15 answers

9 Year Old Wants Highlights in Hair

hi im a step mom to a great 9 year old girl. my husband has primary custody.She stays with her mom every other weekend and mon/ wed dinner visit. well her mom wants to take her to get 3 chunky highlights in hair I think she is too young 9 and in 3rd grade. my husband and i talked and he agreed with me. now her mom wants 2 small blonde streaks in her hair cause she already told my step daughter she could do it. Im still against it but my husband told me to give it some thought His daughter means everything to him so he hates to tell her no i think she is still a "baby" she has plenty of time to do this hair thing like maybe when she is a teenager. well... am i being overprotective? or just trying to be a responsible parent i have had my step daughter in my life since she was 15 months old is 9 too young she still needs to be reminded to brush her teeth and doesnt always rinse her hair correctly when washing it i think she needs to grow up alittle before we allow this but what are your thoughts??

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I think 9 years of age is far too young to be highlighting hair. If the mother is willing to allow her to have that done now, what will she be looking for next year? Maybe a visit to the hairdresser for a new haircut of her choice (within reason for her age) is all that would be necessary to make her feel special. Save the visit for highlights, light soft highlights, not chunky ones, for a special birthday gift when she's a teenager.

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I would say No, that she is too young.

I feel so bad for this little girl,
I edited this, I have no positive suggestions.

Good luck resolving this. I hope you can find a way to set precedence for all the rest of the issues that will come along the way.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear S.,
To me, the highlights are not a huge problem, but the conflict it is creating is a sign of future bigger problems coming down the pike. Let the girl get the highlights and get her involved in a sport or a musical instrument ASAP! to turn this tide and give her a healthier self asteem and something to focus on other than her looks. And above all give the child lots of recognition and approval for the things that are important.
Good luck,
N

1 mom found this helpful

I think 9 years of age is far too young to be highlighting hair. If the mother is willing to allow her to have that done now, what will she be looking for next year? Maybe a visit to the hairdresser for a new haircut of her choice (within reason for her age) is all that would be necessary to make her feel special. Save the visit for highlights, light soft highlights, not chunky ones, for a special birthday gift when she's a teenager.

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like you & hubby are on good terms with this kid's mom. Can you all discuss it together (NOT in front of her of course)?
IMO she is too young for highlights though. (If it was my daughter--I agree with you.)

We used sun in as little kids, so I don't see the harm min a couple of small highlights. I would use it as a reward though. Any areas need improvement? Room clean?

Hi S.,

It sounds like that there is going to be a tug-of-war with this girl from now on.

Have you thought about having a family group decision making conference to see how you all can come together to raise this girl without so much conflict developing between you, your husband and the mother of this girl.

Let me know if you want to set something up.

Good luck. D.

personally i say no to my 9 year old.

Just making sure, your the step mom? not your decision then. Up to her father and her mom.

i really don't think that a few highlights are out of reason for a Mother to do with her daughter. If she were bleaching her platnium,t hen that would be different. My niece is 4 and has already went for mani pedis with her Mom. If her Mom is paying her child support vs. being a non paying non-custodial paernt, then she should be entitled to a little special girl items with her daughter.

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