Need Help with How to Best Handle Preschool Issue

Honestly- I would not expect that your preschool is going to change its schedule just for 1 kid. If he is tired at naptime and needs to nap then, its probably going to happen. They can't keep him up when the other kids are resting and then have him be cranky for the afternoon.

About your home schedule- is your son TIRED before 10 PM, but just doesn't want to go to sleep? Or is he really not sleepy until 10 PM? Some little kids- including my son when he was small, and still, at age 10- are just night owls!
Seriously, if there was ANYTHING going on at night, my son wanted to be around for it, whether he had napped that day or not. He stopped taking official afternoon naps very early- and he really was tired and cranky and still needed one! It just depends on the kid.

I know this might sound like weird advice- and please understand that my son has a regular bedtime and I don't advocate just letting kids stay up whenever they feel like it- but with your son's schedule being what it is, is it hurting anything to put him down at 9 or 10 PM?

1)Can he get up ok in the morning at the time he needs to be up? Is he alert and well-rested for the school day?
2) What time do you and your husband go to bed? Is it a problem if he goes to bed at 9 and you go to bed at 10 or something like that?
3)I assume you've tried all the usual 'bedtime routine' stuff- bath, special story, soft nightlight, bunny or blankie, etc.?

If he is still napping at school each day, then he still really needs that nap, despite the fact that its inconvenient for your schedule. But you and your husband need some grownup time in the evening too.

Maybe you can 'ease' him into bedtime. Set a kitchen timer for half an hour before you start your 'bedtime routine. Start out setting it later at night ( say 9:30) so he is in bed at 10. Then after a few days, set the timer starting at 9, then 8, and so on- so his bedtime prep time is always the same, you just move it a little earlier every few days. Hopefully then you can 'fool' him into actually falling asleep earlier.

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First of all, the school has a routine and if you chose to disrupt it you may find yourself invited to find another preschool. DO NOT call and complain constantly. The better preschools have waiting lists. They will not put up with you for long. If your son is happy and has friends there, banishment will break his heart.

Kids nap in preschool because they are very active during the day, become tired, and NEED to nap. Keeping them up leads to crankiness and fighting. At night YOU are cranky and tired and need a nap, but unless you have engaged your child in enough interaction with you he is going to fight bedtime. Many parents have had a tough work day and want to feed their kids and stuff them in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 because they are too tired to deal with them. It is as easy to spend an hour reading to him or doing bathtub play or drawing with your child, or just holding him and talking as it is to waste that whole hour fighting him. He hasn't seen you ALL DAY for heaven's sake.

Sorry, but parenting is labor-intensive and kids are individuals with their own needs and their own circadian rhythms and you are risking your son's preschool placement AND your relationship with your child by going on this way. I know you will not like this advice but I'm an old mom with two grown kids and I am giving it to you straight from the heart.

Now here is one old trick that worked with my difficult kid, who would never have experienced sleep if she had her way. Take some toys he loves and tell him they are a "families." Have each mommy and daddy toy slowly and quietly and gently tell their "babies" goodnight and tuck them in. Finally, do the same with your own child. Don't leave immediately. Gently rub his back for a few minutes, slowly and quietly. He will drift away without a fight. The effect is hypnotic, like the book, "Goodnight Moon." Do this every night, even when you are tired. He will outgrow it and you will remember those times fondly when you are my age. Good luck.

OH! And if the man in your life is pressuring you to "put that kid to bed" and spend time with him instead, HE is the one who needs to grow up!

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I agree with one poster that said that if he can fall asleep during the day he probably needs to nap. However, it can really disrupt nighttime sleep if he's sleeping too long. I would ask the provider if they can allowed him to only sleep for a certain period of time (specified by you) and see if that is a good compromise on both sides.

Good luck!

I'm not sure how your childs preschool runs, but at the one I work at, teachers need to get things done while to kids are sleeping-clean, paperwork and their own breaks/lunches, so it may be hard to accomidate your needs along with theirs. And at alot of schools, they can't MAKE the kids nap, but they must lay down on the mats and rest. Talk to the director about the teachers schedule and see what she says.

