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I HATE The Term "Stay at Home Mom"!

I HATE the term "Stay At Home Mom"! I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old and I do not work outside the home. And by work I mean earn a paycheck. I am rarely home. I am up and out of the house (with the kids) by 8 every morning. I am going to the gym, the grocery store, running errands, dropping off at preschool, Target you name it. When I am home I'm doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, wiping butts and noses, or doing the books for my husband's cabinet shop. When I hear "Stay At Home Mom" I think of Peggy Bundy watching soaps and eating Bon Bon's all day. That's not me! Not even close! There has to be a more accurate label for women like me.

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Oh, this is making me laugh thinking of my three years as a "stay-at-home" mom. I read an article in a magazine one day and applied their advice on how to respond when asked what I did. Here is what happened. I was asked at a charity dinner with my husband and other working types what I did and I indicated that I was conducting hands-on field research in the area of early child development. The response back were things like, "How fascinating", or "that must require a lot of energy". Try it, it works. Also, I think full-time Mom is a more appropriate title.

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I would give anything to be able to call myself a Stay at Home Mom. If I had the oppotunity to quit my job and be home to take care of my family and run my home full time, you could call me anything you wanted! Appreciate what you have and don't worry about what others think. You know how hard you work and how important you are.

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I'm with ya, sister!!! I have a 22 month old crazy boy and a 6-1/2 month old girl! Life is busy. I like the "House Executive" title that someone wrote!! let's go with that one.........

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Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations:

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office
Was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder,
"do you have a job or are you just a......?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,"
Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the
Same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
Efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like,
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it?
I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
Looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
In bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,
"just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research,
[what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
And already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are

More of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
Completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
Testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than
"just another Mom." Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.


Does this make grandmothers
"Senior Research associates in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations"
And great grandmothers
"Executive Senior Research Associates"?
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts
"Associate Research Assistants".

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Oh, this is making me laugh thinking of my three years as a "stay-at-home" mom. I read an article in a magazine one day and applied their advice on how to respond when asked what I did. Here is what happened. I was asked at a charity dinner with my husband and other working types what I did and I indicated that I was conducting hands-on field research in the area of early child development. The response back were things like, "How fascinating", or "that must require a lot of energy". Try it, it works. Also, I think full-time Mom is a more appropriate title.

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I would give anything to be able to call myself a Stay at Home Mom. If I had the oppotunity to quit my job and be home to take care of my family and run my home full time, you could call me anything you wanted! Appreciate what you have and don't worry about what others think. You know how hard you work and how important you are.

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I always say that I am the CEO of a non-profit organization!

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I was at a loss the first time I went through Customs after quitting my job to raise my kids so I fumbled on the answer to my occupation. The Customs Agent told me the official job title for someone in my position - running the house, raising the kids (circa 2000) is "Residental Administrator". I like that one so much, I put it on our tax returns now.

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Whats wrong with just saying your a MOM! It is no ones business, whether you work for a paycheck or not. Being a mother is work and if you are lucky enough not to have a second job outside the house more power to you. Our mothers weren't call stay at home MOms they were just moms.

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Why are you worried? You have a gift of being able to stay at home with your kids. Not every woman is blessed with that. Are you feeling like your not doing enough? Why the big insecurity? If you love what you do, don't worry about what others say.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt, 'This Is My Story,' 1937

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why let it bother you what your job title is? I don't think most people who hear the term "stay at home mom" actually think of Peggy Bundy OR that we ACTUALLY spend the entire day in the house. And those who do ... clearly aren't worth worrying about in the first place because they are morons.

I personally, VERY proudly say I've been a stay at home mom for the past 15 years. And I'm now proudly going back to school. My husband and I made the choices we felt were best for us and our children and anyone who doesn't like that or thinks I "do less" can take a long walk off a short pier.

What others think about what I do means nothing. I know what I do and I know the truth about it and so do the people who MATTER in my life. Everyone else, their opinions just don't matter to me.

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M.O.M. = Mobile Operations Manager

You manage to do schedules, housework, cooking, chauffeuring, errands, healthcare, book keeping, etc. while constantly on the go. But it's true, we do anything but "stay at home". Be proud that you're a MOM!

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Yes we work 24 hrs a day but people think we do nothing...
Our Career Title is called Domestic Engineer
So when people ask you what do you do you say I'm a Domestic Engineer and that is all, you never have to say I'm a stay at home mom becuse your either never home or doing something domesticated....

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I agree that the term probably isn't the best but you sound like what you do is unique. Working moms do all you mentioned as well as work but we generally don't have time for they gym. I have never thought of taking care of my 3 girls as being a "job". It's part of being a mom.

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Carol D. hit it on the nose...wow, go to the gym, target?? I, too would love to have that time!!! I luckily only work 30 hours a week and that is considered "part time" by the way, have 3 boys too! just wait until they are older and have field trips, games, class parties and you can go to them because you are a "domestic goddess" and have the time. Us working moms can't and miss these things because we have to work.... then we go to the gym, grocery store, run errands, banking, target, dishes, laundry, homework, practices, school functions etc.... AFTER we get off work! I, too just had to laugh, consider yourself lucky, who cares what people think!

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I am so PROUD of being a "Stay at home mom". I am a proud mother of four girls (11,7, and 3 year old twins) so I too am not home very much. But I have not always been a stay at home mom. For our first two daughters, my husband and I both worked full time and had our girls in day care. This is what we did just until four years ago. When I worked, I was close enough to my home, that on my lunch I would come home do a load of laundry, vacuum, do the dishes and anything else that needed to be done. On other days I would dash over to Target or Safeway and get as much as I could within a time frame. After getting off work and scrambling across town picking up my kids, once we got home dinner needed to be done. I still had the same responsibilities as I have now, but in a much smaller time frame. My husband worked very long hours, so much of this was by myself. Now being a full time stay at home mom, I can truly appreciate what that title in itself says. I am blessed to be able to be at home with my four daughters and communicate with them and not always be in a mad dash, though there are days where it is hectic. I have a wide range of friends in my life, and not one has ever thought that my job is easy and referred to it as "Peggy Bundy" I take great pride in being at home for my family, and would not change it or my title for anything. If there are people out there that think my job is easy, that is their opionion, and I will not try to make them see otherwise. I am confident enough within myself and the job that I do, than to try and prove myself to anyone. My biggest supporter is my husband, and he appreciates all that I do. He knows that it is hard, but so is his job. We don't compare our jobs, instead we support eachother and encourage one another when we have had rough days. When I was working full time, it was a neccesity, and I wanted nothing more than to be at home. Now that I am blessed to have this opportunity, I am so proud to call myself a stay at home mom. I have several friends and family members that work full time and they would some day love to be able to share the same title. I would encourage you to be confident in what you do, take pride in it, and the title is not important, it is what you do with it. I want my kids to not remember me as a mom who was always darting around town and keeping busy, but as a mom that was there for their emotional and spiritual needs. I am very intent on doing all that I can do in the morning, so that I am fully available for them once they come home. Being a stay at home mom is a very hard job, all the more reason to be proud of who and what you are.

