Emmy's was best friends last year with girls who are korean, she's friends with the handicapped kids at school and also friends with kids of all diferent nationalities, which she never pointed out before. The only way I knew her one friend was black was because I asked if another boy was him at a school fair and she said nope My mark has darker skin. So I dont believe there is any issues going on I need ot be worried about BUT i'm confusedon yesterdays conversations
1. Emmy pulled M. down to her level yesterday at the food court at the mall and said "mommy isn’t it kind of weird that black people sit with black people and white people sit with white people." We had a talk and I explained that might be because their sitting with their family and how if someone married someone who was a diferent race then they would sit together. I asked if they sat seperate at her school, she said no and I asked what she thought it should be like and she said everyone should sit together.
2. Following the above we walk by a baby and I point it out to emmy she yells awwwwwwwwwww and then 5 feet later says "that babies goingto grow up to be a pretty black baby." We pointed out it was already a black baby she said oh well then you know what babies turn into after babies but a pretty black one???
Who knows where this sudden interest in skin color came from
3. Following number 1 again. We’re heading back from the bathroom and she says quite loudly "I still remember when the president owned a black person and made them live in the basement. Then whispers remember that movie we saw downtown that was J. mean! "…ugh! Do not walk downtown with a 5 year old near the black history expidtion or it will be brought up often how mean white people were for another year!
So anway does anyones kid at 6 years old have a sudden interest in skin tones? Is this the age where they realize there is a diference and pick up on things like people sitting in "cliques" in public areas?
I'm lost. I dont think theres an issue I was J. blown away by all of the sudden interest on the topic
I completely forgot it was black history month!! She learned about Martin luther king last month and during the summer we had convsersations on slavery since we toured the exhibit
Shane I was joking about not walking with a 5 year old there, well kind of, I enoy the discussions with her but in a crowded mall in a very diverse area where people catch bits of what she speaks loudly isnt the best oppotunity...although i didnt shy away from talking about it when she did intitate.
I couldve chosen to avoid it the exhibit, if i wanted to instead we did use it as a teaching moment. She knows not ALL white people were mean and she knows about the underground railroad. She knows some white people risked their lives for their fellow man no matter what their skin color. I probably shouldve realized it wouldnt come off as being a joke. i am open to discussions with her.
February is Black History Month and my son was more vocal when they started learning about MLK. He noticed differences when he was 4, and then kinda brought it up again J. this month.
ADD: My son's preschool was very diverse so he noticed at 4 that his teacher was brown and that he wasn't. He called himself yellow (LOL), and I told him the actual color name is beige.
I think she's making a connection between real life and what she's learning (maybe black history month material) at school?
Generally, that's a GOOD thing.
It's visible. She's simply seeing what's in front of her. That doesn't make her racist or in danger of becoming racist.
I actually think this is pretty cool. She's a thinking child working the whole business out in her own head. Furthermore it's clear she feels very comfortable discussing such things with you. And I know why. Because you consider what she has to say, then you give her your honest impression, matter of factly, without drama. Keep it up and before you know it, she'll STILL be coming to you with the REALLY BIG STUFF, and that's exactly what you want. She trusts you.
This is a very simple concept so many parents J. don't get.
She's a lucky girl.
:)
It's February and black history month at school. They have special curriculum that is included in social studies, special books and biographies that they read in English Language Arts, etc. There's a lot of discussion about the contributions of people of color to our nation, the kids learn about slavery, they learn about the civial rights movement, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Jr, etc.
That is why your daughter has suddently notice it! don't worry your daughter has not suddenly become racist - she J. never noticed it before and now it's being brought to her attention.
My kids are mixed and so many people ask M. how we discuss the topic of race with our kids. We don't. What's there to discuss? As they are getting older they are asking questions. My daughter realized this year that 50 years ago it wouldn't have been possible for her to be here because black and white people couldn't marry. Sad :(.
I would J. keep an open dialogue about it. I look at skin color as no different than a shirt color. Same with my husband.
I found a lot of kids in kidergarten also ask this question...it's when they are first around a diverse group of people.
Talking about it is much better than NOT talking about it, in my opinion.
People often forget that much of our history is taught through the perspective of the white voice, and that things like Black History Month are important.
