Building 2 Year Old Independence

Here are ways to build independence, and you NEED to! Right now in my daycare I have four kids that age and all of them are able to separate easily, play independently for hours, and know when a stranger is ok or not. (like when I have another daycare parent come in they know that person is ok and usually run up and hug them, but if a worker or one of my friends they dont' know comes they are shy and stay back or even start crying)

*set him up with a toy and then keep leaving the room and coming back
*make sure he sleeps by himself
*teach him how to do things by himself - at that age they can dress, undress, go potty, get on their coat, hat and shoes/boots, get a snack if you put them in the right place
*enroll him in the library classes for his age, usually they are free and short
*get a babysitter and start using her/him every month at the least and yes, enroll him in the class too!!
*teach him to say hi to strangers, yes, this is a good thing, it's being polite and it's learning that with Mommy there things are ok

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I think two is still very small and there is no rush to push him to independence. You are his world now and I think that is normal. Why not start with short little babysitting stints with someone he knows and trusts to help get him accustomed to being without you, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

I was a very clingy child myself. I can remember being horrified to be left with my aunt and uncle. My other three sibs were there and happy campers. I had 5 cousins there! I was probably six years old. My mother indulged me and came and got me....... now I'm not sure she should have rescued me, but I can tell you I am an independent adult although I never was really away from home on my own until college.

My opinion: Bottom line. Pushing a little is okay, but I don't see a need to overdo it.

Hi, I have quite the opposite type kid, my girl is 2 and very independent (but also very loving and cuddly when she wants to be). My suggestion would be to look at the way you do "mom & me" activities. For example, when you're at a park or playgroup, are you constantly standing close by or reaching in to "help" him out? If he feels that he can't do anything on his own, of course he's going to be very anxious (clingy) when you try to leave him somewhere without you. Take him to established (and new) activities and encourage him to try things out on his own. Stand (or sit) back and watch him--let him know that you're there to help if he needs you "Mama's right here, tell me if you need help," but let him try to do things on his own. Even if you see him having a hard time, hold yourself back and let him "fail" a little, too (as long as the danger level is minimal). If he comes running back to you, keep encouraging "wow, I saw you (try to) climb up those steps!" but don't jump up to help.

My hubby worked out of town for over a year and I was pretty much a single parent during that time. I had to figure out ways to make things work for just the 2 of us, and this was how I did it. Hubby had a hard time at first, realizing that our little girl could do so much "on her own." But I think it's important to teach them that they can do things, they need to ask for help sometimes, and it's okay to fail sometimes. My girl has also been in daycare since she was an infant, so she's used to being with her "teachers" all day anyways.

Other than that, I wish you luck! I'm looking into dance classes, too, but will probably wait another year until her attention span is a little longer! :) Try Gymboree/Little Gym or some other playgroup--builds confidence and gets the kids socialized!

First, I get where you are coming from when you say you like that he doesn't want to be with other people. However, you are on the verge of creating a "monster" for lack of a better word. If he feels that you want him to be clingy, and he likes being clingy, it will just get worse with age. Do you and your husband have date nights? Do you leave him with a sitter? I am a preschool teacher and I see this sometimes with kids that are never, not with mom/dad. They have meltdowns, shake, & can't play with other kids because they are so worried about mom not coming back. Trust me when I tell you that you are not doing him any favors by allowing him to be with only you. A class where you can wait outside without distracting the teacher is what he needs.

When my kids were babies, I did in-home daycare. I was with them all of the time. However, my husband and I had a date night almost every single week. I needed it, and the girls needed it. Sometimes there was crying when we were going, but they got over it. Since we did it pretty much every week, they knew we were coming back and looked at the sitter as a new play friend.

You are doing the right thing by signing him up for a class. He needs to slowly get over being with mom and dad all of the time. This is not healthy for anyone. Most kids do fine with a little class here or there. Those that don't, truly benefit from being exposed to small classes here and there. It builds their self esteem and a little independence, and that is a good thing. Most kids go to preschool now, and those that are confident that mom/dad are coming back to get them, do really well and can consentrate on learning. The kids that are insecure have such anxiety that is tough to watch and sometimes tough to deal with. They can be very distracting to the entire class. Then their are other kids that meltdown and mom caves in and takes them home....those kids are controlling. These kids will continue to control until Kindergarten, then it becomes "sorry you have to go to school and all of the crying in the world will not stop me from leaving".

My daughter had a little boy in her Kindergarten class, (never went to preschool & was never without mom or dad) he cried every single morning. When I tell you every single morning, I am not kidding. This boy screamed for his mom not to leave him, and would throw himself on the ground. At first, we all felt bad for him. By the end of September, the rest of us dropping off our kids, we were done listening to him. By October, his mom was so done and at the point of anger with him. He started getting better right before Thanksgiving, still crying but not screaming. Then we were off for break and he was back screaming. Then after Christmas break he was back to the way he was at the beginning of school. The only person I felt sorry for, was his mom. This poor woman looked like she was at the end of her rope.

Did he immediately meltdown, or was the class too long for him? Maybe you could look for a class that is not an hour long. Most park districts offer "all by myself" type classes for the young ones, that are less than an hour. Just the perfect amount of time (30-45min) of time without mom.

