Big Citys or Small Towns??

I grew up in a small town. Then I moved to to a big city. (Well, not actually IN the city, but close enough that it felt big city.)

I really don't like either extreme... But I definitely prefer small town over big city if I HAD to choose between the two.

Right now, we live in a smaller mid- size city, outside of a big city. Perfect!

I've lived in very large cities, very small towns, small cities, mid-sized cities, and large towns.

We currently live in a small city, which has a population of about 55,000 people. We love it. With kids, I very much prefer a small, safe city to a large city. We know our neighbors. The kids can ride their bikes anywhere they like, explore, and be gone all day playing without a worry. The schools have small class sizes and are close-knit.

The cost of living is low. We were able to purchase a big house on a large lot for a price that made my little brother's jaw drop (he lives on the West coast). We have plenty to do and are in easy driving distance from larger cities if there's anything we need that we can't find here.

Consider also the weather you're looking for, the political climate (if you're very liberal, you might not enjoy living in a very conservative area or vice-a-versa), and the types of jobs that are available for that area. It's not just about good schools...if there are no jobs available for you and your husband, you simply cannot live there. If the jobs that are available will not allow you to afford the cost of living, you cannot live there.

Good luck!

Don't move to Houston! It was about 95 yesterday. Plus, no matter how expensive, organic and pure the products you use are to prevent frizz, your hair WILL frizz anyway :(

I would totally live in the city - so much opportunity, diversity, people, languages, and all that food!

I love both NYC and CT, but if I have to pay that kind of cost of living and taxes, I'd rather do it where there is more opportunity for my family to have the entire world available to us right outside our front door, like in the city.

If you want small town with the big city readily available, New England is the best place to have best of both worlds. Princeton, New Haven, Boston, southern NJ, Hartford, to name a few. I like CT but alot of their 'burbs are way too "convenient" and most places are just chains stores and chain restaurants - bleh.

But you can't just judge things for safety like the suburbs and small towns - just look at the Sandy Hook tragedy.

So much to consider!
I assume his work (or your work?) allows you to be flexible. Employment would be my first consideration. Beyond that it's really a matter of personal preferences.
Good schools, safety, climate, transportation, cost of living, healthy lifestyle (parks, trails, hospitals, etc.) cultural/educational activities (museums, sports teams, colleges, nightlife, etc.) there is just SO much to think about.
I personally have the best of both worlds. We live in a beautiful, green smallish town with excellent schools AND we are only twenty minutes from San Francisco and the Pacific Ocean, and less than four hours from the mountains. But it is VERY expensive here, especially taxes and housing costs.
I would do a google search of "the best places to live in America" I think it's put out once a year by Forbes magazine. It's a pretty comprehensive list of great cities and what makes them great. Good luck!

Are you a city mouse or a country mouse?
I'm a country mouse and can't stand the city or the suburbs.
Decide what you want -- make a list. Compare and contrast.
You need to make this decision as a couple -- don't make us make that kind of decision for you.

Sharon, MA, a town next to mine, was just named the best place to live in America (small town edition) by Money Magazine. It's very similar to where I live. It's in between Boston and Providence. Less than 45 minutes from the city for all of the "city" things we value (jobs, museums, sports, arts, concerts, the airport, colleges and universities, health care etc.) but still "country" enough that we have lots of green space, bike paths, running trails, farms, farmer's markets and we can just get in the car and drive to Target or the grocery store, not worrying about public transportation or grocery delivery or some of the other hassles of real city living.

Many places in CT are similar - quaint, pretty New England towns with easy access to NYC. My sister lives in Brooklyn and while she lives in a beautiful, exclusive area and loves the city, they are always toying with the idea of moving to CT or NJ and becoming commuters. Their apartment is beautiful and cost a fortune, but it's small and she has to carefully consider what toys her kids can have (nothing noisy, or big, or that you can hear through the floor, etc.). They have beautiful parks in the neighborhood, but no yard to relax in, can't throw dinner on a grill, etc. It's just a different way of life that can be challenging and a bit constricting with kids. My nieces come to my house - which is a dump compared to where they live - and they are in awe that we have our own yard, our own pool, our own swing set, a driveway to ride bikes in, a big playroom in the basement, etc. So those are some things to consider when thinking about moving your kids literally to a city. If they're used to spacious, outdoor living then being in a city like New York where there really aren't many single family homes with yards might be constricting. But living near the city would give them the amenities of the city with the comforts of a small town.

my vote: small town near a big city. The best of both worlds.

