5 Year Old Throwin Huge Fits!!

Hi L.*Ü*
Have you tried reading to her, I read to my daughter, and it puts her right to sleep. and when that doesn't work, I either rub her feet, or rub her head and it always works on that. I even have tried taking them to the park after school, they run and run and get some of that energy out that they have from sitting in school, and by time she eats her dinner and takes her warm bath, she is ready to be read to and out like a light. it gives me some time to just be with her while my boys are already asleep so she enjoys the mom time.
hope it helps*Ü*
D.
stay/work from home mom
to 4 kids and enjoy it

Ignore her fits. No attention to misbehavior; however,make a HUGE deal about when she doesn't throw a fit. Oh WOW!!!! What a BIG girl you are for sleeping in your bed. Say nothing to the fits just act as though she isn't there anymore. She won't stop right away and you'll definately want to acknowlege her just to make her stop. When she sees her fits get her NOTHING she will have to come up with something that does get her results. If you make a big deal out of the times she doesn't throw a fit she will pick up on it and behave appropriately to get what she wants. You have to stick with it though. Don't give in or she'll find out just how far she needs to go to get you to break and give in to her misbehavior.

Kids are EXTREMELY smart. They test the waters constantly. Your daughter is at a crucial age. She needs to know YOU are the parent.

My 5 year old just started kindergarten too. She is having trouble adjusting to a new life and can not verbalize just what is bothering her. I'll bet your 5 year old is having the same trouble. You can ask her what is wrong, but she may be too young to verbalize her feelings. I started by talking about when Mommy starts new things how uncomfortable I feel until I get used to my surroundings and get used to what is expected of me. I don't expect her to respond as I know that she is learning when mommy shares none-the-less. Also, the classroom is so structured and requires a lot of discipline from the children. In school, your individual feelings get put aside and that can be very different from a home environment. The school will teach her about feelings and you can start teaching her too by getting books, videos, and describing and showing with your face what feelings look like. It sounds like to me that she is acting out in behavior what she is too emotionally immature to verbalize. If it is possible, spend one hour alone with her so she can feel like the center of the universe again. Do this often as it is like love in the emotional bank. By filling her bank before bed, you can make a "withdrawl" at bedtime. She needs extra reassurance right now and if you do it before bedtime she will be less inclined to be so needy then. All those extra things she is asking for at bedtime is empty because what she craves is your attention at a time in her life when she can not verbalize her feelings and she is feeling unsure about her lot in life right now.

Also, if you are able to volunteer one day a week in the classroom so you can see what the environment is like you can be encouraging about the things going on there.

I understand how daunting this must be with two other little ones grabbing your attention right now. Again, a little "banking" goes a long way when you need to make a "withdrawl" at bedtime.

I hope that I have been helpful. It has worked for me. My 5 year old and I are still working on school stuff right now. Meaning, she is still getting used to going to school and the banking that I have done is paying off in her school behavior and her behavior at home. So, it will take consistency to bring about a solid change. And that will take time. Good luck to you and your family. D. :)

Here's what I did:
I kissed my son good night and said, "Here is the water cup. (points to table, etc) Good night. I go to my bed now. I wait. You wait. Wake up when you see the sun up. I love you. (waves)" and left it at that point-blank. Be sure to get her EVERYTHING she needs before saying good night and I love you. So she knows you MEAN it when you say good night, period. Otherwise, use your judgment whenever to attend to your daughter if she is in serious distress, i.e. vomiting, choking, or bleeding.

It sounds like your 5 yr old is just trying to test you. Have you tried doing what Nanny 911 and Supernanny do?

Give the child hugs and kisses, read, do the whole bed-time routine. When the child starts acting up you put them in bed and say good night. If they continue to get up and ask for things then just put them back in bed without talking to them. The key is just being consistant.

I'm work part-time right now, and if you ever want to talk to another mom I'd be more then happy to make a new friend (^_^)

My daughter is also 5 and in kindergarten. I know that she loves to earn rewards. Maybe you could make a reward charts for bed time and she can earn treats and stuff for being well behaved.

Consider homeschooling! these days it is so easy in terms of resources, legalities, etc. Many more families are successfully doing it. It seems to me that with your attitude of them being the "center of your life", you would be a great candidate! You'll never have a second chance to be the one to raise your kids instead of handing them over to someone else that may or may not be good, but is definitely not YOU.

Kids like routine. The fan, the drink, the I love you makes me think that she wants a routine that is the same every night. She's going through several big changes: the move, school, a big girl bed. I'd guess she's feeling somewhat insecure.

I used to have a big problem getting my granddaughter to bed when I babysat. She's 6 now. When she was around 3 we started this routine: a stuffed animal, a story, a hug, a kiss, a nuzzle (rubbing noses), and 2 butterfly kisses. It has to be 2. Now she and I can go thru hug, kiss routine any time we say goodbye and she doesn't fuss about it like she used to. Lately, her mother added a sippy cup of water at bedtime. This eliminates the last request for a drink which delays bedtime. She keeps the sippy cup with her and I've noticed that sometimes she drinks from it in the middle of the night. I think this has also helped her to stay in bed all night.

