Anyone Done a "Change of Station"?

A college friend of mine is married to a career military man. They had been stationed in Washington, DC for a few years, were transferred all the way across the country, and then when his assignment was over, he had a choice of a few places to relocate to. They actually chose to go back to Washington DC because they enjoyed living there so much the first time! So, they moved back there a few months ago, and they looooove it. Their oldest is in high school, and their youngest is in grade school. The kids adjusted fine to their new schools (the area they live in is heavily military families, so the kids are more accepting of "new kids," I guess). Anyway, my friend is definitely like you - more of a country girl and not so much into the city life, but she just absolutely loves living in DC. There's so much to do there, especially with kids. And it's short-term, really, so even if you hate it, you won't be there long, right?

When my friends husband received a two year military posting she opted to stay here in the house with the kids for the two years while her husband travelled back and forth to visit. The military covered most of his travel and lodging, so it wasn't much more expensive to do it this way, and the family didn't have to uproot themselves. (Most military families would have just taken the move, but because he was close to retirement they opted to keep the home here as it was going to be their retirement home.)

Welcome to military life. We get orders and we go and we do all that you mentioned for the next three to four years. It can be challenging or it can be an adventure.

Get some info about the surrounding areas and familiarize yourself with how DC is set up. Find the downtown area and then the points of the compass and work out from there so you know where you are. Finding schools for kids is the same the world over. You go and do it. Put your kids in the local area where you live so you don't have a long drive time. Yes, you leave friends but you make new ones. With the technology of today you can keep up with your old ones for the two years you are away. Your kids will probably do better with the move than you. They are not in high school and that is where the challenges come. They have friends but they are not the forever friends and they will make new ones.
Whatever nature trails you know now DC has its own.

Enjoy the move and expand your horizon. Life is full of changes and challenges and we go with the flow. Learn to become flexible. If nothing else you can return to NM when it is over.

the other S.
Retired Military Wife

PS If you want to be married and enjoy the good life these are some of the changes and choices that go with it. Besides you get to clean out the house because now you are moving and the "stuff" that is not needed gets to go out the door.

Many times I wanted to put roots down but I didn't. The only place other than home I ever put roots down was Tucson, AZ after living there for five years. It was hard to leave but I did it and I still don't have roots down and I have lived here in NM for over 20 years. Now I want to move but don't know where -- a new state or overseas again or wherever. So I guess in a few years I may move near my daughter who is near the gulf and enjoy the life.

Washington DC is a great place to live. I loved it there. You will be surprised at how many trails there are there - the Potomac River is lined with a public park that has a biking/walking/rollerblading trail along it for the entire length of the city. People do a lot of walking and biking in DC. Outside the city, Assateague Island with the wild horses is a few hours one direction and the Shanandoah mountains are a few hours in the other direction.

The good thing about DC is that almost everyone there is from somewhere else. So it's easy to find info about activities and such. And, I found it easier to make friends there than in other places, because people move in and out of DC so often that people are always looking for new friends because either they just moved there too, or other friends just moved away.

And, I think your kids are the perfect age for this adventure. Old enough to really get something out of living in DC, with all the free museums and history, but young enough that the move isn't too bad. It would be a lot harder if this 2 years was in the middle of your older child's high school years.

It sounds like a great opportunity for all of you.

We have not done this before. But ...

My brother is in the military, and the family has done a couple of year long mobilizations. They treated it as an adventure. The first time they were renting an apartment, so they just moved out, went on the mob and bought a house when they returned. The second time they found a renter for the time they were gone.

I realize living in an urban area is not at the top of your list, but this is Washington, DC!!! Our nation's capital. There are so many things you can do with the kids - the Smithsonian, tour the White House, tour the Capital, go to the National Zoo. I'm sure you can google "free family activities in Washington, DC.

Your son will remember this experience. Your daughter will probably remember bits and pieces, so pictures and videos would be good.

