Am I Being over Dramatic or Should I Be Concerned?

Updated on January 31, 2010
D.M. asks from Chandler, AZ
10 answers

ok last night it was our friends bday and some friends met at our house and they were going to follow us to a resturant. my daughter,husband and i in one car and three others in another car. we pulled out into the street. and two cars got infront of our friends so we pulled over and drove really realy slow. one drove past and the other car honked their horn. and keeping honking it. then it sped around us and drove fast. so then my husband got pissed, flipped him off and sped up to the car and honked back. the car then slammed on his brakes and pulled to the side and rolled down his window then my husband pulled up next to him on MY side(passenger side) and rolled his window (remind you my 16 month daughter was in the car with us.) and the guy in the car started yelling and cussing his head off. he was so angry i seriously thought he had a gun or that he was gonna get out and fight, then my husband started talking back and i got in the middle of it and said im sorry we were waiting for friends and the guy shut up and my husband said one last thing and the guy drove off pist and calmly i was like honey our daughter is in the car. what if he had a gun or something. hes all good. i have a gun in my car too i would of killed him. and my husband was all pist off with his adrenaline rasing. and i was all thankful the guy didnt do anything. then i yelled at my husband. i said i understand that guy was being a jerk but you didnt need to be a jerk back specially since our daughter is in the car. what if i wasnt there but my daughter was. he would of totally got out of the car. do you think i should be pist and worried for my daughter? i totally understand he got mad. i would too but to do what he did and put us even our daughter at risk thats where i drawl the line. what do you think

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So What Happened?

ya i havent brought it up. im just saying was it right that last night i acted that way?
i didnt yell at him i just said honey why did you do that (calmly). our daughter is in the car. and he basically told me to shut up. and got mad i interupted him when he was trying to yell at the guy. and he was pist the entire night.

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S.A.

answers from Tampa on

Road rage is a serious matter. Yes, you should be concerned, it's not worth it. Next time you drive.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

When anyone is really pissed off, it's not generally useful to argue with them. (Especially if the angry person is a child or a husband, in my experience.) Heaping more anger onto that situation can only make it burn hotter.

I'm not saying you don't have perfectly legitimate grounds for being angry and upset. But I think your instincts were right during the incident – it sounds like you did what you could to pull the fuse. Good for you for practicing that much self-restraint while you were upset, angry and afraid.

So, what to do afterward? Talk to your husband about what YOU experienced. Describe the fear you felt for your child, for yourself, and for your husband. If you were puzzled by or angry at that other driver, feel free to say so. Be empathetic about how upsetting the situation was for all of you.

But if you want your husband to hear you and take your needs seriously, keep your part of the conversation about YOU, YOUR needs, YOUR feelings. Don't tell him what HE should (or should not) have felt, said, or done. His ego is too hooked, and (this is hard for any wife to admit), what he does is really not your business, it's his. Aaargh – don't you just hate that? But it's true.

Take care of YOUR business; your need as a mother to protect your daughter and set a good example. Your need as a co-passenger to be safe. Your need as a wife to have confidence that your husband will be safe, and not end up in trouble with the law. Speak in terms of "I" need, "I" wish for, "I" felt, etc. Avoid "you did that" or "you need to" or "you should" like poison, because if you are blaming or demanding, that's how he's likely to experience it. Doesn't make for a useful discussion.

Good luck. I had many experiences like what you have described with my first husband.

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J.C.

answers from Chicago on

I cannot believe some of the posters said to let it go. Your husband acted like a complete maniac. And for him to say "I have a gun too & I would have killed him", OMG that is amazing. I understand that every couple has to choose their battles however this one takes the cake, this is counselor worthy. If he acts this way when you & your dghtr are in the car I would hate to see how he acts when your not in the car. For your sake & most importantly your daughters I hope you dont let this go.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Road rage can get you (and passengers and bystanders) killed and it's not worth dying over. What your husband needs is an anger management class.

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

okay, i have read your question and i have read your "so what happened", but i haven't read the other replies, and here's my honest opinion. i have one of those idiot husbands too! i actually applaud you for staying calm. i feel like you did all you could in a bad situation. i would have reamed him once we got home and your daughter was out of earshot. it is absolutely unacceptable behavior with a child in the car. but as far as in the heat of the moment, good job keeping your head and not making things worse. your hubby sounds a lot like mine, and it's not ideal, but we gotta work with what we have right? i'm sure he has a lot of other good qualities which make you love him. sorry you had to go through that.

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C.C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I would be totally P.O.'d!!!! #1, not just yours, but HIS kid is in the car. #2, he opened YOUR window to scream at the guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
say he did have a weapon, who would have gotten the brunt of it?!?
when you have kids, one of the first things you have to learn real fast is to keep your temper under control. you and he are the #1 example for your daughter, and if she sees him or you screaming like a crazy person (no matter her age) guess what she's going to do when she gets upset - scream like a crazy person!
but, her and your safety should be above anything else on his mind, especially in a situation like that!
even though you're upset and want to yell at him - be an example and in a calm way, explain to him how that situation made you feel and how you feared for your family's safety in that moment. if someone is yelling, the person they are yelling at automatically puts up a wall.
good luck!

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M.R.

answers from San Francisco on

D. I would be angry also and have been upset with my husband before for being cranky at another driver. Unfortunately people these days are very stupid and react inappropriately and I just let crazy drivers go about their business. Am I angry sometime oh yes but is it worth being shot at or hit by their car no not at all and especially with a child in the car. I always say do what you want when it is just you in the car but when you have your family you have a responsibility to keep them safe!

Just my two cents!

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Let it go. Your husband should've been more careful w/ your daughter in the car, but what's the point in you being mad a whole day later? Unless you want to fight and be mad all weekend, just drop it.

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

It was a silly thing to do but I can see your husbands side of it , sometimes people can make you so mad that you just want to yell at them , at the time he was probably so wound up that he just didn't think before he stuck his foot down. I think you should let it go , you have said your peice about daughter being in the car , could have been killed etc , just let him know that it was not acceptable , he is never to do anything like that again or there will be consequences and move on.

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D.K.

answers from Phoenix on

You are in the right. Your husband no matter how mad he was should of definately never put your daughter or even you in harms way.. This is why people act the way they do because they get arise out of the other person.. He should of never stooped to that other person's level of immaturity... Congrats for standing up for you & your daughter.. Your right you never know whom has a gun anymore...

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