4 Yr Old Behaviour: Pouting and Acting Out...

I think you're describing some behaviors that need to be dealt with, and some that are very positive and could even be encouraged.

If he's yelling and making hitting-type gestures, he probably needs to hear, over and over again, "I can't understand you when your voice is so loud. It's okay to be mad, but please tell me about it in a quiet voice and keep your hands to yourself." -- something like that.

But if he's stepping away to pull himself together -- that's fantastic! He's getting himself out of a situation that makes him upset, and he's reentering society when he's got his emotions under control. That's what they *teach* people to do in Anger Management classes. There's nothing the matter with that in the world.

Sounds normal to me. Hiding behind the tree? He put himself in a time out, good for him! Sometimes we need to be left alone to get ourselves together. Putting himself in everyone's way for attention? Brilliant! He got it. Yanking his arm out of your hand? Not so good and needed to be addressed immediately. Kids this age are trying out new behaviors. So many emotions and so little experience on how to deal with them. Be patient and keep in mind he is figuring things out and your job is to help him.

From the two examples you described, it sounds like your son just wants to feel a part of the group (as with the big kids' game) and helping you out with a grown-up responsibility (moving the furniture). Kids at the toddler/preschool age are just beginning to understand the world around them and want to have some control and independence in it. He doesn't feel like he has any control, thus feeling frustration. Jim Fay's Love and Logic books help so much with this sort of issue. Redirecting him by offering choices will help him feel some control. In the case of the game, if the older kids wouldn't let him play, then redirect him to play another game or activity. Blowing bubbles or throwing a frisbee for example?? Although, it is perfectly ok for kids to want to be by themselves, so letting him sit behind the tree for awhile was fine too as long as he wasn't in any kind of danger in the area. Give him choices for every little thing such as would you like milk or juice with breakfast? Would you like to wear your jacket or carry it? Would you like to brush your teeth or change your clothes first? All throughout your day you can have him make his own choices (Be sure to always give choices that are ok with you though). This way he will feel a sense of control and responsibility like the older people in his life get to do. So when it comes to something like moving the heavy furniture that he just isn't able to do yet, you can say, sorry buddy, even though you make a lot of choices on your own, this time we are going to ask that you help us by standing out of the way. He will likely oblige because he won't feel like he has been left out of something.
When kids can see how things work logically with natural consequences, then they won't buck the system. It also makes it a lot easier to talk them through their problems, thus growing a closer and more trusting relationship. Good luck!
HTH,
A.

My 9 year old will pout and sulk away when I get after him, he will also say things like "I'm so stupid", which also makes me mad.

I tell him that he is just making excusses and that he just needs to own up to the fact that he did something wrong and will try not to do it again. I also won't allow him to sulk away. I tell him "If you would like to sit and be sad, you can sit right here, this was your doing and no one is going to feel sorry for you".

I see it as a way to get me to feel bad about punishing him or telling him he's done something wrong. It's a control thing, he is switching the focus off of him acting inappropriately, to "you need to comfort me".

It's tough, especially since he's my baby, but darn it he's becoming such a cry baby that I've had to play hard ball lately!!

Good Luck!!

M

Based on my experience with an almost 4 year old, what you're describing sounds very familiar to me just in the past couple of months. I've been noticing that he's been doing and saying things that he's never done before, and that it is especially worse when he's hungry and hasn't eaten. I'll be checking back here to see what advice you get because I need it too! :)

Are you talking about my son? Haha - my son is 5 and will sometimes act the same way. Normally offering something else works to get him in a good mood. Or just flat out being honest and firm with him too.

My older two never acted that way, so I don't know if it's an age thing or just the way our little ones are...but it's not the end of the world.

Ignoring it or redirecting him are probably best.