Arguing over Workouts

Can you find a compromise? What about doing it his way 3 days a week and your way 3 days a week? I, too, am adamant about wearing my makeup out, but I've had to learn that some things are more important. My husband treats me like a princess and rarely asserts much authority over me, but out of my love and devotion to him, I would probably try to find some common ground on this one. It sounds like no one in the family cooks, which could be something the two of you could enjoy doing together or learning together. It doesn't have to take very long....many times it's a lot less time than driving to and waiting at a restaurant for your food.

I would encourage you to look beyond the workout issue and see if there something else going on. If it's a control issue, you have a bigger problem. I highly recommend the program called ____@____.com's Ridge. See SOSINC.org for more information on how to get a win-win situation every time in every relationship you have. Good luck! B.

I'm afraid this is going to sound silly. But, why not just eat at home and purchase or prepare things that can be eaten at different times, that way people can actually eat when they are hungry instead of when someone else is telling them to? You'll save so much money from not going out every night that you can splurge on a nice date at a nice restaurant when you will actually want to get gussied up and perhaps even feel a bit romantic instead of hurried and irritated. This way you two can work out and eat in your own order and meet up to relax together by 7:30 or 8. Good luck.

I just skimmed the responses, but I don't think anyone mentioned take-out. You can pick-up food from almost anywhere on your way home from the gym and eat together as a family at the dineer table. He gets his restaurant food and you get to eat at home.

Forgive my bluntness, but make sure you and your hubby have frequent NAKED workouts. It's amazing how a grumpy man can be transformed!

If my husband were to DEMAND me to do something like your husband is doing, I would not do it. In fact, I would do the complete opposite. How dare he try to control your life like that? What happened to compromise?!

It sounds like he is the kind of guy where there is simply no reasoning with him. Perhaps, though, in your frustration it just came across that way.

If you can do this with him - sit down and talk about it. Find something that is good for the both of you.

If he refuses. After your workout and your shower - go to the kitchen in your pj's and nuke a Lean Cuisine or something.

Maybe you can compromise and do it his way a couple of days, then do it your way a couple of days, and maybe he'll notice which one works better for you all. I am assuming that when he sees you less stressed and in bed at the same time as him, he'll slowly maybe agree (he is a man) that your way works better. And then experiment with some other schedule/dinner ideas that can get your kids involved and less money spent on meals out? You can always end up with Monday and Wednesday are ___ days, Tuesday and Thursday are ___ days, Friday is family together day.. Hope this helps.

Personally I'd change my schedule. If you don't want to shower twice a day, I'd move the exercise to the morning so I only did it once. Then If your husband prefers a later dinner, you can have it and spend those afternoon hours with your boys. It would save you so much time and solve most of your time crunch problems. Then if your boys want to watch some shows, you can check your email then.

My husband is on night shift, so I have to fuss with the schedule all the time. It's worth it to make little sacrifices so we can all spend time together.

Is this an every night thing or every once in a while? If it's every night, I'm with you, don't eat out every night and skip seeing your kids. Have you tried putting food in a crock pot so dinner is cooked when you get home? Surely you can compromise by either having dinner at home after your workout or maybe doing your workout earlier or skipping it on the nights he wants to eat out so that you can eat out earlier? Maybe even just do a lighter workout knowing you don't want to get too sweaty so that you can skip the shower until after dinner.

Hi J., can you switch your workout time to in the morning before you shower and dress? If you could arrange this you would have evenings to check email or cook, then eat and relax afterward. Even if you had to get up 30 minutes earlier it would be okay because you could go to bed much earlier too.

J.,

Why not just eat at home with the kids?

Hi J.,

A quick fix is for you to eat a healthy snack on your way home or when you get home, then drink plenty of water while working out. By doing this you won't be starving by dinner time and you can make healthy choices.

As far as eating out, why don't you try cooking a couple times a week in a crock-pot? This way dinner will be ready when you all are ready to eat. Also, try getting to-go orders instead of going out. These ideas should keep you from going out 3-4 times a week. Good luck.

Ask him for a compromise. Your boys will be gone and out of the house before you know it, and having a family dinner together to feel connected seems important and least most of the week. Going out some o.k., but every night doesn't help with the pocket book or the calories. I think going out is a treat , don't get me wrong, but every night after a workout, and not seeing the boys wouldn't be my cup of tea. If you knew that night you were gong out, you maybe could have a veggie or handful of walnuts, around 4 p.m. and you wouldn't be so hungry, and sometimes maybe you could put a meal in the crock pot. Other times sandwiches? It is your life too, and although I'm all for getting along, looks like you should be able to have some say so on how you wanted to spend your evenings.