Race and historical race relations aren't J. the topic of this particular month, either. Children's books are sometimes brave enough to touch on this topic. Last month we were reading a Magic Treehouse book wherein the two lead characters visit historic New Orleans to help a young Louis Armstrong 'bring his gift of music to the world'. Racism and segregation was gently touched upon in the book, and this sparked a series of meaningful conversations with my son. The "prequel" Star Wars movies/kids books discuss Anakin and his mother being slaves; there is another jumping-off point for discussion and genuine questions.
Kids are curious. I think it's great that your daughter is continuing to want to work this out in her own head. This is much like 'the talk'... it's not J. one discussion, but a series of discussions which will change and deepen as your daughter grows older. And while you might find your daughter's comments embarrassing, what I have experienced (M., anyway) is that people of all races are rather forgiving when they see that a child is genuinely trying to figure out *their* story. Your daughter's articulation of what she saw, and her anger-- 'it was J. mean'-- is a great way for her to express her indignation toward the ideas of slavery and a person being perceived as 'less-than' in the eyes of a society. She's right on!
VERY normal! I have a 5 yo and 6 yo. My 6 yo is learning about black history month and has discovered the atrocities of slavery (on a simplified level). It is really good to have these discussions.
She has made some "racist" comments like she thinks all Asian kids are "so cute" and that she would "never marry a black person". Obviously these dramatic line-drawings startled M. and I felt alarmed but realized this is a child trying to figure things out based on a combination of limited information, things she sees and her ability to process. So I J. try and ask questions about why she says what she says, what she thinks, and give her more information.
I think it is healthy and very good to keep talking about these things and make it very safe for her to speak to you about all of her concerns.
My daughter's children are a mix of races - black, white, indonesian, hawaiian. Then there are cousins who are white, hispanic and hawaiian. She has noticed the difference in skin color, but like another poster said, to her it's J. like a different color shirt. Because she's grown up with it, we don't need to teach her that we are all the same; she knows that from being a member of her own family.
Kids are curious and their questions should be answered with as much honesty as possible in a way they can understand. We are not born with prejudice; it is learned. You are not racially biased and neither will she be. Wouldn't it be great if all kids were raised in a non-biased household.
Sounds to M. like you have a very average, very typical, observant six year old. I get tired of people trying to be OVERLY PC with "Oh, we're all the same, I don't see color, etc."
Sorry...not true. We are NOT all the same. I am Caucasian, my best friend is Hispanic, my brothers are half Cree Indian, and the people across the street are Somali. Of COURSE I see their skin color and notice that it's different, J. like I notice the difference in color of the leaves in fall.
Being different, and being TREATED different on the basis of your race - those are two different things.
My two year old refers to EVERY Hispanic woman she sees as "Melinda" because that's her favorite Sunday School teacher...who happens to be Hispanic. Do all these women look alike? Not by far. But she IS making a connection that they all have similar coloring, similar hair, and that they don't look like Mommy. She also calls all white girls with blonde hair Amber.
This is no more sudden interest than if your daughter asks you tomorrow why the sky is blue. Children want to learn.
Has she been learning about black history in school? February is black history month. I have worked so closely with people of multiple nationalities my kids entire lifes so they have not really verbalize differences.
If I were a gambling woman I would say this is her working through the MLK and black history lectures. Kids have to be taught we see a difference before they start to see things that way. I think it is sad really because if we knocked that off kids would grow up seeing the difference in skin color as nothing more than a difference in skin color.
You are doing fine. :)
Yup, welcome to Black History Month. My daughter never brought up the difference of skin colors in people until J. this month. Even with not being around very many people of other races then suddenly being in school with children of other races, she's never brought it up.
I try to take the questions in stride. I try to encourage her to be open minded and honest and hopefully I'm doing it right.
I agree. It has to be that February is black history month. It is all over school, radio, Nick Jr. It is going to come up more this month than probably any other.
Kids naturally classify people. Skin color is one way to do it. I think it is a healthy discussion to have with your children. Discussing it openly is the best way to prevent race from being an issue as kids get older. OF course they notice the skin color - people are different. People have different colored hair, different heights, different eye color, skin color is part of being human.
Keep the discussions going. Point out things that are wrong, and encourage the things that are correct. Keep talking about what you learned at the black history exhibit. Talk about Martin Luther King and all he did (they learn about it at school in Kindergarten - be ready to talk about it at home).
A great book is Mind in the Making (for parents - not kids). It has a great discussion of kids and the way they identify people and put them into groups.
February is Black History Month.
