Anyone Follow Attachment Parenting?

I read both No Cry Sleep Solution for Infants and Toddlers and neither worked for us. My 2 yr old turned out having to go to a sleep speacialist that trianed under Dr Feber, "Solve your Childs Sleep Issues, revisied." After 8 months of pure chaos I read Dr Ferbers book and finally got some progress. This book is looked down upon by the attachment parenting style. One thing Dr Feber makes clear is that he never said the words "Cry it out". As you probably already know, Attachment parenting preaches co-sleeping and so will the NO Cry Sleep book but it does offer alternatives. If you try Ferbers book, your child will cry and its not comfortable for any parent to hear thier child cry but it works like a miricale. One thing that helped me is the exceptance that my child is going to cry a lot for so many other reasons ie. "he wants to play with the plug and I take it, its dangerous, he cries, he gets over it ect.." Its controverial. Most peditricians don't reccomend it. It depends on how much time you want to spend on training and sleep less nights. There are yahoo groups you can join to ask particular questions for No cry Sleep Solutions and for Sleep training. But be aware Attachment Parents are going to bash Ferber. In my experience, Sleep Training worked in 3 days. And most of the pediatricians I talked to do not reccommend attachmanet parenting. but don't get me wrong, there are some that support AP, Dr Sears a pediatrian worte the book on AP.

I don't really have any ideas for you, but I just wanted to say that I'm so happy to hear of other parents who practice this kind and loving way of parenting. I don't understand why people have children if they aren't prepared to deal with them lovingly, and I also can't understand how someone can ignore their child when they are crying, and in need of attention. There are definately some drawbacks to Attachment parenting, like my son is three and refuses to sleep in his own bed. But he is aware of the fact that I'm crazy about him, and he tells me he loves me all the time. He may only be three, but he knows what he's saying, and I believe he means it.I'm not saying that I think people who follow the Ferber method are completely wrong, but I do think it creates a certain emotional detachment. I think your little one will probably grow out of the nighttime bottles, and I applaud your parenting choices. Good luck and God Bless.

We practice attachment parenting with our 8 month old. After she wakes up the first time, try putting her to bed with you, with her being right next to you she may fall right back to sleep and hopefully stay that way all night!

Hi, K.. I'm a firm believer in AP as well. Are you co-sleeping as in the same room, or same bed? Sharing a bed with my son was the key to a good night of sleep for us. My son shared a bed with us for his first two and a half years, and woke up 4-5 times a night. I breastfed until he was two, and that worked wonderfully, since he was able to simply latch on whenever he woke up without even waking me. After he weaned from the breast I kept a sippy cup with water on the nightstand, and whenever he woke up he'd move close for skin-to-skin contact, and suck on the sippy. The warmth of a parent's skin does wonders for insecure sleepers, and all babies for that matter. It is frustrating, and draining, having to repeatedly get up for night-time routines, but in my opinion, letting your baby cry it out doesn't help a parent, or the child. The child doesn't "learn" to self-soothe, the child learns that their parent has stopped responding to them, which results in more generally clingy behavior. And, as a mother, you'll more than likely feel more guilt than relief, if you resort to letting baby cry. It is frustrating when you've dedicated yourself, and your parenting style, to an attachment based bond... and then you constantly hear that you'll be doing yourself and your child a favor in lessening that closeness and responsiveness. Just take a deep breath, and repeat: KNOW BETTER, DO BETTER. Hope this wasn't too preachy, good luck!

I don't necessarily follow "attachment parenting," but I am not comfortable with letting my children cry it out either. Contrary to what everyone in my family tells me to do, I still rock my son to sleep every night. When I knew that he was physically able to sleep through the night without nourishment, I started picking him up & rocking him, but not feeding him bottles. I knew he didn't need the bottle, but I wasn't going to take away the comfort of mom!

