2 1/2 Year Old Son Went from a Joy to a Total Nightmare

I am in the same situation. But my daughter acts like a brat to everyone she sticks her tounge out and hiss's at you she goes in time out at least 3 times a day. She used to be a prefect angel now she is a terror. I hope it is the age and that the baby is new too my son is 3 months too.

Hi-

This may not help much, but at least you are not alone. My 2 year old just started to do the same sorts of things. She used to be the easiest, sweet little girl, but a month or so ago that all changed. She is very bright and I think that has something to do with the severity of this phase. She does not want to do anything I ask anymore and keeps doing things that she knows she is not allowed to do. I too, find myslef flying off the handle and feel terrible about it. All anyone can tell me is, "welcome to the terrible twos". I am hoping that it goes as quickly as most other stages and stops as abruptly as it started; soon!!! Good luck and please let me know if you find any good answers that may be of help to me too.

Don't give him the opportunity to argue. Give him choices to you want to do this or that? one of the choices is often something he won't want to do. such as do you want to stop at the park or go straight home? Don't respond to the arguments they are emotionally driven. I have raised 4 sons and am currently a teacher. Trust me this is a technique that even highschooler's employ. It is also normal for the age your son is and will get better. You have to set the perameters

K.,
as a mother of 4, a grandmother of 7, and a public high school english teacher for the past 18 years, i only have one question for you...who's the boss in your house? Tyler or you and dad? you may not like the responses he gives you with your new will and perserverence, but it only takes a few days with one so young to change the behavior. but be strong, you are the one in control. don't buy into his excuses and tantrums, stay firm, follow established rules and their consequences to the letter, and don't forget to reward
good behavior with words and alone time with tyler. no goodies and promises. let him help around the house with the new baby, picking up, doing small errand for you (i.e. go get me the baby's blanket, please.) be sure to play with him and READ to him. as a teacher, this is the single most important time you can spend with him. it will increase his vocabulary, speech, comprehension, and a joy of reading. read him anything, appropriate adult books you're reading, the newspaper, flyers, cereal boxes...it will help him IMMENSELY once he begins school.
i don't want to forget to mention about checking out his health. he sounds like a 2 1/2 year old, for sure, but make sure there is nothing medically wrong with him. if you have insurance, check out some behavioralists (ask your doctor for a list).
don't feel discouraged. you've just had a baby and you well know that it takes a year to get back to normal. find the small things in life to smile about, take lots of pictures and share them with tyler. and please, please, please, don't forget to include dad in all discipline, rewards, and alone special time with dad.
i hope this helps a little. keep your chin up, they DO grow up...sooner than you think. Good luck.

K.
I am with you on this one too.... Our 4 yr old little boy had a great 2 and 3 but now he is almost 5 (in July) and we had a baby girl who is now 6 months... We now believe that he is jealous of the time we have to spend with Samantha instead of him. Cailub was used to being the one, the only one with all of our attention showered on him. We have now started to do special day out with just him and he seems to be getting better. My husband takes him out for a few hrs and then on every Saturday Cailub and I will have a baking day either cookies or cupcakes... he loves to help cook and of course lick the beaters!! We still have good days and bad but I hope that when he starts kindergarten this August he will be a little better with the sharing of his "family" as he calls us! Good luck
Sharon

I know it may seem like he isn't jealous of her, but I think maybe he is exhibiting what a lot of kids go through and that is trying to get your undivided attention which is what he was used to getting prior to the new baby. He may not be jealous of her, but he doesn't understand what he is feeling. He just knows that he used to get all of mommy's attention and now he doesn't. He sounds like he is acting out. You need to find time to spend with him alone maybe while the baby is napping but you also need to set clear boundaries with him and stick to the consequences. Consistency is the key. If you aren't consistent you are setting yourself up for failure and him up for a lot of frustration. Kids need boundaries. They want to have them because it makes them feel safe.

