Need Sleep, Don't Want to Let Baby Cry.

I had to put my son in his own bed for similar reasons at 18 months. I put him in his own room in a crib and sat next to the bed until he fell asleep. He was crying the first night for 20 minutes but it was mostly because he was mad he wasn't getting his way. I just held his hand and he fell asleep, next night I sat next to him and he didn't cry. Next night middle of the room, next night by the door, next night I layed him down and walked out, he cryed at first and I went back in and sat by the door, the following night I tryed leaving again and he cryed so I waited to see how long it would last and it didn't even last 5 minutes. Begining with that first night he slept through the night for the first time in his life, I think we were waking eachother up. :) It's what worked for me, the first night was the hardest because he wanted to be picked up, but I kept reminding myself, "he knows I am here for him, he has everything he needs he will be fine."

Have you started her on fruits and veggies yet? My pediatrician said that adding fruits and veggies to my babies diet or even cereal ,that would help keep him full without taking away from the nutrients he gets from breastmilk. You can even mix the cereal such as rice cereal with juice or breastmilk at her evening meal it might keep her fuller longer and keep her from waking up because shell be full and satisfied.Thats what i did with my son by the time he was three months old I had added fruits and veggies and rice cereal as well as breastmilk. My son is 2 yrs old now , has always slept through the night and his pediatrician says hes one of the healthiest kids shes ever seen .Maybe this will help.

GO get the book called BABY WISE by Gary Ezzo, MA and Robert Bucknam, MD This was the best thing i could have EVER read...

Oh, how I wish you lived in Sacramento! Attachment parenting is wonderful, and I find so few other moms who do it. In reply, I bought a book by Elizabeth Pantley called the No-Cry Sleep Solution. It's awesome. My little guy, who is 9 months, was nursing 8-9 times a night. We made a plan based on this woman's model, and within 3 weeks he was down to 2 wakings! We're working on those now. It's a slower process, but for those of us who feel that cry-it-out is unnatural and unnecessary, it's worth the time. In her book, she does not advocate for one rigid plan. She's well aware that all babies are different, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for all. She also has sections of the book devoted to solutions for different sleeping arrangements. You don't have to stop co-sleeping if you enjoy it! She lists things you can try while co-sleeping. If they don't work for you and you feel you need to move her out of your bed, she's got ideas for making that transition. She suggests you make a sleep log before you get started. Then make a phased plan (she has samples and guides) for how you will implement your ideas, and make a new log every 10 days to assess your progress. It's a wonderful book, and it's recommended by Dr. Sears. I hope you get some sleep soon!

Hi. I have 3 kids, 8, 6 & 2. All attached (and so am I). My middle girl was a good sleeper. I didn't know what that meant until I had one. But the oldest and baby would STILL prefer to stay up until they are "drunk" on exhaustion if they had a choice. They just don't want to miss anything and are cuddly. Those are great qualities to have in a personality -- curiosity, drive, and affection. Oh, and tenacity. Try to think of it that was as you stumble around exhausted. :)

I gave in too much on the oldest and he was in our bed off and on until he was in preschool. On the baby I FINALLY had the discipline to try different solutions that trusted friends with good sleepers used. I went thru about 3 "solutions," but none worked because I always found thecrying more stressful than the exhaustion (short-term, anyway). Finally, I got "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantly. It is slower but gentler than any other approach. It worked.

I had to think of it like a diet. Other "Cry-it-out" solutions would be like Atkins -- drastic but effective for short-term goals. Not sure of the long-term cost.
This was more like well-planned and stuck to very healthy eating and 6-day-a-week exercise plan. Slower, but feels healthy and natural. :) It worked for us, but took time and consistancy.

Good luck.
B.

Yep!!! We are just NOT a cry it out type of family. And I don't feel that this spoils your kids to respond to them when you can. After all--I didn't have kids for my convenience! Parenthood isn't easy, and being a baby can be just as stressful!!

Anyways, my two suggestions for lowering your nightime nursing sessions (and yes they WORKED for me--and my kid LOVED NURSING):

1) New pajamas!!! Sounds crazy, but it helped. Initially, I wore satin pajamas that buttoned in the front for easy nursing. I have like 5 pairs. My son loved the feel of them. Still does. But in his sleep, when he'd feel them next to his skin, he'd get a desire to nurse. So I kept him in bed with me (because I liked him there!) but I switched fabrics and type of shirt to a less "easy access". Worked well, took away some of the cues that would make him want to nurse. Search out for some of your daughters other nursing cues and swap them out as well. if you really think about it, you can easily identify some things that remind your daughter of nursing. Save those items/songs/clothes/blankies for when you DO want her to nurse.

