of annual leave here and there). My husband has a very flexible schedule, and is a great co-parent. I know this will sound like a working mom justifying my choices, but I really do feel like I am a better, more engaged mom than when I worked only half time. I don't really know what it is like to be full time at home, but being at home half time made me feel like I wasn't being a very good mom at the same time that I was feeling like I had lost my "snap" (kind of part of what made me me- hard to explain). Now, with the help of my husband, I spend pretty good quality time with my boy from 5:15am (when he half-wakes to nurse for 30-45 minutes) to 7:30 when my husband takes him to daycare by bus (he takes him in our ergo carrier so they spend the whole journey interacting rather than being strapped in a car seat in the back seat). Then I pick him up at 4, and we play from then til bedtime at 8. Maybe its not a huge amount of time, but I feel like we enjoy each other more because I am not wishing he'd take a nap or wishing he'd go play by himself so I can get a minute to myself. Plus, since I love my job, I feel like I have a lot more energy than I did before. This is just my experience, and I have many mom-friends who are full time stay at home moms and it is great for them. I think we all have to figure out what works for us.

Good luck!

I've been a stay at home mom since my daughter started kindergarten a couple years ago. It was hard to adjust because I loved the interaction with adults and the money that I made! I decided that my family was more important than the money. Today, I am much happier because we eat heatlhier. I am able to cook meals at home and save money. I walk with my kids to school and meet people everyday. I made tons of friends. Also, I don't have to worry about calling in sick when I am feeling ill or my kids are home sick from school. I regret not doing this when my daughter was born 7 years ago.
Good Luck to you.

Hi F.,

I stay at home and I wouldn't have it any other way. I had kids so I could raise them. I know sometimes families need two incomes to survive so mom staying home is not always possible. I didn't have kids until we were financially ready for me to stay home.

There is so much that happens everyday, all day that you will miss if you are at work. I think mommies should be with their babies. If I HAD to work, I would work opposite of my husband before I'd put the baby with a sitter. And if possible only work part time. If there were scheduling conflicts and the hubby and I couldn't always rotate watching the kids, I'd first try to have a family member or friend take care of the baby.

I agree with you, when working you get the adult interaction which stay at home moms miss. We tend to loose ourselves and forget we are people, so we have struggles too. I just try and stay close with friends and make sure I take time for myself.

If you can afford to stay home I would.

I hope everything works out and you are happy with what ever you do. Hope you had a wonderful mother's day. Best of luck. :)

Question? Have you talk with your family first especially the kids? I worked as a Probation Officer and Counselor over approximately 13 years and my oldest who is now 16 endure mommy working long hours, getting up in the middle of the night or day to respond to crisis calls, missing out on his sporting events and etc.

In 2007, I became a SAHM and it was extremely hard for me at first becuz I loved what I did. In 2005, God sent us a 2 weeek old little girl who was born drug exposed to Meth and Marijuana and had a lot of medical problem two weeks later we found out that we were pregant.Therefore, at home I have a 16 year old who is involved in everything from sports to drama, and two beautifiul 4 year olds girls who are 8 months apart its like having twins. I now understand and accept why God called me to be a SAHM.

When I sat down and talk to my family about me being home and explaining that things will be a little different especially with less money.My 16 year old said, "Mommy I don't care about us living in a big house nor riding in a big fancy car I am just happy that you are home when I come home."

Honestly for us it was tough on our marriage at first, mainly becuz of financial reasons and my husband working so much and was away from the family more than usual, but once my husband recognize the little perks like dinner being done when he got home,our kids were advance in their learning cuz while home I started a daycare/preschool (ABC Daycare) to help supplment our income, and that we can have family time our family is HAPPY!

We just came back from Vegas for Mother's Day where my kids and husband decided we needed to get away. Hey the room rates were extremely reasonable so hey we took advantage. It is great my two 4 year old go to Pre-school elsewhere two days a week that give them the opportunity to be away from mommy and socialize in a different learning environment and they love it! There are times I don't have kids on those days so that gives me some "ME TIME"

Lastly, there is no better feeling at this time in my life than to have an opportunity to raise my own children and to be available to them now. I look at how I worked so much when my 16 yo was younger and now he will be gone to college in two years where did my baby go I missed it. I thank God for this opportunity to be home as much work I was putting into other peoples lives I put that energy into my own.