The other thing that I tried - and it may be too close to "crying it out" for you - was listening to the difference between crying & sleepy fussing. If he just seemed to be whining, but not really crying, I waited to go to him - not too long, but I didn't immediately jump out of bed. Sometimes, he would just fall back to sleep. If he really seemed to be awake & crying, I went to him. Eventually he woke up at night less & less - between not feeding him at night & waiting a little before running to him. Like I said, though, letting your child fuss a little may be too close to crying it out for you - it depends.

The other thing is that may have made it easier for me is that my son uses pacifiers at night & he uses them to go back to sleep on his own. He is almost 2 & it is time to give them up - I don't know how that is going to work out!

By the way - I also have a 15-year-old daughter that I never let "cry it out." She is pretty well adjusted, if I don't say so myself, and she doesn't still sleep with me - rocking her to sleep & going to her at night worked out OK! I also didn't have to do it forever, & I cherish the memories of late night cuddles that I definitely don't get from a teenager anymore!! Time flies too fast... I'm enjoying my night-time cuddle-time with my son while I have the chance!

hi! K. i have three children 10 9 and 6 and i have only done ap with my 6 yr old.she will sleep in her own bed once we lay down with her and get her to sleep.but we will wake up in the morning and she is sleeping with us we think this is because we have always had her co-sleeping with us since birth but we agree with it she is so peaceful and gets a better sleep when she sleeps with us my older 2 get up at the crack of dawn and our youngest sleeps until 10 goodluck with your situation i agree with what you are doing and your baby is probably getting up in the middle of the night because when you are doing ap the only way they feel safe is when they are in your arms you are her security blanket i hope this helps.

We followed gentler methods like you describe, when the kids were babies. I belong to 2 AP parenting boards, so I've been immersed in this since 1994, when our first child was born. We still strive to follow gentler methods of discipline.

One piece of advice I can give you about the bottle feedings at night is this: it is not abnormal for a breastfed baby to be still waking for nightly feedings at this age, however a formula fed baby should be able to get through the night with just water. When we night weaned our children, we offered water only. You can let a child of that age cry as long as they are in your arms, but for reasons someone else stated, you should not give forumla at night, it WILL rot their teeth unless you wipe them down religiously after feedings.

AP is more about reading cues, and responding appropriately to a child's needs. AP is not about coddling or spoiling. We don't promote CIO because it has been proven by our motherly instincts for millenia that a baby's cry means they NEED something. It's not always the same thing. There is no such thing as "giving their lungs exercise" (a cop out) and "showing them who's in charge" (abusive) in AP. Parents who follow AP struggle every day to use gentle discipline, fight to advocate for their children, and make sure their children are brought up in this ad-soaked culture with appropriate messages. AP is about raising an independant child by meeting their dependency needs early on, fostering trust and teaching them how to bond with other humans.

read this for more info on CIO:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

Ferber recanted many of his methods in recent years. You can google "Ferber recants" for more info.

good luck.

Good for you for following your gut. All of my children have co-slept with us until they were about 18 months old. At that time we moved them out, but slept with them in their room for a little while - this was before the No-Cry book came out, but essentially that is the technique we used. It worked well and all of our children go to sleep on their own in their own bed. My 4 year old still comes in for a snuggle at around 4 am, and we don't know she's there until we wake up in the morning.

It sounds like the bottle may be a habit, so try a bottle of water instead of milk. The other thing I would recommend is make sure you are not accidentally waking her with snoring or moving. Some kids actually need to sleep in their own space. You may want to try a side car arrangement with her crib, or perhaps move her to her crib after she falls asleep. See if maybe you accidentally are waking her up.

I'm all for attachment parenting, but it does seem to be demanding at night time. The only consolation (if it's that) I can give you is that they REALLY DO grow fast. My son is almost 10 and he's over 5 feet tall. WHen he comes in for a snuggle it feels like there are 3 adults in my bed!!