2) Keep a bottle of water (or--the horror--milk!!) near the bed and give that to her when she searches out boobie. (I work, so my son learned to take a bottle and I'd pump at work.) Sometimes, just the sucking is what they want to get back to sleep. I started with milk, then once he was used to getting a bottle instead of boobie at night, switched to water. Since a bottle just isn't as cool as a boobie (esp a bottle of water), eventually the request tapers off.

One thing to note though: dropping nighttime feedings is going to lower your milk a bit. If you are looking to wean anyway, then that is a good thing (less milk=less requests to nurse), but if you aren't ready yet...

Another thing to note: this is yet another phase. every once in a while, your kid will go though a spell where they don't sleep all the way through the night after doing it like a champ for months. (who doesn't have insomnia once in a while??) It will pass. Unlike what others have been saying, your 13 year old daughter will sleep on her own.

And believe it or not.... my 2 year, 3 month old son sleeps in his own big boy bed now. And I could not believe how easy it was!!! I was so surprised. I switched him to his own bed at about the same age as your girl (after I weaned him from nighttime nursing--the toughest part-- and once he was sleeping through the night again. I don't recommend trying before this) because I was pregnant again and things were getting too crowded (plus I planned to co-sleep with the new one, and knew I would need some transition time to get the firstborn out of the bed!!) As cuddly as co-sleeping is... eventually you will want you own bed back, believe it or not. (toddlers move a LOT in their sleep--and they GROW! FAST!)

Anyways, the way we got him in his own bed (in case you are interested) We bought him his new bed (a twin), put it in his room (I put the mattress right on the floor, no bed frame at first), and covered it with his stuffed animals. He jumped on it, played and generally had a good old time. Then that night, instead of going to bed in my bed, we snuggled up in his. Once he was asleep, I left. Presto--he slept in his own bed! The whole night!! And... SO DID I!!!!! Ah.. the memories (Now I have a 3 month old, too).

Since you can't cuddle them to sleep in a crib, moving them to a big boy/girl bed is probably the easiest way to get a co-sleeper to start sleeping on his own, I think. Note: when trying this for the first week, you MAY want to go ahead and sleep the whole night with her until she is really used to her new bed, because you may not get as lucky as I did on the first try.

You may be wondering about nighttime wandering, or him climbing back into bed with us on his own?? In order to keep him in his bedroom if he woke up, we baby gated his bedroom door and just babyproofed the room really well, then left both his door and ours open so we can easily hear/see him and respond.

Once in a while, He does wake up sometimes in the night. usually he re-settles and goes back to sleep, or plays with a toy then goes back to sleep, but sometimes he does cry for one of us. When that happens, one of us comes in and snuggles with him til he falls back asleep (fairly quickly), then we go back to our own bed. I actually feel that since he knows that we will come in and snuggle him if he needs us--rather than let him cry it out--it makes him feel more confident and secure, and actually helps him sleep BETTER!!

Hi A.,

I hate to say it...but you know I have to. I had to let my daughter cry it out at about 12 months. I had just given up and was frustrated and getting mean. I bought both Dr. Ferber's book and a friend lent me Dr. Weissbluth's book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Actually I liked Weissbluth's better. It was horrible for about a week, in fact our daughter threw up in her crib twice. Everyone who saw me knew that we were having a rough week, I was so sad and tired. But then, after a week, it was miraculous. Now our daughter rolls over, grabs her teddy and sleeps all night.
It's better for her, children with poor sleep habits have behavioral problems and don't get enough sleep to develop. Try reading the books and seeing what you think. Now all of us are so much happier!
Good luck to you!

A.-

I know just where you are! My beautifyl daughter, Kira, did just the same thing! She's 10 now and has two little brothers. When Kira was 20 months the same thing happened. I was exhausted and it was killing me. At this point- as hard as it seems- it's time for her to finish weaning. Part of her waking up is habit, some is hunger.

