9 Yr. Old Hypochondriac

My concern would be: What is going on at school that is so bad? A Bully? A teacher who puts children down or harms them some other way? Maybe he has trouble seeing, or maybe he can't read.
Or maybe: what is going on at home? Is this the only time he has to have you all to himself?
Sometimes we get so busy we don't take time for each child. Find a way to get some one on one time with him, sit face to face and hold his hands and make him focus on you and talk until you know why he hates school so bad. Tell him about some bad things or teachers you had in school, relate to him make him feel it's ok to talk with you about anything, don't react in anger or shock to anything he has to say, make him feel it's normal and common to have problems and easy to talk to mom.
Sometimes kids think mom knows everything and they can't understand why you don't do something about the problem it wouldn't even register that you can't read his mind.
Be very careful about how much respect and consideration you give each child. He is smarter than you in this instance, he knows what is wrong and you don't. Treating him like a bad boy won't get you anywhere.

I'd try to find out what he doesn't like about school. Maybe he's feeling a little overwhelmed with everything. How long has it been going on? Is the work too hard? I'd try to find out why he doesn't want to go to school before I'd worry about his health.

It's obvious your son doesn't want to be in school. Make every effort to find out if he is being bullied at school. Or if he has problems with a teacher that seem suspicious. It's sad to have to think of these things, but children can be dreadful little savages when they form a pack on a schoolyard and your son may be going through a kind of living hell if this is the case. He has discovered he can get out of school by pushing the "sick" button. Good luck.

Sounds to me like something is going on at school that he just can't face. I had a daughter who would cry all morning before going to school and then call from school to be picked up. I stood in the doorway once when the teacher didn't know I was there and watched as that teacher ridiculed my daughter in front of her peers to the point where she was crying and then I knew what the problem was. ADD or not, if your child is having issues with someone or something at school they will go through a lot of avoidance to get out of that situation. The first thing I would do is sit down with him and talk to him about what bothers him. Don't be upset when he tells you either. I had to change teachers as well as talk to the principal to change the situation with my daughter. Sometimes it can be bullies that lie in wait for the child at school and make their life difficult. Ask and see what you find out. I had another experience with another daughter and we found out she was being abused and she would make things up so she could stay home with me because she felt "safe " with me. There can be all sorts of things going on, you never know until you ask.

Have you asked him if he is being bullied in school? As a child I faked sick a lot because I constantly had the problem with jealous girls making up excuses so they can beat me up, so I figured that if I didint go to school then I wouldint have to deal with it. Maybe it is just his ADD that is making him not want to go but I'm just throwing this at you, just in case you had not thought of it.
K.

I have to agree with the people who mentioned your son not wanting to be at school. I went through a stage like that myself during grade school, because I was being picked on and bullied by basically everybody at my small school. I missed probably half my 7th and 8th grade years because I was "too sick" to go to school. Find out what's going on at school that's making him not want to be there, and try to find a solution for it.

Hi C.,

Could be that your son just wants some attention. Seeing a child psychologist might offer some insight. Since you mentioned that he is ADD, there is an alternative method of treatment out there, called NAET. Also, if your son truly has headaches, nausea, it is possible that his symptoms are linked to allergies. Check out the website www.naet.com for more info, and to find a practitioner in your area.

I have a nephew who was kind of like that. His mom ended up taking him out of school for several years. (Don't think I would suggest that.) But he is now the 8th grade and doing really well - it's his first year back. You said your son has ADD.. I know it's a young age, but do you know if he has depression, or anything else? How is he doing at school? Is he falling behind in anything? Does he have friends? A lot of time kids like that have a hard time with social skills, and it makes them more uncomfortable around kids their age they don't know. Have you tried taking him to a child psychologist? I know that might sound scary, but they might be able to help.. and it's not really a big deal.. we all need help once in a while.

This is a very very hard subject. I had my nephew when he was 6 come live with me. He only knew of his mother whom which took off with him when he was a baby and our family didn't get to see him until he was 4 years old. My brother gained custody at 6 and was having a hard time with it. When we got him he would make himself sick the same way your son does from the sound of it. My youngest daughter and nephew were in the same kindergarten class. They were playing outside and he decided he didn't want to be there any more so he made himself puke all over my daughter. It was bad !!! I had to bring my daughter home in borrowed clothes but my nephew we took his temp and decided that he needed to stay at school. He argued all the way back to the class room down the hallway. He didn't just do it at school, He would also do it at home. Like every time he got into trouble he would make himself puke. We made it clear to him we were not goin to put up with it and if he continued to do it there would be a price to pay. He finally grew out of the whole thing. Once in a while he will get up set but wont make himself sick. My suggestion is..... show him that u an't goin to let him get away with it. If he an't running a fever or broken a bone. Maybe u can get the school a bottle of tyenol to keep on hand. Just have them give him a few and send him back to class. If he sees that he an't goin to get his way then.... maybe he will realize hey it an't goin to work. Also I do have to say this i know kids with ADD like to be challenged. So maybe u can give him a challenge when it comes to school work or chores. My brother has ADD and every thing had to be a challenge for him when he was younger. Maybe u can motivate him with a challenge. GOOD LUCK and stick with it.

