Cosleeping and Night Nursing

Hi K., I have a 5 1/2 month old and I think that whatever works for you as far as cosleeping goes, you should do it. You know your family more than anyone and you should do what is best for you.
My little boy was really colicy and recently has been feeling so much better. I have also started massaging him every night before bed. As soon as we started the massage he has been sleeping through the night. I got certified in Infant Massage so I know the strokes that help him and sooth him. Maybe your little one is waking up more for comfort feeding and less for hunger. Maybe, just maybe, if you tried massage before bed to calm your little one and give him/her some quality one on one time he/she might sleep for longer stretches??? Just a suggestion. I know I listened to just about everything to calm my little one down.
good luck!

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I co-slept with both of mine and the all night nursing truly did not work until they moved to their own beds around 2 years old. It was okay with me mostly as I didn't fully wake up and still felt pretty rested in the morning!

2 books were "the no-cry sleep solution" and "Healthy Sleeping Habits- Happy Child".

I'd recommend trying those. I finally did when my youngest was 2 and it worked perfectly!

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Hi K.,

I am also trying to stay on the attachment parenting path, and my son is almost 8 months old. I am trying to get him to stay in his co-sleeper every night and it's been hard. Right now I nurse him until he falls asleep and then lay him in his co-sleeper with a pacifier. Seems to work, but then he'll wake up in the middle of the night and want back in bed next to me. He still nurses at night, too. I would try a pacifier. My son wouldn't take a pacifier for a while, but when other people used it with him, he started taking it. When my son cries at night, I just hold his hand and rub his tummy gently and after a few minutes of fussing, he usually goes back to sleep. I don't want to wean him or let him cry it out, either. Also, I read that if you can lay next to him on or near his bed, it helps, whether using a pacifier or not. I don't know if this helps or not, but if you'd like to share more ideas and things, feel free to e-mail me.

M.

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Hi,
I asked my girlfriend about this, as she did a lot of attachment parenting. The main thing she suggested was to night wean (this does NOT mean full weaning.. just at night)

Here are her thoughts.. I hope it was okay to share your question...

"Have kiddo sleep on the other side of dad so it goes, kid, dad, mom. That way, he doesn't have full access all night long. Once they can break him of the all night nursing, moving him to his own better should be easier.

If there is no dad sleeping in the bed, then she could put him in his new toddler bed, in his new room, and she can sleep on the floor next to the bed. She'll have to hear him whine and cry, but she's right there so it's different than CIO. Yeah he'll be mad, but mad is ok, at least he won't feel abandoned or scared. She could also try just holding him at night and rocking him when he wants to nurse. My AP friend did this and it took a couple of weeks, but it did work.

If she wants to continue to cosleep through this process and again, there is no dad sleeping right there, then she could wear something that makes it harder to just nurse right off the bat.

I think completely night weaning him is key, otherwise he'll get confused as to when it's ok to nurse and when it's not. This shouldn't affect his daytime nursing at all. If he does end up completely weaning on his own, then he was ready anyway. "

Good luck
L.

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Hi K.,
Congratulations on the attachment parenting. I think that is wondferul. I have a 16 month old boy that was seemed to end up in our bed all the time too. He stopped himself from nursing at 9 months, but has been very attached to his pacifer ever since (which he only gets at night) We got him one of the travel sleepers that looks like a tent and he loves to play in it. We put him in it by our bed and gave him his pacifier. When him woke up at night, at first we let him fall asleep in our bed and then moved him back to his tent. It took a while but he got to the point that he would just fuss in his bed without getting up and he usually settled down once we talked to him and told him to go back sleep. It took awhile too, but he sleeps the whole night through now. We are in the process of moving him to his bedroom, but we let him sleep in his tent in our room if he wakes up in the middle of the night. I think it helps that he knows he can open his own door and come looking for us if he gets scared.