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What's wrong with "stay at home Mom"? There are thousands of mothers out there who would love to have that title but are not able to. Stay at home moms have benefits that other mothers don't have. Stay at home moms raise the best kids, you know. I was a stay at home mom and proud of it. I don't need any fancy terms to raise my self esteem. My kids are proof that stay at home moms are the best!!! Be proud of your title and your kids will be proud of you.

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I prefer Work at Home Mom.

Give yourself the credit you deserve!!!!

:) M. S

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Be proud to be a Stay At Home Mom!  I am.  Not many people get this opportunity.  Of course we work the hardest, but I believe we have the best compensation -- we get to spend quality time with our children and see them grow into wonderful little people.  My wonderful husband works so hard and he only gets to see them at the end of the day when they're half asleep.  With all due respect, I think your problem with the term is caused by your own stereotype.  I think most people don't think of Peggy Bundy when they hear Stay At Home Mom.  Don't over analyze what your "title" is. Go play with your kids.  Relax and count your blessings.

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Hi K.,

WOW! It sounds to me like you may feel some guilt over not earning a paycheck. I have 6 children and have always held a full time job plus part time if needed. I am married and my husband has always worked also. As I read what you wrote,laughing, I almost spit coffee on my screen! First, I dont have time to join a gym and working moms can tell you that the gym is a luxury! Also you put grocery shopping as if it were a daily job, I go 2 times a week for a family of 8 and by the way, I cook dinner and serve it everynight. The way I see it is you would be a stay at home mom...sorry!! But I do think you may feel something inferior for doing it because it shouldnt really bother you that you are a stay at home mom, so much is to be said for the lady that gets to stay home and keep the house and raise the kids as her "job" it isnt easy but I will tell you it is much better than to be a "working" mom. I have never had a maid, or nanny and have always had to deal with the sitters on my own, prior to work. I kinda got a kick outta your mentioning Target...OMG girl, you go shopping this would be also something I do for fun if and when I get a hour that is not occupied.
Listen, I can see where you might think the term "stay at home mom" should be "work hard as heck maid and child care" but lets face it for those of us who do it ALL...not so much pity to the stay-at home and go to the gym moms"

good luck with that silly complex though...*giggles

C.

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I, too, am a stay at home mom. But, I have part-time work I do out of the home, too. This helps me to keep a sense of "self". Maybe you might consider a home-based business if you're not interested in part-time work outside the home.

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I don't understand why you think this has a negative reflection. I think being a Mom is the most valuable thing in society, truly. I do happen to work full time and have an almost four year old and appreciated how much work it was when I stayed home with my baby. You are right, it's a lot of thankless work, but then again, so is going to work everyday and working for other people that most of us who are not fortunate enough to be supported by someone else do because we must.

So, be fortunate, not defensive. Perhaps you feel inferior and it has nothing to do with how other people perceive you. Maybe you could amp up an hour of your day to do something for yourself that feeds your personal desires and boosts your self image and then, you won't feel that other people are putting you down. You are many things, why not be one more that is just for you! Perhaps you are a jewelry designer or perhaps you can be an investment adviser for your husband's business, etc. or maybe you can be a volunteer at Shriners to read books to kids or rock babies for an hour a week because you are so damn good at it, skip the gym one day a week - give something back for your wonderful life.

Most of us who work do all these things as well as the things you have the luxury to do during the day, AFTER work, be grateful. 8'oclock is not an early day.

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I too am a "stay at home mom" or "house wife". I love any of those titles. Most people that bring home $$$ are envious that they can't do the same. Be happy that you are fortunate (financially) enough to do it. I know what I do and I do a great job. I just wish I could eat bon bons all day and have Peg Bundy's body! :) Enjoy what you do...cause you do an awesome job!!! :)

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I'm with ya, sister!!! I have a 22 month old crazy boy and a 6-1/2 month old girl! Life is busy. I like the "House Executive" title that someone wrote!! let's go with that one.........

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Hi K.,
There is an email about a 24/7 mother of a 17, 13, 10 and 5 year old who when filling out an application somewhere came to the occupation line, she put down something like CEO of Research and Developement in Human Relations. When the clerk commented she continued saying she is currently envolved in intense field research for past 17 years. Being a mom of 3 sons and 3 stepchildren, I love it.

When I give clients my background info, I always say that my father (who was a single parent) raised me to be a Domestic Engineer(giggles always follow), I add, I didn't realize helping others excell was more rewarding at home and work. In my field you can be flexible, nuture your family and create income simutaneously. www.sherylbueno.com or email me at ____@____.com

There are so many moms who would love to stay at home and can not indulge. Forgive those who belittle you in your mind. You can only be robbed of your self if you let someone steal from you. Count your blessings and be the best you can be. You are a special breed in this day and age.

Be Awesome!
S.

This is such a great post, I am laughing out loud right now!!! :-)

My husband calls me "Boss" -- when he's in trouble, he really means it, and when he's not in trouble, he says it anyway just to be safe. ;-) ;-)

My sister called herself a "Domestic Engineer". I thought that was cute.

O.K. How about "Home Administrator"?

I have been feeling the same way lately. I like to say I'm a "Stay With My Kids" mom.

Domestic Diva! I applaud you! I wish we all could be like you!

Fortunately, I think these days people are beginning to realize that stay at home moms are worth their weight in gold. I'm sorry if anyone is making you feel bad about it. The truth is that moms work harder than any other profession out there. I am a single mom, have a paying job, but am allowed to work from home, and I homeschool. So I am raising my own kids 24 hours a day. You deserve an award if you do! I think of myself as a "Full-time Home Manager." Whatever you decide to call yourself, know that those who don't raise their own kids are sometimes jealous of those of us that do. Keep up the good work!

My title is: VP Domestic Affairs. I report to the President (our toddler) and Chairman (our baby). Daddy is CFO.

But when someone "condescendingly" asks "And what do you do?". I proudly respond "Oh, I am a STAY AT HOME MOM", just because "title" is such a ridiculous thing anyway!

Whoever came up with the term did not know what really goes on as the primary caregiver/household CEO. Here is another view:
"Based on a survey of more than 40,000 mothers, Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $138,095 for a stay-at-home mom. Working moms ‘at-home’ salary is $85,939 in 2007; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace.
The job titles that best matched a mom's definition of her work are (in order of hours spent per week): housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist."

Get creative and find another title for yourself. Ex. The CEO of the L Family. or Family Management Counselor or ...... and tell people what you do in semi technical terms. Instead of 'wiping butts and noses' (hopefully not in that order) possibly helping individuals in the emancipation process or social / personal development skills. It can be quite fun being creative. Enjoy

Hi K.,

Just like you, I am a "stay at home mom" and I know how you feel. I have two boys, a 8 years old and a almost 4 years old.
And when people ask me what I do for a living, I reply :"I am a domestic engineer!" and most people agree with me and the ones that don't don't know what real work it. Maybe next time someone ask you what you do, tell them you are a Domestic Engineer and watch how they respond!
Have a nice day,
M.