"Do not walk downtown with a 5 year old near the black history expidition or it will be brought up often how mean white people were for another year!"
What is that supposed to mean?
Instead of not wanting to hear her bring it up, I would have a conversation with her to let her know that not ALL white people were mean. Many white people fought for civil rights.
It's my true belief that people fear what they don't understand.
Your daughter is old enough to have open discussions with her.
My kids were raised in a very culturally and religiously diverse family.
We have black people in our family. We have Viet Namese people in our family. We have different religions. From the time my kids were very little, I taught them about ALL of it. They knew about the Holocaust, slavery, segregation, the Civil Rights Movement, they knew about the Viet Nam war and that Aunt Julie and her family risked their lives to escape Viet Nam in a tiny little boat. The memories are still so raw for her that she's never been back on another boat in her life.
My point is, we are all one family. Do we all look the same? Nope.
My sister and I have the same mother and father and we couldn't be more different.
Kids do notice differences. It's pretty normal. They are trying to make sense of things. The beauty about kids, however, is that they can see the beauty in differences and understand that the world would be pretty boring if everyone were the same.
There are LOTS of amazing books for young kids about friendships and differences. Go to the library with your daughter and check out a few of them. Read them together and talk to her about what she gets from the stories.
If your daughter is bringing these things up, it's the perfect time to get her some information. Educate her. Not ALL people are bad. Not ALL people are good. But, we all bleed the same color.
J. my opinion.
Best wishes.
She's J. learning about the world.
Making observations etc.
Its interesting, because, here in Hawaii, there are so so many different ethnicities. Its not J. "race." But so many various cultures and ethnicities.
So my kids have grown up in this environment here. So many ethnitcities have dark skin or light skin or other color skins and people here are so intermingled, and bi-racial or multi-racial....that there is no one certain skin color type J. based on "race." . ie: dark skin is not only African Americans. Here, there are so many Polynesians, and Asians or Malaysians or Indians or Mediterranean people etc., for example. AND.. being we are here in Hawaii... SO many people are J. tanned... from the sun and we are outdoors so much. So- there is no way to succinctly "categorize" anyone, per J. their skin color or "race." Its impossible to do here. There are J. too many people here with light or dark colored skin and all colors in between.
My kids for example, they are 6 and 10. And they pretty much, do not even "categorize" people by skin color. Here... it is about a person's culture. Or ethnicity. We have a different.... frame of reference and construct... per "identifying" people or their background.
Once, when my daughter was telling M. about her friend, she described her in terms of her culture, and their traditions and foods they eat. Not in terms of her skin color. Her friend being, African American and Caucasian. And then other friends are a mix of Asian/Hawaiian/European descent etc. Which is soooooo common here in Hawaii. My own kids are mixed culturally, and racially. But so is every other kid here in Hawaii.
Up until recently, my daughter didn't even know the difference between African American or Caucasian people. Even if they learn history in school, of course and she knows her history of people. To her, skin color and "race" is irrelevant. It J. does not make sense to her.
Here in Hawaii, we go by cultural cues.
Even my son who is 6, he really doesn't see "color" of skin of a person.
But he is aware of various cultures and traditions.
And it is interesting... that when M./my Husband/my kids are in Waikiki for fun and hanging out, Waikiki being the mecca of tourists... SO many tourists, will look at M.... then my Husband... then at my kids. And they scan us with their eyes... and make a face like they are either puzzled or turned off... by the racial and ethnic mix, in my family. They only go by skin color. M., & my Husband are 2 different cultures and races, and my kids are mixed. And between my 2 kids, they have different skin tones from each other. SO many Tourists, look at us like we are "weird." These being, American tourists. And some actually look disgusted.
I J. find it interesting.
Because locals here in Hawaii, are not so into skin color.
We are J. so mixed here, in a cultural and ethnic sense.
We can't J. go by skin color or race.
Which is interesting.
Color and race awareness really are fascinating to watch. Our kids are mixed too, and I've seen them move through several phases of how they categorize other people and themselves. At 4, our daughter would say 'that person has skin the color of Daddy's', and even now (7 1/2), she'll describe someone as having skin darker than hers, but lighter than her father's. I don't recall how her older brother used to describe race, but I know that last year (age 10), he described himself as 'black' in contrast to the other boy in his religious school class, whom he called 'white.' I should add that my son's skin color is barely tan. It was pretty surprising to M., however it showed M. how the categories developed between age 6 and 10.