I, also, didn't have her father there to help. What my freinds that had gone through this said was she need to spend the night in the bed she always sleeps in- without me- to break the association of nursing. So, my mom came and spent the night with her, giving her cow milk when she woke up. It was a long night for both of them, and I spent all night at my mom's house crying. The next 5 nights we slept on the couch with movies on and I gave her milk and held her but didn't nurse her. On the 6th night I put her to bed in my bed (with as full a stomache as I could manage) and rubbed her bed until she went to sleep. When she wakes up (which you know at this point is habit and not need for food) comfort her however works without nursing her and she'll soon learn to settle. You should start this as soon as possible, so life is more manageable for you to go back to school. I did get my degree when my daughter was almost 7- so I have a lot of understanding for your situation! Good luck- and when it feels hopeless, know it will be better soon.

Check out the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" a lot of my friends have used it and said it's awesome!
Good Luck!

Hi A. --

I'm not sure if this will be helpful to you, but I was in a similar situation, and her pediatrician talked to me about "trained night cryer" syndrome. Here's a link to more info: http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_nightcr_hhg.htm You might look up "trained night feeder," too.

This was our situation. Because I kept responding to my daughter, she kept waking up and wanting more contact. In her growing mind, it was almost as though she was *supposed* to wake up so she was doing what she thought was helpful to me.

After one night of letting her cry it out (briefly, with some touching on her back but not picking her up), she broke out of this cycle and has slept great ever since (she's two now).

What was so important for me to see is that SHE felt better and happier after sleeping through the night. We were doing a lot of attachment parenting stuff, too, and it was hard for me to imagine not catering to her every cry.

You might want to make a visit to your daughter's doctor to see if there's any other reason she might not be sleeping through the night. For us, though, we realized that we were contributing to our daughter's sleeplessness by responding to her, and we've all been healthier since we stopped picking her up at night. At 19 months -- barring another medical situation -- your daughter should be able to sleep through the night now, too.

-C.

PS -- I should also add that, when she's sick or is scared about something, we do go in and soothe her. This happens very rarely now, and her crying is dramatically different so we know that it's important for us to go into her room and soothe her.

Hi there,

I see that you are a wonderful caring mother, its plain to see. I have 3 children 3,6 & 9 . My second I breastfed till she was 18 months. I can tell you seriously that what you are doing is spoiling that child. She is old enough to know that when its time to sleep, its time to sleep. Kids are smarter than we think they are. I know you love her and want the best for her but giving into her isnt always the best thing. With children you have to always be thinking about the future and what it holds for them. Our job as parents is to train them up, to be able to servive in this world. There is NOTHING wrong with helping your child be tough, but I believe there is something WRONG with letting your child run the show. We as parents are to love and nurture but also teach them right from wrong. Giving in to there every whim is not good for them. If I was you I would let her cry. It sucks and is painful for a loving mother, I know. But let me tell you from experience its the right thing to do. If that baby knows that you will give in, she will continue to do what she is doing. She knows your going to do what she wants you to do, plus you have trained her to be this way. You need to tell her when its time to sleep, wake and eat. You know what is best for her, not her. I hope this doesnt sound harsh Im just being honest.

In order to be an effective mother you need to take care of yourself too! If you need sleep, your in charge, not a baby.

Take care, get rest and I hope things become clearer.

It may be time for you to increase your solids with her or start to ween her. Although breast feeding is great, it's not great when one, or both of you are struggling through it. She could be ready to stop and being that you have a busy time ahead, now may be the time to start to ween her altogether. My daughter quick formula cold turkey at 19 months and went solely on solids, toddler entrees, etc. She needs her Mama on top of her game so don't feel like you are being selfish if you feel it's time to change gears. Sucking is a baby's natural instinctive way to self sooth so the nursing may just be a way for her to put herself back to sleep. She'll keep using that if that is provided for her until another method is introduced.

Sounds familiar, I breastfed until my daughter was almost 3, she never slept through the night until she was 2 1/2. The thing that worked was very simple although I was afraid to try it. The doctor assured me it would not interfere with the nursing, so here it goes: Use an 8 oz bottle of formula at 9pm or close to the time you want some good sound rest. Use normal formula with a very very small ammount of baby rice cereal in it, maybe 1 teaspoonfull. Do not sweeten it, it's not necessary.
I felt guilty (as if I was cheeting on the breastfeeding thing) but I only did it when I really really needed the rest, like before a midterm or test at school. I kept co-sleeping and nursing until I absolutly felt that she was old enough to get a cup and drink on her own. It worked all through both of our busy schedules with full time nursing school and her preschool schedule. She never really needed to cry at all, it was just to feel warm and soothed with a full belly before bed. With the right combo of feeding, diapers, and co-sleeping they really don't have much to cry about.
After breastfeeding she still wanted her warm milk, even now at 5 3/4 years old she likes to soothe herself to sleep with a sippy cup of warm milk once in a while. She is the best thing life has ever offered me and I would never give her anything less then the best. Good Luck!