If you really don't want to send him to another class, start with a sitter that comes to your house and watches him a couple hours a week. Ask friends and neigbors to recommend a sitter and try to use her at least once a week. If he is at home, it might make the separation easier and then once he knows that you are coming back and not going to leave him, he will be ready for a class. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If he is controlling you and getting away with it, he already knows exactly what to do to get what he wants.... you. :) Chin up he's young, just a little encouragement from you will go along way. You need to be okay with leaving him first, then he will be okay with you leaving. :)

Could your anxiety be adding to his? Leaving him in the care of a responsible adult and helping him be comfortable with this is not going to lead to him being kidnapped. As you said, leaving him for short and then longer periods of time is necessary for him to adjust to being away from you. And aren't you ready for a break?

My daughter started daycare for 6 hours a day at 3 months, and by age 2 was there for about 8 hours a day. She almost never displayed any separation anxiety - maybe 3 mornings, total, for about 5 minutes each time.

I don't have an answer regarding the dance class, but I have gone through this with my oldest. I joined a gym with daycare when she was 2 and it took a whole week for her to stay there without crying. You just have to be patient but persistent. I knew to expect very short workouts for a while (like 15 minutes). They would come get me when she cried that long. But she eventually got used to it. Every kid there did that at that age.
It doesn't sound like the dance class would tolerate that because they are actually trying to teach, plus it's not something you can do everyday.

seperation anxiety usually last less than 5 minutes. both are normal

As a dance teacher and mom, I can tell you that your child is NORMAL but I'm a big advocate of starting to leettt gooo! Its hard, and I concur w/many of the suggestions below in terms of starting to get your child aquainted with life without you (the health club/Y play rooms, sitters, etc. are a great way to start). And you must stick with it! If you think that your child is extra clingy, this particular class might not be for you all right now, and working into the separation experiences more gradually might be a better fit. But just to speak to the class portion of your question - typically dance classes are offered w/o parent from age 3 up, but its not unheard of for some places to offer at age 2 if its kept light and fun. In fact, I'm likely going to put my own 16 mo. old in a movement class geared for her age (and its without parent! i thought a little young, but i really trust the instructor!). Part of that trust is to let the instructor do her job - its actually MORE distracting and undermines the instructor to have the parent in-sight. Part of what I do with preschool dancers is build a comfort in the routine of the class, create a welcoming environment, and let our "class community" build over time. The first few classes can be tough for some of the littlest ones - they don't know what to expect! But I have lots of tricks up my sleeve to get kids focused on what's happening in the room instead of missing parents. Its unfortunate that the instructor took your child out during your trial class - I'm thinking its because its was a trial and the the behavior was unfair to the regular students. good luck!

I can't speak to the class - I think it depends on the kid. DS is 2.5 and wouldn't be able to pay attention to it. He's really busy and all over the place.

As for his independence - give him some time away from you. Whether it's this class, or a ,more regular sitter, etc...
I find that when I'm home all day long (was just on maternity leave for 3mos), DS was CLINGY and whiny. I normall work full time, so I found this to be very unlike him. It was just having me around and the change in his routine. He wanted me for everything. (He LOVES our nanny.) I think if you take him out of his normal routine and let him build a relationship with some other caring folks, you'll find that he does better. As soon as I went back to work, DS was back in his normal, non-whiny, mode.

This may sound funny but I have/had the same problem with my doggie. She would freak out if I was not with her every second of the day. When I went to work my sister would watch her and she would sit my the window sad and search every room for me. When I met my husband and we moved to another state together, I had to find a new sitter. I was so worried. I found a wounder dog daycare with lots of dogs to play with all day. I started dropping her off everyday just for a short amt of time. The first time was 30 mins. the next few days were for one hour. Then slowly increased the time until she got into a routine that mommy drops her off in the morning, she plays, then mommy picks her up. The girl at day care always holds her in the morning and and carries her to play. If my doggie wants to be held she will hold her in the middle of the day also. My doggie is happy with the routine, but let me tell you. if I am late picking her up by more then 5 mins, she gets worried and panics. She has some kind of doggie time clock. DOnt let the fact that she is a doggie fool you. SHe expects to have breakfest and get dressed everyday before school. lol. not your tipical doggie. She has now been going for 3 years and is verry happy there. Just be patient and move slow. You little one will get to know the routine and be ok because he knows mommy is coming back and he gets to play with kids until then. other kids to play with are a big help.

I didn't necessarily have a clingy child, but I had a VERY shy child. I always felt that I knew what was good for her and what was bad. For the most part, unless it was medically needed I never forced her to join anything social. And my daughter also loved to dance, people were constantly telling me I needed to sign her up. But, it wasn't until preschool that I finally pushed her out of the nest (as a figure of speech). And, it was tough. The first week was TERRIBLE, mostly for me. It broke my heart, especially when her teacher had to peel her off of my body. In time she got better, but I can't ever say that she loved preschool. She tolerated it, and I know without me there, she opened up more. But, that year did make her and me realize she was more brave than her or I thought. This year, she is in Kindergarten and growing leaps and bounds, there were no tears the beginning of school. Plus, my mom signed her up for a dance class, which she loves and had no problems joining.
I think its going to be rough, the first class you put him in without you. Its your decision to wait or start now. (Maybe not, but from the sounds of it, most likely) Just be prepared if you do, if not I don't think there is any harm in waiting until he gets older.

Both of my children attended Mommmy and me classes. My kids really liked a gym class. All sorts of toys that they could ride or push. Things to climb on. The teacher would sing songs and do finger plays, etc. I met a lot of moms that way. I could have "adult time" and watch my child and/;or play.

J.