September 27, 2006,
L.V. asks from Potterville, MI on September 26, 2006
8 Year Old That Does Not Listen
My eight year old son does not listen to his father (step father since age 3)or myself. He refuses to do as he is asked... clean his room,pick up after himself, do chores ect... he thinks he can do whatever he wants... has no responce to being told to stop tormenting his siblings.... I am at wits end with him and end up yelling at him way more then I want to.... I have tried to take things away from him such as priveleges to his playstation, or watching tv.. I am afraid to take the privlege of playing sports or his other activities such as scouts away for fear that he would become disinterested.... HELP how do I get him to respect us as parents????
B.R. answers from Columbus on September 27, 2006
I am a firm believer in the word "privilege". Playstations, tv, phone,toys, bikes, playing outside, sleep overs,.all privileges!~Make your son earn all of these! You dont want to "take them away" When you think of everything as a privilege, you son will soon realize that if he does not listen or do chores,homework,..he will not earn privileges. Taking things away that are material just doesnt seem to matter much. Emotionally, you want to point out his good behaviors, hug him, talk to him lovingly. If he does not have that,.he will act out. Encourage good behavior by noticing when he does well, dont point out the bad. Make a list of things you expect from him and put what he wants to earn beside it as a reward. Kids take for granted all of the little things. When they realize that everything has a price,I think you'll notice you get then to cooperate more! Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
B.W. answers from Canton on September 27, 2006
Im dealing with the same thing at my house!! My son has benn acting out alot lately. Hes been doing the stomp around thing and stomping up the steps too. Hes been talking back and doing the throwing things down.
He has a bad attitude and when hes in trouble he acts out worse. For example we grounded him from outside this week for a day and now has had days added on. So hes getting days added on from poutiung around about the one day he had.
Hes not seeing that its making things worse on HIS end by being bad to get MORE added on to his days! Why cant he see that? We try explaining it to him and such and weve sat down talking to him and everyting. Its not working!!
R.G. answers from Cleveland on September 26, 2006
Maybe some reverse psychology will make him think.
Who cleans his room if he refuses? I assume you?
I would think you give in when he don't do it, and that will let him know if he don't do it, it will get done anyway.
Maybe if the siblings get something new for their room and he don't he will ask why he didn't get something new.
Answer is you didn't clean or take care of your room, you don't need something thats new and nice.
I don't yell at the kids, I do the explaining why we do or do not do things in long but easy terms so they understand exactly what I am saying.
I never hit or spanked either.
I have been lucky that all the long explaining terms has set in and they know right from wrong and what to do and not do.
Sometimes talking more then raising voices and hands are so much better.
Just my input, hope it sheds some help and light what I am driving at here.
S. answers from Cleveland on September 27, 2006
I would try to communicate with him and see what is going on. My son seemed to need the loud attention of yelling and punishing rather than the quiet loving begging attention. Do you know what I mean? Bad attention can be stronger than good attention. It takes follow through with the discipline, if he does not cooperate then take away a priviledge and follow through - do not give in to his ways. If he listens to you then maybe you can give him an added priviledge he would like. Good luck and God Bless
K.C. answers from Lansing on September 26, 2006
I have a daughter and a son. My son has always been one not to express his feelings. We thought he would never talk. lol He still does not express himself unless given a loving, open forum to do so. Have you and your husband tried sitting him down and possibly seeing if there is something else going on? Does he have contact with his biological father? He's coming into puberty and could be testing the waters. Keep him in sports and other activities. Football has been the best thing for my son. The other stuff, we work as a family, then we get to play as a family. Nobody plays video games or anything until all household chores are done. You want me to do them by myself,it takes a little longer. Does your husband participate in the things you want him to do? I know it made a big difference in my sons life when he saw my boyfriend loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, etc...
B.G. answers from Toledo on September 27, 2006
I am in the same boat you are. I have a nine year old daughter that doesn't listen to me. My husband is her step dad as well since age 15 months and she listens to him without a doubt. But since we moved to Toledo and he is in Virginia it is just so hard for her to listen to me. She has an unbelieveable attitude she thinks she is grown. I also have a six year old that learns from her sister, but she does listen to me. The thing too is that my oldest father talks to her and tells her she doesn't have to listen to what I say, or he thinks its always a game so she laughs. Let me know of any ideas you get maybe we can try them out on all 3...I will do the same...