I feel for you for sure.
I nursed my youngest up til a week before his 2nd birthday, and even then it was a sad and stressful thought to give it up, but I just had too. It is'nt good to have a cranky sleep deprived mommy looking after you.
And at that point he was basically just using me for comfort, not nourishment, and I was so exhausted by being on call all the time.He also was up several times a night just to nurse, and I would just pop it in, and wait til he passed out, and then pop it out and go back to sleep, but it was all just to avoid the stress of him crying.
Well when I finally decided to stop nursing, I just quit, and it was rather simple. I was a bit saddened by him crying for me, and trying to pull at me, but I just kept saying no more, and moving away when he wanted some booby comfort. It only took less than a week for him to be completely over nursing. The worst thing that happened was me getting upset about missing that sweet bonding time with him. But he continued to come and snuggle and touch, but I just stood my ground about "no more", and he was fine with it. He did get himself back to sleep with my comfort, only now it was back rubs and soft songs.
You can do it, whether you give up nursing totally now, or if you just want to get down to one bedtime nursing, whatever you choose to do will be fine, you just have to set your mind to it, and your daughter will follow your lead. I think we convince ourselves it will be more difficult than it is.
And I understand about not wanting them to cry, but a few tears with mama close by comforting and reassuring them is what is needed to make certain transitions like falling asleep on their own. It is more stressful on us than on them, but only for a few days and then you will both me having sweet dreams again.

You need to cut off the nighttime feedings. She won't like it and she will cry, but it should take less than a week for her to get the message. It may help and speed the process to quit breastfeeding entirely - she's plenty old enough to have just cow's milk - because if she's not getting it during the day she won't expect it at night either. When I did this with my son, I stayed with him through those tough nights and comforted him, but did not give and let him nurse. I think it took 3-4 nights before he stopped wanting to be nursed back to sleep. Good luck and I hope this helps.

First of all I would alternate her feedings. You need to start her on a bottle because when the time comes to go back to school she may not take a bottle. Start getting her on a bottle or a sippy cup if you would prefer that because of her age. You don't have to stop breast feeding but you are going to have to ween her off eventually. Anyone I know that has not used a bottle has had a hard time like you are. I wouldn't put her in bed with you anymore either. I used to let my son sleep with me at night. All it did was cause me problems. He's almost 3 and I am just now getting him to sleep in his own bed. He has times where he'll come in my room at night but I take him right back to his own room and put him in bed not speaking to him at all during the process. Basically what I'm saying is that you need to start letting ago a little. You can still breast feed if that's what you want to do but start weening her off of you. I went through the same thing except I did alternate with bottles. My daughter is almost 7 weeks now and I used the same technique on her breast feeding herand putting her in bed when she wouldn't go back to sleep. I stopped doing that and I'm starting her on alternating bottle with breast and now she sleeps 8 hours a night. We go to bed at about 10, 10:30 and she wakes me up at 6 am. Not bad at all I think. Some might disagree with me but in my opinion I think alternating bottle and breast will help you eventually get more sleep. You could try giving her infant cereal at her age they need a little more than breast milk. Her stomach probably doesn't stay full long. So you could try that too. I hope that's good advice and I'm really sorry if it's offensive or didn't help. Best of luck to you!

my son started sleeping better around this age but it got worse before it got better. i contacted my LLL group for advice and support. but eventually she will sleep. i know how it goes... looks like you got lots of advice, but i saw your post and just wanted to add that it will pass and it will get better! : )

Hang in there, A.. Just a piece of advice that our wonderful pediatrician passed along to me many years ago: "The most important job you have as a parent is keeping your child safe. And if your stress and lack of sleep gets to the point where you find yourself 'losing it' emotionally, then it's time to shift priorities and put your need for sleep higher on the list." And he was right. My daughter was 9 months old and still not letting me get much sleep at all. And just couldn't bear to hear her cry. But I realized that a little fussing over not getting mom up as often as she liked in the night... was not nearly as big a deal as having her mom get frazzled and short tempered with her!

Pretty soon, we were both much happier! I had steady nerves and she no longer had a wiped out no fun zombie mom!