I would say...."Domestic Engineer". you do not have a paying job, but you do work throughout the day....I have a paying job, but my work does not stop until 11pm at night. I feel you.....

Hear, hear! Have you read the blog on the site pasted below? It's great--lists all the jobs we moms do daily and suggests sort of a yearly paycheck/bill for these jobs. Clever.

Doesn't suggest a good alternative to the term SAHM, though. Take heart, I know there are clever ones out there. How about NAHM (never-at-home-mom), but that doesn't cover all that we DO take care of at home. The terms 'working' and 'mom' are synonymous, really, so how about 'AWM' (always working mom)? Not catchy enough. Hope you get some other good suggestions, but until then, know that you are in good company--working hard as a mom but willing to accept that the benefits and pay are packaged up differently, instead of in a paycheck.

http://kristinandlogan.blogspot.com/search/label/SAHM%20f...

How about Domestic Engineer? ;o)
I've heard that title used before.
I think all mom's have to work very hard to keep up their home whether they are able to be at home with their little ones or they have to have a job that brings in a paycheck. Mom's that work have a really hard time too. At the end of the day though, I think any mom will tell you that it's a very hard job to be a mommy but the most rewarding work you will ever do. :o)

I totally agree with you. I had a confrontation with a mom at our school lately and one of the last comments she said to me was " I have a real job." She use to be a good friend too, not anymore. My kids are in 4th & 6th grade and I still keep busy, I'm not always home. I think sometimes the ones that say things like that are jealous because they are not able to stay home and do things with their kids at school. I do think people think we do nothing but sit around and watch soaps and eat bon bons. I do yard duty, pick the kids up, drive them hear and there, store, cook, laundry etc. I am happy to be able to stay home with my kids but at the same time sometime it would be nice be around adults a little more.
I know many moms that feel this same way, we may stay at home, but home is not always AT HOME, its the car many times.
I think we should be called "Domestic Engineers".
I'm a mom of 2 boys 9 & 11.

Hi, I feel the same way, so I call myself a " domestic goddess", which feels much better! Hope this gives you a pat on the back when you tell someone what you do for a living. Take care.

I think Home Manager is more accurate. And I love the Mom Salary Wizard link below!!

"Life Manager" :>)
S.

Full Time Mom kind of says it all! add on "lousy pay, long hours, great perks".

I call myself the Home Management Extraordinaire

Dedicated mom is more like it. God bless you.

Dear K.: I agree - Stay at Home implies house coat and frumpy... but be glad you can - working out of the home and daycare can be hard... I have a home business consulting for Arbonne Swiss Skin Care - we have great botanically based products that are pure, safe and beneficial for the whole family. I have built a nice business in 7 months that I can tend to from home in the nooks and crannies of my life - would you be interested in some info on Arbonne? Check out my website at www.melaniebrunner.myarbonne.com for lots of information on the company and the products. Work your own hours, build residual, willable income for your family, drive the white mercedes company car - live well, look well, feel well! Enjoyy your "stay at home" time with your family!

M. Brunner, Regional Vice President
Arbonne International

I don't have a suggestion... I just wanted to say "AMEN" I too have a schedule much like yours. I am far from sitting on my butt watching soaps and eatin' bon bons :)

Well, think of this way. It is better than being called a house wife! Talk about lame! It is not a term to mean that you never do anything outside the home, just that you do not have a job outside of what you do for your family. If you want to change the term again than think of something that would be more fitting and pass it along.

Domestic Godess always sounded good to me!!!!!

AMEN, Sister!!! My husband refers to me as a Domestic Engenieer. Not such a bad title!
A. W.

So instead of saying you're a SAHM. Just tell people you're a RMOKM.

That stands for "Raise My Own Kids Mom".

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing enough because I don't bring in any money but my husband loves to have me at home, I love to take care of my daughter and the house (we rent but I still say mine… ha) and in the end... if you love what you do and can make it work, screw everyone else.

Hi K., I totally relate to your coment. I have been a mom since 1985 and still have 10 * 11 at home. I am not creative so I can't help with a new title, but anyone who has ever been there (and I recommend dads 4 to 7 days a year) can understand that your job is EVERYTHING. If you look at it differently then people around you will. It sounds like your not being appreciated. I am here to tell you I appreciate your job! I have done both, stay home and doing books for my husband like you and now I have been in the work force. My kids are in school now so it allows me more time. I still come home and do dishes, laundry, housework and the books. But now I have a whole new set of issues being gone all day doesn't allow me time to get it all done. We need MOMS like you who enjoy staying home with the kids and all the stuff that goes with it. Our children need to have that stability to get their foundation for their lives. We can't always do it and when a mom needs to work, the guilt is so encompassing we do anything to try to make it ok. I aplaud you and the term "stay at home Mom" is something to be proud of and your husband that has a good enough income that allows you to stay home, needs to be reconized. That is why I had to go to work. My ex-husband couldn't handle the responsibilty of a JOB! Thank god I LOVE my work, I get to help people and make an income. Thanks for listening, J. J

How about full time mother, or full tiem parent?

K., I am not sure if this was at all your intention but your request was hilarious. "Stay at home mom" is a term that has never quite worked for me either. How about "hard-working, multi-tasking, mom"...I don't think it needs to be specified in the phrase whether you earn a paycheck or not...people can figure that part our as they get to know you more. I would love to hear if you get some responses you like...maybe you could post them tomorrow. Take Care, A.

You're not alone! I've seen this quote: Every mother is a working mother.

When my daughter was born I volunteered with a organization. I was introduced by someone else as a stay at home mom. The leader of the group then said "Oh good. We've been looking for someone with extra time to go over our videos, website etc."

What extra time!!!????!!!!

On a cute note: a teacher I know asked the children which moms worked outside the home. One boy answered that his mom worked outside the home - sometimes she worked in the garden.

I hear what you're saying. It doesn't seem to give enough credit to all the we do!!
A friend of mine says that she works inside and outside the home when someone asks her what she does for a living.
Other "stay at home moms" KNOW that a "stay at home mom" does NOT "stay at home" and even when we are at home, we are not sitting on our bums watching soaps and talk shows. If the t.v. is on, it is most likely a kid show and we are probably running around doing laundry and dishes trying to get as much done as possible in a half hour, or hour.
The people who matter, know what we do.