Sorry for the long response I just understand where you are becuz I was there. If you want talk please feel free to call me ###-###-#### Good Luck and God Bless You and your family and I know you will make the decision that is best for you and your family.

I love staying home with my boys. It is nice to be able to take them for a walk in the cool part of the morning, play games, read books, go to the library and many other things. I love playing outside and just being with my boys. It can be stressful though. I don't get a day off. I'm always cleaning or picking up messes. It is hard to always be doing the same thing day in and day out but still a lot of fun. There are time I want to have a part time job or something to be around adults since I don 't get o be around adults much. I sometimes feel like I don't always relate to adults like I need to because I am around children all day. I wouldn't trade staying home for anything though. When my kids are old enough to go to school all day I will go back to teaching so I get home when they get home, but rignt now staying home is the best thing for me and my family.

In many ways, it is more difficult to be a stay at home mom than a working mom. I work part-time and often think it would be much easier to work full time and not have to be at home with the kids so much. Being at home is emotionally draining and my kids really drive me nuts. BUT, I chose to have these kids and it's my responsibility to raise them. AND, I want to be the biggest influence in their lives. I don't want to entrust that to anyone else. So, in my opinion: If you have the means to stay at home, I would do that. But, also take plenty of time for yourself (workout, mom's club, coffee with friends, whatever you do for you). Volunteer at school or even work part-time if it makes you a happier person. But, I would ditch the full-time job if you can.
My kids now accept me working part-time, but they used to really tug at my heart strings each time I left. I said I have to go to work to get money to buy food and clothes. My 4 year old said he wouldn't eat anymore if I would stay at home with him. I am sure your kids want you at home too!
Good Luck with your decision!

Hi F.,
I stay at home with my 2 children, my baby girl is 5 months old and my son is almost 3. I have been home with them since my son was born. I was always a bit of a career gal, I never saw myself as the stay at home type. I now have no doubt that staying home to raise my family is the single most important job I will ever have. I've been so blessed not to have missed anything with my kids. I was right there when my daughter rolled over for the first time. And when my son realized that C and K make the same sound, he came running to tell me because I was there. These are the types of experiences that can not be replaced! We do miss having the income but I have found other ways to make some money while I am home. I babysit another kid in our home and I also do wedding flowers on occasion. It's not a lot of money but it does pay grocery bills and lets me buy things just for me once in a while. Being home can be really trying on a regular basis. You're dealing with small people not capable of reason and there are days when I wish I could just go to "the office" and get away! I do also miss adult interaction. It can be hard to relate to other adults sometimes because my kids are basically all I do these days. I think the key is to make other SAHM friends and talk often. My little group of mom friends have regular playdates as well as the occasional mom's night out. I am also taking a few courses at the community college online. It gives me a chance to stretch my brain a little bit and feel like I am more than just Mom. Despite the challenges, I adore being with my children and I know that, someday, when I rejoin the workforce, I will miss these days doing nothing but loving my babies. Being home is an amazing blessing. Good luck to you, please keep us posted on what you decide!

Hi F., I had to work when my oldest child was born and up until he turned 9, and have had the opportunity to be home with my second child, now 3. I would say being at home far outweighs working full time. If you are interested, I can show you a way to stay home and earn money for your family. This is a great business built on solid principles and integrity. My number ###-###-####. T.

I have done both. With my first child I had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old as we lived in CA and could not get by on one salary. It was hard and we had just a few hours a day other then weekends to see our kids. We moved to AZ about 6 years ago and I have pretty much been a stay at home Mom ever since.

Staying home is rewarding in the fact that you get to see all the firsts with your infant. My second was born here in AZ. Instead of the sitter telling me he did this today and that today or he got his first tooth in, you get to see it and all. You get to actually see your kids grow up being a stay at home Mom. The down side is you don't get a lot of adult interaction unless you become a part of a play group. You don't get out as often as there isn't a lot of extra income from both parents working and all.

D. P.

Hi F. -

let me start by saying that there is always a 'going-back' point. Looking at things thinking there is no going back is only setting yourself up for failure and dissapointment.
I have been and am at both sides of the coin. And you have to do what works for you. I know that sounds like a 'duh' way of putting it - but you need to know that everyone is different.