Hi A..
I have a 16 month old son that my husband and I have also raised with "attachment parenting". He sleeps in our room and I bring him into bed with us when he wakes up at night (anywhere from 2 am to 5 am). And of course when he wakes up he wants to nurse back to sleep. It took a few nights, but I got him down to nursing only once a night. He cried of course, but I cuddled with him (as much as he'd let me!) and he eventually settled down and went back to sleep with me. I think he's finally gotten the idea that he'll only get to nurse once during the night!
My husband works nights, so like you, I end up dealing with this on my own. I'm 10 wks pregnant with our next child, and I'm planning on weaning my son from his one night feeding soon, and then from his nursing before nap and bedtime. I'm pretty sure I'll do it just how I got him down to once a night. Like you, I hate letting him cry, but I try to keep in mind that I have breastfed him and coslept and done these wonderful things for him, and they eventually do have to end. And by cuddling/holding them while they cry, I feel like at least they know you're still there and love them--things are just changing a little.
So I guess my advice would be that you'll just have to plan for a couple bad nights (probably the weekend?!), but I'm sure your daughter will be fine. It sounds like you're a wonderful mother and doing everything you can for her! Good luck!

I did a lot of similar things with my daughter whrn she was younger. At te time when we tried weaning her of me being at her beck and call it was said some crying is good so my husband made me wait so long before I went to her to see if she really needed me and suprising was when after a couple to five min. she usually quit. It was hard to ignore at first but after realizing she didn't need to be a "mommy attachment" as her dad called her, she just wanted to; it then got easier for both of us with time.

Don't know, if you are still looking for sugestions. Funny to read your post now... I am going through the same thing! Will go back and read all the advice you got! Anyway, what is working for us right now is baby sleeping with Dad and I am in the guest room. Since trying this arrangement two days ago, she is still making fussing noises on schedule for nursing, but lasts less than a min. Hubby says he doesn't even have to roll over to comfort her because she is doing this in her sleep. When not rewarded she falls back to deep sleep within secs. Like you, I do miss the cuddling, but we're all happier and can maintain a healthier environment (less stressed) when we're well rested. Don't fret. You'll freak yourself out worrying. Since you mention you are single, I am wondering if you have a family member or friend that might help you for a week? Or, if not I am sure that having baby in her own bed (even somewhere safe in your room like a Pack'nPlay) will make a difference. Baby won't feel abandoned (was my fear) when well snuggled during daytime and a sippy cup with water if really thirsty they'll drink. Refusing it might simply mean they don't want/need it. I'm so happy with results right now, I am feeling like poor daughter felt "obligated" to nurse with me next to her and I'd been keeping her up all night. Silly and sleepy Mom! Co-sleeping is fantastic, but only when it's benefiting all parties. Good luck!

I've been there. I was a single mom too and did the same thing. After she started eating food I only breast fed at night. She slept with me a lot. Most of the time after she fell asleep I put her in her own bed. I didn't wean her totally until she was two. But then she alwasy wanted a bottle. It took a long time to get her off that. She needed me by her side to sleep until she was about 5. It helped to get her a big girl bed with matching pillow case and comforter. Then I learned to sit by her side in a chair and read her a story and say our prayers, but not get in bed with her or her in bed with me. Children need structure and routine. It didn't take long after that to be able to leave the room with her still awake. I know it took me til she was 5, but maybe if you start now, it'll happen sooner. But I'm with you, I'd hate to deny her the breast feeding when it seems she's not ready. I knew my daugther was ready when she would just play during feeding, and my breasts just couldn't take it anymore.

i stoped nursing all my children when they were 1 year. i dont see how u could continue after that. maybe its time for her to ween off.

Hi A.,

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this or not already, but I strongly suggest the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It is a lot of great suggestions in there on how even co-sleeping, breastfeeding moms can get through the night without waking or crying. There's also a great section on how harmful crying is to babies. She also has the same book published specifically for toddlers, which may be more appropriate for you, considering your daughter's age. I'm pretty sure the library has it, it's an amazing book and worked for me!

Regards,
A.

Hello,
My daughter is two and I breastfed up until just a couple of months ago. When she was really young I also breastfed on cue and she spent most nights in my bed. I know it might sound cruel, but your daughter is old enough to go all night without eating. The advice I recieved was to let her cry at night. The first night it would be awful, but every night would get better. It really was true. As long as she knows you are going to cave and pick her up she will continue to cry. At a year and a half she can sleep through the night you just half to let her know that you love her but you aren't going to pick her up and nurse her back to sleep, she's just going to have to do it on her own like all the other people in the world. My daughter now sleeps all night and it is such a wonderful experience. I am happier and can take care of her better during the day. When a person gets enough sleep they don't lose their patience as easily and they are more fun to be around.
I know it may seem cruel but it won't hurt her to cry. You could stand by her bed and pat her for a few minutes so she knows you love her. But allowing her to control you during the night doesn't necessarily demonstrate you're love for her.