I have a little girl that is going to be 3 next month. She is doing the same thing... she yells at me and everything I ask her to do is NO! NO! and NO! I hear its called the Horrible 3's are coming... When daddy is home, I have him deal with her. She does better with him

My son is almost 3 and COMPLETELY going through the same phase. Naps and bedtime are a nightmare and the whole day seems to be one long battle. I noticed that I am beginning to react and yell (which I've never done) and not feel very warm towards him. I feel terrible as a result. Guilt only paralyzes us though, so I've decided to appreciate my efforts and forgive myself for being human (and allow him to be also), but to take control of this situation before I become a mother I don't want to be. So I've decided a few things for my situation:
1)Take care of myself and take a break so I can be more refreshed to deal with this difficult phase (I enrolled in a dance class and I'm focusing on proper exercise, nutrition, water, and sleep).
2)Spend a lot of loving time with him. I need to forge that connection and bond no matter how difficult it may be for me right now to have the energy or desire. I'm the adult. And I've made a very conscious decision and effort to remain calm like I used to. I miss being that sweet gentle mother (I also miss him being a sweet boy, but I can only control myself), and I am determined to find it inside myself again. Trying to see where he is coming from and what he's feeling in his little head really helps my heart be tender towards him in spite of his behavior. Also watching videos of him as a sweet baby and focusing and praising his positive, obedient behavior helps me like him better and helps him feel more loved.
3) Firm, consistent limits and routines. I want to focus on disciplining him and enforcing appropriate behavior, but while giving him the attention that he craves and is crying out for.
I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic Parenting classes. I am seeing remarkable positive changes in my toddler's behavior since applying the principles/ideas I've learned through attending Love and Logic classes. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area.

The Love and Logic approach advocates offering many choices so they feel a sense control and it gets them thinking as opposed to fighting. They also learn critical decision making skills this way. Be firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions and choices, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.

If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. Here are some I recommend: a seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years," the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." They also have some great CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving.

When he does these things, you must tell him (and then follow up) that he will lose time with you (park, walk, etc.) Apparently, he gets your attention with the bad things he does as well as the good things. Since it is only with you, I am assuming that he want your time. And he can share some of these times with Olivia and be a good big brother. If he yells at you, say calmly, "Well, I guess you don't want to go on your walk with me." But do NOT respond to what he said unless he says it nicely. If he requests nicely after that, then respond as if he hadn't yelled first. If he yells again, he just lost the walk. Keep adding things that he is losing (at least the first day or so - it will be worth it) until they are gone for the day. Do NOT give in. He needs those rules. You know, when a cow is fenced in, it just stands there and chews it's cud. When a horse is fenced in, it checks the entire perimeter for possible escapes before being content. Kids are like horses in that way. He is checking for loopholes. He will be content with the rules.

Hi K.,

I feel you here. I'm a single mama of a 7y.o. and a 3.5y.o.
I agree with the folks who recommend choices and natural consequences. No one likes to be controlled, not even small children. You don't want to set up an adversarial relationship. Try stating your needs with a loving tone of expectation- "I need you to ________, so that we can _______"
Don't threaten him with the punishment of losing time with you- that's just really sad.

I'm sure this behavior is partly due to his age, and partly an adjustment to having a new sibling. Try giving him little tasks to include him in on the baby care- getting diapers, taking dirty clothes to the laundry, etc.

As far as bedtime goes, is it possible for all of you to sleep in the same room? Humans are biologically hardwired to need to sleep with other humans. My favorite times of day are snuggling up between my two little ones to sleep, then waking up nestled in between them!

Hi, Well frist of all hes 2 1/2 and hes going to be 3 here soon right . It sounds like he discovering what he can do and cannot do with mommy . My older son did the same thing he wouldnt go to bed or he would then get up several times a night.Does he do this when dad puts him to bed? It aslo sounds like hes going thru the terrible 3s. Just try and be patient with him. When dad comes home let him take care of the kids too. Sometimes switching off helps, I know i still do this you may need a break too. Kids can sense stress. I know being a stay at home mom can so this . I take care of my neigbors kids in the moring and after school and plus i have my two boys. My youngest has special needs and Things can get to you. Just love him the best way you know how . I hope this has helped in some way. L. a

I am strongly affirming the advice about consistency and losing priveledges. He needs to know firmly that yelling at you is absolutely not acceptable -- time out in his room -- lost privilegdes. It's obvious he's getting enough time with you -- so you don't have to feel guilty about time outs or losing park time. My son was the same way before he turned three, but within 2 weeks of being firm and consistent, he's returned to delightful (with a few attitude adjustments here and there.) He knows that I mean what I say, and he knows what consequences are for bad behavior. Be firm, be consistent and make sure he knows you're the leader.

I am sure you are tired with a newborn. Maybe it isn't that you aren't spending time with him but he can tell you are tired and get frustrated easy. Get some rest and as you start feeling better, his mood might change as well. Kids react easily to our mood.

