6 Year Old Having Accidents in His Pants

My six year old son had this problem last year in Kindergarten. He was so focused on the things going on at school he would pay absolutely no attention to the "go" feeling. Then his class would go out to play at recess and have an accident. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I realized he is a child who can deeply focus on things, schoolwork, and be oblivious to things he's not interested in. Like going to the bathroom. He also had an issue with public bathrooms in general, he would NOT go in a dirty bathroom. That was totally my fault.

He and I did a lot of talking. I also had a sit down with his teacher who was really good about helping him. She realized he was ignoring his body and when he would get excited or anxious that would trigger it. I never got angry with him about it and neither did his teacher. It didn't take too long. His teacher introduced him to the janitors and they promised they kept a clean bathroom for him. Through talking, from his teacher and I, he learned not to ignore his body. That was difficult for him to really understand that he was inadvertently ignoring his feelings. But he did learn.

Hang in there!

Dear C. P,

When you ask your son why he has accidents, what does he say? He might be afraid to go to the bathroom at school. My youngest son was terrified of going to a strange bathroom and simply refused to do it, accidents or not. He might be embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom. It will be important for you to help him feel safe enough to tell you what is causing him to choose to have accidents.

There is a new Parenting tool that is being launched Sept 24th, 2009 called CAPABLES. It is an amazing educational and learning system created for kids 3 to nine years old to motivate them to live the greatness within them. It uses a Cape and Badges of Honor as a behavior modification tool and takes the "work" of parenting and turns it into play. It is amazing. It has a Badge of Honor for Self-control and it might be very motivating for your son, to get him a Capable and use the Badges of Honor system, which is just one small part of this amazing parenting tool. You can go to the website www.GetCapables.com on Sept 24th and check it out. I really think that the Capables would really help. Kids LOVE their Capables, but not nearly as much as Moms and Dads love them. Parenting experts agree that the Capables are going to revolutionize parenting and how children are being motivated and educated to live their lives at a higher level of excellence. Hope you enjoy them.
Blessings, D. B. www.DawnBillings.com

My son is now 8 and we have had to deal with this in the past. We consulted 2 doctors and neither were able to find a physical cause. I really have no advice for you but know that you are not the only one to have to deal with this. Good luck in finding a solution that works for you and your family.

He is sending a message to you that he wants attention. Children will do things that will call for attention when they feel unloved. He needs some quality time with you. Looking at your schedule it is pretty full but you must give him some quality time if just a special time you can let him know it is just for him. If it is just going to the park on the way on and pushing him in the swing or wrestling with him at night or playing a game with just him. Everyone wants to believe they are loved and wants someone to say you are special and I thank God for you.

I would also make sure the teacher is letting him use the bathroom when he needs to go. I've heard of other children not being "allowed" to go to the bathroom and not being able to hold it. One child pooped in his pants almost daily b/c the teacher only allowed certain times to go and his bowel movements didn't fit into her time slot. My son wet himself last year b/c he thought he couldn't go - we had to clear things up with his teacher so that she understood to let my child use the bathroom when he said he needed to go, regardless of whether it was during a lesson and my child understood to ask. I'm not sure if it was my son's perception of things or the teacher but the communication helped resolve. Good luck.

I did this when I was 8 y.o (pee-pee) and in my case was psychological b/c I was afraid of a new teacher who used to scream and was scary to me. It went away when I changed classroom and teacher but it took a while for my parents to figure this out...a smart ped led them to the right reason, I hope you have a good one too. Children can be so sensitive, ask him if he can tell you anything that makes him uncomfortable at school. I suggest not to punish him b/c obviously he can't control it (make sure a proctologist checks the muscles of his anus too)...sweet little man! Good luck.

Take him to his pediatrician for a physical. Work on his diet since that is often relted to elimination problems. Talk to him about feeling pressure and using that as an indicator to go to the bathroom particularly after he has eaten. Work on a routine time for him to have a bowel movement. If none of this works, counseling may be the next route. When there is no physical issue, there may be an emotional issue. Try some one on one time with him.

Chronic constipation? Holding it until his body evacuates itself?

Well, if it was a medical reason, he would be doing this at home too, correct?

Is another kid bullying him? I mean, he may not tell you. Does he know how to ask when he needs to go potty? Is the teacher saying, "wait just a minute until after we are done?" But he can't wait, obviously? Those are some factors that I would consider.

yes! waiting too long his body just pushes it out itself. Is he having constipation problems? Has he had problems with bowel movements before? Remember some teachers and I have caught a few at it and lived it as a child myself...will tell kids "wait someone else just went and you can wait" forgetting it's a first grade "child" hello and that the teacher herself has a way bigger bladder and bowel system.
I over heard teachers tell kids at my son's school you went a few minutes ago you shouldn't have to go again "no".

I think you need to consider having a meeting with the ol' teach and see if she has certain rules of potty breaks. Also if you are involved with the PTSA/PTA you can question a few moms with their experience as to what the teacher is like and their experience, without telling them about your chidls situation/experience in class...you can leave the conversation with "thanks, I was just wondering she seems nice and I didn't know her" I have found this very valuable in getting to know about a teacher and what others have experienced..I realize they are humans and doing a job I just like to know about them since they get to know my child.

Second I would get in contact with my ped..I have sometimes they have have valuable information on this poop subject. See what snacks you are packing is it something that helps you poop?? also have a talk with your child..ask questions..can you go to the potty when you ask your teacher? see what he says...do you have to wait?? are you not comfortable on the potty's at school?? it's up to you to have open conversation wit him...let him know mom wants to help...does it hurt to poop on the potty?/ (if yes, constipation may be happening)

best wishes