The thing is.....you can't decide where to move and expect to find good jobs there. You really have to fill out applications, go on interviews, get offers, then move where the work is.

If you are independently wealthy then it doesn't matter where you live. Find a place in the suburbs of a large city and live in an exclusive neighborhood and send the kids to private school.

If you have to work for a living and that money is all you have then you have to move where you have a job waiting that will pay you enough to pay all the bills you'll have each month.

I prefer smaller towns to big cities.
I just hate the traffic that comes with a big city.
We lived in northern Virginia in a suburb of DC for 17 years and it got to the point where it felt like you were living in the car.
My husband worked less than 20 miles away from home.
He could get there in under 30 min if he left before 6am.
If he left anytime after that it would take him 1.5 hours.
Rush 'hour' ran from 6 to 9am and from 3:30 to 7 pm.
Even in the immediate area where we lived, if a few key intersections had accidents converge at the right time, it could take 4 hours to drive 4 miles.
You'd think walking would be an option but sidewalks were few and crossing 6 lane highways by foot was risking your life.
I wouldn't wish a long commute on anyone (I worked with people who drove in from West Virginia every day - the money they saved in cheaper real estate was often more than spent in gas and car maintenance).
Try to live close to where you work.
It makes life easier if a child is sick and you have to pick him up at school and it doesn't take more than an hour to get there.

As far as climate goes - I like 4 seasons.
I think a bit of some freezing helps to keep the insects in check.
But at the same time I don't want to have to do a lot of shoveling.
(We grew up near Buffalo, Ny.)
Been there, done that, got the tee shirt ('I survived the Blizzard of 77').
For my purposes, the southern half of Pennsylvania (not near Philadelphia) through the northern edge of North Carolina have some pretty good climates.
Connecticut gets more snow than I'd like.
If you're talking all of New York state, the snow can wallop you if you're in a lake effect snow belt area but there are areas which typically don't get much snow but are prone to bitter cold if the arctic air takes a dip down from Canada.
My husband went to college in Rochester and most winters you really needed a block warmer if you wanted to get your car started on winter mornings.
I've heard Albany is a very nice area.
Google 'best places to live in northeast united states' and see what you find.

I can't be happy living anywhere with a population under 2 million people, personally. Life without access to good restaurants, museums, a symphony orchestra, and a few professional ballet companies is a total no-go for me. No Nordstrom? I don't want to live there.

So, if this were my choice, I'd go for New York over Connecticut. Maybe the two of you can compromise and live in a suburb about half an hour from the City?

Personally, I preferred the city life before kids and the suburbs after kids. I like that suburbs are less crowded, have less traffic, have more parks, bike lanes, walking trails, etc. I also think that, in many cases, smaller towns have better schools simply because it's easier to manage a smaller district. Small towns are probably safer in general, but I think we've seen lately that violence can occur anywhere.

I think a city's assets are in the eyes of the beholder.

I really like it here in Portland-- cosmopolitan enough to have some big city amenities without having as much crime and grime. There is a real 'neighborhood' feeling, neighborhood organizations and projects, community gardens... it really depends on the neighborhood one falls into. Our library and transit systems are wonderful, yes, we do have a large homeless population however, I think you will find that no matter which city you go to. Ours has more resources and we've had less violent crime than other cities in recent years. The schools? It depends on the neighborhoods as well as how much the parent is willing to invest themselves in their kid's education. We have decent schools (testing/drop-out rates very typical for a larger city, and the schools are addressing this-- my son's school is excellent and one of the best rated in state) and plenty of good childcare here. Because of OHSU, we also have lots of health care resources. And be prepared-- we have beautiful spring/summer/fall, but through mid-fall to mid-spring, it's mostly a puddle. Many of us drink tea or coffee to deal with our seasonal depression... but for those not afflicted and who like rain, it's a treat. What I love, too, about Oregon, is that we have nearly every sort of climate here: from Portland you are about 1.5 hours away from the beach, 2 hours away from the mountains, 3 or more hours away from high desert destinations, great skiing in Bend, etc. I still am not done exploring all I want from this state and I've been in Oregon most of my life.