Hi There, I had the same problem when my son was 5 months old. He wanted to nurse all night. I finally put him in his own bed and let him cry it out a few nights and he eventually slept through the night. It's hard for a few days, but it's worth it in the end. Unfortunately lately he's been waking up once a night, so i need to go through the letting him cry it out thing again. Good luck, I hope it works for you! S.

Have you taken into consideration that maybe it is thime to wean her off the breast and on to a bottle or sippy cup.?

I don't follow that "cry alone till you fall asleep" either.
sometimes you need to hold to rules, as the parent, but more important to follow your heart and common sense on this issue. I've had 3 kids and work full time. I enjoy my 20 minutes laying with them, reading, singing the ABC's with them, and letting them drift off. It gets shorter and easier every year, and by school age, the story is in a chair and they understand the clock says it's bedtime... no tears.

Hi A.. You know, my son and I still co-sleep. But I am trying to break him of it. He never wanted to sleep in his own bed, but now I got him sleeping at least 3/4 of the night in his own bed. He even can go to sleep in his bed. What I did was wait till he goes to sleep, and slip him in the bed. At first, I was like, OMG! He cried and one night I had to sleep sitting up next to his bed. But, dang it, he slept there. I can't stand letting him cry either. So you have to come up with something that will be a sort of cmoprimise. He knows that he will go to sleep, and wake up in his own bed. If he wakes up, and its still night time, he knows I will not mind if he crawls into bed with me. Maybe you could do something like that. You have to make a plan that works for both of you. In the meantime, if you need some extra sleep, take a nap with him. You can let him cry it out, and that would probaly be faster. Maybe last a week or so. But I can't stand to watch my son fall asleep with tears rolling down his face. So just make up something that is good for you, ok? Good luck with this...T.

IT'S HAARD TO LET YOUR BABY CRY, BUT YOU HAVE TO LET HER CRY IT WILL TAKE A WEEK OR TWO, BUT YOU CAN NOT GIVE IN. OVER THE NIGHTS THE TIME SHE CRIES WILL GET SHORTER. YOU MAY EVEN TRY STAYING OUT OF THE ROOM UNTIL SHE IS ASLEEP. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF BUSY TO KEEP YOUR MIND FROM HER CRYING.

S.

Hi A.,
I have a very close friend that breast fed her baby all night like you are doing, on demand. By 2 years old he had all of his teeth pulled because they were rotten from the milk all night long. She has since had her second child and has her in her own bed this time. Try babywise. I understand you don't like to let your baby cry, but imagine now that she is 13. Do you want to respond to her every whim at that age? Start taking control, being the mom, feed, cuddle her and then put her to bed. She will get used to it in no time.
A. L.

I am a 17 y/o single mama. my daughter will be seven months at the end of the month, i just recently started making her sleep by herself at night. its been a rough couple weeks, but trust me it gets easier. see i too am starting school in the fall so i need to know shell be ok at night without me. i put her in bed with her boppy so she still feels secure. try feeding her before you put her down, and start weening her of night feedings. just what ever you do be persistant, and she will get used to it. trust me i know how hard it is to hear your baby cry and feel totally helpless. just comfort her the best you can, and trust me things will get better.

A., I know exactly what you are going through. My son is 22 months old and has been sleeping in his crib, on his own now for only about 5-6 months. I also nursed on cue, he slept in bed with us etc. And the same thing he cried and cried in his bed but I couldn't stand to leave him in there. Here is what we had to do: You need to first stop nursing at night. That is HUGE. The only reason your child is nursing is comfort and she is used to it. She should not be hungry. I breast fed my son until he was about 16 months old but I had to stop because I too was going back to school and work as an EMT. In fact you should probably think about weaning all together since you will be in school. I would make sure she has a little snack before bed, a cup/bottle of warm milk and call not feed her at night anymore. I did the same thing with Daniel and I really had to just cut him off. Since he was eating so many solids anyway he didn't protest to badly. This will help her to sleep on her own too. When Daniel was in bed with me he knew the boob was there and cried for it.