Hi K.,

Let us not forget that we were all once a baby and being a child and having gone through tough times in our teenage years ... Didn't we all wanted a Mom or Dad who spent more time with us, understood more of our minds and our feelings and our needs? My mom was a very successful career woman, who loved us and tried to care for us - but one's time and energy are limited (ask any working mom). That's why I found staying at home such a precious job. I would do anything to raise a good man out of my son, and I can't see any other job is better or more worthy - consider the lost salary a gift for my family for being here. Having said that, I too was working mom once and I too felt awkward when telling people I'm not working any more. I think we should just stay away from those who don't understand our priorities and those who have need to belittle others to make their own choices seem superior. I do have great respect for those who chose to work and be a super mom at once, God knows how hard that can be; and those who can't afford to quite working, bless them...

I feel the same way - the stay at home mom term just does not give what we do everyday the justice it deserves. I worked in a very high stress job with high turnover before I had a baby, but now that I stay at home, I realize that my job as a mother and indentured servant (!) is a million times harder than anything I have ever done in my life. I could throw all of my higher education out the window, because no amount of learning or studying can ever prepare you for parenthood - and when I say parenthood, I just don't mean caring for children. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, errands, grocery shopping, ringleader, tantrum stopper - and while we love our kids, we sometimes endure a torture that we do not earn a paycheck for!
Its easy to feel undervalued in a society that holds the dollar as the ultimate value - it took me a long time to feel like I was still a valued member of society even though I wasn't earning a paycheck, but working 10 times as hard. But WE know, all of us mothers, that WE do the most important job in the world - we are creating the future!

Doing the right thing, and by this I mean staying home with your kids isn't always going to win you accolades and praise. I also "stay at home" and take care of my teenage sons and 2 year old. Teenagers more than ever need parental involvement! I don't see staying home as a blessing, the children are the blessing and they deserve the commitment that it takes to be there for them. Just having us around the home is so good for them along with taking them out shopping and running errands. Don't worry about the title it's a trivial piece of poo. Just keep feeling positive about yourself and the security that you are providing for not only your children but also your husband. We are the heartbeat of the family label or no label.

I too feel funny about the term. It just doesn't convey the substance of what we do in a day. I love being a stay at home mom, just don't know what to put down when filling out a form with a tiny little space to write your occupation. I cherish the fact I don't have to work anymore like the first 2.5 yrs where I had to work/juggle a job and baby. I consider myself semi-retired now since paying bills in my pjs seems so decadent!

I really like Home Executive! That's the best term I've seen so far. (And I really like how the one woman uses that term automatically when working with her clients :) ) We really do incorporate CEO, COO, COF...all those roles into one. I'll use this term next time I'm filling in a form.

I've used Councillor of the Exchecquer before; not that its any shorter but it makes people pause and wonder. And gives me a chuckle.

I used to be a "stay at home mom" and hated that title too. So, I made up business cards and officially called myself a "domestic engineer." Eventually, when I went back into the work world, I put that title on my resume and many potential employers thought it was a very creative title.

Many people now prefer...CFO Chief Family Officer ;-)I hear you though, it can be tough, and it does feel sometimes like a marginalizing term.

I have a quote to share to keep things in perspective:

"that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet"

I work, outside of the home full time so perhaps my sympathy to people undermining just how much work you do is limited but if I were you, I would stick with "MOM, and darn good at it!"

I consider myself a "Domestic Goddess"

How about......"Domestic Engineer"??? I personally love being a "stay at home mom".

I love the term "Stay at Home Mom" I don't think of it as a bad thing. Kids need more time with there Parents . I am 31 and a Mother of 4 children 11,7,5,1. I dream of days when my husband will get this amazing job that can let me stay at home. Needless to say I am a full time working mom I live in Los Banos and commute to Morgan Hill with three of the youngest children. I am up at 515Am and out of the house by 615. I drop all the kids off at there school and daycare then I am off to work. I don't get home until 630 at night. Most days I don't even see my house in the daylight. After I get home I still have to fit in Homework, bathtime, dinner. I have no idea what ME TIME really is. And I still have to fit into my schedule all that you said above grocery store, errands, baseball practice ect. I haven't been to my gym in months.

I am even trying a home bussiness to see if it works. "Noah's Ark Animal Workshop".

So enjoy the time that you can sit down with your children. You may not make a paycheck. But all moms work hard no matter what they are doing.

Personally, I embrace the term "Stay at Home Mom." I am proud and honored that my husband is able to and cares enough to have ME be the one raising our children.

Many of my 'Mom' friends aren't nearly as lucky, as they do have to be employed outside the home. I babysit several of their kids providing after-school care- and I do not envy a single one of them for what they go through to have an employment title such as Office Manager, Data Entry Clerk, or Sales Associate.

It takes a lot more commitment to take on your own children 24/7 than it does reporting to strangers and doing their bidding. I would hope that you would change your thinking- what do you think of the other Stay at Home Moms in your area? Are they all the Peggy Bundy type? If you can re-associate your perception of the title... I think you'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary, undirected animosity in the years to come.

On a sidenote... "hate" is a very hateful word... in our home we don't use it except in extreme situations or as a noun rather than a verb. My kids (now 7 & 9) refer to it as the "H" word... it was really funny once when my then much younger daughter once told me "I "H" it" about something... (say it out loud and see what it sounds like!)

And finally, if you are serious about a new title- here's a great story for you... one of my favorites:

Not "Just a Mom"
By Author Unknown

A woman renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a...

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."

Motherhood...What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

I am a Domestic Engineer! That is the term I came up with a few years ago. But I wouldn't let the term (SAHM) bug you so much, you and your family know what you do and you will look back with great satisfaction when your children are grown and on their own. Those of us who don't have to go to a workplace outside our homes are very fortunate indeed. We get more bonding time with our children which in itself is a big bonus, and we are also great at serious multi-tasking...how many businesses can boast of every employee being able to do that? Be proud of what you do, you are one of a kind to your family and no label can diminish that!!

When people ask what I do, I tell them that I am a professional bon-bon eater -- I just lie around all day, watching TV and eating bon-bons.

This lets the people know that I do stay home with my children -- but it also makes them smile and laugh! Then they always jump in to reassure me that my job is valuable and to encourage me in my work. I like that job title because it forces the issue of just what moms-at-home do all day and contribute to society. Then, people feel forced to defend my decision to stay at home -- and I don't have to.

When pressed, I will tell people that I am a "home-maker". I happen to like that term because I think that is my main job: making a home for my children and family. Everything I do (and you too, based on your list), is designed to create a warm safe place for my children to grow into responsible adults -- adults who will help run this country in my old age.

Look around -- see all the problems caused by children who don't have a good home? Or by adults who didn't have one? What can be a greater contribution to the world than changing that?

PS -- A few folks have asked me if I could get them some samples -- and is See's (or Giradellis) coming out with a new candy?

Don't get hung up on the term. You can call yourself anything you like yet the work will be the same.