The minute I saw that he was 9 and has ADD I felt your pain. My son who is also 9 and has ADHD and ODD went through some what of the same thing, except because of the ODD he was getting in trouble to be sent home. I ended up having to quit my job to be on call when things got really bad. My question is is he on medication for his ADD? Now that we have my son on the right meds he stays at school all day. He still tries the "I'm sick thing" from time to time. We told him if he needed time out of the classroom just ask to go to the office. If he kept saying he didn't feel well to get out of class, then when he really was sick I wouldn't believe him. He has to know it's ok to have time out if he needs it. I didn't get this help from a public school so I put him in a Charter school who are more willing to help. Talk to the school, it's sad that now a days they are so quick to send the kids home!

I tell you what if he doesn't have a fever, make him stay at school. I have a 14 year old with ADHD. May son use to pull the same tricks. What you have described sound like ways to get your attention and sympathy. You may consider authorizing the school nurse to provide children pain reliever when he complains of headaches. The other thing is you may try is to reward for the good. For example, if he can get up, get ready and stay at school all week provide a small reward, such a mommy and son time over an ice cream cone. Start with small goals and small rewards. If he can go the school quarter (9 weeks) maybe a larger reward as dinner and movie with mom and dad. I have had the same struggles, its does get better consistencey is the key.

to be honest with you I was the same way when I was younger. I had headaches, stomache aches, right about the time math class started. My mom started making me do extra chores if I stayed home from school or came home early because of an illness that wasnt real. I washed windows, I scrubbed walls, I polished Silver I cleaned base boards. Pretty soon I wasnt sick anymore.

I think you should put him to bed every time he is "sick" whether or not you believe him. If he knows that bed is where you go when you are sick and have no privledges and i mean none, he will not want to be sick. Also, if you do baby him or other children when they are sick, i would advise that you avoid that. Encourage them to be tough or that they are not sick. The power of the mind is astonishing. If you have other children this may be him reaching out to you for attention. Try to spend some extra quality time with him alone and make sure it does not come at a time when he is "sick", but feeling well.

It sounds like he's suffering from anxiety. I had a student who had the same symptoms when he was about to do any kind of writing or test taking...headache, heart hurts, my hand won't work...and he was a brilliant, gifted student. When I looked up the symptoms online, it turns out he suffered from a panic disorder. His was really bad and ended up having to be hospitalized because his parents wouldn't listen to me when I told them that I was concerned and they should talk with their doctor (he ended up trying to cut his wrists with scissors, not badly, just a nip, but still!).

Your son doesn't sound nearly that bad, but it sounds more like an anxiety or something of that sort and a good councelor should be able to get to the bottom of all the "aches and pains". Heck, I think everyone needs someone to talk to, ask his pediatrician for a good referral. Good luck!

I have an almost 5 year old with a very active imagination. We had a daughter that threw up on the carpet ONE time over 6 months ago & I STILL hear about it. Only now my son says it's him that did it. His best "friends" are his 6 stuffed dogs. I overhear him constantly saying "Dog, why did you throw up?" or "Dog, do you have a headache?" One day my son came home from preschool & told me a huge story about his friend coming to school that day in a wheelchair because he had a broken leg. He said it with such sincerity that I believed him until I told my husband that night. I found out it was a "Curious George" episode.

With my last pregnancy I had gestational diabetes for the last 2 months & ended up delivering a month early. Some days I would tell my son I was too tired to play or that my blood sugar was low & I wasn't feeling well. He started repeating the same things he'd heard me say.

So those are my thoughts on what might be going on with your child but I'm not if he would be too old for an active imagination. Good luck!
T.

I would stop being nice about it. If you give him the attention that he is seeking for those behaviors then he will continue to do it. Talk to the school. If he is not projectile vomiting or have a real temp of 100 or above than tell them to be stern and have him return to class and if it continues to be a problem there tell them that they will have to make some consequence for him constantly crying wolf. When he say's he is sick at home and you know different do not let him slack because he is faking. Tough Love or this will continue through into adulthood and could become serious. I am not a professional so my last bit of advice is to get him some therapy. Don't take that wrong but it could help both of you with the stress.