It took awhile for the bedtime routine to make a difference.

My daughter, who is now grown, always had to have a fan blowing on her. She still frequently has a fan. I don't know why but it was easy to provide. I bought a clip on lamp and attached it to her bed. She has a small fan sitting on the bedside table.

You did not say how long ago you moved, but sometimes that has an effect on kids. I myself moved here to UT from CA 5 yrs. ago. My last child who is 4 was born here, but I imported my daughter who is 11 and had some effect for about a year. It also may be the onset of school and separation from you and the family and home. I too, make my family my world and have very few people to talk to here. Amytime you wish to chat, I am here! My name is M. Jones and I live in Clearfield, UT Please feel free to write back!

I have a 5yr old son who as well throws fits. He quit throwing fits about his bedroom quite awhile ago. However, we have a nightly routine that seems to work. His bedtime is 9pm. So about 8:50 we go upstairs and brush our teeth with him, then we go into his room and read a story, then I turn on his lava lamp and his fish light (he will not sleep without them, and turn on his radio. Then we say our good nights. We have our own little special good night saying, I say "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite" then he repeats each part after me. Then I say " I love you around the world and back again infinity and beyond" and he says "I love you around the world and back again infinity plus and beyond". This constant every night routine has helped him get to sleep faster and not throw such fits at bed time. Even when he was throwing the fits at bedtime we simply put him in his room and let him cry. Once we have completed our nightly routine he is not allowed to come out of his room for a drink, or to go potty. We require him to do all of these things prior to going to bed. Then he has no excuses to come out. Obviously if he does have to use the bathroom he is allowed to go, but by having him go potty before he goes to bed he doesn't typically need to go. And he knows that he will get into trouble for lying about needing to go. I hope this has helped... If you have any questions please feel free to send me a message. G. - Albany, OR

You know I had that same problem when my son started kindergarten. I figured he was probably having some separation anxiety, so my husband and I let him sleep with us. Once he felt comfortable with the new transition he went back to sleeping in his own room. That took about a couple of months.

A doctor might be able to answer some of your questions. I have only seen one doctor here and he is a good dr. his name is dr volkmann # ###-###-####.call him and see if he will talk to you. he can either help or refer you to the right place. He you tried to talk to her? maybe she is having bad dreams from watching something scary orhearing something that someone said. Kids can hear things from their bedrooms even after they are asleep.

Hello L.,

Well, sorry to hear that you are having such a time. My eldest son is in first grade this year and all is well but we had a few problems from time to time last year. There is just so much going on. I don't know if your daughter went to preschool or not but if she didn't then school is a really big disruption to her world of hanging out with Mom and her sisters. My son loves to play the I love you game or the I just have to tell you something or we even get the I didn't give daddy a hug and kiss good night. He will do just about anything to get out of bed. And we went through the hollering and screaming but I am sure you know that it never works. So now when it is bed time we make sure he get his hugs and kisses from both of us we ask him if there is anything he wants to tell us and then we explain that it is bed time and once he is tucked in that there is no more getting up to tell us something and that it will have to wait till morning. It took a few weeks for him to get into the groove of it but it has worked out pretty good for us. And yes there are still sometimes he slips up but we just have to remind him of the rules. I have 3 boys around the same age as your girls I am a stay at home mommy and some of my friends and I try to have some play dates every once and awhile if you are interested would love to make some new friends. Take care J.

L.,
I have a 3 year old that thinks she's five and on one on the way, so just from an outsiders view I think she is rebelling to get attention. My daughter is very stubborn also she likes to rule the house. As a parent you just have to try different things but choose one thing and stick too it for alittle bit with one goal in mind. Also she might just be over tried due to the new schedule. I don't know you and how you parent but keep tring to put your foot down and she will finally give up. Remember YOUR the Mommy!

I agree with the idea that you should ignore her. I also have a kinder and he used to do something similar at bedtime.
What I found through trial and error (keeping in mind that all children are different) is that he was fueled by the attention I gave to his fits and unwillingness to go to bed.
It sounds like she has gone through a lot of changes lately. My advise would be to put your foot down! Insist on the routine you have set up for her and never give her an inch. Eliminate the need for a drink by making that part of the bedtime routine before she hits that mattress. Say goodnight to her once and walk away!
Also, and this is the most important part, don't feel like you are being a bad parent. It never gets better overnight no matter what you try. She will act as though you are killing her, but don't give in. The sooner she gets used to it, the better it is for you!
Good luck for whatever works for your little night time she-devil :)

My son did the same thing, but at around 3 years old. Even though we didn't let him watch a lot of TV, I found it easier at night to throw in a Disney movie for him to watch. We did the whoel night light thing, but that didn't seem to work. After the movie thing, it was a lot easier I think because he felt like some one was there with him. He is almost 8 now, and as has gotten older no longer needs it. He is used to sleeping by himself.