K. ,I am a Realtor and Loan Officer, When I am taking clients information I never put (housewife)or (unemployed)I write down (Home Executive) regardless of what term they use for not being formelly employed. I believe more women should use that term (HOME EXECUTIVE) Because it takes the tenacity of an executive to run a household and raise children. I raised four. Do not be afraid to use that label you deserve it.
Best Wishes
Beatriz Supnet

It's a toughie, isn't it! My mother says when she was at home with us in the 70s there was a trend to calling SAHMs Home Economists, which cracks me up. My sister contends that she's the CEO of a small business (her family); she can rattle off the whole list of roles and responsibilities. But neither one works in easily into everyday conversation. How about "I'm a mom." No need to qualify what kind or where you spend your days?

I to am a stay at home mom but I don't call myself that anymore. Someone once told me I was a "DOMESTIC GODDESS" and they wish they were in my place I have a 10yr old and a 4yr and in between all the errands I'm also running around for my husband who also has his own buisness.

K., I am and have been a stay at home mom for the last 7 years. I too am sick of that label. For the last two years I have renamed my title to " DOMESTIC GODDESS!" This title makes me feel good and worthy of all the many roles I play in my family at my home! I hope you can use it too. When I tell other people my title I get a few laughs and it makes it fun. Try it!

That's funny you mention this. The other day my friend asked me "so what are you doing now?", I told her that I was working at home. She then said "are you doing a side job?" and I said no I stay at home and work. I have to take care of my son and clean the house and cook. The same day, because it was my son's birthdate, she kept asking me the same question, without exaggerating she asked me three times and I kept telling her the same thing. My last answered was the same except I added why don't you believe me, it's a lot of work staying at home. By the way, she also just had a baby and our babies are the same age, except she has families who takes care of her son while she does other things at any time. I don't have that priviledge because my husband and I don't have any families here, nor any close friends. So that's my story. I just thought I share. Don't get me wrong I do feel privileged been at home with my son and watch him grow. I just don't appreciate people like her who think I'm not been productive been at home...so I just tell people "I work at home".

I use the term "Full time Mom", it makes people think first before they smile at you blankly...
:) J.

I'm laughing so hard right now! I am in the same situation as you and I agree that the term Stay At Home Mom sucks! I too am hardly ever home!! When I tell people what I do, I say that I'm lucky enough to be a full-time mom. :)

Totally agree!
I raised my children for 16 years, am proud of it and thrilled with the result.
What about "full time Mom"?
It's what we do, we give 100% of everything, if not more ;-)
I think we are doing the most wonderful and important job in life. Too bad if some people don't get it.

There are lot's of more politically correct words or phrases that you can use, to make yourself feel better, or sound better. But I honestly feel like it's all in your personal perception of the phrase. I on the other hand, stand proud and tall to say I am a stay at home Mom, in fact, when I have worked a little outside the home, I still call myself a stay at home Mom, because I think it's the most wonderful meaningful job I can personally do. I am a mom just like you, hardly ever home, always out, but making sure I'm rushing home for a proper nap, and when I am hope I'm cleaning, playing with the kids, doing projects wiping boogers, changing poops, you name it, I'm doing it. So therefore, I think it's just in the way you percieve the phrase, it means different things to different people. The days of thinking that stay at home mom's just sit around the house watching soaps and eating bon bons are almost all gone.

I hate that term too...we are so much more than stay at home moms!!! Having worked in the corporate world for 10 years and giving it up after having my 2 beautiful daughters, I can say to you that we moms are defiantly CEO's (Chief Executive Officers) of our households!!! We are undoubtedly the highest-ranking administrator in charge of total management of our homes. Too bad we don’t get paid for it!

I'm ok with SAHM, but it's not what I tend to use for self-reference. I usually tell people I'm a full-time volunteer. If they ask for clarification, I describe my work on non-profit boards and in my household with equal gravity. My mom was a proud lady-who-lunches-for-charity (even when working full-time) and she set for me the example that each of us owes our gifts to the service of our community. That community starts at home. Some of us have time, some of us have money, some of us have neither but abundant smarts, perseverance, religious conviction, or whatever. This sounds like snobbishness, but I don't mean it that way. I mean that as long as your ethic is of service -- to your family, to your community -- it doesn't matter if you receive a paycheck.

Rid yourself of the myth of the lazy mom! It was created by people with a serious lack of imagination to describe work they considered beneath themselves (i.e. male advertising copywriters). Don't buy into the devaluing of your effort to make this world better, one baby at a time!

I had recieved some offer for free business cards so I took it up and had them made out with my name and email address. Job title? Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations. I keep a few in my wallet for fun so if anyone I haven't seen in a while or some random asks me what I do now or what I do for a living, i just hand them one of those cards. It sums it up anyway.

I know exactly what you mean. My children are grown and out of the house now. I was fortunate enough to be able to be fully involved in their lives, as you are doing, and enjoyed that experience. Even though I knew I was doing the best for my family and for me, it often felt awkward at social gatherings, especially those with no children, to be asked "what do you do?" or "what kind of work do you do?" Most people were very supportive when they heard what I was doing - guess most of the time they were just trying to make conversation and it is a common question to ask. Now I am on the other end of the spectrum with taking care of our parents, am rarely home with similar errands to yours with the little ones and still get asked what I do. I once received a great little poster with the list of all the different positions we do when we choose to be a "stay-at-home" person. It listed things like teacher, nurse, psychologist, secretary, chauffer, sports organizer, chef, professional shopper, bookkeeper, gardener, the list goes on and on. Hm, maybe a typed list could be onhand to show to those people who don't have a clue as to what keeps us going? I have yet to come up with another "title" for our postions. Let me know if you figure something out! In any event, please know that there are people out here who appreciate and value how you are living your life and that your children are getting the best that life can have to offer. These experiences are learning events for us as adults as well.

The same for me and let's invent a better one , maybe something like REAL mom, i don't want to insult working moms though so we have to think on this one

Hi K.-

The new moms in my group just had this discussion the other day over lunch (all previously well educated professionals...and some planning to go back to their previous professions) and we all agreed that you are working regardless of whether you choose to work inside or outside the home. If you went back to work, then the person you "hired" would be taking care of your children and filing a tax return in the process...while you work and pick up a paycheck outside the home. Therefore, why aren't you a professional mom just like a professional nanny or a professional daycare provider. Either you take care of your children, which is beyond a full-time job or you pay somebody to do it. Either way it is a job and the hardest one on earth nonetheless! Be proud to say you are a professional mom! Cheers and kudos to you for deciding to do it yourself!

Hi K....

You will have to find the term that works for you...My girlfriends and I considered ourselves Domestic Goddesses....Domestic Engineers...and on the really busy days Wonder Woman...find what makes your heart sing....You are a powerful part of what makes your family work...love that you do not need to work outside the home for the almighty dollar...cherish the time you have with your children and know the service you provide for your husbands business is truly important...
Seek your title...find your joy...T.