My sister, on the other hand, lives in Richland WA. She loves it there, way upstream on the Columbia from us. Nice small town sort of community, situated in the high desert and very pretty being by the river. That said, it's near Hanford, and the jury is still out on that. My parents liked it so much that they've moved there to be with sis and her family; my dad is hoping to be self-employed there (he's a mechanic/diesel mechanic) and there is the feeling that the town is still growing and offers opportunity. There is growth in that tri-cities area, Idaho skiing nearby, and Washington also offers some geological diversity.

I'm a Pacific Northwesterner at heart. Have lived in Florida, Hawaii and southern California and would still pick our little upper left corner of the US every time.

I like large towns (not too small! 30K-50K or so) that are progressive, have a university, have a lot of culture and things to do and are within driving distance to a city. That way the education is good and it's also usually safe for kids to play outside.

I have lived in small towns (pop. 2,000) and in a suburb of Minneapolis. I have also lived in mid-sized cities (pop. 50,000-120,000). Two of those cities have been named Money Magazines #1 place to live.

I love small towns, but my favorite places have been mid-sized cities. You can usually get anywhere in town in about 20 minutes or less. You might not have major league teams, but there are usually minor league teams. You might not have Off Broadway theater productions available every week, but there are some amazing local theater and college theater programs. You might not have big name music acts, but there are small venues where you can experience more intimate concerts sometimes with big name stars or up and coming musicians. Many small cities have nice museums and local festivals. There can be a lot of culture in mid-sized cities.

Cost of living is usually a little less in smaller cities. The small cities that I have lived in have had excellent school systems and lower crime rates. They usually have most of the big name stores along with small locally owned specialty stores.

Of the small cities I have lived in I have probably liked best the one that was an hour drive from a large city. What the smaller city didn't have we could access fairly easily in the larger city.

It all comes down to personal preference. I have had friends who have moved away from where we live now because it was too big and friends who have moved away because it is too small. If at all possible go to visit some of your potential places and spend a weekend. Talk to people who live there and try to get a feel for if it is right for your family.

I live in a small city of about 750 000. I would not want to live in a small town or a big city.

i've never lived in NY or CT so can't address your question specifically. but the problem is that both have pros and cons, so it's so much a matter of personal preference.
i'm not a city gal and have never lived in a city. most of my life has been in the suburbs, which for me is the worst of both worlds. however, it was nice for the boys when they were little. we're still not as rural as i'd like to be (i'm a hermit at heart) but at least it's green, and private, and tranquil. the elementary school in the nearby small town which my kids attended is small, relatively safe, and close-knit. lots of kids still walk and bike to school which i think is nice.
but like many small towns it has its downsides. it's very provincial, not just the nice 'small town family values' so touted by politicians, but racial ugliness, rigidity when it comes to anything 'new', intolerance of anything perceived as different or unusual.
big cities are much more progressive, and have a bright bustling energy i find attractive. i could never live in one, but the advantages are plentiful- culture, transportation, entertainment, diversity. but the crime, and the overwhelming psychic pressure of so many people in such a small space- gah! i have to enjoy a city, and then get out.
i'm sure that in NYC alone there's a huge disparity between schools and neighborhoods. obviously if you look at NY state's safety stats they're going to be ghastly compared with CT because of NYC. but that doesn't mean NY is overall better or safer. you really have to decide which has the Big Things like climate, taxation and affordability to narrow down your geographic area, then visit to decide which town or city or rural community best suits your own personal vibe.
khairete
S.

I prefer suburbs to smaller towns......

We live NEAR a large city (Austin), so if we wanted/needed to, we can go in easily for specialists, or to the airport, which is less than an hour away... but where we live, the county is known for being tougher on criminal activity than in the big city, has lower taxes, GREAT schools, and has a very nice community feel to it..... we do have a large variety of shopping, both in our city, and in nearby communities.

As far as schools? The schools here are very good, but I may be prejudiced... I work for our local school district, and all 4 of my kids graduated from these schools.....

I feel our community is a safe place for kids to play outside without direct supervision, and they can ride bikes, etc. without too much worry.

Never lived in either area, but I like small towns better personally. I do like to live within a drivable distance to a big city, for the cultural access though. Hence living in a suburb of Los Angeles, Dallas, Chicago, Las Vegas (yes there is culture there!) where I can drive there in 1hr or less (traffic depending) but I am not a resident of the city itself. Good Luck making the right choice for your family.

I grew up in a very small town, while my husband grew up in a very large city. We live in a small city now which is just the right combination for our family. Large enough to have all the necessities and some of the extras, small enough to avoid most of the undesirable aspects of a more densely populated area.