Hello, I have an eight month old that does the same things at night...Last night he was up every 2 hours...I just recently read a great book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" By Elizabeth Pantley. I loved the idea of this and am going to try it this summer ( I do not work in the summers so he can be on more of a routine). I am not sure if it will work but I will try anything to not have him "cry it out". good luck and let me know if you find something that works.
D.

I do attachment parenting and my daughter still does that once in a while (she's 2 1/2). I refuse to let her cry it out as well. Sometimes I will wait a little bit to see if she resolves it by herself and go back to sleep. Sometimes it's just a phase they go through and will resolve itself. Some babies (even adults) have a harder time sleeping through the night. We co-sleep so it isn't as big of a deal when she wakes up. She nursed up until recently and she would nurse one to two times at night as well. So it seems pretty normal for your baby to want a bottle a few times a night. Sometimes they can be comforted by a toy or something similar. Keep it up. I know it's easier said than done.

Good luck,
Y.

Hi K.... I know there is a book out there called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I havent' used it, my boys are older. But I know a friend who read it and it helped. This is a tough thing to figure out. I think just go with your gut. We loved the attachment parenting, dr sears books, but we did let our second son 'cry it out'. it truly is a personal decision. I hope the book helps.

Hi, K..
I'm not familiar with the term Attachment Parenting, but if it means not letting your child cry herself to sleep at night or tending to her everytime she cries because you believe that all her cries are her only way of communicating and you answer to all her needs, then yes, I am a supporter. I was never a fan of Farberizing my children. I love co-sleeping. I am a mother of 5, all my children ranging from the age of 8 to 11 months. All of them co-slept with us until I had the next child, all breast-fed, all needed touch or cradling till they fell asleep again, and all needing a bottle or nursing at night to fall asleep.

I'll tell ya, it's not easy work, and I was always told that I was raising a spoiled child or a child who would lack coping skills later on in life. I'm tired. I joke and tell people that I haven't slept a 4 hour stretch in 8 years! LOL. I may not even be joking. This is how I see it, K.. They're only going to want to be near you like that for such a short time. By age 2 or so, there won't be anymore bottles (hopefully) and they'll sleep independently and through the night. In the mean time, you are attentive to your child's needs and you have a very special bond. It's worth it. Watching them sleep at night seeing each breath they take is almost cathartic. Babies are such treasures so enjoy it while it lasts. Your baby will outgrow the night feedings and the cuddling. My only advice is that you try to not let it interfere or dominate your special relationship with your spouse, because it can sometimes.

Unfortunately thats the way it works with attachment parenting. Your daughter doesn't know how to soothe herself back to sleep- which is why she needs you to do it for her several times a night. She doesn't need a bottle- she needs you! I know it is very hard but you really should try to consider letting her cry it out- she will adapt it may take some time but when everyone is sleeping thru the night you will be glad- you can practice attachment parenting in other ways. The broken sleep patterns are unhealthy for baby & all involved. I speak from experience- my 1st born was never made to cry it out & ended up sleeping with me till Kindergarten- with my 2nd it took a while but I eventually let him cry it out at the same age as your daughter & I have to say he sleeps & naps 100% better. He is 17 months now & I know if he gets up in the middle of the night now there is usually a reason. Good Luck!!!

Just go with the flow my daughter was sleeping through the night at 3 months but at a year she satrted waking back up again all i did when she woke up was tried to soothe her i gave her a bottle changed her diaper and made sure that everything i could do for her was done if she still wasnt happy i would try and let her just lay there and most of the time she would fall asleep after about a minute if not i just stuck her in bed with me, Now she sleeps all noght in her Big Girl Bed. Its a matter of finding that nitch and just going with the flow. Good luck!!

with her waking up 2xs a night and wanting a bottle, and crying, i am thinking maybe she has some reflux issues. you know how when your stomach hurts and you think its because you might be hungry so you eat something and it only makes it worse. and reflux acts up more at night. my 4 year old has been fighting it since birth, and that is the reason she still sleeps with me, when she was an infant i used to have to hold her over my shoulder like she was getting burped, and i had to sit up in my bed all night.

now i suffer with it, it wakes me up 2-3 times a night, i get a glass of milk and sit up straight for a while. then my stomach feels better and i can go back to sleep. and when you say she cant go back to sleep unless you hold her, see when you lay down flat stomach acid just works its way up from your stomach, but when your upright, it goes back down,

try proping her up from the WAIST up with pillows or whatever, so she is reclining and not laying flat,and give her something to soothe her stomach, sometimes rubbing or lightly tapping her stomach helps to.