K., you are absolutely right. You are a full time mother and wife. To do the work you do one would have to hire 3 or more full time employees. A while back I read an article by someone who had analyzed the value of what you do. I can't remember exactly what it was but it was a lot and it didn't include the position of accountant.
The problem is that all mom's aren't full time mothers and homekeepers. They spoil it for those who really are.
D. Bohr
retired teacher, mom and grandmother
CranioSacral Therapy/pre/post natal massage

Hi K.. You are doing the most important work, here on earth. It is highly valued by the most important people, your children. When someone referrs to you as "Stay at Home Mom" if you feel their intention was a complement, you would know. If you feel from it that they are devaluing you, you will feel that too. From what you have written, it feels like the latter. When I see women that are at home, raising their children, and their energy is mostly revolving around them, I feel they are so fortunate. In my life, I am constantly trying to free up space, time, and energy to give to my son. Because I realize he needs me to guide him, not his daycare provider, - me! And in my soul, the best I feel is when I am here, raising him. It feels right, it feels like what I am supposed to be doing. When I am out there working and not devoting enough time to him, it seems like my whole world is upside down, and I'm not tending to what is most important. If anyone is raising their children, all of the time, around the clock, they would know how much work that is! Men are thought of to be so strong, yet, I do not know many that could do this type of work. It takes incredible patience, love. The truth is you are not a "stay at home mom". You are a guide, a nuturer, a driver, an organizer, a maid, a disciplinarian, a book keeper, and a wife - and all that entails. Women are a target for people to try to disempower. So next time you feel devalued, before taking it in, look at who is saying it. Is this person empowered in him/herself? Meaning does this person like themselves, is happy in their own lives, and doesn't need to put other people down to feel better about themselves, yet actually lifts other people's spirits? Remember, you are a powerful human being, a mother, a nuturer, doing the most important work. Our children are our future. As you nurture them, they will nurture the world. Good job!

I am a full-time working mom and I do everything you do, going to the gym, the grocery store, run errands, Walmart, laundry, dishes, cleaning and I do all that outside of my work hours.

Hi K.,

What I feel on you is that, you are working and not being compensated in the form of salary. The truth is, that is exactly the kind of life I have been dreaming of - to be a stay at home mom. My personal opinion is that, You are so lucky. I am dying to be a stay at home mom. I want to be the one to take care of my kids, do the errands, manage the house. The only different is that once if decided to be a stay at home mom I should be generating money around my schedule. Right now, I have a home base business that slowly genenerates income while working full time and taking care of 4 kids, ages, 17, 7, 6 and 1 year old. My kids always ask me When you gonna stay home for good. It broke my heart when I say. Not yet but that is a sure thing to happen. Meantime, we need a lot of sacrifice to build my business so by the time my home base business exceeds my salary, then I can be a full time stay at home mother.

Right now, You might want to consider making extra money while doing errands. Start small and you will be excited every day while being a stay at home mom. To be honest with you, there are so many moms like me who wants to be a stay at home mom. Most of the time I hear moms say. If only I have the money, I will stay at home. I do not have the money so I am building a home base business.

Thank you for reading. B.. www.freedomathometeam.com/real

You are a "Home maker and full-time Mommy". You put the your heart into taking care of the kids and home. Without you it would just be a house and life would be chaotic.

You are a "domestic engineer." I have used that term on job applications and no one asks any questions.

How about "Full-Time Mom".......or "Full-Time Miracle Worker"?!

You are doing a good thing for your kids! Just be proud of that. :0)

Thank you so much for asking for feedback on this topic. I too have struggled with SAHM. It is hard to endure the misjudgments. My own and my partner included. But true we don't have to let it get to us. I really got so much out of reading everyone's feedback to you. Yes, it is so important to feel good about ourselves and what we are doing. And so true that SAHM's should really have a great sense of pride and be given a title worthy. I hadn't ever considered the jealousy element, maybe, I don't know. I loved what Kristin L. said, "we sometimes endure a torture that we do not earn a paycheck for". Thanks for that!!! Hats off to all the Ceo's of Domestic Affairs i.e. MOMS!

*hugs*

I think any number of labels wouldn't really describe what you do all day. Full time mom seems mean to those who work, as if they aren't a mom while they are in the office. Even those who have a salaried job end up doing most of the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. I remember my dad saying Domestic Engineer too, teehee.

Perhaps if someone calls you "stay at home mom", you can just brightly say, actually, I'm a "behind the wheel of my car running errands and taking my kids places all day mom."

You are way too sensitive. You should wear the term like a badge, since you are a dying breed. You are fortunate that you can do sll the things you have to do during the day and not have to squeeze it in after a full day's work elsewhere and on weekends. Working women have the same feelings in reverse, that they are neglecting their children by working and helping support the family. Then there are those with no children either by circumstance or choice and they, too, feel the sting of some sort of category, either others feeling sorry for the former or those who are jealous (yes jealous) of the latter or view the childless as self-centered and odd. Enjoy the life you have, whatever it is, and stop feeling sorry for yourself because of your interpretation of the phrase. We women know all the work we have to do so if some are envious, so be it. You are just luckier than a lot of women, but no more over worked or stressed than most, except maybe those who can afford help. G. V

How does "full-time homemaker" sound?

You're a "mom".Ever seen the bumper sticker 'Every mother is a working woman"? i got to grow up with a stay at home mom, who was one of those people who did a lot for the schools we were at and for other non-profits (charities is the old term for them), which seriously suffer a lack of parents with any such time now. I think she was also sort of depressed about having too many kids to easily continue working, though we didn't need extra income. The fact that so many moms have to work for the family to survive is not a condemnation of stay at home moms (or dads), but of lack of support for real 'family values'.If you can do it and you feel that's what's best for your family, all power to you, and try thinking 'sticks and stones...'

My husband calls us "Domestic Engineers". I like that. I use it when I want to sound like my job really counts (like on credit applications). Most of the time I don't mind being a "stay at home mom" because I am proud of the fact that my husband and I planned and saved and figured out a way to make it possible for me to be able to stay home and raise our daughter myself instead of having to pay someone else to do it. So many people today aren't able to do that for their children and I feel so lucky that I can! So call yourself what ever makes you feel better, but just remember: You are one of the lucky ones! :)

Best wishes for many happy days!

D.

I am with ya!! I was a HR/Payroll Asst MGR and had to become a stay at home mom after #3 was born. I worked for 6months before we realized child care was my income. I have a 7 yr, 6 yr, and 2 yr. My husband also own's a company out of the home. I do the same as you and try to have a life still with my family/friends/and volunteer at school (PTO). When my husband comes home, he thinks I have been watching TV all day and I should "keep him company" while he takes a bath, rub his back, wash his hear...I mean it is pathetic. I do yard work, laundry, cooking, cleaning...he does not lift a finger at home, but he pays all the bills. My friends and family think that I have life so easy and don't understand that I need a break, a breather. I am releaved to feel someone else is on the same boat. We need a moms club to get a "vacation" one night a week. Let me know if you hear any other terms for us, I think we are SOL>

Hi K.,

I too HATE the term SAHM (In advance I mean no disrespect or slander towards mothers and fathers who are able to stay home to raise their children). For me the term SAHM is just too close to the word SHAM. I prefer to refer to myself as a "GENUINE MOTHER" (GM) – definitions for GENUINE are:

REAL
AUTHETIC
UNADULTERATED
INDISPUTABLE
TRUE
ACTUAL
VALID

Definitions for MOTHER:

LOOK AFTER
CARE FOR
PROTECT
NURSE
TEND

Whether you are able to stay home with your kids or work outside the home, if you are a “GENUINE MOTHER” (GM)—you will do just fine by your family and yourself.