I was having the same problem with my 8 year old. I pulled her out of school (homeschool) now. I also got her some therapy (I think everyone should go to therapy)! She is doing great now. Having to sit at a table and do her work quietly was just to much for her. Add that to her perfection issues, some school bullying issues (very small issues)it just added up to stress. The therapist did say that to her the pain really was real - not make believe, so I hate the idea of punishing a child for that. How do you know how that child feels? Good Luck
Tam

My husband had ADHD growing up and I don't think he outgrew it. He is also a hypochondriac. I usually have to convince him that he is okay and to listen to his body. With your son, I guess I would start with the basics, the value of honesty, having an open dialogue, & acceptance in the family as a whole. Acceptance is something that my husband struggled with as a child. Having a strong dialogue is the most important for me and is where I would start. My husband and I tell our 3 boys that we are on the team and mommy and daddy are the team leaders & we have a team name, our last name, but you can also make one up or have the kids make one up. We emphasize that they can tell us anything because we are there to help the team against the bad guys of the world, because we love them so much and the team is important to us. When my 5-year old son lied, I had him write out "I will not lie" on a sheet of paper, kind of like Bart simpson does on the chalkboard. I also take away one privledge such as video game, tv, computer or dvds. When he has completed his writing assignment, he has to show it to me and explain what it means to lie and why it is wrong. This would be a good time to explain the consequences it has on you and your work, that maybe the boss might get upset with you if you are always on the phone with the nurse or leaving work, but you can only do that if it is a real emergency. We reassure our son that next time he can be honest with us about anything and that he is important to the team. We hug and allow him to play with toys that he are not his favorite, but still likes. We don't act mad or add anything else as punishment. It was kind of hard for my husband, he would stay upset, but I asked him not to be because children focused on that. So we still smile and show love. The next day is a new day and his privledges are restored. I use this the most for disciplining my son and will do so with my younger ones when they can. We talk face to face daily with the boys and hope to have good communication when they are older. I know that someday they will have "real problems" and I want them to be able to tell me. If you taught lessons similar to this about honesty, strong family, strong dialogue, and your son still insists that he is coming down with something then I'd read up on "hyprochondriacs" on the web, books, or look for support groups to learn how to cope together with love and as a family.

My 2nd daughter used to run away from school, the teachers would literally have to chase her down a busy street! there were times she went to school in her underwear and a t-shirt, hair not brushed the whole nine yards, hers was a little different situation, her dad and I just got back togather and he had two other children, I got robbed at gun point where I worked, and although she was 6 at the time she knew what all this meant. It took a lot of work on mine and the schools part (we lived in Los Angeles at the time).But we did manage.

Know to your son, like parents ahead said first make sure that nothing is going on at school that would be upsetting him, once you know that he is ok and no one is bullying him, set a plan of action, If there is no fever he doesn't stay home or leave school period, make sure you get the school on board, He may sit in the office for 20 min but then he must go back to class, no exceptions, he has learned a tool that lets him get his way and know it needs to be broken, if he does manage to get his way and come home then it is into bed no t.v which you do, and very limited interaction, you want to make being home as miserable as you can, he may leave bed for the bathroom and to eat but thats it, it will be hard at first, but stick with it, I do this with any of mine who pull this stunt on me, and after a few times most don't try it again, I also reward with one day off of school, per semester so long as thier grades are up and they have no other unnecassary absences, on that day we do something fun, w/ 7 kids I had to get creative in how I got to spend a little one on one time w/ them, and that really seems to work, Your moms instinct will tell you when something is really wrong, but I always start with a fever, if there isn't one then the odds are good they are OK, my 15 year old boy is a bit of a hypocondracte also and what I always say when he has a complaint is sorry to hear it let me know if it gets worse tomorrow, I usually don't hear that complaint but of course there is always a new one LOL he broke his collar bine during a football game and when he first called I was like Ok I'll see you when you get home (it was an away game) he gets home and it was slightly swollen so I new it was injured but I made hime wait until the next morning (only 5 hours), I took him in cause the swelling hadn't gone down, and it was broken but because he exagerates everthing at times it can be hard, don't ever feel guilty for questioning the seriousness of what they say, it can be at times a guessing game, but I do listen to my insticnt, and it hasn't failed me yet. I know this is long and sorry for that, oh by the way my daughter is and almost A student in the 10th grade know so there is hope for your son, he just needs to be redirected and know that school isn't optional, it is mandatory under any circumstance.

Wow! I have a 9yr old son who is the same way. He likes school though, and doesnt want to leave or miss it. It seems like everyday is something new wrong with him. I always send him to bed to "get well". No T.V., no playing etc... He almost always takes a nap and feels "normal" again. I know how frustrated you are though. I always get embarrased about the frequent trips to the nurses office for such little stuff. I did explain to him that he is monopolizing other peoples valuable time when he does this, and he is old enough to handle these things on his
own. Does your child watch any shows on T.V. that may be giving him ideas of illneses? I wish i had more advice for you, but just know you are not alnoe, and hopefully this too shall pass.