Hi K.,
We didn't follow and attachment parenting book but did what was comfortable for us and our baby. The best advice I can give you is that "this too shall pass"...what I mean is that it seemed to me that as soon as my daughter started a new habit, within a few weeks it was gone (of course, it'd be replaced by something else!) Hang in there, hold your little one and remember that you have precious few years when you can respond to her needs as you have been. Our daughter has slept with us from day one and was nursed for over 2 years. I'm happy to say she's 4 now, sleeps mostly on her own (I lay with her until she falls asleep) and is the happiest kid you'll ever meet. Like I said, hang in there...attachment parenting is challenging because it requires a lot more involvement but trust me, it's worth it! Good luck.

Someone had stated that a child whose parents that follow AP, can not self soothe. That is incorrect. I have used attachment parenting with my 8 year old and at 3 he moved to his own bed successfully. Right now we co-sleep with twins and they both wake up to eat but if they are awaken by anything other than hunger, they go right back to sleep.

Having said that, they key is to let your child fuss a bit. That is not whining or crying, that's fuss. Not every whimper needs or should be answered. When they wake, sometimes they groan which is not an indicator for food. However, offering a bottle in the middle of the night is not helpful or necessary. Your child may be seeking the bottle out of habit since it is always offered. Try eliminating the bottle and she probably will sleep better.

One last thing is, be careful of offering a night time bottle as that can and will rot her teeth over time.

Hi there, I completely understand your dilema. Though we don't "follow" attachment parenting, meaning we never read a book on it, we just do what feels right to us, but most of our choices in raising our 15 month old would be called "attachment parenting". My son is the same way, he wakes up at night and wants to be held. I think he just wants to know we are still there since it is dark. My son sleeps with us so it is easier than going into his room, and he is still nursing at night, again, easier than getting a bottle. But, we feel that crying it out should have happened a long time ago, that now, it would just create hysteria and insecurities since he has a "memory" now. That being said, think about it this way, my husband and I usually bring a glass of water to bed so that when we get thirsty at night, we can have a sip. I think the same is true for the little ones, they get a dry mouth and want something to drink at night. If you don't want to go get a bottle, try a little water in a sippy cup, maybe it will do the trick and be easier for you. Also, remember that although at the moment, it is hard to follow what you believe, this will end sooner than you realize and no matter how you raise your kids (sleep-wise), they will all sleep through the night at some point!!!

we follow attachment parenting also. Our children are know 4 and 1/2 and 3. It was alot easier when they were younger it has gotten harder as they have gotten older. The cry it out was not for us. I tried one time and cried the whole time i did it. My husband even held me down ebcuase i wanted to go and get my daughter to stop her crying and he found out just how strong i was. LOL. It was horrible so we made the point only to do what we are comfortable doing. Now both our kids still end up in our bed and refuse to sleep in thier rooms but since they have moved out of the cribs we kept the crib mattresses and have them on our bedroom floor where they start sleep at. Now by morning they are in our bed but if we notice that we wake them up and tell them to go back to thier mat. and they fight but do it.

As for suggestions, have you tried instead of taking her out and holding her until she falls back asleep leaving her in her bed and standing there or sitting with her holding her hand. Then maybe each day moving closer to the door until you are not in her room at all. That way you ease her into comforting herself at night./ We did this with our daughter and it worked until one night she ended up our bed.