Advice for Communication Issues

I don't get it - her family cleaned "up/out" the house? She rented a storage locker? Are they moving?

Anyway, he needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself. That's all there is to it. If she won't go to counseling, then he needs to decide what he's going to put up with and what he's not going to put up with. There is really nothing else to do or tell him.

I also agree with the other poster who says you only have his side of the story. Remember, there are three sides to every story - his side - her side- and the truth (which is usually somewhere in the middle).

Yep - inviting a third person into the relationship will solve it.

Wait - you were invited, right?

ETA: Ok, so he said "K., my marriage sucks. Got any advice?"

Here is my reply with that updated info:

K. says, "Go to marriage counseling. Or at least go to counseling by yourself. You both need to work on communication. But it is YOUR marriage my friend, while a counselor may be helpful, the wife of your best friend can't be involved. I already know you both and that colors my view. Not to mention, what if it all works out - I don't want to be the wierd friend that you both can't hang out with because I got all up in your marital business."

K.,
I think you should really stay out of this. It's not good for anyone, to be involved in another marriage. I can tell your heart is in the right place and you really care, but it's really a bad idea.

Butt out. I mean that in a kind way. He is your fiance's pal--let them deal with it man to man. The wife is his now and will resent your meddling even if it is (or seems to be) for her benefit.

I agree, none of your business. Nothing good ever came out of a meddlesome woman! Just let your friend know you & your husband are there for him, he will have to figure this out on his own. You're a really good friend. :)

So sorry your friend is going through this.

Suggest your friend go to the counselor of his choice BY HIMSELF. Then stay out of it.

MOST of the issues are not hers alone, even though to everyone she appears to be the issue. HE needs to work on his ability to set appropriate boundaries, how to have a conversation with his wife, how to get her appropriate medical attention, how to take control of his own life. etc etc etc.

Until HE works on HIMSELF, and the pieces of the relationship that he ownes, she will not change.

I hate to be harsh.

Usually, in a relationship - ANY relationship - you can only change the relationship if you change yourself. He is 1/2 the relationship, ergo 1/2 the issue. He needs to change what he will accept from her, how he communicates with her etc. He is not doing this effectively, or A) she would have *started* to change or B) the marriage would have dissolved.

If he goes into it trying to change his wife, he will end up divorced. He needs to go into looking inward.

I wish your friend peace in his journey, it sounds like a long one.

K., nothing you say is going to do any good. You do need to stay out of this, like Bug says. The best thing HE can do is decide if he wants to stay in the marriage.

If he leaves, it might cost him a lot of money, but maybe he will be happier. If this is the impetus for her to change her ways to keep her marriage, THAT is what will make a difference. Not what you say.

Instead of trying with her, either leave it alone or tell HIM how you feel. Once you've said it, no more talking about it. You may end up shooting your own self in the foot with your relationship with this man.

Sorry.
Dawn

Hmmmm....this is a toughie for me. As I have a problem keeping quiet when witnessing injustices. The only advice I can offer is to voice your opinon the nicest way possible. It sounds like you guys are not friends anyways, so voicing your opinion won't ruin anything, either way. Another suggestions is marriage counseling. Perhaps, a professional opinion will enlighten her nasty behavior.

Btw..she sounds like a selfish, narcissistic, and lazy human being.

recommend marriage counseling or a communications course to him and pray. You can't fix this. It's up to him to stick up for himself and try to engage her in a healing process.

Pray for the marriage and stay out of it would be what I would do. Offer only support but not advice.

Two books: "The 5 Love Languages" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

Truth of it is you have ONE side of the story. You don't know, and sounds like he doesn't know, what her anger is about but I bet you to her she's got good reason. So, we - nor you - can suggest anything other than for them to try counseling.