Anyway, to better answer your question, I think that children do notice the differences, and then they start trying to figure out how to label them. I think it was really perceptive of your daughter to notice who was sitting together, and your conversations sound like great ways to help her make sense of how those groupings work without building ideas about how things should be.
I am sure it started from the talking about black history month at school.
Innocent curiosity! My younger son once asked M. if I thought black people would taste like chocolate, because they looked like chocolate. Another time I had taken my boys to a PowWow. I told them there would be lots of Indians there. Oops, not the politically correct name. My younger son blurted out "You said there would be lots of Indians here. I don't see anyone who looks like they are from India." I was trying to explain that I meant to say Aboriginal people, when one of the ladies explained to both of us the correct term was First Nations People. Both boys do notice differences, but their closest friends are from India, Cambodia, Phillipines, and First Nations. My best friend is also First Nations.
Maybe its things you say that make her say those things. Kids listen when you think they don't so be careful what you say so shes not saying bad things about those people. That would be so sad and you will look so bad.
Sounds like she's J. very busy studying people, their social habits, what makes one person different from another, and trying to make logical sense of it all. I can understand her being confused as to why people don't segregate at school but they do at the mall. Your explanation was perfectly logical.
Generally kids don't start noticing differences in things or people until someone brings it up as a topic. In this case it's Black History month. I remember my daughter's first Black History month experience in kindergarten. She then logically asked the teacher when White History month was. LOL, I don't think the teacher was able to answer that one - or so her email to M. alluded. So I explained to her that the point of Black History month was to highlight certain areas of our culture that have tended be to ignored historically. That made sense logically and she hasn't asked sense then.
J. wait - as soon as she gets this one figured out, she'll be moving onto other areas of interest. Like what makes boys and girls different. Good luck with that one!
Even if it weren't African American History Month, I wouldn't think it were weird or "off" or anything that she's noticing the differences in how people look. I would be worried if children DID NOT notice differences and commented on them. The problem is when those differences mean something other than being a descriptive identifier and become a reason to discriminate or dislike someone or make negative assumptions about them, etc.
We live in a very ethnically diverse town, so that's all my children know. Skin color doesn't mean anything to my children other than their friends families come from a different background than they do, and it can be really interesting to learn about that heritage. When African American History Month comes along every year, the girls do projects at school and come home with some amazing research. But also sometimes crying because they found out something sad and disappointing. It gives us a chance to have a continuous discussion about the history of our country and why some people say the things they do, or react the way they do when someone else says something or does something.
My girls often will ask questions that are awkward about ANY subject in public, including racial and ethnic stuff. I J. answer as kindly and honestly as possible, and if they're asking about someone who is maybe dressed in obviously traditional ethnic clothing and the girls are being loud about it, I'll apologize for the girls being loud and rude but would they mind a couple of curious girls asking questions. The people ALWAYS answer yes and my daughters ask some very insightful questions. My eldest daughter once asked a Muslim woman if people treated her unkindly when she dressed in her Hajib, and the woman was happy to talk to her. My youngest daughter once asked an Indian woman if she could touch the beautiful veils and sashes she was wearing because they looked like a rainbow and she wanted to know how it felt.
Being so open, we have neighbor children who will ask my daughters if they can play hairdresser. One little girl had never, ever touched blonde hair before and she was fascinated with my middle daughter's hair... so she begged if she could touch it and play with it a little.
My point is that the curiosity is natural. The history is what adds depth.
Lots of discussions with our six-year-olds lately, as they learn about what "white people" did in the past. Some of this comes from what they're learning at school (most, but not all, of it associated with MLK Day). Some of it comes from the Magic Tree House books we've been reading (our most recent one talks about the massacre of the buffalo and its impact on the Native Americans). Some of it, I'm sure is their natural inquisitiveness. Unfortunately, we don't live in a very ethnically diverse neighborhood. We tend to have our important questions when we are in public parts of town. I used to be soooo conscious of what others heard from my little angels. I have since become less concerned with others' reactions (particularly to a completely inncocent question from an admittedly too-sheltered child) and more concerned with teaching my guys to be sensitive to what they are saying in front of others. I want them to be able to ask M. anything but to be aware of their surroundings, e.g. no questions during church, whisper voice in quiet places, and think about what is said in our loud six-year-old voices ;)