I know the books all say that you are building a pattern of defiance if you do not stick to one method, but I disagree. I tried the cry it out method and all we acheived was a child that was scared of his own bed and screamed whenever you walked near his bedroom. I believe in baby steps and reverting back to what worked previously until things settled down and then move forward again. Just becareful that you do not get stuck in the previous method without moving foward again. Remember the goal is a quiet peaceful night for everyone. I hope this helps. : )

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My first daughter, who is now almost 4 was also a night nurser, but stopped nursing at 15 months due to an illness. She still ends up in our bed most nights though. It is hard to break that, but it really depends on the child I think. My second daughter who is 19 months old has always slept through the night and rarely ever did I feel the need to bring her in with me. Just keep being patient and maybe try to put him in his toddler bed for at least a little while every night. Move him after he is sound asleep to his bed, then at least you might get a little break. Good Luck!

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Hi K. - I just joined so I don't know if you are checking responses still or not. Here is my 2 cents though. I am a mom of four kids and a precious angel. I have nursed all but one of my kids until at least their first birthday - my twins until they were 16 months. Being an RN, I did a lot of studying up on it and switching to formula is not the best option. Rice cereal and formula in a bottle...also not a great option. The proteins are composed differently than human breast milk and the switch from the familiar may upset his digestive system.

My best advice is to make sure that he gets a snack 1/2 way between dinner and bedtime. A small bowl of dry Cheerios and a sippy cup of WHOLE milk always worked well for us. Right before bed, nurse him as always. When he gets up in the night, have dad give him a few sips of water or WHOLE milk. (Lets face it, in the winter we all get thirsty at night) He may fight it the first few nights but it gets easier. I guarantee the first time he sleeps through - you won't because you will be checking on him.

Now my little 2 cents on co-bedding or family bed. Please, Please, Please don't do it. Back in 2001, my daughter was co-bedding with me. She was 6 months old. She rolled in the middle of the night and got caught in the comforter. She never cried but she suffocated. When I woke around her normal feeding time, I rolled over to find her with the comforter bunched up on her face. If I would have just put her in her bed, she would still be here today. I am not telling you this to scare you or say you are a bad parent if you do it, but just letting you know what can happen. I will never co-bed again or recommend it to anyone. Good luck!

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I have had the same problems in the past. I talked to my lactation consultant about it and here is what worked for me:

1. Make sure the baby is getting enough to eat during the day and you know without a doubt that if you don't nurse throughout the night you aren't depriving him/her of food they really need.

2. Have Dad rock the baby back to sleep or get up with baby if he/she wakes up. If I try to get up and rock my son back to sleep or get him out of his crib, he automatically expects to be nursed

All the best!

If your bed is big enough, you could try putting your little one in the bed with you on one of those folding pillow type beds. We have done that with my co-sleeping/breastfeeding 22-month old son. He loves being in his "own bed" but still with us and I can hold his hand or rub his back if he wakes up and wants comfort. Some nights he still wants to nurse all night long (especially if he is teething or not feeling well), but other nights we all sleep great.
A banana as a bed time snack (fill the tummy) and a sports bra (limit access) are other things you could try.

I don't know if this will help, but to get my daughter to go through the whole night without wanting to eat, I put a little rice cereal in her bottle, that way her tummy felt full and she slept better. Also, I slept with a blanket of hers for a few nights, and then put it around her, the smell of me being close to her also helped her to stay in her crib wothout crying for me. Let me know if this is helpful. I hope things work out better.

I do not mean to sound rude, but how else do you expect to get him to stop nursing if you don't wean him or let him cry? It is almost an impossible question to answer, good luck with it.

With your son being 15 months old have you ever thought of giving him something else before bed. When my son was 8 months old I started him on formula at night time only to help him sleep through the night. I was still breat feeding durning the day but formula is a little more filling and will keep your son fuller longer. And if he wakes up you can just make him a small bottle and give it to him so he goes right back to sleep.