Blessings to you and your family

Honey its called a..........

DOMESTIC ENGINEER

and I DO know how hard you work and appriciate you for it~!
God made MOM's special~!~!~!

P.~

I have started telling people I don't work outside the home instead of saying I'm a stay at home mom. However, now that you mention it - I do work outside... at Target, Costco, trying to save money, balance our budget... get my son to activities and groups where we interact with others instead of sitting in the house all day everyday. Hm... I like Domestic Engineer.

I completely understand why you hate the term. So do I. Most of us who don't work for someone else outside of the home have these labels that have the stereotype of a lazy lady with kids running around like chickens with their heads cut off and the mom is eating in front of Jerry Springer or Days of Our Lives. But those of us who do work: keeping the family owned business on track, running errands to keep the house on track, cooking to keep everyone full, cleaning to keep everyone healthy...all of these things is work. The most beautiful part of it is spending quality time with our children, and caring for them the best way we know how. If "others" don's see this, then that is their ignorance and stereotypical thoughts that THEY need to work on, that is, if they want to better themselves. This is their problem. We shouldn't have to stress over someone else's opinions. Just know that there are many "work at home Moms" out there just like you, and you are right: we deserve way more credit!

A friend of mine used to say Domestic Godess... I love that but am, alas, a total klutz in the kitchen so I haven't used tht title for myself.

You have the wrong attitude about the term. Instead of Peg Bundy (and I guarantee no one else associates her with the term stay at home mom), think of Jackie O. It could be worse, let's try calling you a housewife or a homemaker.

Ask working mothers and most will say they wish they could be "stay at home moms", and they know you're not just sitting around. The only negative twist comes from sad people thinking they're personally defined by a job. You are better than them, feel proud to hold that title while you are able to.

Good luck from another lucky person (a stay at home mom for 7 years now)

K.,

Good point.............I feel the same way........I run the office for my husband as well,,,,,,,,I have a 6 year old, very involed in school and extra-curricular acitivities and a 16 month old..........I'm non-stop......i'm looking for secrets to do it all still....how do you do the gym...I want to....I don't do for me...I'm last....I say next week and that never comes.....I'm interested in how mom's like us do it all....

Hi K.,
All SAHMs know they are not literally at home all day - far from it. Many working (paycheck) moms will say that working is easier - as in paycheck - than coping at home.
Create a new label.
S. (Granny)

You may not want to hear it and my children are 18 and 25 years. I still don't want to do it but it never ends.
God's "LOVING CURSE" on EVE. Write me if you care to. I will be happy to listen to your complaints and add to them if you'd like. I also have "SOME" good answers-some!
P.
____@____.com

Hmmm...never saw it that way. Of course you will always get the ignorant ones that have no clue whatsoever what ours days and nights actually consist of. I quit my day job 6 years ago and have had two more since then and I know that it is the hardest darn job I have ever had. It is also the most rewarding. It is a job that does not give you time off or breaks...even with a sitter...you always have the cell phone handy waiting for that call. I personally am so much prouder to say that I am a SAHM over saying I work at the bank. Shoot...the women I come across thoughout my day of errands tell me that going to work is a vacation from being home with kids. I have people tell me all the time that they could not do it. I guess I just assume that when people hear the term SAHM that they just know what it is. Like my husband said when we decided on our life insurance amounts...."you may not bring actual cash home...but if you were not here to do it...it would cost me a ton of money to pay someone else to do it" We are nannies...maids....cooks...tutors...and that only goes for the kids...then we are wives that have husbands that need us as well! How many women do you know that can do all that!
R.

I think the CEO (of a small business) title is more accutrate then SAHM. What you do is valuable... "May 3rd, 2006 -- Salary.com,Inc.determined the top 10 jobs that make up a mom's job description, if paid, would earn $134,121 annually." That makes me feel proud for what I do at home. True there are those moms who stay at home and have a nanny, housecleaner, accountant, probably even a personal trainer, they are what I would label SAHM. You, on the other hand, WORK from home.

I have one for you, home life facilitator. It says it all.

I call myself a "Work at home Mom" or just a mom/homemaker/etc. I do work (I'm a personal chef) but it is usually in other people's homes or my home. I think the term stay at home just means your work is taking care of your home and family (feeding, giving them a clean home, clean clothes, etc). The accurate label for us (all of us) is Supermom. I say, call yourself that for a month to see if you like that term!

I don't like it, either. It doesn't begin to define what it is that we do. How about "Non-wage-earning Mom." Or "She Who Works for No Money." I don't know. It's a hard one to come up with. Any other ideas?

I like the term Domestic Engineer.

I so get this! Executives or CEO of the K. L.Institute.

When my husband would ask what I had done that day I told him I had been sitting on the couch eating BonBons, watching TV and that the house cleaned itself, and the washing machine did all the laundry while our child cooked and fed herself. He eventually found a new way to ask about my day. LOL. Others are not even worth the conversation. I just say I run my own business. I'm the COO of The Charmak Institute a user generated CO.
I think it just goes to show how the “stay at home mom” is valued by our society not to mention moms in general. If our system values family and our children so little why should their care takers expect to be of any more value. A sad state of affairs! This is an issue across the board and there are an endless amount of things to say. I find it irritating!
Good luck.

Yea, It's SUPERWOMAN! I have been there and done that. Even after going back to work and holding down two jobs, as a single "SUPERMOM" of two childern, my "EX" husband still thinks I sit around all day doing nothing. Well let me tell you, I got the biggest wake-up-call of my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Taking this last year off from work and having my family to come in and help with the kids, showed me just how much I really do in a day. My biggest lesson..."Don't sweat the small stuff!" and live every moment with all that you have in you. I always wanted to be a "Stay At Home Mom", and now that I am once again, I have to agree that this title has far out lived it's usefullness, if you will. I seriously think that "SUPERWOMAN" is long overdue for a come back. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you are anything less!

When responding to what I do (before I earned a paycheck from home) I responded that I take care of my children, husband and home. Now that I am back in school I proudly state that I was a stay home mom, and for those few people who think of Peggy Bundy, I elaborate on the butt and nose wiping and all the wonderful stuff too - like teaching my daughters at home preschool, and seeing both of my kids grow and thrive while I was taking care of them (and yes, even my husband growing and thriving - he can get those dirty underwear INTO the hamper now!)