When I knew I couldn't sleep with him anymore I put Daniel in his crib in his own room. I made the mistake of putting him in a toddler bed and he literally walked around the house for 2 hours at 1 am crying. Here is the not easy part: You have to put her in her crib, tell her she is going to sleep like a big girl in her big girl bed. Give her stuffed animals, dolly, whatever, close the door turn off the light and walk away. Daniel cried the first night for about 15-20 min, and it tapered every night and by the third night he slept all night long. Our bedtime ritual is bath, teeth, jammies, little cartoon or book, milk (actally have been cutting back on milk for potty training), good night. He sleeps from about 9 to usually 7 or 8.
Sorry this letter is so long but I know what you are going through, the guilt I felt listening to him cry but I needed my sleep!!! If you want to email me feel free too, I hope everything works out for you!!

It's natural and ok to let a baby cry. It's actually very good for their lungs as well as teaches them that life is going to start to get difficult and mom can't always be there at the first sign of a tear. I am only 22, but I have 3 boys ages 4, 19 months and 7 months. With my first it took me a while to get used to letting him cry, but I would let him cry for 5 minutes, go in a sooth him for only a minute or so, then walk out again, give him another 5 and do the same thing. The next time though I would wait 10 minutes. A few nights of this and she will start getting used to the idea you aren't going to come every single time. It's not cruel, or neglectful and you will be so surprised how good she just lays down and goes to sleep after only a few nights. But you can't give in, that's the biggest thing. Then she knows if she just screams long enough, you will eventually break and then nothing will be accomplished. Good luck! Being a single mom is incredibly difficult! Just have faith in her and yourself during those heartbreaking first few night of tears and screams.

I know this one is done, but I wanted to encourage moms that babies/tots WILL wean themeselves when they are ready. I have always held to that idea with my kids. my oldest started weaning himself when he was about 17 months old, and that just ment that he only nursed at naps and bedtime, and sometimes during the night when he couldnt get back to sleep. He also coslept with me. But what STARTED the weaning I think is that we put him in his own bed. We didnt have room for a crib so he slept in a little tot bed in the living room just outside our bedroom door) we lived in a TINY 1 bedroom apartment and there was no room in my room, so it was either that or the kitchen! We would put him to sleep on our bed because we would be in the living room until we were ready for bed, and then when we went to bed we would put him in his bed. He would always wake up in the night and come get back in bed with us. But it was fine, he was a good cuddlebug. While he DID stop nursing at 18/19 months old, he did it in his own timing. AND he still coslept (NOT EVERY NIGHT!) til he was about 6, and at that point I had to tell him he was too big to be sleeping with mommy! He did start sleeping pretty well without me though by the time he was 3 when #2 came along and I told him he couldnt sleep with me if the baby was sleeping with me, he was fine with that, but after #2 was born.. the baby would NOT cosleep, he would scream until I put him in his bassinet, so my #1 still got to sleep with me if he needed me. It got to be less and less until I just told him he was too big to sleep with me.( He slept at the end of my bed most of the time.)

Dear A.,

Yes, you need sleep in order to make a better life for yourself and your daughter. Letting her cry for a few nights is not a bad thing to do. I had to do it, and it was not easy, but it solved the problem and the baby became more relaxed and contented. It is better to let them cry than to get frustrated and angry with the situation. It will be o.k., just do it. You won't regret it.

Good Luck, C. N.

I understand that hearing your baby cry is hard - with my first, every time she cried I was practically in tears too! Until I realized that sometimes my coddling her was actually making it WORSE! Now, I'm not saying that your baby is the same way as either of mine, but she might be, so here's my story:

My oldest daughter was one of those don't-want-to-miss-a-thing babies. She would scream and scream when I put her down for naps and bedtime, and I would invariably go and pick her up and cuddle her and let her come out. What this resulted in was a tired, cranky child who was actually getting sick because she wasn't getting enough sleep! I talked to my pediatrician and he told me that crying is something that babies do to release their emotions - they can't articulate their emotions the way we can, they can only cry. So, by going in there and keeping her up, I was not only depriving her of sleep, but also of a needed emotional release.

Once he told me this, and suggested a cry-it-out method, I decided that no matter how hard it was for me to do it, I was going to do what I felt was best for my child. So, that night, I put her to bed, shut the door most of the way (so I could still hear her if she needed me, but so that the light from the living room wouldn't bother her) and sat in front of the clock. I watched every agonizing minute tick by until 15 minutes had gone (which was the time suggested by my pediatrician). At that time, I got up and cuddled her and calmed her down and then put her back in bed. That time, she cried for less than a minute before falling asleep.

