4 Yr. Old's Strange Way of Playing

I think the play sounds pretty normal! I have 2 boys and my sister had 4 boys and they were all like this at that age. Balls, loading and dumping are such a big hit with young kids. Also, he is very bright. Lack of interest in writing is also normal, he is still very young. Kids have very short attention spans for things like that. You can let him write numbers in the sand or a plate filled with sugar/salt. Give him a piece of sandpaper and long string of yarn and let him form the letters. All great tactile ways to play and learn.

I would wonder if he might have a form of Autism - I would maybe talk to the pediatrician and see about having him evaluated. It can't hurt and if it turns out to be nothing to worry about it, then at least you know.

He's not 'strange.'
He is normal... and creative... and has self-reliance and knows 'who' he is.
He has 'talents'... that needs to be recognized.
He has other ways of playing. This is good. He is creative.

Kids do not have to play with toys.

Many kids, are more interested in 'real' life, things and pretend play. This is all developmental based and they learn this way, and it is normal.

Your son is also bright and articulate.
Nurture that. Nurture him. For what he is... interested in.
Then he will develop, in a good way.

He is also, behaving his age.
He is age appropriate.
He is 4.

Just to rule it out, have him evaluated for Autism and maybe even SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). Your pediatrician can refer you or you could contact Early Childhood Intervention in your area. They will evaluate him for free. They will give you and your teacher lots of forms and questions to fill out, she might even visit him at school to assess his behavior, then give you a home visit to do the same, to see if he acts the same or different when around other kids/alone.

It won't hurt to have him evaluated, even just to put your mind at ease. The psychiatrist might even tell you yes it is normal behavior, then you have nothing to worry about. But if it is Autism, better to catch it early. My son turns 3 in December and he has been diagnosed with Autism (ASD with Speech Delay and SPD) in June of this year. It is a bitter pill to swallow but at least now I know why he acts the way he does.

Be strong and don't give up. Listen to your inner voice.

My son is 9 and has Aspergers/ADHD. (not saying your son has this, but my son was similar when he was younger). We used to joke that he was like an absentminded professor- until we found out that Asperger's is sometimes nicknamed "little professor syndrome". We found that for him, the advanced vocabulary, poor muscle tone, difficulty writing, problems with transitions, likelihood of having ADHD, and tantrums were all connected to it.

He's always had an amazing vocabulary- and now reads above grade level and loves science. He reads product manuals and tells us how to fix things. Not interested in riding a bike- we used a trailer bike to get him used to pedaling and he finally got the hang of it at age 7. No interest in writing or coloring- he was the only kid in his kindergarten class whose self-portrait had no face. He still struggles with writing but gets help from an occupational therapist at school and I joined a yahoo support group for dysgraphia to get ideas for technology that may help. Not interested in soccer or other team sports- we focus more on swimming or hiking. Collecting garbage- we've tried to channel this with rules. We only collect things for recycling when we've planned ahead by bringing a trash bag and gloves and not in the new car. And some things at home such as shredded paper can be reused for amazing art projects. Always wants things his way- we tell him he can't make rules for other kids or the rest of the world. He's also gotten help from an after-school social skills class. Playing with things in atypical ways- we gave him a fountain pump and pvc pipe to go with the kiddy pool so he could build something cool. Adults love talking to him and always tell us he's going to be an engineer or an inventor. He can be counted as special needs and gifted at the same time.

You know, this could be a case where an Asperger's diagnosis could apply, but I want to present an alternative perspective. I don't think Asperger's should be described or treated as a syndrome. My own word for it is "Rocket Scientist Personality Type." The initials, RSPT, sort of suggest the word "respect," and that's what I think these brilliant, slightly atypical people deserve.

Or, alternatively, it could just be that he's a bright kid (and an only child?) with a SAHM, and therefore he hasn't had to march in lock-step with what kids are "supposed" to be interested in at every age.

Or it could be somewhere in-between. My own son has "near-Asperger's" -- some Asperger's traits, but not enough to warrant a diagnosis. He's somewhere in-between the two poles I just described.

He sounds normal to me. He's the same age as my son, and he has similar interests though he does play with regular toys too. But if there are lots of rocks (similar to the balls you mentioned) and dirt, he will play with that forever. He finds it really fun. He also doesn't seem quite ready for his bike. He has ridden it some, but he prefers the little tricycle. I think some kids need to be older before their interest is really there.

Your son might have something more wrong, I really don't know, but he sounds normal to me.

Praise him every day for being creative. He's so smart that he's sorting everything in his world. He's so imaginative that he loves pretend play.

I get the feeling from the post that you and your husband might be worried that he's not "hitting milestones" that you might consider "normal boy things": Playing soccer willingly, being interested in bikes, playing with toys that are officialy "Toys" and not stuff he's picked up. He's already maybe beyond those things -- He will be the kid in grade school who is leaps and bounds ahead of other kids when it's time to start thinking spatially (great for math and science) and also when it's time to start thinking creatively (for language arts).

I would not worry about him but instead would encourage him by providing even more unusual things in his environment to explore. He needs stimulation beyond the traditional things! It's more work for you but both of you will love it if you think outside the box a little more....

Try him out on cooking with you. Do kids' science experiments (ALL over the web! He will love making goops and potions that do stuff and turn colors; make a classic "volcano" with him, etc.). Take him outside and make giant bubbles with a hula hoop (there are recipes on the web). Dunk marbles in paint and have him roll them over paper in a baking tray to make crazy patterns -- do lots of unusual crafts. Find tons of old boxes, get boxes from the grocery store, get out paper towel tubes and masking tape he can tear easily, and let him make giant robots and whatever he likes.

And definitely please take him to kids' plays and puppet shows because he loves make-believe and they'll fuel it and delight him.

In other words -- Bikes and soccer and toys aren't all there is to being a boy his age; go with what he likes, not with what he "should" be doing. He's just not interested in soccer? Put him into a kids' group music class or art class or "Mad Science" type classes where he can put cool junk together all he wants -- something more creatively based.

The issues of wanting your attention when he doesn't have it are very, very normal. He just needs time to mature. Same goes for the lack of interest in writing; ask his preschool teacher how to reinforce that -- maybe by having him see you write the grocery list, then put him in charge of holding it and "reading" to you from it through the store while you shop. Tell him he can help you write it next time. Give him lots of opportunities to see you happily writing things and asking for his help and ideas.

He seems normal, very normal to me. Don't let anybody to tell you he has any kind of problem......He is creative, smart and he founds a different way to amuse himself and have fun!

He sounds cool and creative! And also a "cheap date". He is imaginative and not wanting every flashy expensive toy! I don't think ANYTHING is wrong. Kids are not pegs all made to fit into the same holes! Encourage the interests he has. Check out the LICM - he would love alot of stuff they have there.

i think he's just fine. My daughter is exactly the same age and say I take her to mcdonalds to play, instead of going up in the tubes and stuff she walks up and down the stairs! Im serious! She will open and close a door 500 times and walk a staircase and be completely content. She will ride her bike as long as there is a door she can ride into to open and close! They sound alot alike!

Is he only defiant with you, or with others/at school too? Find out if his behaviors at school are similar to at home. If yes, then an evaluation would really be a good idea. If not, then likely it is behavioral (I mean the defiance and lack of engagement)

Luv,
Huge long post wiped out here. Glad to know you found what you need to understand him. Bravo.
M.