My advise here - don't dwell on what makes you negative - give it a positive spin. Think of all you do and give yourself a title. When people hear it they will want an explanation and you can proudly state what your job entails, and that you do it for the best reason of all - love, not a monetary paycheck or material benefits.

Hey K.,

Try "Domestic Engineer". This one is used by some here in Silicon Valley.

I believe I may have invented "Domestic Goddess". Not sure but this is another option I use.

I used the two above depending on what group I am with. In Silicon Valley, I tend to use "Domestic Engineer". If I am on the East Coast, I tend to use "Domestic Goddess". I feel both aptly describe what I do coupled with the fact I have two Masters Degrees. D.

When I get questionnaires and the like and they have a blank box for occupation, I put "CEO of the Clark household." I dont mind the title stay at home mom, but when I got my high school reunion packet, I came up with that fun little title for what I do. Have a great day.

I found this article of how many hats we really wear and what our annual income would be if we did receive a pay check...

What mothers are really worth:
Stay-at-home mothers wear many hats. They're the family CEO, the day care provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist, and educator. Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000.

Even if these mothers were getting paid what they'd be worth on the market, Bottos added that they still wouldn't be adequately compensated. "When you take into account that it represents a 90-hour workweek, and doesn't even begin to factor in that they are on call 24 hours a day, it's not so large. Plus, stay-at-home moms get no benefits in terms of pension or 401(k)."

Mom jobs
Job title

Annual salary
Child Day Care Worker
$20,259
Teacher
$44,824
Taxi Driver
$27,346
Facilities Manager
$73,239
Short-order Cook
$27,477
Laundry Attendant
$17,917
Janitor
$22,440
Counselor
$27,638
CEO
$545,268
Administrative Assistant III
$37,143
Accounting Clerk III
$34,842
Licensed Practical Nurse
$38,111
Plumber I
$33,155
Automotive Mechanic I
$30,725
Cake Decorator
$21,340

Tasha D

I work full time outside the home for a bank as well at home taking care of a 6&4 year old and I like the term Domestic Goddess who does all and knows all! I hope this brightened your day!

Take care

K.,
I hear your pain. I, too, chose the same sacrifice. At times I was literally in the car from 3:00 pickup at school to 7:00 pulling in to the driveway after piano, tutoring, soccer practice, etc. I resented the fact that my husband would walk in at night, after a day of being "boss", or coming back from business travel to some place cool....

I have three very cool kids, though. One is a freshman in college (pre-med for now), a very grounded 17 yr old daughter, and a loveable almost 9 yr old (oops). Your sacrifice does have dividends.

I am now a single mom, at 47 yrs old, looking to go back to work after having been "stay at home" for over 15 years. I have a degree and have six years of research experience at a university, yet I am very unemployable.

My advice to you is to be good to yourself. Find a way of keeping connected with the employment world, whether it is working at your kids schools in some way, or in your husband's industry. Keep your skills current. I would never wish the nightmare of divorce on anyone, but it could happen. In any event, there will be a time in your life where your children's universe does not revolve around their mommy.

I have many friends in their early 50's asking "who am I" and "who am I married to"? I hate to say it, but after 20+ years of marriage it gets to that point. By validating yourself outside of your marriage and your family, you will have more of yourself to offer, and you, your husband, and your family will be better for it!

Good luck to you,

J.

Update your resume to read "Household CEO"
Hey if Beauticians can change their name to "Professional Stylist" why can't we.
Let's start a movement across the country!

I think the term "mom" is underrated as it is!! Once you've become a 'mother'....it is the start of a "never-ending-thankless-job"! ....As my mom so perfectly stated over and over as we were growing up. It wasn't until I became a mom myself when I finally figured that out.
I myself am a hairstylist and work 3-4 days a week outside of the house. And that's hard too!....What I would give to have the opportunity to dedicate every minute of my special time on this earth to my baby and making sure her environment is a happy, healthy one; that includes for my husband as well. But choices have to be made and staying with my career is my choice; (fortunately AND unfortunately). There is a bright-side to everything.
However, when someone asks you, "what do you do?"....I think you should say: I make sure my husband is taken care of and less stressed so that he can bring in lots of money to take care of our family and I make sure our kids have a healthy, happy environment, too.
Rock on Mama! There is no job in comparison to the full-time, 24/7 mother that gets ZERO breaks, (like going to a job on her spare time)!
Keep up the excellent work! You'll soon see the benefits through your well-developed, happy, healthy children and family.

I don't really like that term either. Most "stay at home moms" don't even really stay at home. My mother was a "stay at home" mother and to me, she did everything. honestly, our household would not have functioned without her. She might not have been the breadwinner, but she made sure the bills got paid on time and took care of everyone's little need. She made sure that we had bagged lunches and hot meals for dinner. She sat down and did my homework with me. She was also the one that was primarily involved in the extra-curricular activities. So you are not a "stay at home" mom. You are a super mom, a provider, and alot of other things. I commend stay at home mothers for what they do. And I wanted to take a moment to commend you. Keep up the good work.
p.s. I love Target! lol

I think any evolved person knows a SAHM doesn't really stay at home all day and watch tv and eat Bon Bons.

That's so funny. When I quit work to be a "Stay at Home Mom" all my friends teased me about watching soaps and eating bon bons (what the heck are bon bons anyway???!!!)little do they know!!!

I used to complain about this term too. I called myself a "raise my own kids" mom since I was choosing to sacrifice quite a lot so I could do just that but that doesn't seem fair to those who work and raise their own kids. I guess they could be "working raise my own kids mom".

Surely someone can come up with something better!!

I call myself a "Work at Home Mom".

Try Home-Based, that's what I am presently doing. I have a home-based business so I love to say "I own my own business, I'm a Beauty C9onsultant with Mary Kay" and that's why I have time to go to my kids or grandkids school, to volunteer if I want to, whatever. Check it out. It's the BEST homee-based business with the best ethics you can find: www.marykay.com/ecuffy. I did it part time, full time as a Director. It's whastever you want it to be. It's also good to be around positive thinking women. I've been doing it for 21 years and will always until I retire. You can get someone else to do some of the chores for you, while you earn grown-up pay.
E. Cuffy
###-###-####

Domestic Executive :)

Oh I hear you! I saw a few of my former coworkers about a month ago and one of them -- a woman -- says "So, your just a housewife now." I was shocked. It took me a moment to compose myself. I always said SAHM, but this time I just glared and said, "Oh, I never even thought about it that way. I'm just doing what I think is best for my son and I." She hasn't said anything since.
Personally, I am sick of labels. I am a woman and I am so many things I don't believe any label really can describe who any of us are and what we do. We are incredible. Down with labels!

Why do you care what "they" call you? You are playing a crucial role raising your kids and have complete flexibility and control of your life. Try some Zen.

I like to say I am a Stay at Home Adventurer. I have three. Four , two, and 10 months. Believe me all those errands and more are straight up adventures for our group. :)

Not sure if anyone said this so far--I call myself a
"LIFE COACH"? Works for me.

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