4 Yr Old Suddenly Very Clingy

Her clinginess could have part to do with you being pregnant. I know that when my mom had my little sister, I became clingy to her (previously, I had been a very independant baby, and toddler). Also, children get to a point to where they don't want to be away from mom. - My younger daughter did. She would act up at the babysitter's; and, even got into trouble at school (after starting school). She has actually come to a place where she's not so clingy, but she still insists on having a lot of attention (at the age of 15). - Some kids can actually suffer from "seperation anxiety." You might try taking her to a doctor, to see if they think she might have it. If she does, the doctor can tell you what steps to take, in order to help her become more independant.

Instead of trying to break her away from you, use this as an opportunity to grow closer to her. She is obviously internalizing her nervousness. Talk to her about it. Reassure her that you will not leave her and encourage her to talk to you about how she feels. If she won't talk, have her draw pictures. You can see a lot in kids pictures at this age. This is an important opportunity to build trust and strengthen your relationship with her. Maybe you could join a mother's group like MOMs club or MOPS that you could do playgroups together and meet new people. Maybe putting her in so many activities is overwhelming to her with all of the recent changes.
We recently had a lot of changes (new baby, new house, new bed, staying home with me instead of day care). It has taken 7 months for my son to come around.
So, talk to her and reassure her. Maybe let her pick one activity to keep attending and try joining a playgroup where she can play with other kids yet still have the security of coming back to you if she needs to. Good luck!

it sounds like something tramatic has happened to your daughter. as awful as that sounds, since she was once happy and now is not- it seems that way. however, there are so many things you have described that you just can't be for certain. is your daughter able to commuicate to you what is going on? tell her you are worried about her and you need her to tell you why she is so scared. she may not be able to express it, but maybe she can give you enough information that you can figure it out.

also, the dance teacher really bothers me. just because your daughter walked out of class once, there is no understanding or compassion for a 4 year old? please, she is soooo young. i would have a word w/that teacher and tell her you are experiencing some changes at home and your daughter is having a diffcult time adjusting. to please be understanding and PATIENT with her while you help your daughter work through this. if the teacher blows you off and says to bad, then i would pull her out anyway and find a more suitable dance instrutor who understands child development.

good luck, let me know how it all turns out.

I feel really bad for you, but hopefully this is just a stage. Maybe the 2 weeks of staying home had something to do with this behavior. Sick kids need us and require extra attention, maybe she just got attached to that during those 2 weeks. Maybe if you try "boring" her for just a little while every day (doing dishes quietly, staying busy with laundry, not really interacting with her)and when she wants attention tell her, "sorry, moms busy...too bad you're not at school playing with the other kids) or whatever, she will decide that as much fun as mom is, it's also fun to be with other kids when mom is busy during the day time.

Hello you just moved to san antonio did you say well i'm from san antonio, Tx too. I only think i can think of why she would become clingy is she maybe scared that you will leave her i know my son is doing that now but he is only 18 almost 19 months old. She could have become clingy because you are pregnant if you are showing more may know that her little brother or sister is coming soon and she just wants to be with you all the time till the baby comes. I hope i was able to help I'm still a new mom so i'm just going by how my aunt was with my cuz.

C.,
I can understand where you are coming from. For the past 3 weeks my 4 yr old has been very clingy to me as well. We are expecting our 3rd on the 26th of this month. I am a stay at home mother of 2 girls. My other daughter is 2 1/2. I try to make time during the day where I spend time with both girls. Like for instance we have tv time, bath time, lunch time, play time I read to them you just have to pick things out of your schdule and fit it in..... I wish t he best of luck to you.

Your pregnant and children can sense these things, my daughter did the same thing and I was trying to figure out why she was being so clingy and my babysitter asked if I was pregnant and sure enough I went home that night and took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant.

Hi C.,
I know that you are worried about your daughter's behavior. She is doing everything that she can in order to feel safe in her life. There have been a lot of changes in her life that you mentioned. Your awareness will help her. She is telling you what she needs.-YOU She is wise. Her life has gone through too many changes for her to handle on her own. In her wisdom she has turned to you for saftey.

We as parents cannot teach independence but we can foster a relationship that allows them to feel safe and grow. People who feel safe and secure in themselves want independence.

For now, keep you daughter as closes as possible and when she is ready she will ask to do more. Please let her stay home from dance if she wants to, she has many years to learn dance if it is important to her. She cannot move forward unless you let her step back when she needs to.

My own children (ages 16yrs and 12yrs) have taught me that if I meet their emotional needs-(even if it seems odd or silly or demanding) they then can grow through the saftey of our relationship to be even more loving and independent than their peers who were pushed.

I wish you well,
R.

Hi! I know this was forever ago for you but did this get better? I'm sure you've even had your baby by now!! Congratulations! I just wanted to tell you that my son did the same thing when he started "school" at almost 3. I did take him out. My normally happy, secure boy was having such a hard time I couldn't take it. We kept him out for about 6 months then found a Mother's Day Out program at a Gymnastics club. He loves it! Now he gives me a quick kiss good-bye and he's running off to play. VERY different than his other school. So - maybe the school you had your daughter was in just wasn't a good fit for her. I hope you've found a good solution for all of you now.

I think your daughters behavior is very normal for whats been going on. A move, a new baby, and an illness can be triggers for this type of behavior to happen, and having all three, well her response is understandable. My daughter has always been very independent, never ever clingy to me, until I became pregnant with number 2. I included her so very much, she went to all my ultrasounds and OB appointments, she went to sibling class at the hospital, we read books and watched videos about it. She was still very needy and clingy and really, it did not stop until about a month after the baby came, I wish I had more helpful advice for you!

Also, perhaps it is just me, but I would be very uncomfortable with sending my kids to a class that an instructor refused to let me watch. The instructor should be understanding to the situation and make an exception for you to sit in at least once. It seems very harsh to tell a little child that if they leave again they shouldn't bother coming back. I would pull her out if it were me, but I do understand you wanting her to stick with it.

I think you may be better off letting her stay home a while if that is possible. Pushing her harder to be independant at this stage will most likely backfire and send her a mixed message. With my daughter, I held her more (belly and all) and let her be my shadow as long as she needed to so that she felt safe and secure.

Its very hard to give you advice with having such limited knowledge of you situation, and every child is so different.
It will all work out! Your daughter will calm down once life settles down and the baby comes. Good luck!

Hi C.,

My daughter is going to be 5 in July and she sounds exactly like your little girl. If anything in my daughter's schedule changes she can become clingly and shy. We're also going to be changing cities and schools this summer when we move to the Austin area and that is one of the things I'm most worried about.

What I find helps with her is to introduce new things slowly. I make a point to arrive early to parties so that she can make herself comfortable. We always arrive early for school because even after two years if she is the last to arrive she will cling to me and cry. I also limit the number of activities she's involved in so that she can become really comfortable with just one or two things rather then have a bunch of constantly changing environments.

My daughter just loves babies, more then playing with kids her own age sometimes. She has a very big sister sort of protectiveness to her. Maybe the arrival of a young sibling will make her feel more relaxed. My daughter is great with her little brother.

I think most kids outgrow this as they start to develop freinds outside of their parents.

Just stay supportive and encouraging and she should be fine. I think it's pretty normal behavior for this age.

C.