I would encourage your son to stay in touch with some of his friends. He can text or skype - dare I say write letters. This would help him stay in touch so he is more comfortable when he returns.

If you view this as an adventure, the kids will, too.

Just a little example of some great nature, just outside DC!!
http://www.nps.gov/grfa/index.htm

There are some really beautiful natural areas there in addition to the amazing culture in DC itself. It will be a challenge, but a great adventure :)

You are underestimating your kids' ability to adapt. They are at the perfect age to move, and they will be FINE.

Moving is a pain, for sure, but don't overthink this. It sounds like it will be a great opportunity for all of you, and you know you will be returning in 2 years.

D.C. is a fascinating city, as cities go. Two years will fly by, and then you can get back to your hiking and camping.

Have a great adventure!

Sounds like there are more positives than negatives to this move. Such a great area. Kids are resilient. It is a good career move for your husband. It's only two years and then you get to go home again. So it really is only one move. You will have the best of both worlds. Travel south and you have beautiful hiking trails, you have the beaches of Virginia. So much in such a short distance. You can be in the mountains for the weekend and then a few days later at the beach. Just consider it an adventure. Military folks do this all the time. Sometimes with only a few weeks notice. Yes it is a lot of work but the experience for your kids is so worth it. Cheer up. You will do fine.

You'll get through it. And for what it's worth, it sounds like the perfect timing with the kids! Going into middle school (here that's 6th grade) is a huge transition and it's a great time to make a big move ALL the kids get their worlds a little rocked and it evens the playing field so to speak. The kids are all making new friends and getting used to the new way of doing things, changing classes, etc.

And the same with first grade. SO many kids will not know their classmates on that first day. Perfect for a kid just moving into town.

I think that if you plan, you can get a lot of what you need (fresh air and spaces). Rather than daily, however, plan your weekends. Instead of hitting all the museums and monuments and stuff you have tended to do on visits in the past... search outward. Your not far from other locales you might really enjoy: Fredericksburg, Leesburg, Richmond, Chincoteague and Assateague Islands, etc.

Friends have done it several times and one friend's older kids have been in 2 different states for school. It is stressful but I will say that the DC area offers a lot for families. You may want to consider living in either Northern VA or Montgomery County MD, to be close to the city but not in it. If you like open spaces, be sure to get to Great Falls, and you can camp various places, including Little Bennet, up past Germantown. You might want to check out the local park and rec website for your chosen location. Traffic can be a pain in the butt, BUT if you are working from home, you will likely be able to avoid rush hour. Get past the city itself and I think you will be happier.

ETA: I agree to rent the house. Friends did that when they were away for a year, with the understanding from the tenants that they would need the house back in x timeframe. It worked out well, as the renters were doing a remodel and didn't want to live there with kids.

Obviously what works for one person may not work for another, but we live in the MD suburbs and both DH and I commuted via Metro into or through DC. I avoid driving in DC. I prefer Metro. The commutes will be long, just accept that if you are not in DC itself, but it was more like an hour vs 2. Rents and other cost of living will be higher than perhaps you are used to, but your DH has been here and knows that. My DH fills up out of town on his way home for a few cents off per gallon. Little things. I personally have not had major problems with the schools in our county. We have one student in college and one graduate and one in public school now. But they are not DC schools and I can't speak for those.

I would try to find out ballpark what the utilities would be for the house before you rent it. Our bills are not $1000 month and weren't even close to that before we got solar and insulated. It will be hot, and not a dry heat, so you will likely need to have the air conditioning running most of the summer and should factor that in.

I'm sorry Momof 1 has had such a miserable time, but I hope you can find the middle ground that works for you. I moved here from the small town where I grew up, and while I would not want to live in the district and I don't always think happy thoughts on 495, I think it is a decent place to live. And for the short term, and adventure.

I have a friend who's husband works for Apple, Right now they are living in Singapore! They are native Austinites, have lived here their whole lives and both have all of their family here.

