Am I Failing as a Mom?

No, you're not failing. Don't over-analyze this. 3 year olds go through stages, they like things, then they get bored of them. If she doesn't want to do crafts, do something else.

What questions are you asking her? Three year old kids don't make good maids, so don't expect her to clean up her room very well, unless you make it a game and do it with her.

Don't yell at her, it's never a good idea.

Maybe she is reacting to having a sibling. That happens.

I don't know, it all sounds pretty normal. I think what you are experiencing is a typical three year old. Just don't yell.

I think it's a late case of the terrible 3's.
I found I had to get my son's attention before I told him anything, have him look me in the face, then tell him, then ask him to repeat what I just said - and once we got that down communication became so much smoother than it had been.
It's not that he wasn't listening when I called him.
He was just so focused while he was playing that he just didn't hear me.
That's not the same as willfully ignoring you.
If she can't be gentle with little brother you are going to have to separate them.
Toys being left out - if she won't help put them away - YOU put them in a bag in a closet for a few weeks - even if the toy box starts looking a bit empty - tell her if she can't take care of her toys, they will go away for awhile.
Is baby brother getting more mobile? Walking?
Maybe she's feeling a bit jealous and wants more attention - and doesn't care if it's positive or negative attention.
Maybe Dad can baby sit little brother sometime so you and your daughter can go out and have some one on one time together.
It's a pretty typical stage - it's just hard to get through it.

Chances are, like everyone said, this is a case of the Terrible 3s. Much more common, really, than the Terrible 2s. And whenever it hits, it's nature's way of giving you a little preview of the teenage years.

But one other possibility you might explore is that she could have a low-grade ear infection, or a low-grade case of strep. At the milder end, these don't manifest as acute pain in the ear or throat, or as fevers: they manifest as irritability and (when it's the ear) diminished hearing, which looks and sounds like a refusal to listen.

I wouldn't discount the power of the Terrible 3s for a second, but it might be worth getting her checked out just in case.

Oh, and you're not failing as a mom! You're doing a fantastic job. Don't worry about that for a second.

Half years are regressive by their very nature. All the research shows this. Kids that could run and jump, fall down, etc.

My daughter is 4.5, march bday. Impossible. It gets better around brays.

I don't have an answer but I do want to say my daughter is also 3 going to be 4 and she is being almost the same way... but she throws extreme temper tantrums.. this is all new to me because she was always such a good baby and toddler... people keep telling me its a stage.. even tho I spend time with her I feel it is jealousy against her. baby sister.who is 9 months... my 9 month is very high needs so she's always around.. have you ever done like a day out with mommy? See if that would work?

I want to echo the "terrible 3's" comments, it really is harder than 2! My kids were all so sweet at 2 and difficult at 3! I also want to add that it is important to keep your child physically active, is she is not getting enough exercise she will be more irritable and less cooperative. Try replacing crafts with active play.

I agree with everything B said. My son was pretty much a peach throughout two and then, whoa! Three came and it was like I got a whole new kid. What's worse, one with behaviors I didn't particularly like.

Some ways of coping:
Stop asking questions as much as possible. I eliminated a lot of verbal choices for my son. Sometimes, his brain was trying to catch up to what I was saying and it would feel like a year was passing.(and kids can be like deer in the headlights when asked questions). I started making the choices for him, or in some instances, offering choices through presentation. (Example: Instead of "do you want peas or apples" just putting both on the plate in small amounts.) I put my son's clothes out-- picked them out for him. No "do you want the truck shirt or ..." If he wasn't proactive about his opinions, then I wasn't going to ask.

Regarding circle time; at this age, I would often offer a quiet alternative to my preschoolers. who didn't want to sit in the group.(I'm a preschool teacher on hiatus.) They could quietly look at a book or do a fine-motor activity (lacing beads, connecting foam pieces, puzzle) as long as they didn't disturb the group. If you look at the NAEYC's (National Association for the Education of Young Children) Developmentally Appropriate Practice handbook, this *is* appropriate to *not require* a Three to sit at circle; it is appropriate to provide suitable alternatives. I think sometimes, some programs run a circle time which may be too long for some in the group. They need lots of breaks between sitting quietly to wiggle, participate, sing, do dances and fingerplays or play instruments, or act something out. So, I would look into that, ask to come and observe during that time. Circle shouldn't just be about passively listening only.

Cleaning up toys--don't want to help? Then they go away for a while. Keep the number of toys reasonable and make sure there is an organized way to do this. She'll need help from you. I start simple: "Let's find all of dolly's clothes and put them in the basket." Be sure, at this age, that you are modeling this by doing it with her, not just giving orders. I generally did a lot of cleaning up until kids were about four or so, at least 40-50% of the work WITH them. And if she refuses, either try a hand-over-hand approach (your hand over hers, picking up the toys) or do make them disappear for a while.

