46 answers

A School Dance..... for an 11 Year Old?

On October 10th there is a middle school dance, my daughter is 11 and wanted to go to the dance, however her father and I decided she is too young. Today she went to a friends house and when i was talking to the mother she metioned about 12 girls in Antonia's grade coming over to her house after the dance for a sleepover. I was shocked, I excepted no 6th graders to be attending the dance. I was wrong. She told me that most of the 6th graders go form about 6pm-7:30pm, and most of the 8th graders don't even arrive to 7:30, 8 o'clock. When I spoke to my husband about this he was repulsed. He told me that 11 was about 2 or 3 years to young to even consider going to a dance and he didn't care if every other 11 year old on the planet was going, he still said no. I no longer see a reason to say no if she is only going for a short while and will be with other girls her age. I would like to know your opinions? Is it right to let her go to the dance? Or am i wrong?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My husband has seen the answers and we decided that we would let her go. But only after calling the school to ask about chaperones. We are not able to chaperone as they already have 20 parents and 5 teachers. However the school explained that while the dance runs form 6pm to 9:30pm, 6th graders must leave before 8pm. We also know 2 of the mothers who are chaperones. He decided we will try this, if she has fun and the mothers say there is nothing fishy going on then we will let her go a second time.

Featured Answers

I really don't see a problem with this at all. I do see a problem however if she is not allowed to go. It is a school sponsored event and there will be chaperones. I imagine the girls will hang out in one big group on one side of the gym and the boys will be in another group across the gym:). My daughter has been attending dances since 7th grade. She loves them and I can not imagine denying her this middle school experience. I actually prefer her going to a chaperoned, school sponsored dance versus a shopping trip to the mall (she has not done this although she frequently asked to) or an afternoon at the movies or a night of skating at the ice rink where a parent drops off and picks up.

7 moms found this helpful

As I recall, middle school dances went about like this:
The girls got on the dance floor in groups.
The boys hung out around the edges of the room too afraid to dance with the girls.
Oh, and we did the electric slide.
Parents picked us up around 8.
Nothing inappropriate about it.

7 moms found this helpful

Let her go Mom!!! Don't make her become "that girl whose parents are weird and won't let her go to the dance." Like everyone else said, the dance will be well chaperoned (you can volunteer to be one if it makes you feel better!) And most likely it'll just be a bunch of kids hanging around talking. The whole social scene is very difficult at this age. Don't make it any harder on her!

6 moms found this helpful

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I don't get it. You allow your child to attend this school all day with all of these kids, but she cannot participate in the SCHOOL dance with the same kids?

She is in 6th grade.. She is in middle school.. Yes, she should be allowed to attend with her friends. She is no longer a baby, she is a young lady now.

It is totally chaperoned. All of the Principals, many of the teachers and other parents will be there.. If you do not believe it, you AND your husband should volunteer to chaperone..

The girls all dance in giant groups and the boys mainly end up running around the room chasing each other. There are a few groups of boys and girls dancing all together.. They are not smooching in corners or slow dancing.

I cannot think of a better way for her to attend her first dance.. Totally monitored with her beloved parents there.. She will not end up engaged.. She just wants to be with her friends..

12 moms found this helpful

Dancer:

When I was in middle school - we had dances...they were from 6PM to 8PM...and parents and teachers were EVERYWHERE!!!

I don't know if it's RIGHT or WRONG - I'm not you and I don't know your values or beliefs or how you have raised your daughter. I think you and your husband both need to attend the dance to see for yourself what is going on...you maybe thinking of dances you attended in HIGH SCHOOL...

My kids are in elementary school and they have an annual dance in October...they have pizzza, hot dogs and pop corn.

There are tables and they do things like limbo, bunny hop, electric slide, etc. it's just for SCHOOL SPIRIT...the kids are NOT out dancing like an adult would - thank God!! they are kids having fun and I don't see a problem with it.

I would let her go to the dance and be a chaperone so I could see for myself what's going on. If you have been talking with your daughter about your stance/values, beliefs, etc. then I wouldn't have a problem with my child going...

10 moms found this helpful

There is nothing wrong in my opinion for her to go to a school dance. They have chaperones either parents or teachers. I am not one to give into the everybody else is doing it, but in this case I think it would be wrong for her to have to miss it. If it were a bunch of kids hanging out somewhere or going to a movie then I would say she is too young but a school function she should be able to participate in. Your husband has to realize that your daughter will be exposed to things in the next few years, and keeping her home is not going to prevent it. If you don't show her you trust her you will not be sending her a positive message. This is a tough time and the perfect time for you and your husband to communicate with her and tell her what you expect from her. Talk to her about boys, drugs, drinking, etc. The best thing you can do for her verses keeping her home is to arm her with the tools she needs to make good decisions. I was always open with my children I was never one of those not my kid kind of parents, and it worked for me. I think you and your husband should sit down with her and talk to her about what your fears are and make a compromise with her. Let her know if she breaks the rules she will loose your trust. You have to give her some room to grow and learn, or once she gets loose she will rebel.

10 moms found this helpful

Eh, my son's middle school had a dance for the 5th to 8th graders (that is middle school in my district). It was well chaperoned, at the local civic center, and parents were allowed to stay if they wanted.

I let him go. He met up with a bunch of guys and they hung out drinking bad punch and eating chips and he texted me on and off the entire time. No-one went as a "date" - in fact, I don't remember that the younger grades even danced boy/girl. It was the typical girls lined up on one side and boys on the other with a huge no-man's land in between.

It was really harmless. And so boring that he never went to another middle school dance. LOL

If your daughter is going with a gaggle of girls and the dance is well chaperoned I really don't see the harm in it.

:)

9 moms found this helpful

Um, not sure why your so against a school dance function?? There are chaperones. Why would you expect 6th graders not to attend when it is for the whole school. She would have had alot of fun! My daughters first one was in 7th grade (middle school here)We had so much fun picking out her dress and she had such a great time! What is wrong with sleepovers? I guess I dont understand why your so shocked and upset about this.

9 moms found this helpful

I do not see the problem here. This is a SCHOOL dance, not the prom. What is the difference between your daughter attending a school dance or having tons of her girdfriends over and them dancing and socializing at home? Since it is at school, there will be adult chaperones.
I have an 8 year old daughter and if there was a school dance, she would be allowed to go.

8 moms found this helpful

Oh please!! Let her go.
It's a dance. It's fun. All of our 6th graders go. There is no hanky panky. The girls hang out and dance. The boys eat. The older kids don't give the younger kids the time of day anyway.
I am sure that if you volunteered to chaperone or serve snacks, the people running the dance would love to have you. That way you could keep an eye out on your daughter and she would not feel left out. If you want to ostracize a child -- this is the way to do it. Middle school is hard enough. Volunteer to be there and let her attend.
LBC

Updated

Oh please!! Let her go.
It's a dance. It's fun. All of our 6th graders go. There is no hanky panky. The girls hang out and dance. The boys eat. The older kids don't give the younger kids the time of day anyway.
I am sure that if you volunteered to chaperone or serve snacks, the people running the dance would love to have you. That way you could keep an eye out on your daughter and she would not feel left out. If you want to ostracize a child -- this is the way to do it. Middle school is hard enough. Volunteer to be there and let her attend.
LBC

8 moms found this helpful

middle school dances are a big gym full of boys and girls. its not a dating situation. its just a fun time. kids all dance in a huddle and have fun.

8 moms found this helpful

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