This isn't a silly thing at all - this has to do with your husband wanting to assert his authority over your life and him not necessarily considering his family before his own needs. He should be the one that's adjusting his schedule to meet your and your sons's needs. I am also very puzzled as to why your sons are not involved. While they might seem independent, they really, really need to be spending family time with you. It's during these relaxed (or what should be relaxed) times of day that we get the most information from them about their days and understand what problems they might be dealing with.

However, if you want to work within the constraints he's laid out for you, then I agree with the other poster that you just do the birdbath before dinner AND have a snack before you workout. You really need this anyway. And, also have a snack before you head to dinner so you won't overeat. Perhaps just half of a high protein bar or some veggie juice with some protein powder before and some nuts/dried fruit after.

The only behavior of yours that you might need to considering changing is the emails at nite like that - that isn't the best way to unwind and perhaps your husband is feeling neglected at this time of day.

Also, you might need to consider that you two are not the best workout buddies. I personally need my own time for working out and that's when I can decompress.

Hi J.!

You are so funny! You seem like a great person, & I thank you for your post! It was nice to read a light, refreshing post!

Here is what you and your husband need to do - work out separarely!!! Neither one of you are right or wrong. You two get hungry at different dinner times, so you should eat dinner whenever you want at home (with the kids), and your husband should work out right after work and eat dinner when he gets home. When he gets home, go work out! Or what about working out very early in the morning before work?

If this is the only issue between you & your husband, you two got it made!

BTW - does your husband want to go out to eat every night of the week? If so, how nice that you don't have to cook!! (however, not so healthy to eat out so much).

Best of luck!

Jeniffer,
You seem to have gotten some good advice, however I to am concerned that you are not spending time with your kids. My husband works late and the first thing he does when he gets home is spend time with our girls before they go off to bed. Then he eats and we have time to talk to have our time. Maybe you all need to compromise your issues so that you and you family go to dinner together or have a family meal. I am sorry that he seems so controlling over you regarding when you work out. That isnt right, marriages are hard enough . You issues seem like there is something more than just your work out schedule. Hope this helps and good luck.

The experts recommend we eat 5 small meals a day anyway. So, grab a power bar on the way to your workout. That way, you won't be that hungry by the time your evening meal rolls around.

As far as the compromise issue. Maybe you could do it his way for one week. Then, do it your way for one week. It is about give and take, isn't it?

Something seems out of kilter here. Are you saying that your husband wants to go out to dinner EVERY evening? When does he spend time with his sons? Are they his sons? If not, that might explain part of it.

It seems this might be more about your husband wanting to control your life than anything else. Work out when he wants to....eat when he wants to....eat where he wants to....where do you and the boys fit in here?

It is my opinion that this has little to do with working out and showering and eating dinner. It sounds like there are other problems going on in your marriage. I just can't imagine two happily married people arguing over what time they are going to eat dinner. Either that or your husband is a very contolling man.

I have my own opinions about your husband's inflexibility, but I won't go there. I'm guessing you work out at home. How long are your workouts? Could you get up an hour earlier and get your workout done in the morning? Then, you could come home, have a snack, interact with your boys, and then do "whatever" for dinner.

I realize a lot of people aren't "morning" people, but it sure is great to start your day doing something good for yourself.

****OR****

Could you simply do a quick "bird bath" after your afternoon workout and make your self presentable enough to go out to dinner?

Good luck to you!

Sounds to me like the issue is your husband wants time with you in a date like atomsphere. I think you should divide the week up. Two nights how he wants it, two nights how you want it, one night and weekends for the family to do stuff. If he doesn't care how you look, which is what you said, I think it boils down to him wanting your attention however he can get it. But compromise would be the way to go.
Good luck,
L.

if your husband arrives home prior to your arrival in the evenings, why can't he pick up or prepare a meal for the family? same with the 13/17 year old children... also you could prepare meals in crock pots, casseroles to be put in the oven as soon as someone gets home to be ready by the evening. do a week menu planning.... hang in there.

I too don't understand why you both are away from home all evening when you have two sons living at home that still could benefit from parents and home cooked family meals.

Forget about you,from what you have described the kids are on their own all day long - that is not healthy for the kids nor are you setting an example of "Family life" for them to carry on into their adult lives.

Try less you and your husband and focus on the kids.

Have you explained to him what you've explained to us about your routine? He may just not get that a woman getting ready is not the same as a man getting ready (though how he missed that is a miracle :) LOL). If you haven't told him why it doesn't work for you, then it's not a surprise that there's so much tension.

That said, if he is being more than a nag - if this is more controlling and it happens in other areas of your life - you need to get counseling because it's not normal.

You have to figure out if it's cluelessness or controlling and act accordingly. He's not the only person in your family - you have to consider your boys and yourself as well. Good luck.