Her boys are a bit older they are in 3rd and 4th grade, They do not speak the language, They are learning it.

They had never been there, She had to pick their living arrangements and school totally online.

They have treated this whole thing as a "Family adventure". There have been some adjustments. Way smaller living quarters in a 2 bedroom apartment instead of their 3000 sq foot home (which they had to rent out). No yard. They go to parks. Grocery shopping is an adventure.

No cars. Totally dependent on their bikes on foot or taxis.
The boys love their school, their teachers and they have made good friends. They have attended the local festivals. They have been like sightseers. It has brought them closer together as a family.

Her husband works a lot of hours, and she works online for her job here in Austin. So sometimes it is the middle of the night while she is joining online conference meetings everyone else is asleep.

Family members have taken advantage of them being there and have visited them. Guest sleep in the living room. The home here in town had a guest suite.

When he gets back, he will have his original job, but with seniority.

We are military, so I totally understand your concern. But, try to just focus on the positives. I would never want to live in the DC area forever, but I think it would be a great opportunity for a few years. There is so much to do/see and you're close to NY, Boston, etc. We moved last summer (from KS to KY) and it was an adjustment. Overall, the kids did great! You'll find doctors and friends, I promise! I think you'll look back and think it was the best two years ever!!!!

When my husband retires from the military in 4 years, I would love for him to get a job where he can go overseas (Europe) for a few years. I think it would be an awesome opportunity for our kids!

I am sure I am not the first from a military family to comment, so sorry if I repeat anything. Basically, you just do it. But, I just wanted to ask one thing, are you sure it is for sure only two years? To be honest if my husband took a short tour for only one or two years and was coming back here to AK after I would seriously consider staying and just visiting a few times back and forth. That way he can have his wonderful opportunity and you do not have to uproot the kids and yourself twice in such a short amount of time.

I would keep my house, rent it out or have a good relative that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt would treat it right and let them live in it for the payments and utilities. You handle insurance and repairs and stuff like that.

Then when you come home you have your home to come back to.

If you get a housing move allowance use it to move stuff to storage and just rent furnished in DC.

Would you believe that Hubs and I pine for a similar opportunity, and are actively keeping our eyes peeled for one to present itself?

2 years is about the right clip. You have the promise of return, a cost of living adjustment, job security, corporate assisting with relocation/ housing/ schooling. Long enough to get a taste for a place, but not so long that the daily grind will wear on you before you get to go back to home.

Humans are highly resilient. More so when that which must be "endured" (if you choose to think of it that way) is somehow predictibly finite.

Best,
F. B.

I survived this hell hole for only 8 months and we are literally in the middle of retirement and packing up to move back south. My husband was forced to move here with the military. If it hadn't been to this area, he would have stayed in longer. I hated it here. Like, I think I probably would have needed to be commited if I had been forced to stay any longer. Terrible. The traffic is the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined. I finally quit my "prestigious" job in DC after someone attempted to car jack me and it took me over 2 hours (sometimes both ways) each day, five days a week to get home from work. That alone would drive a sane person to the looney bin. You didn't specify where you plan to live, but looking back I would have moved on base. I was stupid, rented a two story home , and paid over $1000 month electric bills because I didn't know that Maryland does not regulate utilities and wanted to live in the burbs. Schools are terrible, anywhere near or in DC, so we did private. That is the absolute only way to go. I could not stand that there was so many people...just everywhere...in your face...all the time! And rude and agressive to boot. Yuck. I am sorry bc that probably wasn't what you wanted to hear. I just want to give you a different perspective. If I had known, my husband would have came alone and we would have stayed back and did the distance thing. We make sacrifices because we love our spouse. I love mine to the moon and back. But, this place put a serious strain on my mental health and my marriage. We made tons of $$, got to see some cool sights, and experience other cultures, but the excitement grows dull after doing it over and over. Funny, I thought moving here would be great-but it seems like this place is stuck in a time warp. Good luck. I sincerely hope that you have a better experience than me.