My daughter is now 10 months old and we will be going on our 3rd month of sleeping thru the night... YEAH!! Everyone gave me all differnt ideas... Any thing from go with the flow, give her formula and my least favorite.. letting her cry her way to sleep. My pedeatrician said that if you want them to sleep thru the night, do back to back feedings (or formula) so if he goes to bed at 9, Do dinner with the family at 6, no nrusing until 8 so it will fill him up once more and the last time at bed time for a top off. At first that helped with my daughter but as soon as she noticed... she wasn't having it anymore. The one thing that helped me dramaticly is I put her pack n play next to my side I would snuggle her (get a blanket for sleepy time and snuggle it by her cheecks), ready a story as I was nursing. As soon as the story was over, I picked her up gave her a kiss on her head told her goodnight and that I love her, put her on her bottom next to er blanket... and rub her back for just a few minutes. Of coarse the first few nights she cried, but for only a few minutes... and when she would i gave her another kiss on her head put her back down, and would rub her back. Now my daughter goes down on her bottom, snuggles her head into her blanket with her bottom in the air and is out cold within minutes.

P.S I play a relaxing CD from Walmart all night long, and we keep a fan on, for distraction.

Best of luck to you and your little one!!

HELP!! I have the same problem! I have had very little sleep since before my 9 month old son was born. He wakes up between 3-15 times a night! Please let me know if you found something that works for you (besides the cry-it-out method...I just can't do it).

One thing my husband does occassionally is takes my son to our guestroom downstairs for the night so I can have some sleep. I am hoping that after about a week, my son won't need me anymore. But my husband can only go about 3 days before he's too tired. Ha ha...welcome to our life!

Hi K.,
I have three girls and I too have had them in my bed many nights.All of them have been different.#1 nursed all night we had a bed in our room and when she was asleep I would put her in and bring her back with me every couple hours. by the time she was two she would sleep through the night, then we put the bed in her room. Somtimes she would wake and we just give her some and put her back to bed. #2 was totally different. She only would nurse at night otherwise she preffered a bottle, that was hard. (too much work making and cleaning) But she was in her own bed at one on her own. She didn't want to sleep w/ us anymore. Now my #3 still nurses at night but only a couple times a week. it seems like she sleeps better in her bed in our room. Than w/ us, I know I do, my husband sleeps no matter what. :) They all will sleep on thier own sometime I have never heard of a teenager sleeping in the parents bed so enjoy it while it lasts. A.:)

My friend started sleeping in another room for a little while and when her son awoke to see Dad, who held him, rocked him and helped him get back to sleep, The boy realized that Dad did not have any "mama juice", so he got over getting up in the middle of the night to nurse. by the time a child is 1 year, it is a habit, not a need to nurse in the night. keeping that in mind can help to assuage any guilty feelings you may have about hearing him cry.

I would try to stop nursing all together. Replace nursing with a sippy cup of water. We did this will all of my children. At first it is hard. But just keep reinforcing the cup. Make sure to praise he alot. Hope this helps.

Hello K.!

You have a beautiful name.

I will send you a private message about night nursing and how you can get your son to sleep in his own bed when I'm not up with a head cold. Know that most toddlers usually stop night nursing frequently by 18 months so your son is probably right around the corner from not interrupting your sleep so much. And the toddler bed next to ours did work, it just took time.

But for now, I want to pose this question to those who have discouraged you: How many of YOU sleep alone in a room with no one else? Almost everyone I know- even all my single friends- sleep with *someone*. Why do so many of you expect a baby or young child to sleep alone? And furthermore, who really sleeps through the night anyway? I am 34 and I don't sleep through the night yet! Big deal! I sleep in 2-3 hour cycles (my degree is in Psychology and IIRC, that is the length of a typical sleep cycle and it is MUCH SHORTER IN INFANTS) and I get up to use the bathroom or get a drink, so I don't think it is odd or wrong for my children to do so as well. Sometimes I am even hungry in the middle of the night because I didn't eat enough during the day, so I get up and have a little bite of yogurt and go back to bed. I give my kids the same allowance as human beings. We sometimes end up with the "Family Bed" by morning- espcially if we are traveling or had a particularly stressful day- and sometimes we are all in different beds by morning than where we started the night, but all that matters is that we all got enough sleep and felt loved, safe, and secure.

It is not impossible to teach your child to feel safe and secure enough to fall asleep and stay asleep- it just takes patience and time, two ingredients that seem to be crucial to building trust- so please do not listen to the naysayers.

Follow your heart (as you have been doing), listen to your gut, and listen to your son. You will know what to do next.