The next night we did it again, and it was at PRECISELY the 15 minute mark that she stopped crying - I had actually gotten up to go to her and she was sleep before I made it down the hall. This pattern continued until she was down to a minimal (less than a minute) fuss each time (she never did just go down without a fight!) - it took less than 2 weeks. Each time I had to sit there and stare at that clock, I just kept reminding myself of what her pediatrician had said. I also cried.

What this ended up doing was - not only did she sleep through the night and go to bed relatively on time, but she was energized throughout the day and much healthier. I ended up quickly cutting her naps down to only one a day (any more than that and she fought me a bit more at bed time) - especially when her first word was "NoNap!" :) She is now 3 years old and hasn't taken a nap during the day for over a year. She has "quiet time" every day, where I have her go in her room and play quietly or read a book just as a time to wind down in the middle of the day, but she rarely uses this time to fall asleep. However, if she's tired, this child will now voluntarily go and lay down for a nap!

With my second baby, I have a sensitive child. She is *very* easily over stimulated. At first, I didn't know what to do. She just *cried*! All the time! I tried holding her, nursing her, changing her, walking with her - NOTHING! I thought it might be colic, but, once again!, her pediatrician (a completely different man since we had moved to another area before having our second baby) suggested that she might be overly tired and to put her in a quiet, semi-dark (if it was day time, dark if it was night) room with no distractions and let her cry for a few minutes. It worked wonders! Now, any time she is inconsolably crying, we put her in bed and she calms herself down in less than 5 minutes. Sometimes she's then happy and wants to come out and play, sometimes she falls asleep. Either way, she cries for a bit first, but not too long. I keep the 15 minute clock still as a guideline - if she's crying for over 15 minutes, it's time to go get her and try something else (even if we've tried everything already!). Sometimes it seems that she has gotten over being upset at the over stimulation and then decides to cry because she's ready to eat. :)

I hope that my experiences can help you to understand how crying it out is not always such a bad thing - for you or your child! I also hope that, no matter what you decide for yourself and your baby, that you will eventually figure something out that works for you both and get some much needed rest! :)

Best Wishes.

My son did the samething when he was at that age all the way up to when he was well over two. I finally figured out he wanted the comfort more then the milk. (We co-sleep, and AP) I started giving him a snack/drink right before bed and then go brush his teeth. When he would wake up I would give him a cup of water and he would fall back to asleep. After a couple days he stopped waking up since he knew he would only be getting water. He would wake up earlier then usual for the first couple days but eventually he slept for his "normal" hours. Now when he wakes up he likes to eat right away, so that makes the morning even easier for me! I hope this helps in anyway, and good luck! I'm a single mom that goes to school full time as well.

At this age she's waking up to make sure you're still there, not out of hunger, I hate to say it but you might be ready to put some distance between you. If you don't start gradually moving her out of your bed and your room, she'll be five years old and still sleeping with you. I would try putting her to sleep by herself in the pack and play, it might be a couple of nights of crying, but she'll get used to it and the two of you will both sleep better in the long run.

Hi, You are not spoiling your child. I breastfeed my daughter until 18 months and she did co sleep. She is now five. I also do not belive in the "cry it out" theory. I think these choices were the best I have ever made. Your daughter might be going through a growth spirt. Do NOT start weening unless you and her are both ready. But definatly make sure she is getting enough "solid" foods during the day. And not taking naps that are to long or to close to bed time. Also she maybe sick and you don't know it. Something like a scratchy throat or ear infection. Babies routines change as they get older, just try to adjust it so you are both comfortable. Good Luck!

Hi A.,
I understand how you feel about your daughter. I was the exact same way. Everyone told me I had to let her cry it out but I resisted for the longest time. When I was finally convinced that it would not be good for her as she grows older, as she had to learn to put herself to sleep, I finally did it. I had to sit outside on the front porch and I cried right along with her. It was the most difficult thing I encountered during her childhood. After several sessions on the porch (it took awhile, quite awhile) she finally could put herself back to sleep. Everyone was right though, it did affect her later in life. She's 17 now and still has a hard time with sleep. So of course, now I'm sick with guilt!

Get a friend to sit with you the first few times. Sometimes they literally must hold you back from going to get her, but believe me it IS IN HER BEST INTEREST!!!

Feel free to write to me during her crying sessions, I honestly know exactly how you feel. Good luck darlin'!

V.
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