I, for example, worked all the time before I had kids. My husband and I saw each other in the morning and then again at night when we both got home, this was so normal for us. Then the kids came and I couldn't do it. I had to be home with them, they were twins, babies and I was so attached. But I started noticing that I missed being an adult too! So luckily I was able to find contract (Temp) positions that gave me the flexibility to work for a while, get my fix and then stay home for a little bit. This worked perfectly!
I always needed a little of both to keep my sanity.

I will tell you that since then I decided to open up my own company about 5 minutes away from home. Sometimes, like today, I work long days and only spend a couple of hours with my boys at night. But like I mentioned before, this gives me the ability to use my brain for more than mommy stuff :)

I hope this helps! Good luck!

I said it once and I will say it again... do YOURSELF the favor and STAY WORKING. Kids could care less if you stay home (they use this as a guilt thing only!) and if anyone tells you differently they are only fooling themselves. What do you do when your kids are 18 and 21 years old? Start back at the bottom of the ladder? 'Cause that is what will happen. What do you do when your hubby decides you are "too old for him" and walks out on you when you are in your 40s or 50s? Be there for yourself and don't believe in others...husbands or friends. I might sound bitter, but this is real life not some fairy tale. Just a warning!
Work, bring home extra money, keep your career alive and continue to have your outside friends. Do you know how many of these "friends" of yours will stick around and continue your friendship once you become a stay-at-home-Mom? I can answer that...None! They will all (slowly for some) walk away and find someone not boughed down with kids all the time. Please do yourself this favor.

I love being home with my kids ages- 5,3 and 1. Nothing better. We have so much fun and these years are so important. There are many years that I will able to work. I don't want someone else raising my kids...I was raised by a babysitter. I wouldn't trade this for anything!! There are things you can do as a stay at home mom to cut costs if you have lanscappers, house keeper, pool care...do it all yourself. Somehow, even on one income it has all worked out for us and we survive just fine. I interact with my kids' friend's moms now, and have lots of friends to trade with, so I can still have breaks here and there. I say do it...but that's just my opinion!

F., this is such a timely post for me. I recently became a stay-at-home Mom. My son was born in '04 and my job allowed me to go part time (nights and weekends). I enjoyed my days with my son. When I got divorced 2 years later, I was able to go full time again. It was very hard for me. After losing that full time job in January and a part time job not working out, my new husband (we married this past Saturday) said that we should make my dream come true of staying home full time instead of pounding the pavement for another job.

I think the hardest thing for me is getting into the swing of a routine, but it is slowly happening. I also think opinionated people make it difficult. I have a Master's Degree and some people can't understand why I would drop out of the rat race to raise my son and enjoy him instead of outsourcing his care to a daycare. I even wrote an article about it for typeamom.com, SAHM vs Working Moms; Feel Good About YoUr Choice.

When the day is hard, remind yourself of how happy your kids are. Also, remember being the full time CEO of your family is a difficult job that some people can't handle, which is why some of them work outside the home instead.

Hi F.
It seeems you are in delima about sontinuing to work outside the home.
Why can't you work and be a stay at home mom with a home based business. I do and it's great!
I would love to show you an amazing opportunity to earn money, have fun and be around foe the kids. It allows you to continue to have your independence and be a wonderful mother.
I have two business. One is as a Silpada Designs representative where I sell amazing sterling silver jewelry with semi-precious stones.
I make great money and have alot of fun doing it. It requires a few evenings out or lunches, whatever you decide. You set your own schedule, stay incontact with the outside world and as I previously mentioned have a blast.
Check out my website to see what Silpda has to offer www.mysilpada.com/T..wright-owen.
I would love to meet with you how great the opportunity is to stay at home and earn a fabulous income.

The other business I started is T.'s Maid business obviously these are two totally different business. I started this one before Silpada. It's going great so i am not ready to give it up quite yet.

I do both of these during the time my children are in school with the exception of a few evening parties and a weekend party. It works out great for my family. I set my own schedule according to our schedule.

I would love to hear from you and share the opportunity of Silpda. It is not only a great way to make money but a wonderful way to stay intouch with the outside world and really enjoy it.