In most places I've observed, they have nap time just after lunch somewhere near noon. If he can fall asleep in the middle of the day, then he needed the nap. Best you can do is to run him around after preschool is finished and tire him out before the afternoon is over. He should be good to sleep again by bedtime.

They are required to have children under 6 take a nap or at least down time resting. Child Care Centers can get written up if they don't and preschools that are connected to your local school system also have State liscensing guidelines they have to go by. It's really out of their hands. They have to put the kids down. If your son is sleeping it's because he's tired enough to go to sleep. When your son is in Kindergarten he is also ging to lay down for rest/nap time and they aren't going to completely stop until they kids enter first grade. As the kids get older in Kindergarten they can do quiet things on their cots or play quietly.

So, I am a HUGE fan of naps and I honestly believe children learn best when well rested and they need that afternoon nap. So when my 3 yr.old stopped napping I was very upset. We try and try to get him down. Even if he does stay up later. We just put him in bed at night time and stay consistant. He sometimes stays up until the wee hours of morning before falling asleep and other times he's out like normal.

Just keep working with him and try to adjust your schedule. Because no matter where you take him at his age he'll be going down for nap/rest time.

Dear S H,
I'm not sure how you can "handle" this with the school. If everyone has rest-time and your son falls asleep, it seems to me he needs that sleep.
Are you asking that they have someone specifically designated to supervise him in another area while the other children rest? Are you asking that when he lays down, someone nudges him every 5 minutes to keep him awake?
I did daycare and my kids had to have rest time. They didn't have to sleep, but they had to lay down and be quiet for the other kids who did want to sleep. I was one person. And with my 4 year olds, if one didn't have to lay down when everyone else did, it would have been complete chaos. At 4, 4-1/2, they are plenty old enough to ask "Why do I have to lay down and rest and that other kid doesn't?"
They don't let kids sleep for hours and hours at pre-school. You can ask them exactly how long your son sleeps, but in my opinion, an hour or so nap at mid-day should not be the reason he doesn't go to bed at night. If they let him sleep for 5 hours and only wake him up just before you get there, that might be different, but I doubt that's the case.
He's likely far better tempered after a nap just like the other kids. And, pre-school is his world...he fits in, he does what the other kids do. I think you should be glad things aren't the other way around and the school isn't complaining that your son won't lay down or disrupts the other kids. He's doing a great job. He's obviously happy and comfortable enough to lay down and doze off. That's a good thing.
When he gets home, I'm guessing he's happy to see you and wants to play and stay up. That's no one's fault. My daughter would have stayed up all night if I let her. Nap or no nap.
I think you should take advantage of the fact that your son does so well with the structure at pre-school and implement the same structure at home.
Play time, dinner time, bath time, jammie time, reading time, nigh-nigh lights out time. It sounds rigid, but those are all opportunities to talk to him about his day and have tickle time or go on a walk after dinner before a bath. I walked first, then did dinner, then bath and we would snuggle up to watch a Disney movie and they knew ahead of time, when the movie was over, it was bedtime kisses, lights out, I love you, nigh nigh time.
You just need to find your groove at home. In my opinion.
I don't think you should mess with how well he's doing at preschool.

Best wishes.

It's a state law and there isn't much you can do about it , here in VA we have the same law , only when they go to K are they no longer required to nap in the daytime. I am with you on the 'you would rather he didn't nap' , my son was at an all day preschool and was expected to nap , he would not sleep though so they would let him sit with a book quietly. My middle child is now 4 and I have kept her to AM only preschool as I know she would sleep if she was allowed to.

We have the same issue with our 3.5 year old, but there isn't anything we can do about it.

Our son has always been a night owl. He was 6 months old for his first New Year's Eve - he stayed awake until midnight despite repeated attempts to put him down. He just wouldn't give in. We have the same problem now. He won't give in unless he's completely disinterested in what's going on.