Also, make sure she's getting enough physical activity during the day. We have rain gear at our house just to ensure it is possible to go out in rainy weather. (Here, it rains a lot.) Kids who are having a hard time being still may need a physical outlet. Think, too, about getting a small trampoline and having it available when you can supervise. IKEA also makes a great tunnel that you can set up and store easily. Kids love tunnels!

Being gentle/safe with her brother:that's non-negotiable. The fact of the matter --at least from what I observed as a nanny--is that younger siblings start to cause conflict when they become more mobile, often intruding on the older siblings' play areas or sense of space. Encourage your daughter to move her playthings up to the table, out of reach, and I strongly suggest making a few baby-free places for her. One family I worked with--we used the pack and play for the older child when she wanted to play alone with her Polly Pocket stuff/little pieces. Or a sturdy gate across a doorway can be a helpful thing, too. Separation is important, as is making sure she gets one on one time with you.

Know that you aren't a failure of a mother-- the ones who fail simply wouldn't have taken the time or had the insight to ask for help. Good luck!

It's been shown that the latter half of all ages is the most difficult. 3.5 is the worst age in most kids including my own, and something seemed to magically change the instant they turned 4! Give her plenty of choices, freedom and independence are likely what she's trying to achieve.

Your child is learning that she's able to not do the things she's told to do. She's becoming independent. Damn! (smile) Who does she think she is trying to grow up?

The problem with kids is that as soon as you've learned about where they are in life and get them to follow the program, they go through another developmental surge. I hate that!

Why don't you ask her about preschool and why she's not listening. There are so many things that could be happening or a few of them are impacting her at the same time - she's probably realizing that you're home with her little brother having fun with him while she's at school and she feels that she's missing out - so she's distracted. It could be that there's a kid at school who has been mean to her and she wants to avoid him at all costs. Maybe she's picking up bad habits from another child - learning defiance, disobedience, etc. Or may one of the teachers is just not her cup of tea. Sometimes the personalities just don't meash. Or maybe she's got other things going on physiologically - maybe she's got an ear infection, or a headache, maybe she's dealing with ADD (not alway sassociated with hyperactivity - ou can have ADD without being constantly in motion).

My husband reminded me recently how our now 13 yr old son (who just got his report card with a 88 average) would come home from pre-school with his little shoulders drooped down and a frown on his face and he'd say "Miss Dorothy hates me". (She had LOVED his older sister). Dorothy didn't hate him - but he has ADHD (not diagnosted at that point yet) and she was having to constatnly re-direct him and he percieved the ongoing re-correction as Dorothy yelling at him. Once we explained he was much better.

At age 3 she can explain and you can ask her opinion. Ask her what can be done to get her to lsiten and obey more quickly. You'll be surprised at her answers I think.

I think just the fact that you asked this question is a sure sign that you're not!
Three is hard! It was, for is, WAY worse than our not-so-terrible twos!
I think at 3, rules (post & review 2x per day) and consistency is VERY important!

If she doesn't put her own toys away, you collect them and get rid of them. BTW, at almost four, she should not be helping YOU clean them up, she should be doing it on her own. When you are asking or telling her something, make sure that you have her attention first. If she doesn't respond, let her know it's rude and not an option, and if she doesn't give an answer, march her right to the chair in the corner facing the wall, no discussion. If she doesn't want to do crafts, that's not a bad behavior - she is old enough to make her own playtime preferences. Let her decide what you play together.
You are right, discipline is about teaching, but part of discipline is consequences when you don't follow the rules. Disobedience and bad behavior do need punishment, not just talking.

Three is time to push boundaries big time. You have a great foundation of love and routine with her, so it IS about stepping up discipline (could be briefly) until she GETS it, that she doesn't get to just act badly now that she's older. The Book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson is excellent for remaining calm, loving, and concise with EFFECTIVE discipline.

When you say time out doesn't work, how long have you given it? It is not an instant fix, so keep trying.
Keep in mind that at 11 mo. your son has hit the super cute stage where he interacts with people more and older siblings tend to get a jealousy spike around this age.
And while talking to you child is excellent, keep your explainations short, sweet and simple. Don't give too much information or too many options.

When my DD starts using selective hearing, I tell her that she chooses or I choose. She usually straightens up. If I need to to come here NOW, I count to 5. At 5 she gets some consequence. Try to keep patience and know you are not the only one with a small child who doesn't have good listening ears. One night, DD decided she was going to be defiant, so I told her I'd put her in the tub just the way she was if she didn't get ready by the time I got back from getting a towel.I got back and she had only taken off her shoes, so I put her in the tub just the way she was. She was startled that I actually put her in the tub with her clothes on, but I meant what I said. Haven't had to do that since.

And I hate to tell you, but 3 was worse than 2 and 4 is better but still challenging in other ways. :)