Hi K.,

I am a mother of three, and I have to say that terrible twos is quite a joke! 3 is FAR Worse! I don't think that there is anything to worry about though! They go through this stage and get over it! My son was the same way and we are finally noticing a change back to the same sweet way he use to be...but he is almost 4 now! I am hoping that that is just the magical number! BUT with each of my children 2 1/2 and three were the hardest years for me with them.

I feel your pain and hope that things get better, but there is no need to worry! My 3 yr old spends a lot of time in time out, and so do I! When I find I am at the end of my rope I either put him in his room, or I put me in my room, and lock the door just for a few minutes to calm myself down, and remind myself that he is just a "kid" and that it is just a visous cycle of life! Then we go on! You are not failing! Keep up! Don't get too discouraged! I know that is far easier said than done, but as a mother of three 12, 7 and 3 (ALMOST 4) YEAH~! it does get better!

Good luck!

My son is 27 months old and just started acting out as well. I have no advice, just wanted to let you know you are not alone! My 2 girls never went through the terrible 2,3,4 phase at all, They never threw one fit until they started Kindergarten. So of course I thought I was just doing it right...well, my son, has me completely knocked back down to earth LOL I have not done anything different with him that I did not do with my girls( i think). I am at a complete loss with my boy! Good luck, we will get through it!!

I'm pretty sure most moms won't like this advice, but maybe if you get a part time job, take him to day care, get some time and a life for yourself, and he can have time away from you too. It worked great for me and the time I had home with the kids was more appreciated and quality.

Well, first off...you are not alone!! The awful transformation that happens between 2-3 years is like you said, from joy to nightmare. My son is very similar to how you have described your son. I don't know why, but am asuming (and hoping)that this is a phase and it too will pass. He does react better to other people, so we try to have daddy or grandparents be invoved as much as possible. Becuase I too don't want our relationship to continue to be a constant battle. But when the option isn't available for others to be involved, then you just pray a lot!! :) And try to stick to routines as much as possible. Their diet and sleep have a big deal to do with their attitude. And being that they don't want to eat anything or sleep, it only exacerbates the situation. We finally gave up on the nap at 3 and started quiet time, when possible.
I don't know if any of this helps, but just do your best to hang in there!!

I just went through that exact scenario. My son turns 4 now in April. He was a total angel(people could not believe how perfect he was) then around 3 years and three months he became someone else. I had to keep consistent with discipline and put myself in a lot of time outs so I would not fly off the handle (too much). Just stay as calm as possible and talk with him about the behaviors and explain to him clearly the behavior that you expect and then continue with your discipline. He is almost four and is returning to that wonderful child I knew. I thought he (or I or Both) were not going to make it to four years old. We did it!!!! Just stay strong. If you ever need to talk or vent I am willing to listen. email

Hi K.,

My son (now 9) had aggression issues around that age and it turned out to be diet related. We removed all synthetic dyes and preservatives from his diet and his behavior completely changed. Diet is everything! As a result, I decided to become a Holistic Health & Nutritional Counselor so I can help other people. Feel free to call me at ###-###-####.

Warm Regards,
G. Van Luven

Yep, he's 2 1/2 alright! I am going through the exact same thing with my boy who just turned 3 and is also VERY smart. It goes in waves. The last two days have been great for the most part. They are learning independance and the fact that they can make choices. It does get better....my older two boys made it without me strangling them!! I have learned to let him make more decisions and I have had to pick my battles. Anyone that has had or has children this age will sympathize with you. By the time they reach 4, it gets TONS easier. My biggest problem with Preston is eating. He has gotten so picky about everything. I fought it for awhile and then realized that he is still growing and the pediatrician isn't concerned so I let him make more choices. Some days he only eats toast, gogurt, bananas and stuff like that. It hasn't hurt him so I let go of that battle. Bedtime!!!! That is another ongoing battle that does seem to be getting better. We had to start putting him down in our bed and moving him because he would keep the older kids up. I also time naps better so he will acutally be tired but not TOO tired before bed. I think it's a power struggle some times. He also had a 2-3 month time frame where he would wake up from his naps just screaming and in the worst mood the rest of the night. What I have found (as a mother of 5) is that by the time you get one problem figured out, another one arises. That just goes on until they move out of the house....lol. Good luck and just keep trying.

E.
SAHM of 5 in Mesa. 4 boys and 1 girl ranging from age 15 to 6 months.