On the weekends.....this was the first weekend he didn't nap, and he still didn't go to sleep until after 10pm Saturday and after 9pm last night.

We're trying to limit his nap to less than 1 hour on the weekends. If he doesn't nap, he's almost impossible to be around, and his behavior is reflective of his need for sleep.

But, if you're that concerned about it, I'd ask the director if it's a policy of the school. I know in our kids' Day Care, they have to at least have quiet time even if they don't sleep during the time other kids are napping. Of course, both my kids are out cold.

Hi SH - I think one thing you may not be factoring in is that those teachers work really long days and carpet square time is probably built in as part of their planning time. They need time to be able to take a seat and a quiet breath, work on paperwork etc. That could be where some of their resistance is coming from. Also, have you thought about that if your son is tired enough to be able to fall asleep on his own on his preschool floor then he just may need that sleep more than you think?

Perhaps consider building in 45 min or an hour of quiet rest time at the same time of day as preschool. The other thing to do to foster consistency is to be really diligent about bedtime and put him to bed at the same time every night rather than let him stay up late. I found that the days my almost 4yr has a nap, he actually needs to start bedtime earlier because he takes a little longer to wind down. He ends up going tosleep around his normal time even when he's had a nap.

I hope that helps you!

I'd talk to the director. Explain the problem and that you haven't had any success with the teachers. Maybe you can agree that if he's tired they'll let him fall asleep for 30 minutes, but that they WILL wake him. It's possible he's wearing himself out at preschool and likes the nap. But letting him sleep for a long time sounds like it's really the issue.

I think this nap/no nap issue is always problematic.

Good luck

Personally, I think that is unrealistic of you to ask of them. What about all of the other kids who do need naps? It is VERY rare for kids not to be taking naps at preschool. I think for them to let him get up and play in an independent playtime if he initiates it is more than acceptable. Any preschool my kids ever went to that was not an option - when it was naptime you laid down and either took a nap or just rested there quietly until nap time was over.....Obviously if he is falling asleep during the nap time, he needs the sleep. Maybe you need to just be a little bit stricter with him at bedtime. Bedtime is at ____time and that is when you will go to bed. He is old enough now to understand that and stay in bed until he falls asleep. Just curious, what time does he go to bed if he hasn't had a nap all day?

My SIL is going through this with her son as well:( The school told her that he can have books in his cot, but that he has to be there and be quiet. Well, OBVIOUSLY he usually falls asleep!
I'm not sure what to tell you except call them the next day EVERY time he doesn't go to sleep the night before. Hell, get a home phone number and call them at 10:00pm when he's still not asleep! lol (OK, you probably can't do that...)

I'm surprised to read so many responses that say their kids are still napping in preschool. My daughter was not napping in preschool, and she started at 3-1/2. She was also not napping at home. She doesn't nap for the same reason as your son - she also wouldn't go to bed till very late. She did much better skipping her nap and going to bed earlier.

If this isn't working for you, I would consider looking for another preschool. Not because they have naps, but simply because it doesn't sound like the school is a good fit for you and your son.

And by all means ... if you're not happy with something, I don't encourage you to stay quiet just because they might ask you to find another school. You pay them ... not the other way around. I never once hesitated talked to the director of my daughter's school when I felt the need - they never had a problem with it and always had an open door policy where I could come by anytime.

Good luck!

Is it expected that other kids his age take naps? If it's something everyone does, I'd say you are going to have to bite the bullet and adjust bedtime at home. It's kind of hard for a teacher to enforce a rule like that to one child while everyone else is asleep. Otherwise, you may want to look for preschools elsewhere.

That being said, my daughter naps at daycare Mon-Fri (she's 2.5) but rarely on the weekends (yesterday she fell asleep on the couch for the first time in MONTHS). That being said, she gets up at 6am every day of the week and is in bed by 8pm every day of the week even when she does not get naps.