Have a great day!!

T. Owen
###-###-####
____@____.com

Hi F.,
I don't know if this is going to help but I believe as Moms, we need to support each other. This is thick life stuff and it doesn't come with lots of directions. I can sense how deeply you want to make the right decision. I am the 41 year old mom of a 2 year old and have another baby due in July. I have decided to quit work and stay home. I make six figures but since the day my son was born, I have known that if the family could make it on one income, I would want to stay home. It may be my advanced age or it may be because I've done everything in my career that I've wanted to do... I'm not sure but the reason doesn't matter. Here's the deal. I read in your post how conflicted you are. It seems like you feel guilty NOT staying home. There really is no right or wrong answer. I would ask you to search your heart and make the decision. I have realized that I won't be "quitting to stay home", rather, I am transferring all of the skills from my 18 year sales career to a new environment. I will still be budgeting, selling, marketing, negotiating, influencing, leading, etc... it will be a new clientele of toddler/infants instead of surgeons but to me, it's even more important. I don't know what is prompting you to stay home but take away the word "should" for starters and go from there- guilt free. Some women will not make good at-home moms for various reasons. That in no way makes them bad moms. We all have strengths and weaknesses. If you believe in God, pray and ask Him what direction He wants for you and your kids. I know without a doubt that I want to stay home but it doesn't mean it will be easy. I know I'll have some rough days and my husband travels 2-3 nights a week... that won't be easy, either, but we are making the decision together and will get through. I have no parents here but great friends. How is your network? I don't have a clue what I'm gonna do each day but I know it will all unfold. See, it's not about having it all figured out, it's about following our hearts, not paying attention to the fear/guilt and going for it- either way. You are not wrong for wanting to work if that's the decision you make. I know Dr. Laura's book. I happen to agree with a lot. I advise (since you asked) to try to keep your hands from wringing with anxiety and put your palms up to take what God has for you- only you and Him know what that is. Ask Him and then (most importantly) listen. I have a feeling you know what you want but you are looking for permission. Be courageous and dive in- either way. Good luck. You are brave for even wrestling with this issue.

Hi, F. -
Nothing seems to divide mothers like this questions of stay-at-home vs. continue working. It is a very personal decision. For me, because my babies were born to me very late in life, I chose to stay at home. And again, for me, it has been the right decision. That's not to say there haven't been days that I have longed for the days that I got dressed up in the morning, had someplace to go, and got to use my brains in a different way. I don't kow your situation, but don't understand
your comment that there is "no going back". Perhaps you wouldn't be able to go back to your current job, but that's not to say you couldn't return to work later should you decide that staying at home isn't best for you and your family. Perhaps you could split the difference and decide to work part time, or work from home a bit. Personally, I think children should be cared for daily by their mothers whenever it is possible, and believe the benefits far outweigh any downside. You have to make a personal decision that is best for you and your family, and whichever you decide, you don't need to defend it to ANYONE. Best of luck.

Wow, you're pretty brave to post this question since it's such a fight between the two extremes. But just let me tell you how I came to the decision to be a stay-at-home mom. First, I decided that I did not want strangers raising my kids. If they are with strangers 8-10 hours a day and only a few hours with you at night, then the babysitter will have more of an impact on them than you. Second, they are only young once. You cannot REDO their childhood of those moments you miss. The stranger babysitter will get to see all of these moments and probably not even care. And lastly...they are my kids and they are more important than ANY job, salary, and adult social interaction. Do I miss working? Of Course. Am I glad I decided to put my kids first? ABSOLUTELY! Nothing can replace the joy I've experienced staying home with my kids and influencing the most formative years of their lives. My son is now 6. My daughter is now 3 and I am still at home. I will probably start working part-time again when my 3 year old starts school, but nothing has been decided at this time. Just remember, your adult socialization and paycheck don't have to go away completely. You can join various moms groups to make daytime friends (www.mops.org or www.momsclub.org). These groups also have Mom Night Out so you can get a break once in awhile. Also, you can have a home-based business like Avon, Mary Kay, Arbonne, Creative Memories, Pampered Chef, Stampin Up, etc. to make a little money and have a distraction outside of the home. Give your kids a gift...YOU!